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The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

So I've known a girl for about 5-6 years over the internet and we've talked on and off during that time (some personal things, some hobbies and whatever). She recently got skype and asked to talk a couple weeks ago. I did and we clicked better actually talking than we did talking over messenger. We've talked a few times since then and I think I'm starting to really like her. One of us is always asking the other to talk and it's pretty even. Thing is, before actually talking I didn't think I'd ever be interested in her. It may be because of the "internet stigma", I don't know. Has anybody else been in a similar situation? She's quite far from me so I'm probably wasting my time. Any advice?

all I can say is that don't let the internet stigma get in the way, i met my fiance through a friend on skype and although he lives 300 miles away (seriously) he is the most perfect person for me and we clicked just like that!
it was only a few days after we started talking that he decided that he wanted to come and see me and a month later he came down to meet me and we started a relationship and its been tough, i miss him so much but because it started with skype it actually makes it easier than previous long distance relationships ive had because we are so used to that form of contact
although there is the slight possibility that things might be different in person it didnt happen for me and now im engaged and happier than ive ever been :smile:

dont let petty prejudices get in the way of something beautiful

Reply 5961

C_B_C

15

Original post by JessKA

How do you all get over the fear and the niggle in the back of your head That your bf isn't going to give up once it gets hard. (both ways difficulty and ... yeah) ??? Thats all I've had in the back of my head the past 3months since I found out my bf moving to uni in sept.

If you think rationally about it, if he cheats on you, he isn't worth your time and never has been (you've just been tricked into thinking so up until now).
If he doesn't cheat on you, you can know that he's probably worth it :smile:

Reply 5962

123ajh

Hi i've been with my gf for 12 months now (I know its not that long) but she lives and goes to uni in Republic of Ireland and I live in Southern England and go to uni in the north. We've found the key to our LDR is trust and allowing each other to live our own lives. If one person is laways worried about what the other is doing then you will slowly go crazy with worry and it won't work. Also if one of you is constantly seeking attention and contact it is more likely to push the other away. Accept that they have a life in their home and they can't be contacting you all the time, just know that when you do get to see them you will have all of their love attention.

Reply 5963

woozeybear

Original post by 123ajh

Hi i've been with my gf for 12 months now (I know its not that long) but she lives and goes to uni in Republic of Ireland and I live in Southern England and go to uni in the north. We've found the key to our LDR is trust and allowing each other to live our own lives. If one person is laways worried about what the other is doing then you will slowly go crazy with worry and it won't work. Also if one of you is constantly seeking attention and contact it is more likely to push the other away. Accept that they have a life in their home and they can't be contacting you all the time, just know that when you do get to see them you will have all of their love attention.

What if they're away for 4 months and you won't see them until the end of those 4 months? I trust my boyfriend completely :smile:

it would just be nice to have a few stories/feel a bit involved in his life rather than having a repeat message containing nothing about how he's doing. I think we've sorted it now, but just wondering your opinion on that situation I guess :smile:

Reply 5964

Anonymous #337

I really don't know how you guys manage to do the LDR thing. I'm now at home for the summer, and the guy I'm seeing is still in my uni city, as that's where he lives, and I already really, really miss him. We're not even officially in a relationship, and I'd have thought that'd make it easier, but it isn't.

Just needed to say that to someone - no one really knows about us for various reasons, although I'm fairly sure a couple of people have guessed.

Reply 5965

123ajh

Original post by woozeybear

What if they're away for 4 months and you won't see them until the end of those 4 months? I trust my boyfriend completely :smile:

it would just be nice to have a few stories/feel a bit involved in his life rather than having a repeat message containing nothing about how he's doing. I think we've sorted it now, but just wondering your opinion on that situation I guess :smile:

I think you just have to find the balance, i'm not saying you don't tell each other anything. You don't have to know everything the other person does though. Just speak regularly enough and make sure you're not always just waiting for contact from then.

Also the 4 months thing i'll find out soon enough as we're both on exchanges next year to Holland and Spain. We've been apart for 2 months before and i've found eah the first couple of weeks are tough but we just chat regualrly and have our own lives, but then time goes much faster. If you know each others friends i've found it helps as well as you can relate to it a bit more.

Reply 5966

whatacrapname

1

I just wanted to be the 6,000 post! :smile:

Damn... 6,001st post.

Reply 5967

woozeybear

Original post by 123ajh

I think you just have to find the balance, i'm not saying you don't tell each other anything. You don't have to know everything the other person does though. Just speak regularly enough and make sure you're not always just waiting for contact from then.

Also the 4 months thing i'll find out soon enough as we're both on exchanges next year to Holland and Spain. We've been apart for 2 months before and i've found eah the first couple of weeks are tough but we just chat regualrly and have our own lives, but then time goes much faster. If you know each others friends i've found it helps as well as you can relate to it a bit more.

Ah right I get you :smile:

well today was the first phone call we've had in 2 weeks which was great as he let me know what he's been up to :smile:

I think the hard thing with this compared to a uni LDR (which we'll be starting as soon as he gets back) is the fact that I'll never meet his friends, so if he tells stories I still find them great, just..I dunno how to explain it :tongue:

. I'm not saying a uni LDR is easy at all! Dreading it tbh :tongue:

Reply 5968

Anonymous #354

I'm in a sort of LDR right now (we don't live too far apart... it's like an hour train journey to each other's houses. we live on either side of a really large city, so we often meet up in the city centre, which is a 1/2 hour journey). but yeah. he's so distant and it's starting to get on my nerves.
He'll tell me that he'll text or ring me later, and he never does, I have to text him. It wouldn't bother me but he literally says "I'll ring you at 9" and then he just doesn't. If I didn't text him, we wouldn't get into contact for days at a time. I've spoken to him about it before and he just laughs it off and says 'oh I forgot'.
last time I spoke to him was yesterday morning, about 8am, he had to go into an exam and said "I'll text you later on", and he still hasn't. I'm leaving it to see how long he'll wait before he texts me, but it's just so annoying! I know I'm making a big deal out of a little thing but the fact is we don't see each other often and because of that, communication is important (as I'm sure you all know!).
He's hardly ever online so we never talk there either, I honestly think he's just with his friends a lot and he doesn't do it purposely but it's just so infuriating. it's like he doesn't take our relationship seriously at all.

I don't know what to doooooo. talking to him about it hasn't made a difference and he's still doing it :/ I really like him, don't want to break-up but I can't be in a relationship where I barely speak to the person :/

Reply 5969

fatal

12

Thought I'd start posting in this forum, through work commitments my boyfriend and I will be apart for the next 11 weeks. Normally we live together and the longest we've been apart since we've been together is 6 weeks last summer.

So hi guys, I'll be venting in this forum!

Reply 5970

wolfspirit

8

Original post by emaruls

thanks...a problem I have is getting jealous though...I trust him with everything but some how I don't trust other girls flirting with him...how do I get over this?

I have this same problem and I've talked to him about it so many times..it's led to so many unnecessary arguments.. :frown:

It's just taking a while for his message to sink in..

what he said is, that we can't help other people being attracted to us/flirting/coming on to us, we just have to trust each other not to do anything and just to say to these people that we're in a relationship :smile:

and y'know, if other people want your boyfriend it means you must have someone special and that other people would love to be as lucky as you!

I just remember that I have him and that he loves me, no matter what other girls say to him :smile:

Reply 5971

C_B_C

15

Original post by wolfspirit

I have this same problem and I've talked to him about it so many times..it's led to so many unnecessary arguments.. :frown:

It's just taking a while for his message to sink in..

what he said is, that we can't help other people being attracted to us/flirting/coming on to us, we just have to trust each other not to do anything and just to say to these people that we're in a relationship :smile:

and y'know, if other people want your boyfriend it means you must have someone special and that other people would love to be as lucky as you!

I just remember that I have him and that he loves me, no matter what other girls say to him :smile:

You might have to help me out a bit, because I've never understood jealousy.
Is it fear of having to break up, and being alone?

I've always known that no matter what happens with me and my GF, I'll be fine, even if we break up. It'll effect me during some time, of course, but I know I'll be fine.

So if she ever cheats on me, I'll be very disappointed with her, but the fact that she cheated shows me that she's not "the one".

Reply 5972

wolfspirit

8

Original post by C_B_C

You might have to help me out a bit, because I've never understood jealousy.
Is it fear of having to break up, and being alone?

I've always known that no matter what happens with me and my GF, I'll be fine, even if we break up. It'll effect me during some time, of course, but I know I'll be fine.

So if she ever cheats on me, I'll be very disappointed with her, but the fact that she cheated shows me that she's not "the one".

Yeah I think you're right in that if your partner cheats on you, you deserve better.

Jealousy I think is when your gf/bf is giving someone else attention and you don't like it. And other people giving your bf/gf attention upsets you.. I don't think it's got anything to do with breaking up per say.

Reply 5973

emaruls

Original post by C_B_C

You might have to help me out a bit, because I've never understood jealousy.
Is it fear of having to break up, and being alone?

I've always known that no matter what happens with me and my GF, I'll be fine, even if we break up. It'll effect me during some time, of course, but I know I'll be fine.

So if she ever cheats on me, I'll be very disappointed with her, but the fact that she cheated shows me that she's not "the one".

I think the reason that I get jealous is because they get his attention and I don't...also I'm quite insecure about myself so I always think that theyre more pretty etc

Reply 5974

wolfspirit

8

Original post by emaruls

I think the reason that I get jealous is because they get his attention and I don't...also I'm quite insecure about myself so I always think that theyre more pretty etc

Yeah same here.. I suppose all you can do is trust that they're not going to suddenly start liking someone else..

Reply 5975

Anonymous #344

Original post by emaruls

I think the reason that I get jealous is because they get his attention and I don't...also I'm quite insecure about myself so I always think that theyre more pretty etc

I am so much like you! I get jealous when I realise he gets more attention or when he gives more attention to other people, not just girls. I try not to be a psychotic bitch though :frown:

In another 94 days, I will be done with a LDR as i'm going to another uni in the same city as my bf =]

Reply 5976

fatal

12

4 days outta 77, got a phone call tonight which was lovely, won't get another one until maybe next week :frown:

Reply 5977

rubytuesday01

I am in a LDR with my boyfriend - me in London, him a 2.5 hour train ride away... It's been hard, and it gets us both down, but we try and see eachother every 2-3 weeks - will be a lot less frequent when normal term time starts up again :frown:

Jealousy has been a problem for both of us - it seems as soon as we became official, people started being interested in us! An odd feeling, as we're both so awkward, but we've kind of realised we just need to trust eachother.

We text/speak on the phone daily, and write letters - just biding our time till we can finally move in together really!

Reply 5978

TVC15

10

Tuesday morning I'll be going up to see him! I can't actually wait!

My grandfather died Thursday morning and the past few days have been incredibly rough. My boyfriend has been incredibly supportive. He's recently lost his own father and so can relate to how I'm feeling. Although we've not been together long (three weeks but known each other longer) and that he's not met a single member of my family he sent me and my family flowers. He wanted me to know that athough he couldn't be here to help me, he was still thinking of me.

It's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.

I told him that I still wanted to see him, we will do everything as planned and that it doesn't change things. I know my grandad wouldn't want that. I need a change, new faces and places, I need a break from things so intense at home.

All I want to do is hug him and kiss him and have him hold me.

Tuesday cannot come fast enough.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 5979

Anonymous #355

I might end up in a ldr soon. I speak to this person all the time on tsr. We get on great , know a huge amount about each other, and talk all the time. We both already live far from each other. I know we like each other as we've suggested things we'd do together. We both had applied to the same college and would meet there. I think the person really liked me and hoped we were going to be there together and end up maybe in a relationship. I won't be there anymore as I need to reach the grade and will go next year instead. We're going to meet soon. He probably thinks it's impossible to have a ldr. I just know he likes me and probably feels sad now. How do I suggest we could start a ldr and see if it works? as we do like each other and never met anyone else like each other. What do I do???

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