Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.
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How about trying to stick to one healthy weight TOTO? Find a good weight and try and make your mind stick to that one; you will still feel the sense of control of your life by not budging from that weight if that is so badly what your mind wants and needs? It's a suggestion although not ideal it is better than what state you're in now and will allow you to have some form of control you so crave for
sadly you do look very thin and ill but we all know that and it doesn't come as a shock the only thing shocking is that youre smart enough to know this is not right but sadly you still think your not thin well the ED does but we all know you are so you need to just STOP WORRYING OPEN YOUR EYES MORE and see how thin you are, compare old photos from when you were at uni DO SOMETHING but first and foremost get better and know we're here for you, again, always.
sadly you do look very thin and ill but we all know that and it doesn't come as a shock the only thing shocking is that youre smart enough to know this is not right but sadly you still think your not thin well the ED does but we all know you are so you need to just STOP WORRYING OPEN YOUR EYES MORE and see how thin you are, compare old photos from when you were at uni DO SOMETHING but first and foremost get better and know we're here for you, again, always.
yes you and custard seem the most ILL yet the most smart funny inspiring people on here
good luck to both of ya
please toto do it! you can k.!!!!!!!!!!!!!
good luck to both of ya
please toto do it! you can k.!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just look at your face it might help you to see more how thin you actually are and how gaunt ..ill you look and unhealthy
compare old face photos and this one
sometimes it's hard being body dysmorphic to see your body as thin but maybe it might differ with the face?
compare old face photos and this one
sometimes it's hard being body dysmorphic to see your body as thin but maybe it might differ with the face?
TotoMimo
...
Original post by *custardcream
okok here we go.
RECOVERY HURTS. BUT EATING DISORDERS KILL.
Toto... F**k me sideways. Christ, what a wake-up call.
Thanks for your update.
And thanks for giving ME the kick up the @SS I needed too. To listen to the people who say I still need to be in a wheelchair when I'm bleating 'I'm fine, I'm fine'
I hadn't read that before I did what I did today (further down).
Now I'm bloody glad I did.
*hugs for you* xxxxxx
________________
I got weighed this morning. I was up 0.6kg since Monday, and am now a BMI 14.0.
I freaked, I cried, I bawled.
I ate breakfast, all of it.
I cried, and sat, and thought.
I was due a 'review' (ie an increase) on Monday. It was hanging like the Sword of Damocles over my head. I was gaining anyway, I was feeling like crap anyway. Why not get the damn increase over with instead of dreading its appearance and getting more and more worked-up over it?! At least then my body gets to benefit from the extra calories for repair as well as restoring weight.
My new MP looks like this -
B – 2 weetabix, 200ml milk, 1 toast and 7g butter and 20g marmalade (450)
S – 200ml milk (100)
L – Full portion main (650). Half portion dessert (400)
Dr – 200ml tea with milk (25)
T – Full portion ‘snack’ main (600). Full portion ‘snack’ dessert (500)
Dr – 200ml tea with milk (25)
S – 200ml milk (100)
= 2850.
So 2800-3000 a day depending on what is served. Up from 1800-2000. My choice, my choice to get it over with. Bearing in mind I'm still on bedrest/wheelchair. Which, thanks to Toto, I'm kind-of accepting I need.
RECOVERY HURTS. BUT EATING DISORDERS KILL.
Toto... F**k me sideways. Christ, what a wake-up call.
Thanks for your update.
And thanks for giving ME the kick up the @SS I needed too. To listen to the people who say I still need to be in a wheelchair when I'm bleating 'I'm fine, I'm fine'
I hadn't read that before I did what I did today (further down).
Now I'm bloody glad I did.
*hugs for you* xxxxxx
________________
I got weighed this morning. I was up 0.6kg since Monday, and am now a BMI 14.0.
I freaked, I cried, I bawled.
I ate breakfast, all of it.
I cried, and sat, and thought.
I was due a 'review' (ie an increase) on Monday. It was hanging like the Sword of Damocles over my head. I was gaining anyway, I was feeling like crap anyway. Why not get the damn increase over with instead of dreading its appearance and getting more and more worked-up over it?! At least then my body gets to benefit from the extra calories for repair as well as restoring weight.
My new MP looks like this -
B – 2 weetabix, 200ml milk, 1 toast and 7g butter and 20g marmalade (450)
S – 200ml milk (100)
L – Full portion main (650). Half portion dessert (400)
Dr – 200ml tea with milk (25)
T – Full portion ‘snack’ main (600). Full portion ‘snack’ dessert (500)
Dr – 200ml tea with milk (25)
S – 200ml milk (100)
= 2850.
So 2800-3000 a day depending on what is served. Up from 1800-2000. My choice, my choice to get it over with. Bearing in mind I'm still on bedrest/wheelchair. Which, thanks to Toto, I'm kind-of accepting I need.
You have no idea how amazing you are! You're handling it so well and it's so obvious that you don't want to live with it- well, you can't live with it, clearly. I'm just in such awe of your strength and maturity you have no idea. I was reading my old diary yesterday to see what my head was like when I was in IP and I just kept fighting the staff and the consultants and clinging on to my ED, I mean I did what I was supposed to but I went through the motions and I wasn't fighting the ED, I was pretty pathetic. I wonder what position I'd be in now if I'd taken a leaf out of your book and kicked its scrawny little arse. I don't think I'd still be so damn self absorbed- not in a shallow way, just unable to get out of my head. I feel like I need to try harder because this isn't much of a life and I can't have much of a life if this illness isn't gone. You're truly inspiring, same as Toto and same as everyone else who fights that **** in their head.
AN is so hard. You feel so horrible, and people tell you that you will feel better if go through recovery, eat more healthily and gain some weight, but eating and gaining makes you feel worse.
You need so much courage to go through recovery and so much strength...almost as much strength as it takes to survive on so little.
Toto, I am so sorry that you're as ill as you are. You look at death's door and may not have much time to get into recovery if you have already had a 'pseudo' heart attack. If you want to live you are the only person who can make this happen.
Custard, well done to you too in deciding to stick with treatment despite how horrible you feel.
I can tell you both that it is worth it and 'ana' is a mean bitch who you've got to fight tooth and nail. I have a husband, son, dog, friends and a job that I love. I would have had none of those things had I not decided to turn things around. But it was my choice.
You need so much courage to go through recovery and so much strength...almost as much strength as it takes to survive on so little.
Toto, I am so sorry that you're as ill as you are. You look at death's door and may not have much time to get into recovery if you have already had a 'pseudo' heart attack. If you want to live you are the only person who can make this happen.
Custard, well done to you too in deciding to stick with treatment despite how horrible you feel.
I can tell you both that it is worth it and 'ana' is a mean bitch who you've got to fight tooth and nail. I have a husband, son, dog, friends and a job that I love. I would have had none of those things had I not decided to turn things around. But it was my choice.
Al the support, everyone, thank you so much - I am touched, and bolstered 
xxx
*likes*
- I agree! *kicks ED and knocks back bedtime m!lk* XXX
_________________
Tough afternoon today. Had a session with my named nurse for the day. First he INSISTED on bringing up (no pun intended) my stomach issues. Basically, the sphincter muscle at the top of my stomach is practically non-existent, and my stomach is used to rejecting all food I put into it, until it's passed through to the small intestine. I have delayed gastric emptying so this can easily go on for 4 hours after my main meal at lunch
. It basically tries to regurgitate everything I eat, and I have to swallow it down. It's EMBARRASSING as HELL and I HATE it, I HATE it, I can't help it and I deal with it as best I can, I DON'T need telling how unpleasant it is and how it'll be ruining my teeth and my oesophagus and give me bad breath. I KNOW. PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME FEEL WORSE. And THEN he started talking about my MP increase. He said I'd increased very quickly and it wasn't really that good as I'm on bedrest/wheelchair and so I'm just going to be gaining fat and no muscle. (bearing in mind, the last increase I was going to have to have on Monday anyway, I just asked to have it a few days sooner...) This REALLY REALLY BOTHERED ME. The stomach crap stuff made me feel like curling under a rock and rotting. And OBVIOUSLY I was a GREEDY FAT COW for having asked for the increase sooner to get it over with. Spent most of afternoon crying, after that.
Still ate my tea.
Chatted to a couple of other patients this eve on the balcony, the general consensus is that this member of staff is basically on a power trip - that was my initial impression of him when I came here, actually. I'm feeling a little better now.
Roll on the weekend!
xxxOriginal post by TotoMimo
Custard, I adore you. You take the most important aspects of a strong, determined speech and hammer them home to me. You've also given me the ability to fight on.
Given both of our positions and our obvious ability to inspire one another in our recovery, we should form some kind of ED Justice League thing. XXX
Given both of our positions and our obvious ability to inspire one another in our recovery, we should form some kind of ED Justice League thing. XXX
*likes*
- I agree! *kicks ED and knocks back bedtime m!lk* XXX_________________
Tough afternoon today. Had a session with my named nurse for the day. First he INSISTED on bringing up (no pun intended) my stomach issues. Basically, the sphincter muscle at the top of my stomach is practically non-existent, and my stomach is used to rejecting all food I put into it, until it's passed through to the small intestine. I have delayed gastric emptying so this can easily go on for 4 hours after my main meal at lunch
. It basically tries to regurgitate everything I eat, and I have to swallow it down. It's EMBARRASSING as HELL and I HATE it, I HATE it, I can't help it and I deal with it as best I can, I DON'T need telling how unpleasant it is and how it'll be ruining my teeth and my oesophagus and give me bad breath. I KNOW. PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME FEEL WORSE. And THEN he started talking about my MP increase. He said I'd increased very quickly and it wasn't really that good as I'm on bedrest/wheelchair and so I'm just going to be gaining fat and no muscle. (bearing in mind, the last increase I was going to have to have on Monday anyway, I just asked to have it a few days sooner...) This REALLY REALLY BOTHERED ME. The stomach crap stuff made me feel like curling under a rock and rotting. And OBVIOUSLY I was a GREEDY FAT COW for having asked for the increase sooner to get it over with. Spent most of afternoon crying, after that.Still ate my tea.
Chatted to a couple of other patients this eve on the balcony, the general consensus is that this member of staff is basically on a power trip - that was my initial impression of him when I came here, actually. I'm feeling a little better now.
Roll on the weekend!
Original post by *custardcream
Al the support, everyone, thank you so much - I am touched, and bolstered xxx
*likes* - I agree! *kicks ED and knocks back bedtime m!lk* XXX
_________________
Tough afternoon today. Had a session with my named nurse for the day. First he INSISTED on bringing up (no pun intended) my stomach issues. Basically, the sphincter muscle at the top of my stomach is practically non-existent, and my stomach is used to rejecting all food I put into it, until it's passed through to the small intestine. I have delayed gastric emptying so this can easily go on for 4 hours after my main meal at lunch. It basically tries to regurgitate everything I eat, and I have to swallow it down. It's EMBARRASSING as HELL and I HATE it, I HATE it, I can't help it and I deal with it as best I can, I DON'T need telling how unpleasant it is and how it'll be ruining my teeth and my oesophagus and give me bad breath. I KNOW. PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME FEEL WORSE. And THEN he started talking about my MP increase. He said I'd increased very quickly and it wasn't really that good as I'm on bedrest/wheelchair and so I'm just going to be gaining fat and no muscle. (bearing in mind, the last increase I was going to have to have on Monday anyway, I just asked to have it a few days sooner...) This REALLY REALLY BOTHERED ME. The stomach crap stuff made me feel like curling under a rock and rotting. And OBVIOUSLY I was a GREEDY FAT COW for having asked for the increase sooner to get it over with. Spent most of afternoon crying, after that.
Still ate my tea.
Chatted to a couple of other patients this eve on the balcony, the general consensus is that this member of staff is basically on a power trip - that was my initial impression of him when I came here, actually. I'm feeling a little better now.
Roll on the weekend!
xxx*likes*
- I agree! *kicks ED and knocks back bedtime m!lk* XXX_________________
Tough afternoon today. Had a session with my named nurse for the day. First he INSISTED on bringing up (no pun intended) my stomach issues. Basically, the sphincter muscle at the top of my stomach is practically non-existent, and my stomach is used to rejecting all food I put into it, until it's passed through to the small intestine. I have delayed gastric emptying so this can easily go on for 4 hours after my main meal at lunch
. It basically tries to regurgitate everything I eat, and I have to swallow it down. It's EMBARRASSING as HELL and I HATE it, I HATE it, I can't help it and I deal with it as best I can, I DON'T need telling how unpleasant it is and how it'll be ruining my teeth and my oesophagus and give me bad breath. I KNOW. PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME FEEL WORSE. And THEN he started talking about my MP increase. He said I'd increased very quickly and it wasn't really that good as I'm on bedrest/wheelchair and so I'm just going to be gaining fat and no muscle. (bearing in mind, the last increase I was going to have to have on Monday anyway, I just asked to have it a few days sooner...) This REALLY REALLY BOTHERED ME. The stomach crap stuff made me feel like curling under a rock and rotting. And OBVIOUSLY I was a GREEDY FAT COW for having asked for the increase sooner to get it over with. Spent most of afternoon crying, after that.Still ate my tea.
Chatted to a couple of other patients this eve on the balcony, the general consensus is that this member of staff is basically on a power trip - that was my initial impression of him when I came here, actually. I'm feeling a little better now.
Roll on the weekend!
What an absolute dick, I'm actually angry that anyone with such a vindictive nature and complete misunderstanding of your ED + related issues would be put in such a position of care! Well done for sticking to it though can you complain about him? Or at least ask not to have him as your NN again?Good luck for tomorrow
Original post by *custardcream
Al the support, everyone, thank you so much - I am touched, and bolstered xxx
*likes* - I agree! *kicks ED and knocks back bedtime m!lk* XXX
_________________
Tough afternoon today. Had a session with my named nurse for the day. First he INSISTED on bringing up (no pun intended) my stomach issues. Basically, the sphincter muscle at the top of my stomach is practically non-existent, and my stomach is used to rejecting all food I put into it, until it's passed through to the small intestine. I have delayed gastric emptying so this can easily go on for 4 hours after my main meal at lunch. It basically tries to regurgitate everything I eat, and I have to swallow it down. It's EMBARRASSING as HELL and I HATE it, I HATE it, I can't help it and I deal with it as best I can, I DON'T need telling how unpleasant it is and how it'll be ruining my teeth and my oesophagus and give me bad breath. I KNOW. PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME FEEL WORSE. And THEN he started talking about my MP increase. He said I'd increased very quickly and it wasn't really that good as I'm on bedrest/wheelchair and so I'm just going to be gaining fat and no muscle. (bearing in mind, the last increase I was going to have to have on Monday anyway, I just asked to have it a few days sooner...) This REALLY REALLY BOTHERED ME. The stomach crap stuff made me feel like curling under a rock and rotting. And OBVIOUSLY I was a GREEDY FAT COW for having asked for the increase sooner to get it over with. Spent most of afternoon crying, after that.
Still ate my tea.
Chatted to a couple of other patients this eve on the balcony, the general consensus is that this member of staff is basically on a power trip - that was my initial impression of him when I came here, actually. I'm feeling a little better now.
Roll on the weekend!
xxx*likes*
- I agree! *kicks ED and knocks back bedtime m!lk* XXX_________________
Tough afternoon today. Had a session with my named nurse for the day. First he INSISTED on bringing up (no pun intended) my stomach issues. Basically, the sphincter muscle at the top of my stomach is practically non-existent, and my stomach is used to rejecting all food I put into it, until it's passed through to the small intestine. I have delayed gastric emptying so this can easily go on for 4 hours after my main meal at lunch
. It basically tries to regurgitate everything I eat, and I have to swallow it down. It's EMBARRASSING as HELL and I HATE it, I HATE it, I can't help it and I deal with it as best I can, I DON'T need telling how unpleasant it is and how it'll be ruining my teeth and my oesophagus and give me bad breath. I KNOW. PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME FEEL WORSE. And THEN he started talking about my MP increase. He said I'd increased very quickly and it wasn't really that good as I'm on bedrest/wheelchair and so I'm just going to be gaining fat and no muscle. (bearing in mind, the last increase I was going to have to have on Monday anyway, I just asked to have it a few days sooner...) This REALLY REALLY BOTHERED ME. The stomach crap stuff made me feel like curling under a rock and rotting. And OBVIOUSLY I was a GREEDY FAT COW for having asked for the increase sooner to get it over with. Spent most of afternoon crying, after that.Still ate my tea.
Chatted to a couple of other patients this eve on the balcony, the general consensus is that this member of staff is basically on a power trip - that was my initial impression of him when I came here, actually. I'm feeling a little better now.
Roll on the weekend!
BiB: My dietician said the same thing to me. I was like *GEE THANKS*
It's really unfair you have to deal with that. Can you ask to change your nurse? It's not your fault and obviously you're not greedy and anything that **** in your head is telling you you are. 
Well done Custard, sweetheart. Your determination is absolutely epic. Even undergoing my nightmarish situation this monster of an ED fights off my attempts to get myself better. My stomach looks like a fat man's. That's what I see. In reality however, I am less than 15.5 BMI. When I asked a friend "don't you think my latest photo (green t-shirt one I posted on here) I look dead healthy?
He responded with "Your mind must be a scary place dude."
I mean, I personally think I've gone pot-belly plump, but my heart clearly contests that notion.
Damned heart with its damned murmurs/attacks. The ED needs to be fed by my restriction, but my belly keeps getting softer and bigger.
Yet the part of me that sees reason says "keep fighting mate. Some day you'll be free."
He responded with "Your mind must be a scary place dude."
I mean, I personally think I've gone pot-belly plump, but my heart clearly contests that notion.
Damned heart with its damned murmurs/attacks. The ED needs to be fed by my restriction, but my belly keeps getting softer and bigger.
Yet the part of me that sees reason says "keep fighting mate. Some day you'll be free."
if youwant to see a real fat belly i'll be willing to show......................................
Original post by TotoMimo
Original post by TotoMimo
Well done Custard, sweetheart. Your determination is absolutely epic. Even undergoing my nightmarish situation this monster of an ED fights off my attempts to get myself better. My stomach looks like a fat man's. That's what I see. In reality however, I am less than 15.5 BMI. When I asked a friend "don't you think my latest photo (green t-shirt one I posted on here) I look dead healthy?
He responded with "Your mind must be a scary place dude."
I mean, I personally think I've gone pot-belly plump, but my heart clearly contests that notion.
Damned heart with its damned murmurs/attacks. The ED needs to be fed by my restriction, but my belly keeps getting softer and bigger.
Yet the part of me that sees reason says "keep fighting mate. Some day you'll be free."
He responded with "Your mind must be a scary place dude."
I mean, I personally think I've gone pot-belly plump, but my heart clearly contests that notion.
Damned heart with its damned murmurs/attacks. The ED needs to be fed by my restriction, but my belly keeps getting softer and bigger.
Yet the part of me that sees reason says "keep fighting mate. Some day you'll be free."
Toto: from a recovered perspective you are a twig. There's nothing to you, zero fat to be seen. But I can relate to thinking you're bigger than you are but you have to trust the opinions of those without eating disorders or body dysmorphia.
Original post by TotoMimo
Well done Custard, sweetheart. Your determination is absolutely epic. Even undergoing my nightmarish situation this monster of an ED fights off my attempts to get myself better. My stomach looks like a fat man's. That's what I see. In reality however, I am less than 15.5 BMI. When I asked a friend "don't you think my latest photo (green t-shirt one I posted on here) I look dead healthy?
He responded with "Your mind must be a scary place dude."
I mean, I personally think I've gone pot-belly plump, but my heart clearly contests that notion.
Damned heart with its damned murmurs/attacks. The ED needs to be fed by my restriction, but my belly keeps getting softer and bigger.
Yet the part of me that sees reason says "keep fighting mate. Some day you'll be free."
He responded with "Your mind must be a scary place dude."
I mean, I personally think I've gone pot-belly plump, but my heart clearly contests that notion.
Damned heart with its damned murmurs/attacks. The ED needs to be fed by my restriction, but my belly keeps getting softer and bigger.
Yet the part of me that sees reason says "keep fighting mate. Some day you'll be free."
Oh Toto, believe me you look far from plump or fat or anything of the sort.
You definitely don't look healthy even though you've come such a long way. You do not need to restrict to give that evil piece of **** what it wants. You HAVE to keep fighting, because what's the alternative? 
Original post by *custardcream
He said I'd increased very quickly and it wasn't really that good as I'm on bedrest/wheelchair and so I'm just going to be gaining fat and no muscle. (bearing in mind, the last increase I was going to have to have on Monday anyway, I just asked to have it a few days sooner...) This REALLY REALLY BOTHERED ME. The stomach crap stuff made me feel like curling under a rock and rotting. And OBVIOUSLY I was a GREEDY FAT COW for having asked for the increase sooner to get it over with. Spent most of afternoon crying, after that
You are not a greedy fat cow. Stop calling yourself names. Everytime you do so just follow it up - 'But I know that's not true. I'm ill and I'll get better.' Neuroscience shows that even tiny, trivial things such this make a difference over time - it actually will change the way that your brain is wired.
I'm really glad that you're able to see the problems with some of what you experience with your named nurse and that you're getting support.
Finally, I'm really sorry that you're going through the stomach thing. It will improve with time I hope - just keep on keeping on!
You're really brave.
Original post by TotoMimo
Even undergoing my nightmarish situation this monster of an ED fights off my attempts to get myself better.
ED is horrible, ibut its not a monster, just a bunch of lies and fear. But you are stronger than it. Its just going to be a long fight - but if you decide to you will win.
Original post by *custardcream
Sorry to hear you're feeling that way custard.
You're doing so well, and I think about you and everyone on this forum often when I'm increasing. I'm so thankful to be surrounded by you guys. 
Which reminds me, are the other patients friendly? When I stayed at a specialist hospital the other patients were really competitive and rather nasty, so I just ended up ignoring them. I hope everyone is doing well this sunny weekend.
I'm now able to go home! I've been under observation and my cardiac stuff appears to be a bit more stabilised (finally).
I just want to thank everyone for your kind words whilst I was in the hospital. Whilst I was in there I managed to gain another half-pound. I'm fast approaching the 100lb mark which is another mental milestone for me; although given the frightening incident that just happened it seems a bit trivial/moot to feed the ED which screeches "But that's THREE FIGURES!" at me. Seeing three figures on a scale is less scary than another... or a PROPER... heart attack.
Barn Elk, I have to say, you're another blunt but necessary voice on this thread and very much a welcome one. What you say is absolutely true; whereas ED is not an actual demon, the lies in our heads manifest themselves as such. Putting a face or persona to the confusion and anxieties the ED creates just makes it easier to quantify.
I just want to thank everyone for your kind words whilst I was in the hospital. Whilst I was in there I managed to gain another half-pound. I'm fast approaching the 100lb mark which is another mental milestone for me; although given the frightening incident that just happened it seems a bit trivial/moot to feed the ED which screeches "But that's THREE FIGURES!" at me. Seeing three figures on a scale is less scary than another... or a PROPER... heart attack.
Barn Elk, I have to say, you're another blunt but necessary voice on this thread and very much a welcome one. What you say is absolutely true; whereas ED is not an actual demon, the lies in our heads manifest themselves as such. Putting a face or persona to the confusion and anxieties the ED creates just makes it easier to quantify.
Original post by TotoMimo
I'm now able to go home! I've been under observation and my cardiac stuff appears to be a bit more stabilised (finally).
I just want to thank everyone for your kind words whilst I was in the hospital. Whilst I was in there I managed to gain another half-pound. I'm fast approaching the 100lb mark which is another mental milestone for me; although given the frightening incident that just happened it seems a bit trivial/moot to feed the ED which screeches "But that's THREE FIGURES!" at me. Seeing three figures on a scale is less scary than another... or a PROPER... heart attack.
Barn Elk, I have to say, you're another blunt but necessary voice on this thread and very much a welcome one. What you say is absolutely true; whereas ED is not an actual demon, the lies in our heads manifest themselves as such. Putting a face or persona to the confusion and anxieties the ED creates just makes it easier to quantify.
I just want to thank everyone for your kind words whilst I was in the hospital. Whilst I was in there I managed to gain another half-pound. I'm fast approaching the 100lb mark which is another mental milestone for me; although given the frightening incident that just happened it seems a bit trivial/moot to feed the ED which screeches "But that's THREE FIGURES!" at me. Seeing three figures on a scale is less scary than another... or a PROPER... heart attack.
Barn Elk, I have to say, you're another blunt but necessary voice on this thread and very much a welcome one. What you say is absolutely true; whereas ED is not an actual demon, the lies in our heads manifest themselves as such. Putting a face or persona to the confusion and anxieties the ED creates just makes it easier to quantify.
Brilliant news..I'm so happy for you!!!.You keep kicking that EDs arse, you are much stronger than it
Hey,
I'm sorry if I'm blunt - it just shows how different people can sound on the net to how they mean to sound. Sometimes I'm under pressure to get a post finished and posted so its not wrapped up the way it should be! I should have considered the fact that I am new on this thread and don't 'know' any of you.
Anyway hope you all have as a good weekend as you can!
Barn Elk
I'm sorry if I'm blunt - it just shows how different people can sound on the net to how they mean to sound. Sometimes I'm under pressure to get a post finished and posted so its not wrapped up the way it should be! I should have considered the fact that I am new on this thread and don't 'know' any of you.
Anyway hope you all have as a good weekend as you can!
Barn Elk
Original post by TotoMimo
I'm now able to go home! I've been under observation and my cardiac stuff appears to be a bit more stabilised (finally).
I just want to thank everyone for your kind words whilst I was in the hospital. Whilst I was in there I managed to gain another half-pound. I'm fast approaching the 100lb mark which is another mental milestone for me; although given the frightening incident that just happened it seems a bit trivial/moot to feed the ED which screeches "But that's THREE FIGURES!" at me. Seeing three figures on a scale is less scary than another... or a PROPER... heart attack.
Barn Elk, I have to say, you're another blunt but necessary voice on this thread and very much a welcome one. What you say is absolutely true; whereas ED is not an actual demon, the lies in our heads manifest themselves as such. Putting a face or persona to the confusion and anxieties the ED creates just makes it easier to quantify.
I just want to thank everyone for your kind words whilst I was in the hospital. Whilst I was in there I managed to gain another half-pound. I'm fast approaching the 100lb mark which is another mental milestone for me; although given the frightening incident that just happened it seems a bit trivial/moot to feed the ED which screeches "But that's THREE FIGURES!" at me. Seeing three figures on a scale is less scary than another... or a PROPER... heart attack.
Barn Elk, I have to say, you're another blunt but necessary voice on this thread and very much a welcome one. What you say is absolutely true; whereas ED is not an actual demon, the lies in our heads manifest themselves as such. Putting a face or persona to the confusion and anxieties the ED creates just makes it easier to quantify.
I'm glad you are doing a lot better and I am sorry you had to go through such an ordeal but maybe this was a wake up call? or in other words, a second chance at life? Scaring you into realising you're not immune to your mortality so you have the chance to recover your life and flourish into a better healthier you. You are an amazing man, you have a lot going for you and I wish you all the best for the future.
You have certainly given me a much needed kick up the arse... to be honest I no longer find these posts triggering, my competitive part of me has dissipated and I just find myself staring at these posts not thinking anything. I really am trying harder to recover because I am sick of this eating disorder, I rule my life, I have a lot going for me and I shouldn't be afraid of something that is basically fuel for my body allowing me to do the things I have dreamed of doing... to me my body is now a machine I need to fuel it and I'm trying to think of it like that instead of worrying about how I look and how much I weigh so if I focus on it being a machine and nothing more then it makes it a bit easier for me. I know I can type this now and think this but actually trying to eat will be a lot harder but I am working towards it... I WILL DO IT. I AM STRONG. WE ARE ALL STRONG ENOUGH TO OVERCOME THIS.
Omg it's been four days and I've ate 1500 calories a day without purging or overexercising!!! 
I've cried everyday but still, I'VE NEVER WENT THREE DAYS WITHOUT UNDEREATING OR EXERCISING in 2 years
I've cried everyday but still, I'VE NEVER WENT THREE DAYS WITHOUT UNDEREATING OR EXERCISING in 2 years
