Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.

S1, although M1 is supposed to be fun/ good if you do Physics. My school sits M1 as an A2 module. Oooh. Squiffy kann Deutsch sprechen! Fand du Deutsch wirklich interessant, oder sehr schwer zu tun? Apparently I'm good at literature, so I might do well in the essay in the A2 paper, but the english to german translation is going to be a bugger :/

btw, DD, Squiff and everyone else, I'll be upset if you disappear when you get to uni. I get worried and assume you're doing really badly and aren't posting because you can't, not because you dont need us.

Hi there I'm afraid that anything that makes you obsess about your food like that can be considered an ED, even if you don't want to call it that. Your body may be used to you being underweight now but that's really not the way it should be. I think it may help if you see someone about your body dysmorphia and restricting (anorexia doesn't mean you have to eat NOTHING).
You're not wasting anyone's time

S1, although M1 is supposed to be fun/ good if you do Physics. My school sits M1 as an A2 module. Oooh. Squiffy kann Deutsch sprechen! Fand du Deutsch wirklich interessant, oder sehr schwer zu tun? Apparently I'm good at literature, so I might do well in the essay in the A2 paper, but the english to german translation is going to be a bugger :/

btw, DD, Squiff and everyone else, I'll be upset if you disappear when you get to uni. I get worried and assume you're doing really badly and aren't posting because you can't, not because you dont need us.

Yeah I won't disappear and tbh your right often when I don't post it is because things are bad and I can't. Finally booked accomodation today so it feels real.

Ah your school did the same as mine. Trust m1 was so not fun lol learnt all the stupid formulas and in the exam they didn't work. Erm as German was okay and speaking it is so useful but the workload from the teacher was huge and scared me off so dis writing an essay about the cold war I've already learnt about it so thought it'd be dull. I wish I'd carried on with German though tbh it all comes out when I'm drunk lol x

I'll keep posting.

I just made appointments with my GP and my Psych and I'm bricking it. Luckily the GP appointment was automated and I know the receptionist so I'm not too bad after using the phone but I'm so scared how close it will getting to university and nothing will be sorted out by then. I could only get an appointment to see my psych on the 22nd of September and I'm either moving on the 24th or the 25th and a referral will take months won't it? My GP's appointment is on the 2nd September which is like the week after next. It's so close and nothing is ready and I'm panicking a little. I'm sure I'll feel better once everything's sorted out but I just want to go hide in a corner for a little while. I kind of feel like I don't know if I want/need help and having to sort it all out myself is making me want to not bother with it because I can't need it that much.
-snip-

Hope you're all ok!

I'm not the only one with a mahoosive workload from German then. Only once have we been given 200words to learn and 4 days in which to do it. Your schol does the cold war as the 20th C. history topic! We do the fall of the Berlin Wall, or atleast, thats what my group are doing, what this years Y12 choose idk. Impressive that you can speak German when du ganz betrunken bist :P. But does your word order stay fairly reasonable, or does that go weird?

DD, you do need it, even if its a kick up the arse to keep eating and not to let the voices go mental, although i'm sure Toto will do that. If you think you'll forget to mention things at your appointment you could always write it down/ make a list.

Haha! Thanks hun.

Random tooth related issue...I'm freaking out. I just looked in the mirror and my two front teeth have moved forward overnight- they always stuck out a bit but now I'm in like... buck teeth territory- and I have a crack at the bottom of one of them and they have weird white spots on them! I didn't do anything to them and they didn't look like that yesterday! How can your teeth change overnight? I went to the dentist like last month and everything was fine and I've never had cracks in my tooth! And they were normal when I went to bed! What the hell?? I press them and they feel like they can move even though they're not moving...

I just got my accommodation offer for uni. I have my ensuite! I'm officially excited again! I keep going from excited in the day to terrified at night!

ah that sounds horrible and yano i actually think it was the fall of the german wall (shows how much attention i was paying since i'd decided before i even sat my AS i wanted to drop German) my German teacher gave the class a project for the summer hols and said they should spend 10 hours on it! that confirmed my choice.... obviously German teachers are all pretty full on -_- hmm when i drink i normally throw in the odd word or sentence..... ich habe kein bock .... ich habe kein lust ..... es macht nichts ..... natürlich und es ist mir egal are my main phrases but my word order is often pretty dodgy drunk and sober if i'm honest.

my day has gone to ****! i need to calm down and stop panicing about everything because i've gone back to starving and binging and purging and i really don't feel well physically

I'll keep posting.

I just made appointments with my GP and my Psych and I'm bricking it. Luckily the GP appointment was automated and I know the receptionist so I'm not too bad after using the phone but I'm so scared how close it will getting to university and nothing will be sorted out by then. I could only get an appointment to see my psych on the 22nd of September and I'm either moving on the 24th or the 25th and a referral will take months won't it? My GP's appointment is on the 2nd September which is like the week after next. It's so close and nothing is ready and I'm panicking a little. I'm sure I'll feel better once everything's sorted out but I just want to go hide in a corner for a little while. I kind of feel like I don't know if I want/need help and having to sort it all out myself is making me want to not bother with it because I can't need it that much.
I know I'm supposed to take responsibility for myself and my health and all that stuff but I feel totally alone atm, like I'm the one who has to call my Dad and ask him about therapy just because my Mum doesn't want to put aside her not talking to him thing. I don't even want therapy anymore. I have an NHS therapy appointment tomorrow and it feels too late to start and I'm resenting absolutely everyone because it feels like nobody gave me any support after I left hospital. But then most of it is my fault because I pushed them all away! stupid brain.

Hope you're all ok!

I have... what can best be described as a disordered way of thinking about food and my body in general.
I always think about food, and calories and my weight, but I never put anything into action so to say.
I haven't had a very large appetite for a long time (at least 2/3 years) and I often count calories and skip meals (the skipping is usually just because I don't notice or I'm not hungry).
I often think about reducing the calories I eat and trying not to eat but I never put it into action as I already have health issues.
And although I am average weight (115lbs and 5'2") I always think that I'd feel better if I was 95lbs.
Is it normal to think this way?

recently my chest has been hurting at even the slightest activity - after walking up stairs etc i feel completely out of breath and get this really sharp pain in my chest and i can feel my heart beating really hard :/ does anyone know if this is something to worry about or if it means i'm just really unfit?

It means your heart is struggling. You are getting palpitations and that is NEVER good. Go see a doctor, Stat.

You will be asked to have an ECG, probably with bloods to check electrolyte balance. You may have an imbalance between sodium and potassium, as is most regular with purging behaviour. To try and balance it out eat some dried apricots and bananas, dried apricots being one of the richest sources of potassium around.

Antiaris is absolutely correct. Whereas I have never physically purged, when I had that "cardiac event" (the heart-attack precursor) it began as a tight gripping pain in my chest. It's effectively when your body has exhausted breaking down your other muscles and starts to seek nutrients by breaking down the heart muscle.

Terrifying thought, right? But enduring the ED you switch your mind off and go, "Nah, I can get through this no bother." - continue down the same route, keep restricting, then BAM. Have a minor heart attack. At 26 years old. As I did. Terrifying.


I am perhaps going to make a hypocritical statement right now however; I have had a very difficult last few days. I will share this with you regardless.

This is the time of year that, within a two-week period, five close family members (myself included) have our birthdays and as such, parties are inevitable. However on my recovery I have found I am eating 2200 kcal on my meal plans, and over the past week or so have maintained at 96.6lb. This morning, I was 2lb heavier for absolutely no reason. It made me worry that the weight gain was "saving up" to sneak-attack me and freak me out. I have eaten no more or less than I have for the past week but this sneak-attack weight gain scared me a lot.

And with the birthday party stuff coming up, all I am now thinking is "just think - if you can get blindsided by that pound and a half overnight, think of how much it'll nail you after two weeks of birthday celebrations!"

Needless to say, despite fluoxetene/olanzapine, my anxieties are ear-brain-seeptastic.