Essex Uni Chat Thread

Gary started telling me that i was changing pet without him knowing and making him a better person, and that in 5 years time he'd fit into society; i was looking confused as to why he was saying this so replied 'he is changing but he'll never change totally, but why does it matter?' .....

The wally thinks that in 5 years time i will realise that i've made dee into the perfect man for me and we'll end up together and wasn't convinced by me, although i've tried a hard as possible.

I think he must be pretty sure of himself to claim that someone else doesn't fit into society!

TBF pet isn't the most skilled at coping with social events, but my problem is the fact he thinks i'm going to run off with pet. The sex may be good but if he carries on like this it isn't going to last.

You could just agree to have the sex

I've accepted an offer to study at Essex. Love the subject, love the course. However - I visited yesterday and the accommodation (specifically the Towers lol) made me nervous. Can someone sell the university to me and make me feel confident about my decision? What's the town like? Nightlife? I get really depressed during the winter months and I can just see those cold, grey concrete buildings sucking the life out of me already. Is it a tight-knit community? Lots of surrounding greenery? What about the population of gay people (yes, I'm curious!)?

he won't agree to that.

Maybe it isn't very good for him then

he doesn't believe in casual sex.. this came out in a conversation before we were dating.

if he can get over the fear that i'm going to leave without warning (which apparently has happened twice) he'll be fine. He had been warned what my social life was like before we started dating, and he knew about pet, and seemed happy about me and pet. I'm hoping its just the fact of the next 16 days i'm on holiday with dee for 11 of them... maybe?

There are always issues in relationships - some of them stem from one person, some from the other and most from both with variable degrees of culpability. You don't have to resolve every issue to be happy and if you did nobody would ever be happy because we would spend lifetimes dwelling on aspects of ourselves that just don't quite fit perfectly together. He doesn't need to be able to trust quickly and you don't have to change who you are to gain it because doing so would be as wrong as betraying any trust he does have. It will take time for a man who has given his heart to people who've broken it to give it out again and really the decision you have to make is whether you are willing to invest the time it may require given the context of the moving and all the other bits and pieces that make your relationship what it is. This is only my uninformed opinion of course, but I think it ultimately boils down to a commitment that, given some of the things you've said before, I'm not convinced you really want to make and as such it may be kinder all round to seek a different resolution.

As I said though - this is from scraps I've picked up as a random internet guy so essentially means nothing

I appreciate what you are saying, it's the fact he was originally fine with pet, and now is telling me he thinks i'm going to run off with him. I am probably more affronted by the fact it implies that he doesn't trust me rather than anything else. But i've never had an issue with people struggling to trust me before.

Pet is the only issue that will not change, and if after 5 months he's decided he has a problem with him and if he is going to struggle with the fact i live with the bloke and go away with him, its not going to improve as it will keep nagging away at him.

I want it to work with him, but it probably doesn't come across as i'm being wary given he says he might be sodding off to wales.

It's really not that bad . I remember this winter is snowed a lot, and even though it was pitch black, our entire flat went out and had a massive snowball fight. And there must have been at least 50 students having a snowball fight one day, it was really epic to watch. I was in the towers, and once you get comfy it's not bad. I knew upon visiting that I didn't want to go in the towers and they just seemed depressing. And upon moving in it felt like a prison cell. But when you're in and you've made it your own, it gets comfy. And I doubt you'll notice the grey. Or at least I didn't. Yes it was miserable when it rained, but then even the prettiest of towns can look ugly when there is lots of rain .

The town is what drove me to choose Essex in the first place. I find it lovely, and some parts are very picturesque (though I love old buildings ). The town centre is like any other town centre, it has all the usual highstreet stores. It seems small, but loads of things are tucked away in alleyways so it's bigger than what it seems.

I've never been to another uni, but I guess it's like any other uni where you meet your friends and you're close with them. Yes, it's a small campus uni, but it's not like you know everyone.

Campus unis tend to have lots of greenery. When my boyfriend comes to visit we can spend a good hour just walking around the greenery in the uni alone. It's really nice, especially in the autumn and summer, everything just looks really pretty .

And they have an LGBT society (which I'm sure has one some prize or another, so it must be good).

Life is just far too short to spend any more of it being unhappy than you have to.

Thanks for the information! I feel a lot better about my decision now . I live in a large, lively town so I've always wanted to study at a (somewhat isolated) campus with easy access to a good town centre. It's close to a coast too, right? Are there any beaches?

If i was unhappy i wouldn't hesitate on ending it, currently this is mainly me rambling and working through my head. Him... i can't comment on however.

It's just easier to write it at a username on the internet than just in my head, or at charly, who's currently of the opinion 'he's hot'



Mersea, which is a bus ride away, harwich and clacton which are train trips away, as is southend.

Actions that future unhappiness are likely to be contingent on are just as worth avoiding.

then i'd be just as wise to avoid biking.

Yes! Get a car.

Since when have i been wise? you're the wise one of us two, i don't dispute that in hte slightest

Well at least you recognise it, young one. XD

Yes dear *pat on head*