Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.
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Spoiler
Hallo my lovelies! How is everybody this fine day?
Decided to do a little more research into the Minnesota Experiment on Monday and found out some interesting, if mildly disturbing, information about it;
*People in the experiment were rated to have a willpower that was much above average. This shows that pretty much we have quite a lot of willpower people! We just need to direct it into positive directions.
*People ended up with food obsessions whilst at their low weights, though this lessened after people returned to their natural weight. Some people in the experiment though actually kept the food obsessions and made it their careers. 3 became successful professional chefs and 1 became a farmer. Not that relevant, but I thought the farmer bit was cute.
*Some people gained disturbing qualities when they were emaciated and reached the 'insane' level. 1 man severed 3 finger... We don't want that. Anybody want something to give them the drive to regain weight? Think of the bloke who lost his fingers because he went 'hunger bonkers'.
Anybody find the concept of 'natural weight' a little weird? I find it strange thinking that my body has a set point where things work at their best but I can understand it, looking at myself.
Original post by Antiaris
Spoiler
Ohh not to be gross but I totally know what you mean
also I know what you mean about the food diary, I stopped keeping mine for exactly that reason - knowing I would have to write it down later meant I never ate!Original post by Antiaris
Hallo my lovelies! How is everybody this fine day?
Decided to do a little more research into the Minnesota Experiment on Monday and found out some interesting, if mildly disturbing, information about it;
*People in the experiment were rated to have a willpower that was much above average. This shows that pretty much we have quite a lot of willpower people! We just need to direct it into positive directions.
*People ended up with food obsessions whilst at their low weights, though this lessened after people returned to their natural weight. Some people in the experiment though actually kept the food obsessions and made it their careers. 3 became successful professional chefs and 1 became a farmer. Not that relevant, but I thought the farmer bit was cute.
*Some people gained disturbing qualities when they were emaciated and reached the 'insane' level. 1 man severed 3 finger... We don't want that. Anybody want something to give them the drive to regain weight? Think of the bloke who lost his fingers because he went 'hunger bonkers'.
Anybody find the concept of 'natural weight' a little weird? I find it strange thinking that my body has a set point where things work at their best but I can understand it, looking at myself.
Hallo my lovelies! How is everybody this fine day?
Decided to do a little more research into the Minnesota Experiment on Monday and found out some interesting, if mildly disturbing, information about it;
*People in the experiment were rated to have a willpower that was much above average. This shows that pretty much we have quite a lot of willpower people! We just need to direct it into positive directions.
*People ended up with food obsessions whilst at their low weights, though this lessened after people returned to their natural weight. Some people in the experiment though actually kept the food obsessions and made it their careers. 3 became successful professional chefs and 1 became a farmer. Not that relevant, but I thought the farmer bit was cute.
*Some people gained disturbing qualities when they were emaciated and reached the 'insane' level. 1 man severed 3 finger... We don't want that. Anybody want something to give them the drive to regain weight? Think of the bloke who lost his fingers because he went 'hunger bonkers'.
Anybody find the concept of 'natural weight' a little weird? I find it strange thinking that my body has a set point where things work at their best but I can understand it, looking at myself.
That is really interesting, and the fact that food obsession is actually normal is such a relief
I keep stalking all the food threads on TSR, it's driving me mental lol. Is it bad that I find the finger thing really funny though... About the natural weight thing, I'm struggling with that, too. I've had AN for so long I have no idea what my natural weight would be if I ever reached it, that does freak me out. I keep thinking 'what if I'm actually meant to be overweight?!', it makes me panicky sometimes.Man I love how jolly you are today though! It's put me in such a good mood just reading your post
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by Antiaris
Decided to do a little more research into the Minnesota Experiment on Monday and found out some interesting, if mildly disturbing, information about it;...........Anybody find the concept of 'natural weight' a little weird? I find it strange thinking that my body has a set point where things work at their best but I can understand it, looking at myself.
Decided to do a little more research into the Minnesota Experiment on Monday and found out some interesting, if mildly disturbing, information about it;...........Anybody find the concept of 'natural weight' a little weird? I find it strange thinking that my body has a set point where things work at their best but I can understand it, looking at myself.
Glad that you're finding the experiment interesting! No doubt about the willpower btw. If that could be turned around to use for recovery you would all be unstoppable!
Regarding 'natural weight' the idea is that this is the weight at which the body will 'stick' and where the person is able to eat what they want. This assumes the person does not have an ED! The modern world and the culture of dieting has really messed with natural appetite partly because some foods become emotionally loaded and partly because of the availability of so much energy rich food.
It is possible to eat snacks, desserts and treats as well as not experiencing ongoing hunger apart from just before a meal and maintain a healthy, 'natural' weight.
The fear of 'overweight' is linked to our culture's dependence on weight charts. These were developed by insurance companies in the 1940s/50s and were meant to assess risk of adverse health. Many argue that they are out of date now because we are better fed and know far more about the multiple factors affecting health. There is no 'right' or 'wrong' weight! There are weights at which you are more likely to be ill and others that are more healthy.
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by Kebabbi
I kind of know what you mean about the intelligent eyes...
Awww guys, you're all making me blush. Giggling like a 10-year old schoolgirl.
I HAVE THE BODY OF ONE TOO! Hoho!
I guess if you can't laugh at yourself, ye'd greet, eh?
Anyway, it was weigh-in today and I merely maintained. Not ideal, but not bad either, right?I think it's down to my excessive move-aboutage as I'm eating 2000 calories now. The problem with me is that I'm not actually adverse to eating. I love food. NO food is "off the table", so to speak. It's all numbers. It's all about the numbers and the control.
That said, for so long, I have understood certain foods are my "no-no" foods for simply being too poor in terms of numerical calorific "bang for buck". What I mean is, to eat these things are simply totally inefficient to fitting into my numerical schedule. As such I have been issued a challenge by my dietician; to list three things I deem off-limits, and to incorporate them into my meal plan over the next two weeks. Daunting, but also actually quite exciting. She said "don't you ever want to taste what a doughnut is like ever again?" and it made me wonder... if I hadn't went into therapy, I probably would've never even THOUGHT about eating a doughnut ever again. And that kinda made me a little sad. Not necessarily specifically about doughnuts - more, the fact I'd conditioned myself to think they were an absolute unnecessary part of foodular life.
She also said to think of your body less as "you" and more as "your vehicle". She said that your mind is the "you" part, your body merely gets it around. And she said, "at the moment you've got no petrol, your brake pads are shot, your tyres are flat, and in your head, you're wanting to do a round-the-world trip."
Kinda cute metaphor, I thought.
Great metaphor! Got to have enough fuel in the tank to run the repair programmes and to get you around this beautiful world.
Hmmmmm. If you were a car which car would you be? I'd like to be an Audi A8- efficient, high specification, good looking and powerful. Of course I'm probably more like a old, clapped out VW Polo 1.2 - tired, slow pretending to be something its not and prone to breakdowns lol.
Hmmmmm. If you were a car which car would you be? I'd like to be an Audi A8- efficient, high specification, good looking and powerful. Of course I'm probably more like a old, clapped out VW Polo 1.2 - tired, slow pretending to be something its not and prone to breakdowns lol.
Really loving the methaphor. Puts a totally different spin on things. Quite interesting really and a great way to explain to others who don't understand so thanks for that, Toto. Glad things are stable for you at the mo 
df everyryime i go out i see m t come in znd eat so muchm then tzke z lozd of pills, i don't qquite now if this is nowrmal or notm i brt you all hate me nowm btu i afnt help it, i got taken the pillss out of tonihght for bieng apparently a skinny bitfh so i came in and ate and atet and ate i aknow i did but i dan't armember it, i weithted myself afeter and literally want to tak ehundreds of pain killer
im so sorry
i think i'm ofin g to
i'm s a dick
dn't bother with me anymore
please
i love you all
a
xxx
im so sorry
i think i'm ofin g to
i'm s a dick
dn't bother with me anymore
please
i love you all
a
xxx
Original post by TotoMimo
Hi everyone. My name is Toto, if you'd like to refer to me by my screen name; or Tommy, if you'd like my actual name. Either way, a name is merely a name, just as a tag is merely a tag. And unfortunately, I am tagged many a time.
I am a 26 year old man. I'm also suffering from anorexia nervosa (restrictive type), obsessive-compulsive disorder, and multiple anxiety disorder.
The social stigma associated with, especially anorexia, is not as forgiving with men, it seems. I believe it's because of the very erroneous, silly notion that people develop the disorder through a pursuit of vanity. Mine couldn't be further from that notion; psychologists determined my onset was triggered by being an over-achiever of sorts. I have an insatiable urge to complete life goals I set myself; I struggled to get to college, did so, struggled to get a top grade, did so, then struggled to get into university, did so, struggled again to get the best grades, and managed so. Whilst others gave up trying for the perfect job in such an enormously competitive industry - I strived, and I got the perfect job. Now, with nothing on the horizon, I effectively turned to creating silly daily goals - restricting calorie intake, "beating" what I did yesterday, doing one more sit-up, running one more mile. It has ravaged my body to near death at points.
In university, I was a healthy weight, as pictured above. At 5' 7"/8", I weighed in around 125-130lbs. After my problems started, the weight obviously just dropped off to my lowest weight ever - just 91lb. That's a mere 6 stone 7. My muscles atrophied, I could hardly stand, my hair thinned, my concentration waned.
My days consist of getting up, eating a breakfast of 200 calories, doing around 250 situps, 10 minutes worth of abdominal planks, 300 press-ups, and other various exercises. I eat another meal of fish, steamed vegetables, mushrooms, salad - anything low calorie and filling - later in the day, followed by more exercise. Finally, I go to bed and allow myself a bowl of cereal - my "treat" for the day - and maybe a beer or two whilst I play some videogames. I never break my "calorie cap" of 1500 calories in the day.
Trying hard, I have been trying to reach that cap, to channel my need to reach goals into a positive. My intention is that I can keep increasing it and reaching the goals in a positive way - one which helps me *gain* weight. It still scares me when the number on the scale goes up as it's synonymous with "losing" against my previous self; but I need to do this in order to *not die*. Which is always a good thing.
I liken the disorder to a demon on your shoulder, creating a bubble around you. The frustrating thing is you *know* how to get better, but the demon talks you out of it. When you reach for the answer, the bubble stops you. But the bubble is a comfort. It is safe. It is known, accepted, quantifiable.
With my new methods, I may not have gained much weight (I am just short of 93lb), but I feel a lot stronger day to day and my morale is up. My skin is also less jaundiced and everyone comments I look more full of life:
It's surprising how quickly your body retains fat and water when you've restricted so long - a terrifying prospect to someone with an eating disorder - but you must stick with it.
I'd love to open up the floor now to all and any input here into this very diverse topic, to hear perhaps your own stories or any input or advice you can give myself, my peers and anyone else potentially developing one of these insidious conditions.
All my love to everyone and the absolute best of luck in your own daily battles, regardless of what they may be!
I am a 26 year old man. I'm also suffering from anorexia nervosa (restrictive type), obsessive-compulsive disorder, and multiple anxiety disorder.
The social stigma associated with, especially anorexia, is not as forgiving with men, it seems. I believe it's because of the very erroneous, silly notion that people develop the disorder through a pursuit of vanity. Mine couldn't be further from that notion; psychologists determined my onset was triggered by being an over-achiever of sorts. I have an insatiable urge to complete life goals I set myself; I struggled to get to college, did so, struggled to get a top grade, did so, then struggled to get into university, did so, struggled again to get the best grades, and managed so. Whilst others gave up trying for the perfect job in such an enormously competitive industry - I strived, and I got the perfect job. Now, with nothing on the horizon, I effectively turned to creating silly daily goals - restricting calorie intake, "beating" what I did yesterday, doing one more sit-up, running one more mile. It has ravaged my body to near death at points.
In university, I was a healthy weight, as pictured above. At 5' 7"/8", I weighed in around 125-130lbs. After my problems started, the weight obviously just dropped off to my lowest weight ever - just 91lb. That's a mere 6 stone 7. My muscles atrophied, I could hardly stand, my hair thinned, my concentration waned.
My days consist of getting up, eating a breakfast of 200 calories, doing around 250 situps, 10 minutes worth of abdominal planks, 300 press-ups, and other various exercises. I eat another meal of fish, steamed vegetables, mushrooms, salad - anything low calorie and filling - later in the day, followed by more exercise. Finally, I go to bed and allow myself a bowl of cereal - my "treat" for the day - and maybe a beer or two whilst I play some videogames. I never break my "calorie cap" of 1500 calories in the day.
Trying hard, I have been trying to reach that cap, to channel my need to reach goals into a positive. My intention is that I can keep increasing it and reaching the goals in a positive way - one which helps me *gain* weight. It still scares me when the number on the scale goes up as it's synonymous with "losing" against my previous self; but I need to do this in order to *not die*. Which is always a good thing.
I liken the disorder to a demon on your shoulder, creating a bubble around you. The frustrating thing is you *know* how to get better, but the demon talks you out of it. When you reach for the answer, the bubble stops you. But the bubble is a comfort. It is safe. It is known, accepted, quantifiable.
With my new methods, I may not have gained much weight (I am just short of 93lb), but I feel a lot stronger day to day and my morale is up. My skin is also less jaundiced and everyone comments I look more full of life:
It's surprising how quickly your body retains fat and water when you've restricted so long - a terrifying prospect to someone with an eating disorder - but you must stick with it.
I'd love to open up the floor now to all and any input here into this very diverse topic, to hear perhaps your own stories or any input or advice you can give myself, my peers and anyone else potentially developing one of these insidious conditions.
All my love to everyone and the absolute best of luck in your own daily battles, regardless of what they may be!
you're story is extremely moving & one which i can utterly relate to.
the way you describe the 'Demon' on your shoulder, is very similiar to way i feel it.
I almost feel theres a good person on one shoulder & an evil person on the other in which the 'evil' one always wins, despite daily almost continuous battles in my head between what is right & wrong.
I totally relate to the whole 'comfort' feeling that comes from an eating disorder. In my opinion, i feel its the only one that understands the way & act & normalises it. My ED is like 'My thing' if you know what i mean, its something im 'good at'. I relish in the fact, that i can be strong & resist when others cant, it gives me a sense of power like no other.
I wish you well & hope you find recovery soon. It is comforting to no we are not alone even though we are suffering
xxx
After going over the thread & the overwhelming positivity, i hope my post doesnt annoy or offend
I have always believed that if i had the ultimate willpower & strength to ravage & starve my body, i certainly have the will power to fight this horrible creature out of me!
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by squiff93
df everyryime i go out i see m t come in znd eat so muchm then tzke z lozd of pills, i don't qquite now if this is nowrmal or notm i brt you all hate me nowm btu i afnt help it, i got taken the pillss out of tonihght for bieng apparently a skinny bitfh so i came in and ate and atet and ate i aknow i did but i dan't armember it, i weithted myself afeter and literally want to tak ehundreds of pain killer
im so sorry
i think i'm ofin g to
i'm s a dick
dn't bother with me anymore
please
i love you all
a
xxx
im so sorry
i think i'm ofin g to
i'm s a dick
dn't bother with me anymore
please
i love you all
a
xxx
Oh Squiff, if I was there with you I'd give you a hug.
YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS.
We are not sick of you! (okay the level of English in this post was a challenge :P )
We are here for each other. We choose to come here and we want you safe and better. Please don't hurt yourself in any way babula, you need to understand yourself not harm yourself. Before doing anything please look for help...
Original post by squiff93
df everyryime i go out i see m t come in znd eat so muchm then tzke z lozd of pills, i don't qquite now if this is nowrmal or notm i brt you all hate me nowm btu i afnt help it, i got taken the pillss out of tonihght for bieng apparently a skinny bitfh so i came in and ate and atet and ate i aknow i did but i dan't armember it, i weithted myself afeter and literally want to tak ehundreds of pain killer
im so sorry
i think i'm ofin g to
i'm s a dick
dn't bother with me anymore
please
i love you all
a
xxx
im so sorry
i think i'm ofin g to
i'm s a dick
dn't bother with me anymore
please
i love you all
a
xxx
Oh Squiff honey, we love you and we don't want you to hurt yourself!
Original post by Antiaris
Oh Squiff, if I was there with you I'd give you a hug.
YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS.
We are not sick of you! (okay the level of English in this post was a challenge :P )
We are here for each other. We choose to come here and we want you safe and better. Please don't hurt yourself in any way babula, you need to understand yourself not harm yourself. Before doing anything please look for help...
YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS.
We are not sick of you! (okay the level of English in this post was a challenge :P )
We are here for each other. We choose to come here and we want you safe and better. Please don't hurt yourself in any way babula, you need to understand yourself not harm yourself. Before doing anything please look for help...
Original post by diamonddust
Oh Squiff honey, we love you and we don't want you to hurt yourself!
thankyou both! i feel like such an idiot right now - and a bit of a hungover one at that.
i really think i should stop going out because when i get in all hell breaks loose i go out of my way to hurt myself and can barely even remember it the next day.
have an appointment with the nurse whose meant to be checking up on me and talking to me about how i am and whatnot today,
don't really know what to say to her - somedays i've done well really well, but mentally things seem hopeless.Original post by squiff93
thankyou both! i feel like such an idiot right now - and a bit of a hungover one at that.
i really think i should stop going out because when i get in all hell breaks loose i go out of my way to hurt myself and can barely even remember it the next day.
have an appointment with the nurse whose meant to be checking up on me and talking to me about how i am and whatnot today, don't really know what to say to her - somedays i've done well really well, but mentally things seem hopeless.
i really think i should stop going out because when i get in all hell breaks loose i go out of my way to hurt myself and can barely even remember it the next day.
have an appointment with the nurse whose meant to be checking up on me and talking to me about how i am and whatnot today,
don't really know what to say to her - somedays i've done well really well, but mentally things seem hopeless. You're not an idiot! I just had an appointment with my nurse and yeah, I can really identify with feeling like everything is awful mentally. I actually had that same conversation with her. She was a bit like 'You can't go to university with your mindset the way it is' and I know that so I have to try to fight it but it is difficult when all the thoughts and behaviours are so ingrained. Just tell her that you don't know what to say, I suppose. She can lead the conversation. We just have to keep talking about it.
I'm visiting my friends in hospital today. I'm so worried about going there. Not about seeing my friends but the staff. I won't be held responsible for my actions if someone comments on my appearance beyond my dress!
I'm also going to the theatre later so vair vair excited. Though it will give me performance envy and it sounds depressing as ****. I didn't pick the show and the tickets were free. I make it my mission in life never to turn down any musical. Except for an Andrew Lloyd Webber one! 
I'm ridiculously obsessed with The Unauthorised Autobiography of Sam Brown at the moment. There's this song called Freedom which makes me feel happy.
Btw guys, I spoke to Custard and she's taking a break from TSR and she's still fighting.
Original post by diamonddust You're not an idiot!
I just had an appointment with my nurse and yeah, I can really identify with feeling like everything is awful mentally. I actually had that same conversation with her. She was a bit like 'You can't go to university with your mindset the way it is' and I know that so I have to try to fight it but it is difficult when all the thoughts and behaviours are so ingrained. Just tell her that you don't know what to say, I suppose. She can lead the conversation. We just have to keep talking about it.
I'm visiting my friends in hospital today. I'm so worried about going there. Not about seeing my friends but the staff. I won't be held responsible for my actions if someone comments on my appearance beyond my dress! I'm also going to the theatre later so vair vair excited. Though it will give me performance envy and it sounds depressing as ****. I didn't pick the show and the tickets were free. I make it my mission in life never to turn down any musical. Except for an Andrew Lloyd Webber one!
I'm ridiculously obsessed with The Unauthorised Autobiography of Sam Brown at the moment. There's this song called Freedom which makes me feel happy.
Btw guys, I spoke to Custard and she's taking a break from TSR and she's still fighting.
You're not an idiot! I just had an appointment with my nurse and yeah, I can really identify with feeling like everything is awful mentally. I actually had that same conversation with her. She was a bit like 'You can't go to university with your mindset the way it is' and I know that so I have to try to fight it but it is difficult when all the thoughts and behaviours are so ingrained. Just tell her that you don't know what to say, I suppose. She can lead the conversation. We just have to keep talking about it.
I'm visiting my friends in hospital today. I'm so worried about going there. Not about seeing my friends but the staff. I won't be held responsible for my actions if someone comments on my appearance beyond my dress!
I'm also going to the theatre later so vair vair excited. Though it will give me performance envy and it sounds depressing as ****. I didn't pick the show and the tickets were free. I make it my mission in life never to turn down any musical. Except for an Andrew Lloyd Webber one! I'm ridiculously obsessed with The Unauthorised Autobiography of Sam Brown at the moment. There's this song called Freedom which makes me feel happy.
Btw guys, I spoke to Custard and she's taking a break from TSR and she's still fighting.
for the not feeling good mentally. My appointment was okay except i walked out with a new meal plan which looks scary and I don't feel like I can do. It's annoying because there is a part of me that wants to do it so badly - then there is the part that over uses the word can't. The nurse was quite nice to me to be honest, but said that if I don't start eating more on my own she will bully me into it (which is what my psychologist did a while back) but I don't think it helps, it just made me eat well for a while till I got bored of it and decided to start restricting more again.
I whimped out about the blood test and didn't go up to have it done eventhough i was meant to which i feel bad about now but i just couldn't face it at the time. Appointments like today make me realise how much of my life i block out and can't remember, like when they asked me about how my eating has been and how i've felt recently i genuinely don't have a clue I assume i've been fine then other people are like no you really haven't. It's odd.
I hope you have a good time at the theatre tonight!!! I was asked this week to play the piano in the play the producers which i half agreed to but then at realising that it was monday the play started on thursday and there was oer 250 pages of music to learn i freaked out and said i wouldn't be able to learn it and my sight reading isn't great. It's a shame - i kind of regret the decision eventhough it's probably better not to put too much pressure on myself.
xxxxxxx
Squiffy dearest, I am so glad you saw reason. This is something that can easily overwhelm you and in a moment of madness you can completely chuck your sense of reasoning out of the window.
And when you do that, whatever portion of the real you, the portion the ED Demon hasn't consumed, disappears and the demon takes complete control.
And let me reiterate, that little ****ard wants you dead. He doesn't want you to be skinny and desirable and waif-model-like. He wants you to be dead. You can't risk relinquishing whatever little control you still have.
I just want to re-extend my love and thanks to all the wonderful comments everyone on here is making towards my comrades and I as we fight off the compulsions, anxieties and outright fears we endure every moment of every day.
It is not just a light-switch mental disorder. This is an all-consuming, multi-tiered life-consuming nightmare, and like all nightmares, when we wake up in a cold sweat, we realise it didn't have any real power over us after all.
Unfortunately we still need to figure out just quite how to wake up!!
And when you do that, whatever portion of the real you, the portion the ED Demon hasn't consumed, disappears and the demon takes complete control.
And let me reiterate, that little ****ard wants you dead. He doesn't want you to be skinny and desirable and waif-model-like. He wants you to be dead. You can't risk relinquishing whatever little control you still have.
I just want to re-extend my love and thanks to all the wonderful comments everyone on here is making towards my comrades and I as we fight off the compulsions, anxieties and outright fears we endure every moment of every day.
It is not just a light-switch mental disorder. This is an all-consuming, multi-tiered life-consuming nightmare, and like all nightmares, when we wake up in a cold sweat, we realise it didn't have any real power over us after all.
Unfortunately we still need to figure out just quite how to wake up!!
What everyone else said You are inspirational, honestly.
p.s. you're also really hot .__.
You are inspirational, honestly.p.s. you're also really hot .__.
I keep losing my posts when I try to post on here! It's so annoying. I wanted to reply to Squiff and Toto but it got deleted and I'm too tired to now. Le sigh.
Original post by TotoMimo
Squiffy dearest, I am so glad you saw reason. This is something that can easily overwhelm you and in a moment of madness you can completely chuck your sense of reasoning out of the window.
And when you do that, whatever portion of the real you, the portion the ED Demon hasn't consumed, disappears and the demon takes complete control.
And let me reiterate, that little ****ard wants you dead. He doesn't want you to be skinny and desirable and waif-model-like. He wants you to be dead. You can't risk relinquishing whatever little control you still have.
I just want to re-extend my love and thanks to all the wonderful comments everyone on here is making towards my comrades and I as we fight off the compulsions, anxieties and outright fears we endure every moment of every day.
It is not just a light-switch mental disorder. This is an all-consuming, multi-tiered life-consuming nightmare, and like all nightmares, when we wake up in a cold sweat, we realise it didn't have any real power over us after all.
Unfortunately we still need to figure out just quite how to wake up!!
And when you do that, whatever portion of the real you, the portion the ED Demon hasn't consumed, disappears and the demon takes complete control.
And let me reiterate, that little ****ard wants you dead. He doesn't want you to be skinny and desirable and waif-model-like. He wants you to be dead. You can't risk relinquishing whatever little control you still have.
I just want to re-extend my love and thanks to all the wonderful comments everyone on here is making towards my comrades and I as we fight off the compulsions, anxieties and outright fears we endure every moment of every day.
It is not just a light-switch mental disorder. This is an all-consuming, multi-tiered life-consuming nightmare, and like all nightmares, when we wake up in a cold sweat, we realise it didn't have any real power over us after all.
Unfortunately we still need to figure out just quite how to wake up!!
your post made me laugh, squiffy seems a very appropriate name considering the state i was then and the fact that i'm struggling very much to correctly type this post.
i hate my age so much i wish i was younger and getting over this, because i feel it'd be much easier to learn to eat again rather than learning to eat with the night out which are full of calories in themselves and the whole drunken binge thing which seems to happen and make me feel **** the next day.
your so right about the it wants you dead idea, because sometimes i think thats partly what drives my ed in the first place, the thought that it's an 'easy' escape from life and i can't be blamed in the same way as if i was to jump in front of a train
yesterday i got a new meal plan, i hate hate hate it and spent about 4 hours last night in bed unable to sleep crying about breakfast, but i don't care i'm going to do it and stick to it as best i can its my new task and i'm just going to bloody do it. if a doctor told you to take antibiotics you'd take them, so if they tell you to eat a meal plan i guess it's logical to do it. i don't know how i'll do but i actually am going to put everything into it.
yes i want to be thin, yes often i want to be dead. But i genuinely think that's my ed not me, maybe once i lose this stupid bastard in my head i won't want to be dead and i won't care whether or not i'm a size 4 6 8 or 10!!!
xxxxxxxxx
Squiff, the very notion that you know when your ED is gone you won't care about size PROVES it's the ED part that wants to harm you; it's not you, yourself!
If you need to cry to deal with it... cry a river! Let it all out. Scream, shout, punch a Yorkshire terrier; do what needs to be done. Actually, don't punch yorkshire terriers, turns out those little sods bite back. But you know what I mean.
I'm a strong believer that whatever works... do it. Even if something seems dire in the short term (crying all night, having a theraputic moan etc), you should be thinking about the big picture. You're doing this so you can have a REAL LIFE. Every time you think about chucking your dinner in the bin, picture your family at your gravestone in five years time. Strong images like this really bring things to the forefront and allow you to see reason. Let your emotions HELP you.
Supermassive, it's literally as easy as explaining your compulsions and feelings. EDs are not necessarily the easiest things to determine as they are rarely just one problem. But speak freely with your GP and don't withhold anything. If you have to eat in secret, tell them. If you have to eat dinner wearing a dress made out of cornflakes, TELL THEM. It sounds stupid but in reality ALL of the ED compulsions are unreasonable. Nipping them in the bud requires your complete honesty.
If you need to cry to deal with it... cry a river! Let it all out. Scream, shout, punch a Yorkshire terrier; do what needs to be done. Actually, don't punch yorkshire terriers, turns out those little sods bite back. But you know what I mean.
I'm a strong believer that whatever works... do it. Even if something seems dire in the short term (crying all night, having a theraputic moan etc), you should be thinking about the big picture. You're doing this so you can have a REAL LIFE. Every time you think about chucking your dinner in the bin, picture your family at your gravestone in five years time. Strong images like this really bring things to the forefront and allow you to see reason. Let your emotions HELP you.
Supermassive, it's literally as easy as explaining your compulsions and feelings. EDs are not necessarily the easiest things to determine as they are rarely just one problem. But speak freely with your GP and don't withhold anything. If you have to eat in secret, tell them. If you have to eat dinner wearing a dress made out of cornflakes, TELL THEM. It sounds stupid but in reality ALL of the ED compulsions are unreasonable. Nipping them in the bud requires your complete honesty.
Keep fighting guys. Life can be good. Here I am looking ridiculously pleased with a penguin that I met!
He was hand reared at Twycross zoo and his new keepers are trying to teach him that he is a penguin not a person. He still prefers the company of people though!
Its also interesting that some rescued lost, sick or injured penguins have to be force fed as they don't naturally eat dead fish. The keepers literally catch them, hold them, force their beak open and stuff a whole fish head first down their throats. Eventually they get the idea and start eating independently.
My point? Its a long battle to defeat an ED, but it can be done and is worth it.
He was hand reared at Twycross zoo and his new keepers are trying to teach him that he is a penguin not a person. He still prefers the company of people though!
Its also interesting that some rescued lost, sick or injured penguins have to be force fed as they don't naturally eat dead fish. The keepers literally catch them, hold them, force their beak open and stuff a whole fish head first down their throats. Eventually they get the idea and start eating independently.
My point? Its a long battle to defeat an ED, but it can be done and is worth it.
(edited 12 years ago)
Oh wow, I had no idea. I thought you were just the amazing guy from Food and Drink who had a massive amount of rep because he is so awesome and loves food. I had no idea that it was a different level of obsession. I have so much respect for anybody brave enough to share such a personal story with everybody, especially when they are so well known on TSR.
