Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.
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Original post by *custardcream
can i have some support please? 
i am freaking the **** out. i've had a really hard day. lunch was a massive portion of main and the dessert was carrot cake and icecream, i find that really hard and i dont like carrot cake nor the icecream here. then i went on coffee trip and challenged myself to have a GRANDE MOCHA FRAPP (not allowed the light ones so we're talking about 250 on top of my regular MP which is 3000+). The OT who was with us made a massive deal of accusatilory quizzing me and the poor barista, making sure it was WHOLE MILK FAT SUGAR CALORIES etc etc, in front of EVERYONE. i was trying to push the calories and fat and sugar out my mind and just enjoy a treat i was trying to be ok with allowing myself to have. made me feel like ****.
found out another patient had been throwing up in plant pots on the balcony. another patient is repeatedly throwing up in her room despite being on two-to-one. another good friend of mine has discharged herself from IP at a bmi of 13.6 as she couldn't cope with having to eat.
trigger at tea
I could really use some support. We also get weighed tomorrow and my weight is going to be up masses, my last BMI was 17.1. Everyone is making a massive deal of how 'quickly' my weight is going up (pretty steadily a kilo a week) which is also triggering the **** out of me.
Please?
i am freaking the **** out. i've had a really hard day. lunch was a massive portion of main and the dessert was carrot cake and icecream, i find that really hard and i dont like carrot cake nor the icecream here. then i went on coffee trip and challenged myself to have a GRANDE MOCHA FRAPP (not allowed the light ones so we're talking about 250 on top of my regular MP which is 3000+). The OT who was with us made a massive deal of accusatilory quizzing me and the poor barista, making sure it was WHOLE MILK FAT SUGAR CALORIES etc etc, in front of EVERYONE. i was trying to push the calories and fat and sugar out my mind and just enjoy a treat i was trying to be ok with allowing myself to have. made me feel like ****.found out another patient had been throwing up in plant pots on the balcony. another patient is repeatedly throwing up in her room despite being on two-to-one. another good friend of mine has discharged herself from IP at a bmi of 13.6 as she couldn't cope with having to eat.
trigger at tea
Spoiler
I could really use some support. We also get weighed tomorrow and my weight is going to be up masses, my last BMI was 17.1. Everyone is making a massive deal of how 'quickly' my weight is going up (pretty steadily a kilo a week) which is also triggering the **** out of me.
Please?
Custard
You CAN do this. You've come so far in the past 12 weeks. Your weight might not be up 'masses', and even if it is, its not a bad thing. your body might still be doing the whole 'thank ****, shes stopped starving us' thing. Do the people know that you hate,hate,hate it when they change things without telling you or things dont happen when you've been told they will?
Original post by *custardcream
can i have some support please? i am freaking the **** out. i've had a really hard day. lunch was a massive portion of main and the dessert was carrot cake and icecream, i find that really hard and i dont like carrot cake nor the icecream here. then i went on coffee trip and challenged myself to have a GRANDE MOCHA FRAPP (not allowed the light ones so we're talking about 250 on top of my regular MP which is 3000+). The OT who was with us made a massive deal of accusatilory quizzing me and the poor barista, making sure it was WHOLE MILK FAT SUGAR CALORIES etc etc, in front of EVERYONE. i was trying to push the calories and fat and sugar out my mind and just enjoy a treat i was trying to be ok with allowing myself to have. made me feel like ****.
found out another patient had been throwing up in plant pots on the balcony. another patient is repeatedly throwing up in her room despite being on two-to-one. another good friend of mine has discharged herself from IP at a bmi of 13.6 as she couldn't cope with having to eat.
trigger at tea
I could really use some support. We also get weighed tomorrow and my weight is going to be up masses, my last BMI was 17.1. Everyone is making a massive deal of how 'quickly' my weight is going up (pretty steadily a kilo a week) which is also triggering the **** out of me.
Please?
i am freaking the **** out. i've had a really hard day. lunch was a massive portion of main and the dessert was carrot cake and icecream, i find that really hard and i dont like carrot cake nor the icecream here. then i went on coffee trip and challenged myself to have a GRANDE MOCHA FRAPP (not allowed the light ones so we're talking about 250 on top of my regular MP which is 3000+). The OT who was with us made a massive deal of accusatilory quizzing me and the poor barista, making sure it was WHOLE MILK FAT SUGAR CALORIES etc etc, in front of EVERYONE. i was trying to push the calories and fat and sugar out my mind and just enjoy a treat i was trying to be ok with allowing myself to have. made me feel like ****.found out another patient had been throwing up in plant pots on the balcony. another patient is repeatedly throwing up in her room despite being on two-to-one. another good friend of mine has discharged herself from IP at a bmi of 13.6 as she couldn't cope with having to eat.
trigger at tea
Spoiler
I could really use some support. We also get weighed tomorrow and my weight is going to be up masses, my last BMI was 17.1. Everyone is making a massive deal of how 'quickly' my weight is going up (pretty steadily a kilo a week) which is also triggering the **** out of me.
Please?
You seem to have major problems with changes in food as 'it doesn't meet up with the plan.' This is obvious.
It's also obvious that you see food as something entirely different to other things. THINGS. Remember this Darling.
Food is a thing. Think of it as a thing. Compare it to other THINGS, like chairs. How is it different? It isn't. It's something that is there, it is made up of atoms just like everything else. Don't think about the food's purpose. There exists no purpose. It simply EXISTS as it is. Purpose is a man-made mental construct that has no actual physical presence.
Now, as it is a thing and nothing more you can do as you please with it. You can mash it, you can cook it, you can incinerate it. It is a thing that is just susceptible to anything you can throw at it.
Now that you have taken away any meaning to food give it a new meaning in your head. Change the purpose you allocate it. Purpose is man-made, you can change it if you like.
Now, see food as something not entirely important. See it as something that can change because it is a THING, see it as something you can eat. Because you are made of atoms too. You are a conciousness, a group of atoms that has given itself a purpose. Except you are still atoms, still energy, etc. E = MC^(2) an all. Don't let the idea of different atoms hurt you. They are simply THERE.
I'm trying to explain in the best way I know how sorry... I used to have food phobias too you see and the idea of a change of plan upset me too. Meditation and the idea of oneness with the universe really helped. Just trying to explain the oneness bit that helped. I don't like doing the oneness thing constantly as you kinda lose grip of reality an all (am I reaching enlightenment or something?), but doing it when you need it helps.
Back to the reality of things. I am personally now having CBT! Good stuff. Stuggled with an apparent weight gain of 10lb in a fortnight, quite sure MOST of that is water weight. I'm rather prone to retaining like a sponge.
I worried a lot about metabolism as I was bulimic anorexic and apparently bulimics end up with lower metabolism and restrictive anorexics end up with higher ones after recovery. I didn't know what would happen with me as I was worried about a low metabolism. Turns out as I restricted AND bulimia-fied my metabolism will end up... normal. Thank god. Really happy too as I have an above average muscle strength so my metabolism will be higher anyway! (Just to explain, I've been able to lift my own mother up from the ground since the age of 6/7 and I used to do this to my then 20-something year old cousins at Christmas too.)
Also. Posted my pic in my profile. Feelin adventurous today.
EDIT; Hadn't realised I uploaded the pic a couple o' weeks ago! I must have felt adventurous then too.
(edited 12 years ago)
Antiaris, I understand the following comment might be misconstrued by an ED-sufferer like myself, but I genuinely mean it - you're looking good, buddy! You're very thin but you do have a really obvious positive aura about you. Sometimes you can see an ED-sufferer and know that despite being ill physically and mentally that they are almost resigning themselves to the thought that it has beaten them - you appear to be one of those "fighters".
These days, I am finding it more and more difficult to be one of those people.
I made a poor excuse not to attend my weigh-in day today despite knowing it would help. I've been posting here hoping for some words of encouragement despite trying to be the "strong one" for everyone else. Nothing is ever that clean-cut!
My BMI is still around the 15.8-16 mark and I know that's terrible. But I am truly struggling despite logic telling me otherwise.
These days, I am finding it more and more difficult to be one of those people.
I made a poor excuse not to attend my weigh-in day today despite knowing it would help. I've been posting here hoping for some words of encouragement despite trying to be the "strong one" for everyone else. Nothing is ever that clean-cut!
My BMI is still around the 15.8-16 mark and I know that's terrible. But I am truly struggling despite logic telling me otherwise.
Toto, I wish there was something I could do to take those demons out of your head. All I can say is that feeble 'ole cliche, 'I know how you feel'. To an extent anyway! I can imagine all the trauma and shouting in your head right now, the desperation and panic. Going on and on and on. Horrific. But this is what recovery IS. It's anxiety and it's uncomfortable, and it's so fooing HARD. But you have to fight it Toto, do anything you can do to get you through this difficult bit (because that's all it is, a bit, and it DOES pass I promise). Write out all the crap anorexia has done to you, how it's ravaged your body, you mind, robbed you of a life and happiness. You've gone as far done the anorexia road as you possibly can, and the only place next is death. One of my favourite 'quotes', if you will, is 'Recovery does not guarantee health and happiness. but anorexia DOES guarantee misery and ultimately death'. I hate to sound brutal, but you will die. And you are far, far too special for that.
You mentioned in a previous post that a number of upcoming celebrations were causing you a lot of stress. Something like that would fill even a fully recovered sufferer into a whirly of panic, so of course you will be feeling freaked out! Don't feel bad for being in a stressathon, and don't worry about doing things that you're not ready for because you feel you should. My advice for situations like this is to see it as 'clinically' as possible, like a scientific experiment or something. Like you're just seeing what happens if I do this or try this. In the beginnings of recovery I'd tell myself constantly, 'I'm just eating X amount for this week, I can go back to normal the week after'. Probably not the healthiest way to go about it, but it did work to give myself some control over the time frame at least. Try and take it day by day, don't anticipate too much. Anticipation is what causes the most stress. Also, attempt to put a positive slant on a situation (even if you don't believe it yourself), e.g. if there's family dinner, the positives might be you get to practice social eating, you get to talk to your mad uncle Pedro etc, etc. Eat what YOU feel comfortable with, not to please others (and don't restrict to compensate! It makes it a squillion times worse).
Wow, hai blithery essay. I'm sure I've hardly made sense (what else is new? hawhaw), but I just wanted to offer some encouragement, because there IS a better life on the other side of this, you just have to believe it and keep pushing on through. You will get there, you're a special, sparkly gem of a person who shouldn't be wasting a life on the silly, fabricated mind-f'cks of anorexia.
You mentioned in a previous post that a number of upcoming celebrations were causing you a lot of stress. Something like that would fill even a fully recovered sufferer into a whirly of panic, so of course you will be feeling freaked out! Don't feel bad for being in a stressathon, and don't worry about doing things that you're not ready for because you feel you should. My advice for situations like this is to see it as 'clinically' as possible, like a scientific experiment or something. Like you're just seeing what happens if I do this or try this. In the beginnings of recovery I'd tell myself constantly, 'I'm just eating X amount for this week, I can go back to normal the week after'. Probably not the healthiest way to go about it, but it did work to give myself some control over the time frame at least. Try and take it day by day, don't anticipate too much. Anticipation is what causes the most stress. Also, attempt to put a positive slant on a situation (even if you don't believe it yourself), e.g. if there's family dinner, the positives might be you get to practice social eating, you get to talk to your mad uncle Pedro etc, etc. Eat what YOU feel comfortable with, not to please others (and don't restrict to compensate! It makes it a squillion times worse).
Wow, hai blithery essay. I'm sure I've hardly made sense (what else is new? hawhaw), but I just wanted to offer some encouragement, because there IS a better life on the other side of this, you just have to believe it and keep pushing on through. You will get there, you're a special, sparkly gem of a person who shouldn't be wasting a life on the silly, fabricated mind-f'cks of anorexia.
Custard, you sound like you're doing so well to battle this. Trust me, a kilo a week is not too much and your body WILL be thanking you for it. Plus you deserved that Frappe, don't let the OT bog you down with their nagging. It's about the experience, not a nutritional dissection-God knows how much the "eating mindfully" concept has helped me these past few months. You've stepped out of your comfort zone to have a treat, so good on you!
As for the palps Squiff, I'd seriously consider seeing a doctor or at least some medical professional about them. It might be nothing but on the other hand it may be a dangerous electrolyte imbalance; better safe than sorry. As is rightfully often pointed out, that's where this eventually leads unless you choose to empower yourself and fight back. Which you clearly are, so keep at it!
Toto, a whole fortnight of celebrations must naturally be making you **** one. Antiaris is so right; do what feels comfortable for you, no-one else. You have nothing to prove so try to just be in the moment and have a good time.
As for me, I've hit BMI 20 again and been discharged, mes amis : D Off to uni in 3 weeks too, scary times!
How's everyone else doing here?
As for the palps Squiff, I'd seriously consider seeing a doctor or at least some medical professional about them. It might be nothing but on the other hand it may be a dangerous electrolyte imbalance; better safe than sorry. As is rightfully often pointed out, that's where this eventually leads unless you choose to empower yourself and fight back. Which you clearly are, so keep at it!
Toto, a whole fortnight of celebrations must naturally be making you **** one. Antiaris is so right; do what feels comfortable for you, no-one else. You have nothing to prove so try to just be in the moment and have a good time.
As for me, I've hit BMI 20 again and been discharged, mes amis : D Off to uni in 3 weeks too, scary times!
How's everyone else doing here?
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by TotoMimo
I made a poor excuse not to attend my weigh-in day today despite knowing it would help. I've been posting here hoping for some words of encouragement despite trying to be the "strong one" for everyone else. Nothing is ever that clean-cut!
My BMI is still around the 15.8-16 mark and I know that's terrible. But I am truly struggling despite logic telling me otherwise.
My BMI is still around the 15.8-16 mark and I know that's terrible. But I am truly struggling despite logic telling me otherwise.
You don't need to be 'the strong one.' If you are feeling bad, just let it out. Be honest to yourself and to us. The thread was made to help people, so let it help YOU. Even e-heroes need a hand sometimes.
Some people look at conquering an eating disorder like a challenge. You sound like a person who gets driven, a madly good worker when you have a goal. Do you feel you have a specific goal in conquering the eating disorder?
The term 'get healthy' is thrown around a lot on the internet to do with the goal of getting over eating disorders, but as we know it is gonna be much more complex than that. Try instead of looking at the long term simply taking it on a day by day basis. Try exploding your calorie count. Actually AIM to get 3000 in or something, as that is apparently a magic number I have heard. Don't think of it as something that leads to something else, just set it down in the 'things to do today' list. The thing is that conquering an eating disorder isn't a goal in itself, it's an obstacle in reaching OTHER goals.
Where are you gonna get with a BMI of 15.9? Nowhere good. But the thing is, you are doing well, you reached 15.9! And guess what? You. Can. Do. Better. The remaining weight that you need to gain is just the stuff you haven't done yet. It will annoy you if you just let that job just sit there, it needs doing! NOW GO GAIN THAT WEIGHT!
I was doing so well
Spoiler
Antiaris, I applaud your strength and your ability to inspire me every time. Sometimes, all we need is a kick in the backside.
And consider my backside kicked.
Tailbone and all.
And consider my backside kicked.
Tailbone and all.
I want to ask for help but I feel so pathetic, everyone is struggling and everyone needs it more.
again, i'm finding it hard to leave my house, i'm only letting one friend see me and i'm making my mum drive me there because i can't walk in public, im so embarrassed of myself and i feel so insecure, i feel like everyone is staring at me thinking JESUS that girl has huge thighs and a huge arse! its pathetic!
what i've eaten today - is it enough?
again, i'm finding it hard to leave my house, i'm only letting one friend see me and i'm making my mum drive me there because i can't walk in public, im so embarrassed of myself and i feel so insecure, i feel like everyone is staring at me thinking JESUS that girl has huge thighs and a huge arse! its pathetic!
what i've eaten today - is it enough?
Spoiler
Original post by Antiaris
Original post by Antiaris
You seem to have major problems with changes in food as 'it doesn't meet up with the plan.' This is obvious.
It's also obvious that you see food as something entirely different to other things. THINGS. Remember this Darling.
Food is a thing. Think of it as a thing. Compare it to other THINGS, like chairs. How is it different? It isn't. It's something that is there, it is made up of atoms just like everything else. Don't think about the food's purpose. There exists no purpose. It simply EXISTS as it is. Purpose is a man-made mental construct that has no actual physical presence.
Now, as it is a thing and nothing more you can do as you please with it. You can mash it, you can cook it, you can incinerate it. It is a thing that is just susceptible to anything you can throw at it.
Now that you have taken away any meaning to food give it a new meaning in your head. Change the purpose you allocate it. Purpose is man-made, you can change it if you like.
Now, see food as something not entirely important. See it as something that can change because it is a THING, see it as something you can eat. Because you are made of atoms too. You are a conciousness, a group of atoms that has given itself a purpose. Except you are still atoms, still energy, etc. E = MC^(2) an all. Don't let the idea of different atoms hurt you. They are simply THERE.
I'm trying to explain in the best way I know how sorry... I used to have food phobias too you see and the idea of a change of plan upset me too. Meditation and the idea of oneness with the universe really helped. Just trying to explain the oneness bit that helped. I don't like doing the oneness thing constantly as you kinda lose grip of reality an all (am I reaching enlightenment or something?), but doing it when you need it helps.
Back to the reality of things. I am personally now having CBT! Good stuff. Stuggled with an apparent weight gain of 10lb in a fortnight, quite sure MOST of that is water weight. I'm rather prone to retaining like a sponge.
I worried a lot about metabolism as I was bulimic anorexic and apparently bulimics end up with lower metabolism and restrictive anorexics end up with higher ones after recovery. I didn't know what would happen with me as I was worried about a low metabolism. Turns out as I restricted AND bulimia-fied my metabolism will end up... normal. Thank god. Really happy too as I have an above average muscle strength so my metabolism will be higher anyway! (Just to explain, I've been able to lift my own mother up from the ground since the age of 6/7 and I used to do this to my then 20-something year old cousins at Christmas too.)
Also. Posted my pic in my profile. Feelin adventurous today.
EDIT; Hadn't realised I uploaded the pic a couple o' weeks ago! I must have felt adventurous then too.
It's also obvious that you see food as something entirely different to other things. THINGS. Remember this Darling.
Food is a thing. Think of it as a thing. Compare it to other THINGS, like chairs. How is it different? It isn't. It's something that is there, it is made up of atoms just like everything else. Don't think about the food's purpose. There exists no purpose. It simply EXISTS as it is. Purpose is a man-made mental construct that has no actual physical presence.
Now, as it is a thing and nothing more you can do as you please with it. You can mash it, you can cook it, you can incinerate it. It is a thing that is just susceptible to anything you can throw at it.
Now that you have taken away any meaning to food give it a new meaning in your head. Change the purpose you allocate it. Purpose is man-made, you can change it if you like.
Now, see food as something not entirely important. See it as something that can change because it is a THING, see it as something you can eat. Because you are made of atoms too. You are a conciousness, a group of atoms that has given itself a purpose. Except you are still atoms, still energy, etc. E = MC^(2) an all. Don't let the idea of different atoms hurt you. They are simply THERE.
I'm trying to explain in the best way I know how sorry... I used to have food phobias too you see and the idea of a change of plan upset me too. Meditation and the idea of oneness with the universe really helped. Just trying to explain the oneness bit that helped. I don't like doing the oneness thing constantly as you kinda lose grip of reality an all (am I reaching enlightenment or something?), but doing it when you need it helps.
Back to the reality of things. I am personally now having CBT! Good stuff. Stuggled with an apparent weight gain of 10lb in a fortnight, quite sure MOST of that is water weight. I'm rather prone to retaining like a sponge.
I worried a lot about metabolism as I was bulimic anorexic and apparently bulimics end up with lower metabolism and restrictive anorexics end up with higher ones after recovery. I didn't know what would happen with me as I was worried about a low metabolism. Turns out as I restricted AND bulimia-fied my metabolism will end up... normal. Thank god. Really happy too as I have an above average muscle strength so my metabolism will be higher anyway! (Just to explain, I've been able to lift my own mother up from the ground since the age of 6/7 and I used to do this to my then 20-something year old cousins at Christmas too.)
Also. Posted my pic in my profile. Feelin adventurous today.
EDIT; Hadn't realised I uploaded the pic a couple o' weeks ago! I must have felt adventurous then too.
'Please rate some other members before rating this member again' -I swear this says this for every single person I try to rep on this thread
Toto, Custard, Antiaris - all of you are doing so well and I know you're struggling and I know it's difficult but please, please keep fighting. I would hate for anything to make any of you start regressing - do not start to think that because you've hit a hard place you can't cope any more; recovery is not a quick process. It's slow, it's tedious, it's terrifying. But it is so damn worth it.
P.S: Antiaris? I just saw your picture, and you are gorgeous - you just need to get a tiny bit more meat on those pianst fingers of yours
Original post by Anonymous
I was doing so well
Spoiler
You shouldn't hate yourself. You made a mistake - like everyone does - but you will stand up, shake your self a bit, and keep on trying. Have you tried talking to anyone about this? If you're not ready to tell you mum, could you perhaps inform a friend? It sounds like you're taking her compliments as a need to stay how you are - you do not. She will love you, no matter what and you must NOT hurt yourself over this; fighting something like this is the polar opposite of being a failure, you hear me?
Original post by squiff93
I want to ask for help but I feel so pathetic, everyone is struggling and everyone needs it more.
again, i'm finding it hard to leave my house, i'm only letting one friend see me and i'm making my mum drive me there because i can't walk in public, im so embarrassed of myself and i feel so insecure, i feel like everyone is staring at me thinking JESUS that girl has huge thighs and a huge arse! its pathetic!
what i've eaten today - is it enough?
again, i'm finding it hard to leave my house, i'm only letting one friend see me and i'm making my mum drive me there because i can't walk in public, im so embarrassed of myself and i feel so insecure, i feel like everyone is staring at me thinking JESUS that girl has huge thighs and a huge arse! its pathetic!
what i've eaten today - is it enough?
Spoiler
Everyone deserves help, and we're all here to help each other out of the big tangle. Having this anxiety combined with everything else makes it super hard, but have you ever tried starting slow? A loose hoody and some baggy trousers will cover you up, maybe you could walk down the road in that? Or even to a shop?Unfortunately, what you've eaten is not enough. It's a good start (porridge for breakfast, soup, salad and rice crackers for lunch) but there is at least one big meal missing. Are you a vegetarian? Or could you possibly have some chicken breast? Maybe even with rice/pasta/potatoes? And a nice portion of veg
And maybe some fruit for pudding! Or a cereal bar, or something? Don't give up, you can do it
Original post by Lily Academia
You shouldn't hate yourself.
You made a mistake - like everyone does - but you will stand up, shake your self a bit, and keep on trying. Have you tried talking to anyone about this? If you're not ready to tell you mum, could you perhaps inform a friend? It sounds like you're taking her compliments as a need to stay how you are - you do not. She will love you, no matter what and you must NOT hurt yourself over this; fighting something like this is the polar opposite of being a failure, you hear me?
You shouldn't hate yourself. You made a mistake - like everyone does - but you will stand up, shake your self a bit, and keep on trying. Have you tried talking to anyone about this? If you're not ready to tell you mum, could you perhaps inform a friend? It sounds like you're taking her compliments as a need to stay how you are - you do not. She will love you, no matter what and you must NOT hurt yourself over this; fighting something like this is the polar opposite of being a failure, you hear me?
Thank you
, but the problem with my mum is that she is always concerned if I look chubby, when she last saw me she commented on how fat I had become and some of our telephone conversations before I got back home consisted entirely of "you WILL watch what you eat won't you? I still can't believe how fat you are" (just to clarify, I was still a size 12, just a big size 12). I like chocolate and sometimes overeat, but if I do that now I'll probably just explode and gain lots and lots of weight
Original post by Anonymous Everyone deserves help, and we're all here to help each other out of the big tangle. Having this anxiety combined with everything else makes it super hard, but have you ever tried starting slow? A loose hoody and some baggy trousers will cover you up, maybe you could walk down the road in that? Or even to a shop?
Unfortunately, what you've eaten is not enough. It's a good start (porridge for breakfast, soup, salad and rice crackers for lunch) but there is at least one big meal missing. Are you a vegetarian? Or could you possibly have some chicken breast? Maybe even with rice/pasta/potatoes? And a nice portion of veg And maybe some fruit for pudding! Or a cereal bar, or something?
Don't give up, you can do it
Everyone deserves help, and we're all here to help each other out of the big tangle. Having this anxiety combined with everything else makes it super hard, but have you ever tried starting slow? A loose hoody and some baggy trousers will cover you up, maybe you could walk down the road in that? Or even to a shop?Unfortunately, what you've eaten is not enough. It's a good start (porridge for breakfast, soup, salad and rice crackers for lunch) but there is at least one big meal missing. Are you a vegetarian? Or could you possibly have some chicken breast? Maybe even with rice/pasta/potatoes? And a nice portion of veg
And maybe some fruit for pudding! Or a cereal bar, or something? Don't give up, you can do it
Yeah i'm a veggie. And the soup was lunch and the rice crackers and salad was dinner so i have eaten three meals. I feel like a failure though because the salad filled a cereal bowl and it felt heavy and unsafe. I've been living in baggy clothes recently because yeah it is easier when i wear them but it makes me feel so lethargic to lounge around all the time. I feel like i've eaten too much today - i hate the fact that as soon as i feel even slightly stressed about something the rules are back in play, the rules are so harsh but if i break them then i know something terrible will happen. xxx
Original post by squiff93
I want to ask for help but I feel so pathetic, everyone is struggling and everyone needs it more.
again, i'm finding it hard to leave my house, i'm only letting one friend see me and i'm making my mum drive me there because i can't walk in public, im so embarrassed of myself and i feel so insecure, i feel like everyone is staring at me thinking JESUS that girl has huge thighs and a huge arse! its pathetic!
what i've eaten today - is it enough?
again, i'm finding it hard to leave my house, i'm only letting one friend see me and i'm making my mum drive me there because i can't walk in public, im so embarrassed of myself and i feel so insecure, i feel like everyone is staring at me thinking JESUS that girl has huge thighs and a huge arse! its pathetic!
what i've eaten today - is it enough?
Spoiler
You should never, ever, worry about asking for help.
It sounds like anxiety issues are starting to fall in horrible hailstones
but that's okay, and you will overcome it. Trusting people is scary at this stage; you are afraid to let people in, because (whether this be intentional or unconscious it doesn't matter) you don't want them to get hurt. Letting one friend see you is a step in the right direction. Make sure you talk to them, unburden yourself. Don't coop things up and expect your friend to feel relieved, she/he almost certainly wants to hear you - to help.Being embarrassed, feeling insecure? That's awful, but you are not the only one. Those feelings are by no means only attached to EDs; EVERYONE feels insecure at times, everyone feels embarrassed. Training yourself to not think like this is difficult, and the only thing I can suggest is fighting against those thoughts and not focusing on them. When you focus on one thing, the background goes hazy - it means the thing your focusing on? That seems more important, more intimidating; your perception becomes skewed. Are the people looking at you because your fat? No. You are the only one thinking that.
Do you like reading? Writing? Drawing? Try taking one of those up/honing your talents elsewhere. Writing and art are an outlet, and reading can be great escapism.
Spoiler
I could have sworn I was gaining an eating disorder!
Recently, I've found it really hard to swallow food. I have no pain or anything, it sort of came up out of the blue! I only have problems getting the food from my mouth into my throat... it's like my body refuses to swallow, like I've forgotten how to perform the 'swallowing' action. I'm just not capable of doing it!
I can eat maybe a few mouthfulls... then it starts getting difficult. I am almost forcing the food down, eating slow and with water. I chew it up, then it's in my mouth for ten seconds before I can swallow it. Then the time limit goes up to twenty seconds, and I'm swallowing my chewed up portion bit my bit (keeping some in my mouth). Then it becomes impossible to swallow and enjoy my meals... I have choked on food as it moves to the back of my throat and I can't swallow so it just slides into my throat!
It's gotten worse in the past week and I started noticing this week.
I don't know if it's a mental disorder (as I have panic attacks sometimes too)... or if It's to do with my unusually small jaw; I have an overbite of about 10+mm! I need an operation to sort it out but I'm scared as 'they' say it hurts a lot. I thought that maybe my tongue is too squashed behind my bottom teeth so swallowing is difficult as my tongue is curved upwards in my mouth (there's no room for my tongue to stretch out).
Anyway... I hope I get better! I want to enjoy food again; I don't want to turn delicious food down again when I am hungry all because I physically can not swallow it!
Recently, I've found it really hard to swallow food. I have no pain or anything, it sort of came up out of the blue! I only have problems getting the food from my mouth into my throat... it's like my body refuses to swallow, like I've forgotten how to perform the 'swallowing' action. I'm just not capable of doing it!
I can eat maybe a few mouthfulls... then it starts getting difficult. I am almost forcing the food down, eating slow and with water. I chew it up, then it's in my mouth for ten seconds before I can swallow it. Then the time limit goes up to twenty seconds, and I'm swallowing my chewed up portion bit my bit (keeping some in my mouth). Then it becomes impossible to swallow and enjoy my meals... I have choked on food as it moves to the back of my throat and I can't swallow so it just slides into my throat!
It's gotten worse in the past week and I started noticing this week.
I don't know if it's a mental disorder (as I have panic attacks sometimes too)... or if It's to do with my unusually small jaw; I have an overbite of about 10+mm! I need an operation to sort it out but I'm scared as 'they' say it hurts a lot. I thought that maybe my tongue is too squashed behind my bottom teeth so swallowing is difficult as my tongue is curved upwards in my mouth (there's no room for my tongue to stretch out).
Anyway... I hope I get better! I want to enjoy food again; I don't want to turn delicious food down again when I am hungry all because I physically can not swallow it!
Not really in the same vain as anorexia, but i've always had a genuine fear of certain foods and believe me, when people simply call me a 'fussy' person it makes me mad. Like, i've always been scared to even attempt to eat certain foods, such as cheese, pizza, fish, eggs and quite a few others. A big deal would be made when i decided i was going to attempt to eat one and, as dramatic as it sounds, my family would gather round because and give encouragement because before then i'd been consisting on apples, fries, super noodles and beans. I vividly remember screaming the house down and punching everyone in sight when they tried to force me to eat chicken when i was like 7, traumatic times. Anyway, i could never eat anything really and whenever i'd decide to eat something, i'd actually be shaking as it got to my mouth and before i put it in i'd just back away and not eat it. I'm aware of how silly it sounds but it's just the fact. Anyway, recently for the first time i was at a house party and quite a few people stayed to stop the night after, including the girl i really like. To my horror they ordered pizza and like a dumb prick i'd lied earlier when the girl had said to me 'i went to dominos the other night, sooo nice' and i agreed with her.....
So i had no choice but to try the pizza because i had stated that i was hungry but was hoping to find a kebab place near by. The pizza comes, everyone is munching away and the girl i like says 'Damian, here have some' and she hands me a slice of cheese pizza. I'm honestly ****ting myself at this point, i was beginning to perspire like a man who runs. I tried not to make a big deal out of it and quickly shove it in swallow, because i didn't want to seem like a liar (it was a white lie but still). I put it in my mouth and no word of a lie the instant it was in there, i threw up violently, over her and a random person sitting next to her. God, it was shameful and i just got up and ran out of there, a true inbetweeners moment. The 'banter' on fb was painful, believe me.
Anyway, i hope there's others on this site who may have whatever it is that i have, it's not just fussyness, it's at a deeper level than that and i'd love to speak to anyone who is like this.
So i had no choice but to try the pizza because i had stated that i was hungry but was hoping to find a kebab place near by. The pizza comes, everyone is munching away and the girl i like says 'Damian, here have some' and she hands me a slice of cheese pizza. I'm honestly ****ting myself at this point, i was beginning to perspire like a man who runs. I tried not to make a big deal out of it and quickly shove it in swallow, because i didn't want to seem like a liar (it was a white lie but still). I put it in my mouth and no word of a lie the instant it was in there, i threw up violently, over her and a random person sitting next to her. God, it was shameful and i just got up and ran out of there, a true inbetweeners moment. The 'banter' on fb was painful, believe me.
Anyway, i hope there's others on this site who may have whatever it is that i have, it's not just fussyness, it's at a deeper level than that and i'd love to speak to anyone who is like this.
Original post by damos92
I put it in my mouth and no word of a lie the instant it was in there, i threw up violently, over her and a random person sitting next to her. God, it was shameful and i just got up and ran out of there, a true inbetweeners moment. The 'banter' on fb was painful, believe me.
I thought the same thing! What a perfect inbetweeners moment!
But, this is real life and I really feel for you.
I don't eat any vegetables at all, or things like eggs and mayonaise and hardly any fruit... but I don't think I'm as 'scared' of food a you are; I'm jut one of the fussy ones I guess! I have never tried a lot of the food I hate.Original post by damos92
Not really in the same vain as anorexia, but i've always had a genuine fear of certain foods and believe me, when people simply call me a 'fussy' person it makes me mad. Like, i've always been scared to even attempt to eat certain foods, such as cheese, pizza, fish, eggs and quite a few others. A big deal would be made when i decided i was going to attempt to eat one and, as dramatic as it sounds, my family would gather round because and give encouragement because before then i'd been consisting on apples, fries, super noodles and beans. I vividly remember screaming the house down and punching everyone in sight when they tried to force me to eat chicken when i was like 7, traumatic times. Anyway, i could never eat anything really and whenever i'd decide to eat something, i'd actually be shaking as it got to my mouth and before i put it in i'd just back away and not eat it. I'm aware of how silly it sounds but it's just the fact. Anyway, recently for the first time i was at a house party and quite a few people stayed to stop the night after, including the girl i really like. To my horror they ordered pizza and like a dumb prick i'd lied earlier when the girl had said to me 'i went to dominos the other night, sooo nice' and i agreed with her.....
So i had no choice but to try the pizza because i had stated that i was hungry but was hoping to find a kebab place near by. The pizza comes, everyone is munching away and the girl i like says 'Damian, here have some' and she hands me a slice of cheese pizza. I'm honestly ****ting myself at this point, i was beginning to perspire like a man who runs. I tried not to make a big deal out of it and quickly shove it in swallow, because i didn't want to seem like a liar (it was a white lie but still). I put it in my mouth and no word of a lie the instant it was in there, i threw up violently, over her and a random person sitting next to her. God, it was shameful and i just got up and ran out of there, a true inbetweeners moment. The 'banter' on fb was painful, believe me.
Anyway, i hope there's others on this site who may have whatever it is that i have, it's not just fussyness, it's at a deeper level than that and i'd love to speak to anyone who is like this.
So i had no choice but to try the pizza because i had stated that i was hungry but was hoping to find a kebab place near by. The pizza comes, everyone is munching away and the girl i like says 'Damian, here have some' and she hands me a slice of cheese pizza. I'm honestly ****ting myself at this point, i was beginning to perspire like a man who runs. I tried not to make a big deal out of it and quickly shove it in swallow, because i didn't want to seem like a liar (it was a white lie but still). I put it in my mouth and no word of a lie the instant it was in there, i threw up violently, over her and a random person sitting next to her. God, it was shameful and i just got up and ran out of there, a true inbetweeners moment. The 'banter' on fb was painful, believe me.
Anyway, i hope there's others on this site who may have whatever it is that i have, it's not just fussyness, it's at a deeper level than that and i'd love to speak to anyone who is like this.
This was-sometimes still is-me all over, especially the pizza and cheese phobia. If you don't like specific foods then that's your right as a human being to have an opinion, but being scared to eat to the point you can't join your friends on a night out is really no way to live. You have my deepest sympathies, Damos. If you wanna chat anytime, then feel free to PM me, we're all here for you anyway : )
Original post by Riku
This was-sometimes still is-me all over, especially the pizza and cheese phobia. If you don't like specific foods then that's your right as a human being to have an opinion, but being scared to eat to the point you can't join your friends on a night out is really no way to live. You have my deepest sympathies, Damos. If you wanna chat anytime, then feel free to PM me, we're all here for you anyway : )
Cheers man i really appreciate that.
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