Should I cut my dad out of my life?

Have been though VERY similar situation. No do not cut your dad out of your life.

Really? Does it get any easier?

Same, although parents were reversed. I cut my Mum out for 2 years, one of the worst things I ever did. It gets easier...slowly and painfully but it does eventually, but it's a mistake to cut him out completely. x

It depends. I never had a close relationship with my dad growing up. He worked away a lot so I was mostly with my mum.

Then it was my MUM who had an affair first with her boss from work and just decided to leave for asia for a few weeks with him. Left us.

Then came back all apologetic so we forgave her and all was good.

Then my dad thought it would be a good idea to go to Thialand and get a thai girlfriend many years his junior who he gave all his money to (refused to help my uni fees) dad moved out left me to live with mum. Dad hardly speaks to us now (seen him maybe twice since christmas) even though hes only down the road.

To add insult to injury I get some bozo add me on facebook yesterday claiming to be 32 year old half brother who my dad fathered years before he was with my mum and just denied out of his life.

Amazingly I haven't seemed to let this bother me. Any of it. I am the sort of person who can just block things out from my head and pretend they are not happening.

Wow, that sounds awful. Your dad sounds like a dick, to be honest. It was your mum that screwed things up..you don't deserve to be ignored.
About the facebook guy- do you believe him? If it's true would you want any kind of relationship with him or is it just too difficult?
In terms of not letting any of it bother you- I wish I was the same! It's constantly in my head and makes it worse when other people get involved, everyone (besides my mum) is keen for me to have a good relationship with my dad, but like I said, it's like we're strangers. And tbh, I'm not sure he ever really knew me.

Anyway! Thanks for your reply and I hope things work out for you

ach I know, I didn't know how to condense it. Balls.

I've effectively cut my dad out - we both have each other's contact details but we don't contact much, if at all; I've got very little time for him. He had an affair with numeorus women during his marriage to my mum, but was also abusive towards my mum and was never much of a dad to my sister and I, he contacted us when it suited him and treated me like I was five going on thirty - I was expected to cope with and manage things at that age that even adults would struggle with. He walked out sudennly when I was 5 and 1/2, telling me he didn't love my mum anymore, than producing his new girlfriend a week later.

Had no contact from age 7 up - fast forward to 2008, sudden email, asking me to put the past behind and be friends. When I plucked up the courage to ask why he treated us as he did, he told me it was all my mum's fault bla bla bla and that I should run away and abandon my entire life for him and his wife.

I cut him out after the emails he was sending became more and more distressing, they were triggering nightmares and flashbacks, doctor asked me for my safety to ignore him.

I wouldn't say to cut him out just yet - I'd think a good idea would be to take a break from each other, it's bound to be difficult at first. Take it slowly, accept that your relationship has changed. Might help to chat through emails or letters for a bit - maybe, showing him what you have written here might help?

Well, tough though it is, the relationship between your Mum and Dad is their business, not yours. A child should be somewhat removed from the dealings between parents. Relationships break down between people the whole time, people get divorced the whole time. However, the one constant is that you are their child, to both of them. I fully sympathise with you, I can understand why you would feel hurt and betrayed. I know a bit about this myself. However, you are a separate entity from your parents' personal relationship and you do need care and support from them both. So I would say, give it time- it's still very raw. Keep in contact with your Dad, don't cut him out entirely. And when you feel ready, try and maintain a better rapport with him if you can. You only have one Dad after all.

The long lost bother through facebook is true my mum and dad both confirmed it. However my dad rang me up and told me not to talk to him and have nothing to do with it so....we will see.

At the end of the day, parents are just human like the rest of us. I am the sort of person that doesn't like being on bad terms with anyone so that's why I am still cool with my mum and my dad. I don't let what they did to me phase me.

I hope it all works out for you too!

i dd read it.

And no you shouldnt cut your dad out of his life. He and his wife has split up but why should you choose one parent over another. Yes i know he cheated but she must have done something(s) over a period of time that led him to that course of action. Cheaters dont cheat if they are happy (or they are those kind of people) but its never as straightforward as that. Also bear in mind your mother will not be entirely subjective in regards to this as she is the jilted woman.

Maybe he expecting you to get over that quickly is wrong. But if he is happier now then i think you need to give yourself time to come to grips with it.

Im not him cheating is right but just that its never as clear cut as you might think

He is still very defensive and believes that because I am 18 years old, and mentally stable (unlike my sister) I should be able to get over this immediately. But divorce of your parents is never an easy thing

Just wondering if anyone had any similar experiences really? I just want to know that there’s light at the end of the tunnel really.

my mum and dad split up when i wasnt even a year old due to his affair. being 18 does not mean anything, im now 19 and still struggle with it all, and this is 18 years later! your dads being selfish there, its effects different people different ways. it doesnt matter about your age, people think the younger you are the easier it is, but i dont belive that. my brother was 4 and doesnt have any issues with my dad, but i cant stand the sight of him.

its toatally up to you what you do ultimatly.

dont feel you need to rush into it.

if you need to chat just pm me [=