What should I do if my parents won't support me?

Hi guys,

I'm a third year student at Leeds University. I applied for 5 different universities initially, got accepted into 4 of them, but because my home was in Leeds my parents insisted I stayed in Leeds for University. I wanted to go to SOAS in London, which I got the grades for, but my parents told me they would not support me to go to London, because it would be too expensive.

As it turned out, they wouldn't support me at all. They earn a lot of money. Between them close to 80 grand a year. Despite this, in my first year I applied for both loans, maintenance and fees, and agreed that even though I was in Leeds I would have to move out because the University was just to far away. Because they earn so much I'm entitled to no grants, bursarys etc, and my maintenance loan wouldn't even cover my accomodation, yet my parents refused to give me any financial help, on the premise that it wasn't fair that I rely on them for money because 'why should they'. So, despite being told specifically by my course tutor that I should not be working alongside my course due to its intensity, I got a job at a supermarket working 20 hours per week, which meant that I suffered academically and had no social life.

My second year I studied abroad in Japan, and was lucky enough to recieve a scholarship from the Japanese government which quelled my financial worries while I was there.

I am now just about to start my third year, and although the maintenance loan I am entitled to has always been the minimum, this time it's even lower for some reason, and the hours I would be required to afford to live, study and pay the excess on my accomodation are unfeasable, so I have been forced to move back home despite the distance. Had I been studying away from Leeds, I would actually have to quit my course.

My parents have recently sold their second home abroad and booked another two holidays, but still refuse to give any financial support to me or my sister, insisting that it's our responsibility. They don't seem to understand that the government assumes they will help me if they're earning what they are.

I don't have a bad relationship with my parents - in fact we're very close. I just thing that they're a a bit tight and selfish when it comes to money. Most parents invest in their childrens education - mine invested in a second home and me and my sister suffer greatly for it. I somtimes think life would be easier if one of them suddenly lost their job - income would half and I'd actually get some support from the government. Some of my friends who qualify for the full grant, bursary etc have more money than they know what to do with, and when I'm invited out I always seem to be the one guy who can't go out because I'm working or I'm too poor, which seems odd considering my parents earn a lot more than most.

So, what am I to do? I understand that the government will lend support to students whose parents are 'estranged', but while I'm living in the same house with them I don't think that's going to wash somehow. I'd like to work but my first year was such a struggle and this year means so much that I don't think I'll be able to. I'm not sure who's in the wrong really; my parents who refuse to support me, or the government who assumes they will. What should I do guys?

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Reply 1

modgepodge

I'm really sorry but there's nothing you can do really, in terms of getting more money from the government. You will have to try talking to your parents again - I'm sure there must be some sort of "explanation" on the SFE website which explains that parents are expected to support their kids. Do they make you pay rent to live at home? If not I guess that's a big chunk of income off your mind, and really that is supporting you - they are probably saving you around £4-5k per year. If you are living at home you do get a reduced student loan, £2000and something 9can't remember how much) rather than £3500.

What course are you doing that you can't get a job? Loads of students work alongside their studies, unless you are studying something like medicine I really can't see that you have to work THAT hard at your degree. As I say, many, many students HAVE to work to get by, it's quite normal.

Reply 2

xoxAngel_Kxox

I was in this situation last year and unfortunately SFE can't do anything. It'd be too easy for everyone to claim that their parents weren't supporting them.

Reply 3

laeof

Original post by thestudentrevolt

..How comes you didn't work throughout the summer holidays? I can usually save 1.5k then which helps a lot for uni.

Not really sure what you can do tbh...maybe just working 12 hours a week? That should bring in you each semester, as much as a grant does.

Or ask your parents if you could borrow the money from them and pay it back after uni? Thus you are still paying your own way.

Reply 4

iPhone

Although they earn £80K a year, doesn't mean they HAVE to financially support you. You have to remember they have all sort of tax to pay, house bills, food bills etc etc.

Reply 5

JacksterD

Original post by iPhone

Although they earn £80K a year, doesn't mean they HAVE to financially support you. You have to remember they have all sort of tax to pay, house bills, food bills etc etc.

Get real.

Reply 6

iPhone

Original post by JacksterD

Get real.

Oh so magically all of their expenses vanish in thin air???

Reply 7

ShadowConspiracy

Carry on like the majority of us.

Reply 8

Breathe

Ask your parents to lend you the money is a smart idea. Promise you will pay them back afterwards so they don't lose out anyway.

Reply 9

etramsey1990

See a guidance councillor at a college/uni and explain the situation and ask how can you fund yourself. They can help.

OR

Do what Breathe said, im doing that! Not looking forward to paying them back but. HEY ITS LIFE!

Reply 10

Joluk

Should have lied about your parents income on the form. It is really unfair though on people in your situation. Your just gonna have to work i guess :frown:

Reply 11

No Future

Original post by thestudentrevolt

st.

So, what am I to do? I understand that the government will lend support to students whose parents are 'estranged', but while I'm living in the same house with them I don't think that's going to wash somehow. I'd like to work but my first year was such a struggle and this year means so much that I don't think I'll be able to. I'm not sure who's in the wrong really; my parents who refuse to support me, or the government who assumes they will. What should I do guys?

Ask your student support services for help. Most unis have a discretionary fund for people who are struggling

Reply 12

IzzyMusic

I'm in the exact same situation, so I understand how horrible and hard it is for you. I'm one of five, currently (and most likely) the only one most likely to be at uni in my family. My situation varies slightly in that my stepdad earns mega bucks (solicitor) and hes my stepdad, so doesn't have so much of an obligation to give me money. But I have never and probably will never receive money from my parents. The only thing I can suggest and is what I do is to just live off of your overdraft and then make sure you get a degree at the end. Think how fantastic it would feel to pay off everything at the end and show people that you did it all without money.

It is unfair because some people receive thousands from their parents. But it makes for a better, more well rounded person anyway in my opinion.

Good luck and remember, you're not alone! :smile:

Reply 13

littlemissmidget123

Original post by iPhone

Although they earn £80K a year, doesn't mean they HAVE to financially support you. You have to remember they have all sort of tax to pay, house bills, food bills etc etc.

perhaps they dont earn 80k and cannot support you, but just havent told you.
i dont have much of a student loan either, however my parents do support me, but i do not think that it is a given that they have to support me - you should look at your spending and lower it if at all possible, and have a chat with your parents, as to the reasons why they are not supporting you - but assuming they give you what 5k for arguments sake, though that value is probably too high, and the same to your sister, that is already 70k income a year that they are down to, so these things do start to add up very quickly as they have to be fair to both of you. - have you got anyone else who could maybe lend you some money such as a grandparent or aunt/uncle etc.? otherwise, you will have to either continue working as you are, and as others said - a summer job is a good way to earn some cash - or maybe some xmas temp work - and limit your spending wherever possible - even if this means walking instead of the bus, or buying value food.

Reply 14

JoDotCom

1. If your parents say its your responsibility, why did they pick your uni? They can't have their cake and eat it.
2. If they're not charging you rent to stay at home, thank your lucky stars.
3. 20 hours a week is nothing. I do that in 2 days. Sometimes you have to just get your head down and graft. Sorry, but its the harsh reality of life. You'll be a stronger and more independent person in the end, because you'll have gotten everything by yourself and you'll know for a fact that you don't need your greedy rich parents to support you.

Reply 15

Tiger Rag

The reduced loan in final year is because it doesn't need to last you over the summer. As a student, you can't claim benefits (unless a parent or disabled) over the summer. Once you finish uni, you can claim benefits if you're not working.

Reply 16

GooglyEyedMonster

Final year is reduced because when the final term ends you are not a student and can technically claim all benefits and work full time. I get minimum loan for more complicated reasons and actually live and depend on a pensioner and still couldnt claim estrangement but SFE don't care. You just have to work to support yourself, not spend stupid amounts on alcohol and dominoes 7 days a week. Its worth approaching your student support services as they may have a access to learning fund. I rely on mine because my health means I can't work as much as I need but I'm pretty sure one of the 'priority' groups is final years with reduced loan. I'm sure if you were in dyer need and had claimed every grant under the sun your parents would loan you a hundred or so or a I'll pay it back when I graduate and get a full time job. Also, if you are living at home you are entitled to less loan and SFE are pretty good at spotting when you are getting more than you are entitled too..

Reply 17

jelly1000

My housemate has a similar problem, they earn a lot but refuse to give her any money as she is an adult.

Reply 18

atombubble

Ironically, I'm about to start university, and have put myself in a very similar position, difference being it's my fault, because I don't want my parents money.
Everything that's been said previously in this thread is totally right, but I understand where youre coming from in terms of working alongside your studies.

My only other suggestion is crowdsourcing. It can be really fantastic, and if you describe your situation and what you want to give back once you've got your degree, you really could get quite a bit of money. Even if it just covers your text books and a weeks meals. Always worth a shot.