Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.
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Original post by laurenl93
Omg it's been four days and I've ate 1500 calories a day without purging or overexercising!!! 
I've cried everyday but still, I'VE NEVER WENT THREE DAYS WITHOUT UNDEREATING OR EXERCISING in 2 years
I've cried everyday but still, I'VE NEVER WENT THREE DAYS WITHOUT UNDEREATING OR EXERCISING in 2 years
"Please rate some other members before rating this member again."
Stupid tsr. Well done you! What an amazing achievement.
Pity I can't rep you..
Original post by laurenl93
Omg it's been four days and I've ate 1500 calories a day without purging or overexercising!!!
I've cried everyday but still, I'VE NEVER WENT THREE DAYS WITHOUT UNDEREATING OR EXERCISING in 2 years
I've cried everyday but still, I'VE NEVER WENT THREE DAYS WITHOUT UNDEREATING OR EXERCISING in 2 years
Can't rep you so have a gif...
Brilliant achievement hun!
I just checked my email and I've been invited to an interview for a job I impulsively applied for. I can't go because it's going to cost too much to get there and it doesn't pay that much. It's at frigging Legoland though and it looks like so much fun!
Hi, umm can I come say hi 
Well done you! That's amazing, keep going
Original post by laurenl93
Omg it's been four days and I've ate 1500 calories a day without purging or overexercising!!!
I've cried everyday but still, I'VE NEVER WENT THREE DAYS WITHOUT UNDEREATING OR EXERCISING in 2 years
I've cried everyday but still, I'VE NEVER WENT THREE DAYS WITHOUT UNDEREATING OR EXERCISING in 2 years
Well done you! That's amazing, keep going
TOTO! You are free
Tell the ED to F**K OFF. You are STRONGER than that. 100lbs for a 5ft female is a barely healthy weight. You are a 5'7-5'8 bloke. You need to be around the 120 mark MINIMUM. And at that weight you would still be very thin.
THANKS to everybody <3. I had the morning from hell - the nurse from yesterday had told all the other staff to make my stomach issues into a major big deal. I spent most of the morning hysterically sobbing because it's SO embarrassing, when people point it out it triggers serious urges to self harm. If they hadn't let up I would have stopped eating and discharged myself so as to not have to deal with their comments, and carried on as best I could as an OP.
However, I spoke to my keyworker who is the most senior nurse on the ward, and amazing. Explained to her how it made me feel and she told the staff to lay off and let me have the privacy to keep my face covered (by a book or summat) as long as it was clear I wasn't spitting it out into something (fair enough). I also told her about the comment re: just getting fat and she was NOT happy, she winced when I told her and said she'd 'sort it out'. she also told me that I was NOT increasing too quickly, that the extra energy would go to repairing organ and tisse damage before it went to fat, that they NEVER overfeed patients because of the physical risks, and that i was being really brave and proactive in challenging the ED - really good to hear, just what I needed. Staff DID lay off me, and the afternoon was much better - well enough that I was able to point out that they'd left the jacket potato off my jacket potato meal, lol! *proud*
Tell the ED to F**K OFF. You are STRONGER than that. 100lbs for a 5ft female is a barely healthy weight. You are a 5'7-5'8 bloke. You need to be around the 120 mark MINIMUM. And at that weight you would still be very thin.
THANKS to everybody <3. I had the morning from hell - the nurse from yesterday had told all the other staff to make my stomach issues into a major big deal. I spent most of the morning hysterically sobbing because it's SO embarrassing, when people point it out it triggers serious urges to self harm. If they hadn't let up I would have stopped eating and discharged myself so as to not have to deal with their comments, and carried on as best I could as an OP.
However, I spoke to my keyworker who is the most senior nurse on the ward, and amazing. Explained to her how it made me feel and she told the staff to lay off and let me have the privacy to keep my face covered (by a book or summat) as long as it was clear I wasn't spitting it out into something (fair enough)
. I also told her about the comment re: just getting fat and she was NOT happy, she winced when I told her and said she'd 'sort it out'. she also told me that I was NOT increasing too quickly, that the extra energy would go to repairing organ and tisse damage before it went to fat, that they NEVER overfeed patients because of the physical risks, and that i was being really brave and proactive in challenging the ED - really good to hear, just what I needed. Staff DID lay off me, and the afternoon was much better - well enough that I was able to point out that they'd left the jacket potato off my jacket potato meal, lol! *proud*Original post by *custardcream
TOTO! You are free
Tell the ED to F**K OFF. You are STRONGER than that. 100lbs for a 5ft female is a barely healthy weight. You are a 5'7-5'8 bloke. You need to be around the 120 mark MINIMUM. And at that weight you would still be very thin.
THANKS to everybody <3. I had the morning from hell - the nurse from yesterday had told all the other staff to make my stomach issues into a major big deal. I spent most of the morning hysterically sobbing because it's SO embarrassing, when people point it out it triggers serious urges to self harm. If they hadn't let up I would have stopped eating and discharged myself so as to not have to deal with their comments, and carried on as best I could as an OP.
However, I spoke to my keyworker who is the most senior nurse on the ward, and amazing. Explained to her how it made me feel and she told the staff to lay off and let me have the privacy to keep my face covered (by a book or summat) as long as it was clear I wasn't spitting it out into something (fair enough). I also told her about the comment re: just getting fat and she was NOT happy, she winced when I told her and said she'd 'sort it out'. she also told me that I was NOT increasing too quickly, that the extra energy would go to repairing organ and tisse damage before it went to fat, that they NEVER overfeed patients because of the physical risks, and that i was being really brave and proactive in challenging the ED - really good to hear, just what I needed. Staff DID lay off me, and the afternoon was much better - well enough that I was able to point out that they'd left the jacket potato off my jacket potato meal, lol! *proud*
Tell the ED to F**K OFF. You are STRONGER than that. 100lbs for a 5ft female is a barely healthy weight. You are a 5'7-5'8 bloke. You need to be around the 120 mark MINIMUM. And at that weight you would still be very thin.
THANKS to everybody <3. I had the morning from hell - the nurse from yesterday had told all the other staff to make my stomach issues into a major big deal. I spent most of the morning hysterically sobbing because it's SO embarrassing, when people point it out it triggers serious urges to self harm. If they hadn't let up I would have stopped eating and discharged myself so as to not have to deal with their comments, and carried on as best I could as an OP.
However, I spoke to my keyworker who is the most senior nurse on the ward, and amazing. Explained to her how it made me feel and she told the staff to lay off and let me have the privacy to keep my face covered (by a book or summat) as long as it was clear I wasn't spitting it out into something (fair enough)
. I also told her about the comment re: just getting fat and she was NOT happy, she winced when I told her and said she'd 'sort it out'. she also told me that I was NOT increasing too quickly, that the extra energy would go to repairing organ and tisse damage before it went to fat, that they NEVER overfeed patients because of the physical risks, and that i was being really brave and proactive in challenging the ED - really good to hear, just what I needed. Staff DID lay off me, and the afternoon was much better - well enough that I was able to point out that they'd left the jacket potato off my jacket potato meal, lol! *proud* I'm so glad you have the keyworker you have! And I'm proud of you for being so brave and sticking it out and pointing out the jacket potato error. *goes to find gif for Custard*
Original post by TotoMimo
I'm now able to go home! I've been under observation and my cardiac stuff appears to be a bit more stabilised (finally).
I just want to thank everyone for your kind words whilst I was in the hospital. Whilst I was in there I managed to gain another half-pound. I'm fast approaching the 100lb mark which is another mental milestone for me; although given the frightening incident that just happened it seems a bit trivial/moot to feed the ED which screeches "But that's THREE FIGURES!" at me. Seeing three figures on a scale is less scary than another... or a PROPER... heart attack.
.
I just want to thank everyone for your kind words whilst I was in the hospital. Whilst I was in there I managed to gain another half-pound. I'm fast approaching the 100lb mark which is another mental milestone for me; although given the frightening incident that just happened it seems a bit trivial/moot to feed the ED which screeches "But that's THREE FIGURES!" at me. Seeing three figures on a scale is less scary than another... or a PROPER... heart attack.
.
and you need to KEEP REMEMBER THAT OKAY 3 FIGURES IS BETTER THAN A HEART ATTACK THREE FIGURES IS MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN A HEART ATTACK AND A GRAVE AND DEATH
sorry but you so need to see that it WILL HAPPEN it's not a matter of IF but WHEN if you don't kill the ED voice because you are so frail so weak your hearts crying out for energy nutrition food stimulation soul pulse it doesn't want to waste its fragile muscle anmore like you said its the centre of your soul please look after it
you're amazing ok wish u all the best you can do it remember what i said now and before please
as for me got to go to a restaurant tomorrow really feel like crying you guys
but i will do it i just dont want to binge or eat all the food but i cant let my relative down so gotta go amazing custard but also it's amazing they were so clumsy to forget your jacket potato 
and well done for eating that lauren you have truly made a breakthrough and i couldnt be more pleased for you it really is an achievement.
and well done for eating that lauren you have truly made a breakthrough and i couldnt be more pleased for you
it really is an achievement.They forgot my butter this morning on my toast too! Haha. I wasn't able to ask for it though - although I did tell my keyworker later that I struggle when things are forgotten, particularly when they're the 'extras' that are there just to add calories 
. Tea was a challenge - a bowl of soup with cheese, and 2 slices bread and butter. 200-250 more calories than the usual evening meals... And I find soup hard anyway. But I managed it and was proud of myself.
I get weighed tomorrow... I am expecting to have gained at least 1.2kg since Thursday given the massive jump in my meal plan. I will cope with it. I am at the stage where I'm resigned to and accepting of having to eat mass amounts of food I'd never normally choose and gaining weight past where I'd like to be. (of course, in a perfect world I'd maintain BMI 12 and be perfectly functional and totally healthy, just 'a wee bit skinny'. *rolls eyes*. Unfortunately, I live in the real world, where a BMI below 17.5 is low enough for an anorexia diagnosis and 15 is clinical emaciation, ie pretty f**ked up..
- although I did tell my keyworker later that I struggle when things are forgotten, particularly when they're the 'extras' that are there just to add calories . Tea was a challenge - a bowl of soup with cheese, and 2 slices bread and butter. 200-250 more calories than the usual evening meals... And I find soup hard anyway. But I managed it and was proud of myself.I get weighed tomorrow... I am expecting to have gained at least 1.2kg since Thursday given the massive jump in my meal plan. I will cope with it. I am at the stage where I'm resigned to and accepting of having to eat mass amounts of food I'd never normally choose and gaining weight past where I'd like to be. (of course, in a perfect world I'd maintain BMI 12 and be perfectly functional and totally healthy, just 'a wee bit skinny'. *rolls eyes*. Unfortunately, I live in the real world, where a BMI below 17.5 is low enough for an anorexia diagnosis and 15 is clinical emaciation, ie pretty f**ked up.
.Original post by *custardcream
in a perfect world I'd maintain BMI 12 and be perfectly functional and totally healthy, just 'a wee bit skinny'. *rolls eyes*. Unfortunately, I live in the real world, where a BMI below 17.5 is low enough for an anorexia diagnosis and 15 is clinical emaciation, ie pretty f**ked up. .
.Dude, you look poorly at a bmi of 12. 17.5 is low enough for an anoresix diagnosis, I thought you had to be much lower to get diagnosed/ them to do something about it!
BMI 12 is a terrifying prospect! That said, I'm sure the ED sufferers would agree with me that your disorder is something of a "shield."
When I say that, I mean... it's like a barrier to reality. So long as you have an ED, you're immune to returning to reality.
It's been that long now since I've done my job, since my ED consumed my entire life and stripped my regime down to "ED ONLY STUFF" that the thought of returning to real life it terrifying. But the ED is a shield from that. I can stay in this fantasy world where the only thing that really counts is the ED. It's my only focus. But that world is ****. It exists only to destroy me. My ED wants me not only to be unsuccessful in life but it wants me to be dead.
I hate the fact I'm not oblivious to the fact the ED is killing me. I know this ED caused me to have a heart attack at 26. I know I am less than 16 BMI. I know I am grossly unhealthy, But despite this, I continue on, doing what I'm doing, almost outwith my own control. How bizarre, but it's happening...
When I say that, I mean... it's like a barrier to reality. So long as you have an ED, you're immune to returning to reality.
It's been that long now since I've done my job, since my ED consumed my entire life and stripped my regime down to "ED ONLY STUFF" that the thought of returning to real life it terrifying. But the ED is a shield from that. I can stay in this fantasy world where the only thing that really counts is the ED. It's my only focus. But that world is ****. It exists only to destroy me. My ED wants me not only to be unsuccessful in life but it wants me to be dead.
I hate the fact I'm not oblivious to the fact the ED is killing me. I know this ED caused me to have a heart attack at 26. I know I am less than 16 BMI. I know I am grossly unhealthy, But despite this, I continue on, doing what I'm doing, almost outwith my own control. How bizarre, but it's happening...
morris, I am undergoing physical and psychological therapy; the idea that the ED consumes you and almost becomes a "barrier to the real world" is actually a fairly common one apparently.
Cinamon, I don't know what you mean by being "not welcome", but I'm quite sure that's nonsense. Anyone's welcome to tell their own stories and experiences for feedback and insights.
Cinamon, I don't know what you mean by being "not welcome", but I'm quite sure that's nonsense. Anyone's welcome to tell their own stories and experiences for feedback and insights.
Original post by Cinamon
I would like to post my experience and thoughts but alas I am not welcome. 
Why are you not welcome?
Original post by TotoMimo
morris, I am undergoing physical and psychological therapy; the idea that the ED consumes you and almost becomes a "barrier to the real world" is actually a fairly common one apparently.
Cinamon, I don't know what you mean by being "not welcome", but I'm quite sure that's nonsense. Anyone's welcome to tell their own stories and experiences for feedback and insights.
Cinamon, I don't know what you mean by being "not welcome", but I'm quite sure that's nonsense. Anyone's welcome to tell their own stories and experiences for feedback and insights.
Definitely. It's like everything is filtered through a screen; through the ED screen, 'these doctors are telling me I'm damaging myself, maybe that's why I feel like crap all the time. I know they're only saying that because they want to help me' is translated into 'these people are stupid, I can't be damaging myself because I'm not *that* thin and I feel fine. These people don't know what they're talking about, they just want to make me fat, well I don't need them when I have this ED to look after me.' Sorry to be blunt but that's the truth of it - it blinds you from reality
Hope you're doing a bit better Toto, keep truckin'
I tried to post twice last night but I kept losing my post.
A BMI of 12 freaks me out more than I can describe. I was never scared of dying, I was scared of my brain 'breaking'. I got completely out of control at a BMI in the high 13s/low 14s so the thought of being that low is (sorry to be blunt) far too close to dying for comfort. I say this now though, I thought I could lose weight forever. Reading my old diary, I can tell I was simultaneously mad and lucid at the same time, like I could make jokes and observations in writing but when you spoke to me I couldn't hold a conversation.
Toto hun, it sounds like your reaction to the scare is to retreat further into your ED. You can't, you really can't. Please get some extra help. I know therapy isn't very effective when you're not at a healthy-ish weight but you need *something*. I'm so scared for you. A acquaintance of mine died at a BMI of 17- after he'd just got out of hospital. I don't want anything to happen to you or anyone on here. Please please PLEASE keep fighting Toto. I know it's hard when you're struggling with missing 'before' but you have to keep making steps forward regardless. We're all here for you, with you, every step of the way. Just please don't give in, you're so much stronger than that.
A BMI of 12 freaks me out more than I can describe. I was never scared of dying, I was scared of my brain 'breaking'. I got completely out of control at a BMI in the high 13s/low 14s so the thought of being that low is (sorry to be blunt) far too close to dying for comfort. I say this now though, I thought I could lose weight forever. Reading my old diary, I can tell I was simultaneously mad and lucid at the same time, like I could make jokes and observations in writing but when you spoke to me I couldn't hold a conversation.
Toto hun, it sounds like your reaction to the scare is to retreat further into your ED. You can't, you really can't. Please get some extra help. I know therapy isn't very effective when you're not at a healthy-ish weight but you need *something*. I'm so scared for you. A acquaintance of mine died at a BMI of 17- after he'd just got out of hospital. I don't want anything to happen to you or anyone on here. Please please PLEASE keep fighting Toto. I know it's hard when you're struggling with missing 'before' but you have to keep making steps forward regardless. We're all here for you, with you, every step of the way. Just please don't give in, you're so much stronger than that.
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by Cinamon
I would like to post my experience and thoughts but alas I am not welcome.
Why are you not welcome?
Of course you're welcome!
You know what I've noticed?
People on here have real identity issues. Not an eating disorder. An identity disorder.
We are confining ourselves into the word 'anorexic'. We seem to be taking it as our mantle, our shield, our persona. Because we see it as an integral part of ourselves we seem to be trying to 'fit into the box,' i.e. Because we call ourselves anorexic we then feel compelled to tick the relevant boxes.
People are forgetting themselves. They are forgetting what makes them 'them', what makes them unique and happy!
My name is Thomas.
+I like art, science, nutrition (pre-e.d. thing anyway), photography, drawing, painting, friends, family, magic (yes I still do believe a little, no different from religion with other people in that respect), anime, pokemon, yugioh! I like rock music, I like travelling and trying new things and meeting new people! I ENJOY NEW FOODS EVEN!
+Yes, I dropped out of Uni (pharmacy) but I plan to jump back in as soon as I find a course I will be good at!
+I'm resistant, I only dropped my last course after making sure that I was passing and that I left on my terms!
+I've been to London, Paris, Italy, Iceland, Spain, Portugal. I've been to the Britz. I've Skydived. I've paraglided. I've white water rafted. I can ski, sail a boat, cook, read, write.
+Looking for a job!
+Yes, I have anorexia or what defines anorexia but I am sick and tired of being DEFINED BY FUDGING ANOREXIA!
Toto, Custard, Diamond, you lot seem the most affected by this issue. Find out little things about yourselves and excel in being yourselves! SAME TO EVERYBODY!
I know I am not fully recovered but I know that this is one step in recovery that EVERYBODY has to make.
People on here have real identity issues. Not an eating disorder. An identity disorder.
We are confining ourselves into the word 'anorexic'. We seem to be taking it as our mantle, our shield, our persona. Because we see it as an integral part of ourselves we seem to be trying to 'fit into the box,' i.e. Because we call ourselves anorexic we then feel compelled to tick the relevant boxes.
People are forgetting themselves. They are forgetting what makes them 'them', what makes them unique and happy!
My name is Thomas.
+I like art, science, nutrition (pre-e.d. thing anyway), photography, drawing, painting, friends, family, magic (yes I still do believe a little, no different from religion with other people in that respect), anime, pokemon, yugioh! I like rock music, I like travelling and trying new things and meeting new people! I ENJOY NEW FOODS EVEN!
+Yes, I dropped out of Uni (pharmacy) but I plan to jump back in as soon as I find a course I will be good at!
+I'm resistant, I only dropped my last course after making sure that I was passing and that I left on my terms!
+I've been to London, Paris, Italy, Iceland, Spain, Portugal. I've been to the Britz. I've Skydived. I've paraglided. I've white water rafted. I can ski, sail a boat, cook, read, write.
+Looking for a job!
+Yes, I have anorexia or what defines anorexia but I am sick and tired of being DEFINED BY FUDGING ANOREXIA!
Toto, Custard, Diamond, you lot seem the most affected by this issue. Find out little things about yourselves and excel in being yourselves! SAME TO EVERYBODY!
I know I am not fully recovered but I know that this is one step in recovery that EVERYBODY has to make.
Last night as well as some restaurant food I had 3 small eggs and a quarter tin of beans. Much needed protein
