Aw hun.
I hear you on the attention seeking thing, my MUM said that to me a couple of days ago. It just feels like the worst betrayal ever! I hate how people who have no idea what it feels like act that you not being better is some sort of character flaw and is a case of you not wanting it enough. I don't think there are many people with eating disorders who can say they've wanted recovery 100% of the time. About your friends, it's not that they don't like you, I think they're making the typical mistake of thinking you
are your illness. They don't like the illness because they can see what it's doing to you. I think it's out of order that they'd say that about you and don't even bother raising their concerns to you. Sounds horribly bitchy. You know it isn't true? I really hate that all you're doing is just *being* and people feel the need to say that you're doing something wrong and want attention when all you're doing is trying to live- even though in reality you're slowly killing yourself.
I really just want to hug you. I know it's hard but for me, nobody cares so I've never had to hide anything. My parents just point blank ignore(d) my restricting which makes/made it really easy to carry on. They have the 'Fine, kill yourself. We're not going to do anything' attitude which is kind of great but kind of.... not.
People are kind of two-faced, in general and regarding this illness, I find. The secretive stage is awful, you HAVE to talk about it because the second you stop, the ED has a chance to get even worse and go mad because you can't get it out of you. At least talking about it will help you realise just how things are. You may not be able to talk about it to people in r/l (I can't. I just talk about it online and to professionals), you should at least talk about it to people online (
) or even find a local ED support group or something? Isolation just... God, I can't even think about how bad things get when you feel totally alone. You ain't so dumb yourself lady! But seriously, please please please consider staying here. You can spoiler absolutely everything! I'm not the best person in the world to give 'proper' advice and you'll get a variety of perspectives on here and if you just want to vent, say so and no-one will comment. You can even come back and delete it if you want. Regardless of whether you tell us not to worry, we still will!
I'm glad you'll PM me though.