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The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

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just commenting to subscribe :smile:

i'm moving to london in september so will be over three hours away from my boyfriend, who by then we'll have been together one year and five months :smile:

Reply 5981

TVC15

Today is the day! I'm sitting here at Kings Cross on TSR as I arrived an hour and a half early for my train.. I didn't want to be late lol.

This morning has been very stressed, emotions have been running high at home lately. I''m aching for a hug. Only about four and a half hours to go till I see him..

Reply 5982

Rose1990

Original post by Anonymous

I'm in a sort of LDR right now (we don't live too far apart... it's like an hour train journey to each other's houses. we live on either side of a really large city, so we often meet up in the city centre, which is a 1/2 hour journey). but yeah. he's so distant and it's starting to get on my nerves.
He'll tell me that he'll text or ring me later, and he never does, I have to text him. It wouldn't bother me but he literally says "I'll ring you at 9" and then he just doesn't. If I didn't text him, we wouldn't get into contact for days at a time. I've spoken to him about it before and he just laughs it off and says 'oh I forgot'.
last time I spoke to him was yesterday morning, about 8am, he had to go into an exam and said "I'll text you later on", and he still hasn't. I'm leaving it to see how long he'll wait before he texts me, but it's just so annoying! I know I'm making a big deal out of a little thing but the fact is we don't see each other often and because of that, communication is important (as I'm sure you all know!).
He's hardly ever online so we never talk there either, I honestly think he's just with his friends a lot and he doesn't do it purposely but it's just so infuriating. it's like he doesn't take our relationship seriously at all.

I don't know what to doooooo. talking to him about it hasn't made a difference and he's still doing it :/ I really like him, don't want to break-up but I can't be in a relationship where I barely speak to the person :/

I can see you are very frustrated or will be eventually. Most of the problem in a relation comes from expectation and mind being preoccupied with thought of your partner, well it's nice to think about your partner but it isnt, if its causing you stress. As you mentioned you certainly dont want a break-up, few things you can do is maybe join tsr muscle building society? -sorry bad joke- My point is to do something of your interest to accidently get away from the "I miss him" thought. This will certainly lessen the pain.

Reply 5983

jakemittle

Original post by Anonymous

I might end up in a ldr soon. I speak to this person all the time on tsr. We get on great , know a huge amount about each other, and talk all the time. We both already live far from each other. I know we like each other as we've suggested things we'd do together. We both had applied to the same college and would meet there. I think the person really liked me and hoped we were going to be there together and end up maybe in a relationship. I won't be there anymore as I need to reach the grade and will go next year instead. We're going to meet soon. He probably thinks it's impossible to have a ldr. I just know he likes me and probably feels sad now. How do I suggest we could start a ldr and see if it works? as we do like each other and never met anyone else like each other. What do I do???

I would suggest that you meet each other first before deciding anything

Reply 5984

Anonymous #355

Original post by jakemittle

I would suggest that you meet each other first before deciding anything

I will assuming the meet goes ahead, but I think he's upset that I won't be theres. He's become sort of distant not spoken to me for days. An I know he likes me.

Reply 5985

skatealexia

Original post by C_B_C

You might have to help me out a bit, because I've never understood jealousy.
Is it fear of having to break up, and being alone?

I've always known that no matter what happens with me and my GF, I'll be fine, even if we break up. It'll effect me during some time, of course, but I know I'll be fine.

So if she ever cheats on me, I'll be very disappointed with her, but the fact that she cheated shows me that she's not "the one".

Such sensible thought routes!

Reply 5986

HappyHele93

I'm so glad to see that so many other people are suceeding in having LDRs. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now, but next year I am staying in England for Uni and he has decided to go to a private Swiss Uni. I must admit I was very worried about it, but seeing how many people here are managing to keep it going, I'm filled with confidence. I love him too much to lose him just because of a few hundred miles! So thanks so much for the motivational talk guys x

Reply 5987

C_B_C

Original post by skatealexia

Such sensible thought routes!

No point getting wound up over something stupid.

How's Liverpool treating you? I've been an Engineer there for 3 years.

Reply 5988

skatealexia

Original post by C_B_C

No point getting wound up over something stupid.

How's Liverpool treating you? I've been an Engineer there for 3 years.

I love liverpool, it is such an amazing city! :smile:

. You like it ?

Reply 5989

C274

Feel kinda selfish about feeling down when the further-away half has to leave, or when I have to leave him. It takes a good few days to get over it, and I dunno what to do about it to make it go away faster, but people are in worse situations than I am. I have an awesome boyfriend, he isn't dead or seriously ill, and he's only 5 hours away; there are couples who are much further apart. I just can't help feeling that I'm not allowed to be upset.

Ventventvent.

Reply 5990

jthlm

Do you think a relatively new relationship would be able to survive becoming an LDR? The distance will be about an hour and a half train ride when I go to university. I understand that those who have been together for at least a year or something could make it work and would want to make it work, but what about relationships that have only been going on a few months?

Reply 5991

Gemma16

Original post by jthlm

yeah if you both really want it and put the effort in it should work yeah :smile:

my bf lives 3 hours away by trains and weve done it since we first got together. best advice i can give you is learn to trust and don't worry so much about communication, yes it is important but don't get used to talking all the time for ages because it won't be like that forever, you gotta understand you've both got lifes and things to do!

Reply 5992

Currrrtisssss

So what's the furthest LDR in here then? :smile:

Reply 5993

tripsis

Original post by jthlm

It's definitely possible :smile:

My current relationship was LDR from the get go.. And I'm in California and he's in northern England :wink:

We've been together nearly two years now. So it can work! But you both have to be dedicated and want to make it work. Even though you've only been together a few months, you both have to be thinking extremely long term.

Reply 5994

tsr-member

Sub'd

My boyfriend is going away to uni. next year. ..300 miles away.
I'm definitely nervous about it but it's so nice to find a support network here on TSR.

Good luck to everyone entering and well done to those who've managed to make it work.

My outlook at the moment is; If it's meant to be, it will work. If it doesn't work, it isn't meant to be.

Reply 5995

emaruls

Today is kinda the start of our long summer apart. We finished our last exam yesterday and might not see each other properly until the September...the first few days are the hardest...anyone have any tips? :frown:

Reply 5996

tripsis

Original post by emaruls

Talk as often as possible via phone, text message, messenger, webcam - whatever. Find activities you can "do" together such as watch TV shows at the same time, play multiplayer online games, etc. I know it sucks to not physically be together and to lose that intimacy and contact, but there are still things you can do to stay close emotionally :smile:

Reply 5997

preetsangel

(I had posted the same Query in as a separate thread..But I didn't get good replies..I feel in this forum I will get better answers which will help Me)
This guy friend requested me on Facebook a year back...We became good friends...He took my fone number and He used to call me as often as he could..We used to talk for Hours together Everyday...This lasted for over a Year...For me he was a very close friend...But he started Loving me.I never Loved him, As I liked some other guy and he was totally aware about it!! But he still kept contacting me and said he would try his best to make me his wife...This went on for a year...Long chats & calls & recently...From Like last 6 months...I started feeling for him...the same way as he did for Me..But I was not ready..as I had still hopes that the one I liked would respond..There has been a period of no calls or messages..But I guess we both wanted to think about it..The more we didn't talk..I started to realize that he surely has a special place in my heart! and now that I have started loving him he is ignoring Me! :frown:

This guy has started avoiding me...from last 3-4 months...We did talk once a Month...and he said that he still loves me and wants me in his life..and that He would be very lucky to have me as his life partner! I have trusted him completely more than anyone! two reasons, One he was a very close friend..second now I started liking him too!!
He now blocked me..and when I asked him why? He plainly said that He doesn't even know how to do that and it must be his friend who had blocked some other people too...But I couldn't buy this...So..I had his Facebook password which I never logged on into Ever since I had it.. because I blindly and completely believed him..So there was never a need to go check what he does..Plus Trust was something that was between us...but his "Avoidance behavior" made me so upset that I logged into his Facebook & when I saw his Inbox..He had the same kind of conversation with a girl..like he used to have with Me..Plus a girl at his workplace proposed him too..and When I saw the blocked list I was the only was who was BLOCKED!! When I called him and asked him he tried avoiding it and said I can talk to the girls and know what it is..and about the blocking part he ignored the topic! I thought maybe what he's saying is true!
But a few days back on My birthday he gave me the biggest shock of my life..I called him & some girl answered..He said that he doesn't want me to call him and that I should stop contacting him..and cussed me which in the last one year he never ever did!!

*Even after the all this Drama..I still love him..I don't know what to do????
When I called him last night to ask him why????? another girl..He said the "distance" is the reason he has MOVED ON!!!!
But I am not able to sleep all night and it's really hard for me to believe all this! I am totally confused...Lost & in Pain :frown:

Reply 5998

C_B_C

Original post by skatealexia

I love liverpool, it is such an amazing city! :smile:

. You like it ?

Awesome for student life, not sure I'd live there though.

Try D'Jangos. Best plub in town (can't really call it either a pub or a club)

Reply 5999

Anonymous #356

My story is a bit complicated, I hope this is the right place to post it... people here seem to make rather short comments so I hope it's ok if I'll post a longish one...

My boyfriend (from Ireland) and I (from Germany) have been going out since February of 2010, at that time I lived in Ireland. In the summer I went back to Germany to study. He took a year out and did wwoofing (volunteering on farms etc) near where I study in winter and in spring started a volunteering sceme for 6 months in the city I live in. We were really looking forward to living in the same city (although it is a big city, so we were still 1 hour apart by public transport), but then it all didnt go too well, i dont know if it was because he didnt like his job or because I was worried about what I should do with my life too much, because I didnt like my uni course... we basically argued whenever we met, about stupid things most of the time.

Now its the time when he has to go back, he's gonna study in Scotland and the degree there takes 4 years. I'm afraid that the past 6 months are not a good basis to build an LDR on, because we just ddidnt have very many good times to remember, and I think he kind of lost faith in our relationship, he used to say, if you only want to you can make a relationship last even over long distance, but now he says he's not sure any more..

To make it even more complicated, I accepted an offer from a Uni in Scotland for a subject that really interests me. I'm now totally confused whether I shoul go there or not, to be honest, I feel like our relationship could do with some long distance, and he seems to be afraid that I decide for studying in scotland, because the same might happen (we might just argue all the time). At the same time, I know sitting here on my own without him is gonna kill me, especially the winters are so hard here and i tend to worry too much or get jealous, if he doesnt reply to my texts soon enough...

I'm now standing between two options:
staying here, finishing a course that is ok but not my favourite in a place that is not my favourite either; this will take 2 more years if I'm lucky (might take longer because i was quite lazy this semester) and hope the LDR will survive for that long.

OR going to scotland to this tiny town which is around 2 hours by public transport from the town he's gonna be in, study for another 4 years in a course that I am quite sure I'd enjoy, but at the risk that our relationship will be like it is now (not very nice).. plus, not to forget about the higher living costs in the uk compared to germany...

I dont know what to do, I sometimes lie awake for hours in the night because I cant stop thinking about this... and I have to decide soon!

I'm sorry to annoy you with such a long post, but I hope some of you have taken the time to read it... and maybe have some advice?!