Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.
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Original post by TotoMimo
I can empathise with the potential relationship issues. I am by no means a lothario nor am I typically attractive to girls, but I have a girl at the moment who is constantly telling me she would like to go on a date with me, despite me, as courteously as possible, explaining that I am not in a mental nor physical state to give any girl the attention that she would deserve.
Despite hearing this she says "it doesn't matter to me at all, I would help you"; and where I understand that companionship does offer a great deal of support, the relationship would ultimately be hindered in my specific scenario given my personal circumstances. I find it personally flattering and incredibly endearing, but at the same time I am sensitive enough to understand a person's feelings need to be reciprocated both emotionally and physically, and at this point in time, knowing I couldn't do so 100%, I wouldn't feel right to go with it.
Despite hearing this she says "it doesn't matter to me at all, I would help you"; and where I understand that companionship does offer a great deal of support, the relationship would ultimately be hindered in my specific scenario given my personal circumstances. I find it personally flattering and incredibly endearing, but at the same time I am sensitive enough to understand a person's feelings need to be reciprocated both emotionally and physically, and at this point in time, knowing I couldn't do so 100%, I wouldn't feel right to go with it.
Spoiler
Yeah i agree with that it's hard to be with someone when you feel like your constanly taking and not giving anything back. I don't want to come across needy and pathetic... He also does know about my problem but i try to refrain from going into any detail as i don't really want him to know about the 'bad' side of me, he seems quite understanding of it but i'm scared it'll eventually send him running a mile. He mentioned taking me out for a meal earlier and I didn't want to argue against it but the idea of that does make me anxious - me breaking down at the table wouldn't make a great impression i don't think.
Plus with me going off to university it seems the worst time to start trying to build a relationship with someone from scratch - it's destined to fail but it's made hard by the fact i feel that i click with him - we were described by one of my friends as the same person just of a different gender .....
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Original post by TotoMimo
The weird thing? I'm positively neutral towards the PHYSICAL aspect of my ailment, but I am definitely not wanting to cause any emotional trauma to her, so I suppose I'm still human. Haha!
Atleast you've got another reason to kick the EDs arse.
to Squiff and Toto and Snowy!Had therapy today. It wasn't really therapy per se, it was more a second assessment. He basically told me what he got from my first session and said the points he thought we would be able to work on if I actually continued with therapy with him. Main points were normalising my eating and monitoring my weight and watching out for other symptoms (I told him the absolute truth I don't think ANYONE has understood before) and dealing with my mood and my self esteem and perfectionism, doing motivation training and trying to work through all the stuff I've ignored for years. I also did an assessment thingy and he told me a few things about my ED that kind of made me double take. We had a discussion about whether I should go to the services in Norwich or stay where I am and I (stupidly) said that I wanted to stay at the hospital I'm getting treatment at now and commute from Norwich to London every week for therapy because I wanted continuity and he's the first therapist I've actually clicked with (-can I reiterate? IDIOT!) and I thought the money would be manageable but I forgot that the free Oyster card runs out after the 30th and there's no way I'll have enough to pay to get from Liverpool Street to the hospital every week and grrrr. I mean, there's a chance that I won't get funded so I'll have to go to ED services in Norwich and he said he'd try and find me a good therapist but I can't believe I didn't realise it would cost more than 'just' the train fare. I must admit, part of me was thinking from a very sick point of view when I said yes but still... I'm not happy with myself.
It makes sense to go to the ED services in Norwich but I don't really have it in me to go to another therapist and explain everything all over again when I don't even understand it myself. It's so much effort. He said that he'd fax over a report and stuff if I needed to utilise their services but it just feels like I don't even need it. He said he'll talk with my consultant and my nurse tomorrow so I'll have to call him and tell him I'd rather do it in Norwich. Though what I REALLY want is to be discharged but they won't let me go because they think I'll just slip under the net and get really bad again. I'm sure they'd let me go if I really insisted and pulled the 'I'm 19, I'm an adult, I can do what I want' card but I'm just so ambivalent about everything and I can't stick with any decision.
All I know is anything has to be better than this.
The highlight of my day? Going to Ikea and picking up a few bits and pieces for university.
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by diamonddust
I'm sure they'd let me go if I really insisted and pulled the 'I'm 19, I'm an adult, I can do what I want' card but I'm just so ambivalent about everything and I can't stick with any decision.
All I know is anything has to be better than this.
The highlight of my day? Going to Ikea and picking up a few bits and pieces for university.
All I know is anything has to be better than this.
The highlight of my day? Going to Ikea and picking up a few bits and pieces for university.
DD, don't pull the 'I'm 19, I'm an adult card.' They're trying to help you, and I'd hate you to be like Toto, with a really good degree in a subject you love, but not actually able to use it because you're too poorly!
Ikea = win. Love that place, have already told mummy 'If I get into uni, I'll let you take me to ikea'.
Edit: I'm off to see the inbetweeners movie today! Finally.
(edited 12 years ago)
Had a good day 
... despite my mum saying I look awful, and that she was shocked when she saw me walking towards her when I met her today. She's only concerned. Hate the drama though. Anyway, more importantly no guilt 
...
I hope things are looking up a bit for people
IMO you should carry on with getting the support in Norwich. You do need it - it just feels easier if you opt out - easy is never the answer
... despite my mum saying I look awful, and that she was shocked when she saw me walking towards her when I met her today. She's only concerned. Hate the drama though. Anyway, more importantly no guilt ... I hope things are looking up a bit for people
Original post by diamonddust
x
IMO you should carry on with getting the support in Norwich. You do need it - it just feels easier if you opt out - easy is never the answer
(edited 12 years ago)
Baaaah I'm having to eat normally, mother is so proud of my weight loss but gives me chocolate and other food all the time!
Spoiler
Eugh nothing has improved this week.
Spoiler
I try to be as middling as possible as an entity in life, but I'm afraid I'm going ro have to be the "bad one" here. Anon, Squiff, stop being so apathetic. Stop being so "woe is me". The truth is, you're down on yourself because you've allowed yourself to reach this low.
I too have reached this low. I'm dwelling there right now. But pity solves nothing and sapping the pity of others does even less for you than you hoped for.
The cruel truth is that we are accountable for our own lives and that these illnesses we share are not an excuse but rather a hurdle for which we must overcome.
Tonight I got a text saying "Happy birthday! (It's my birthday, 2nd september), want to go out tomorrow and get some drinks?" abd nt furst instinct was "woe is me, I am too ill, I need an excuse, I need to indulge the ED."
But in reality I want to break out. I am so.. SO close to puncturing the membrane that is the bubble of the ED and actually, you know, ENJOY LIFE. As of midnight I am 27 years old. That's adult. That's old enough to know that I need to not only make a difference in my life and stop being so self-pitiful, living in this half-life, disgusting bubble, but to set an example for others in similar situations.
Time is such a valuable commodity that it is not worth a single second from here on out wasted on self-pity, loathing or scrutiny...
I too have reached this low. I'm dwelling there right now. But pity solves nothing and sapping the pity of others does even less for you than you hoped for.
The cruel truth is that we are accountable for our own lives and that these illnesses we share are not an excuse but rather a hurdle for which we must overcome.
Tonight I got a text saying "Happy birthday! (It's my birthday, 2nd september), want to go out tomorrow and get some drinks?" abd nt furst instinct was "woe is me, I am too ill, I need an excuse, I need to indulge the ED."
But in reality I want to break out. I am so.. SO close to puncturing the membrane that is the bubble of the ED and actually, you know, ENJOY LIFE. As of midnight I am 27 years old. That's adult. That's old enough to know that I need to not only make a difference in my life and stop being so self-pitiful, living in this half-life, disgusting bubble, but to set an example for others in similar situations.
Time is such a valuable commodity that it is not worth a single second from here on out wasted on self-pity, loathing or scrutiny...
Original post by squiff93
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Spoiler
Original post by .snowflake.
DD, don't pull the 'I'm 19, I'm an adult card.' They're trying to help you, and I'd hate you to be like Toto, with a really good degree in a subject you love, but not actually able to use it because you're too poorly!
Ikea = win. Love that place, have already told mummy 'If I get into uni, I'll let you take me to ikea'.
Edit: I'm off to see the inbetweeners movie today! Finally.
Ikea = win. Love that place, have already told mummy 'If I get into uni, I'll let you take me to ikea'.
Edit: I'm off to see the inbetweeners movie today! Finally.
Original post by Cinamon
Had a good day ... despite my mum saying I look awful, and that she was shocked when she saw me walking towards her when I met her today. She's only concerned. Hate the drama though. Anyway, more importantly no guilt ...
I hope things are looking up a bit for people
IMO you should carry on with getting the support in Norwich. You do need it - it just feels easier if you opt out - easy is never the answer
... despite my mum saying I look awful, and that she was shocked when she saw me walking towards her when I met her today. She's only concerned. Hate the drama though. Anyway, more importantly no guilt ... I hope things are looking up a bit for people
IMO you should carry on with getting the support in Norwich. You do need it - it just feels easier if you opt out - easy is never the answer
Thanks guys. I'm seeing my nurse tomorrow so I'll tell her that I want to transfer to Norwich instead of staying where I am.
Cinamon
Snowflake: Of course you'll get into uni! And Ikea is the bessst!
Hope you enjoy the Inbetweeners! I'm so jealous that I still haven't! Oooh I should go when I meet up with my friend on Sunday!Original post by Anonymous
Baaaah I'm having to eat normally, mother is so proud of my weight loss but gives me chocolate and other food all the time!
Spoiler
You're not alone hun. Not drinking water will just make you worse in other ways. I don't know what to say but you're not gluttonous and you probably didn't eat nearly as much as you think you did. Original post by rubixcyoob
Eugh nothing has improved this week.
Here's hoping things get a little better next week. Keep going lovely. 
Original post by squiff93
Spoiler
*cuddles Squiff* I'm just going to give you a ridiculous amount of e-hugs because I know everything I say will sound trite. I'll tell you this though, you ARE good enough, you're more than good enough. Original post by TotoMimo
I try to be as middling as possible as an entity in life, but I'm afraid I'm going ro have to be the "bad one" here. Anon, Squiff, stop being so apathetic. Stop being so "woe is me". The truth is, you're down on yourself because you've allowed yourself to reach this low.
I too have reached this low. I'm dwelling there right now. But pity solves nothing and sapping the pity of others does even less for you than you hoped for.
The cruel truth is that we are accountable for our own lives and that these illnesses we share are not an excuse but rather a hurdle for which we must overcome.
Tonight I got a text saying "Happy birthday! (It's my birthday, 2nd september), want to go out tomorrow and get some drinks?" abd nt furst instinct was "woe is me, I am too ill, I need an excuse, I need to indulge the ED."
But in reality I want to break out. I am so.. SO close to puncturing the membrane that is the bubble of the ED and actually, you know, ENJOY LIFE. As of midnight I am 27 years old. That's adult. That's old enough to know that I need to not only make a difference in my life and stop being so self-pitiful, living in this half-life, disgusting bubble, but to set an example for others in similar situations.
Time is such a valuable commodity that it is not worth a single second from here on out wasted on self-pity, loathing or scrutiny...
I too have reached this low. I'm dwelling there right now. But pity solves nothing and sapping the pity of others does even less for you than you hoped for.
The cruel truth is that we are accountable for our own lives and that these illnesses we share are not an excuse but rather a hurdle for which we must overcome.
Tonight I got a text saying "Happy birthday! (It's my birthday, 2nd september), want to go out tomorrow and get some drinks?" abd nt furst instinct was "woe is me, I am too ill, I need an excuse, I need to indulge the ED."
But in reality I want to break out. I am so.. SO close to puncturing the membrane that is the bubble of the ED and actually, you know, ENJOY LIFE. As of midnight I am 27 years old. That's adult. That's old enough to know that I need to not only make a difference in my life and stop being so self-pitiful, living in this half-life, disgusting bubble, but to set an example for others in similar situations.
Time is such a valuable commodity that it is not worth a single second from here on out wasted on self-pity, loathing or scrutiny...
Happy birthday
Spoiler
Original post by TotoMimo
I try to be as middling as possible as an entity in life, but I'm afraid I'm going ro have to be the "bad one" here. Anon, Squiff, stop being so apathetic. Stop being so "woe is me". The truth is, you're down on yourself because you've allowed yourself to reach this low. I too have reached this low. I'm dwelling there right now. But pity solves nothing and sapping the pity of others does even less for you than you hoped for. The cruel truth is that we are accountable for our own lives and that these illnesses we share are not an excuse but rather a hurdle for which we must overcome. Tonight I got a text saying "Happy birthday! (It's my birthday, 2nd september), want to go out tomorrow and get some drinks?" abd nt furst instinct was "woe is me, I am too ill, I need an excuse, I need to indulge the ED." But in reality I want to break out. I am so.. SO close to puncturing the membrane that is the bubble of the ED and actually, you know, ENJOY LIFE. As of midnight I am 27 years old. That's adult. That's old enough to know that I need to not only make a difference in my life and stop being so self-pitiful, living in this half-life, disgusting bubble, but to set an example for others in similar situations. Time is such a valuable commodity that it is not worth a single second from here on out wasted on self-pity, loathing or scrutiny...
happy birthday
x
Original post by diamonddust
Thanks guys. I'm seeing my nurse tomorrow so I'll tell her that I want to transfer to Norwich instead of staying where I am. Cinamon Snowflake: Of course you'll get into uni! And Ikea is the bessst! Hope you enjoy the Inbetweeners! I'm so jealous that I still haven't! Oooh I should go when I meet up with my friend on Sunday! You're not alone hun. Not drinking water will just make you worse in other ways. I don't know what to say but you're not gluttonous and you probably didn't eat nearly as much as you think you did. Here's hoping things get a little better next week. Keep going lovely. *cuddles Squiff* I'm just going to give you a ridiculous amount of e-hugs because I know everything I say will sound trite. I'll tell you this though, you ARE good enough, you're more than good enough.
Snowflake: Of course you'll get into uni! And Ikea is the bessst! Hope you enjoy the Inbetweeners! I'm so jealous that I still haven't! Oooh I should go when I meet up with my friend on Sunday! You're not alone hun. Not drinking water will just make you worse in other ways. I don't know what to say but you're not gluttonous and you probably didn't eat nearly as much as you think you did. Here's hoping things get a little better next week. Keep going lovely. *cuddles Squiff* I'm just going to give you a ridiculous amount of e-hugs because I know everything I say will sound trite. I'll tell you this though, you ARE good enough, you're more than good enough. thankyou, pm me if you ever need to talk hun i'm going do what i said a few days ago, i shouldn't post here and i won't in future xxxOriginal post by Anonymous
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Thanks - i'll get over it anyways
xxOriginal post by rubixcyoob
Eugh nothing has improved this week.
I'm sorry. If you stay motivated and keep reminding yourself why you want to get well things will start to improve.
Original post by TotoMimo
It's my birthday, 2nd september...
Happy Birthday Tommy!!
Original post by TotoMimo
x
It's what we should all aim for Happy birthday Toto - enjoy it
Thanks everyone.
I just seem to have no room anymore for a 'normal' sized portion of food. I'm surviving on some fruit, twoish packets of weight watchers crisps and something like toastie/toastie/batchelors pasta a day. I tried to eat some pasta I made last night and although I ate it I felt sick after because I'm so full. It's a horribley vicious cycle, I want to eat more, and before it was just my mind stopping me - now it's my body too.
I'm still religiously stepping on the scales each morning and if I don't see an improvement of weight loss, even by 0.something-or-other I make myself eat a lot less that day - just so there will be an improvement tomorrow.
It doesn't help that I drink so much water (not for weight loss or anything) and end up getting stuffed off of that too - but I don't like fizzy juice or anything anymore because it's just been water for so long.
Gah.
I just seem to have no room anymore for a 'normal' sized portion of food. I'm surviving on some fruit, twoish packets of weight watchers crisps and something like toastie/toastie/batchelors pasta a day. I tried to eat some pasta I made last night and although I ate it I felt sick after because I'm so full. It's a horribley vicious cycle, I want to eat more, and before it was just my mind stopping me - now it's my body too.
I'm still religiously stepping on the scales each morning and if I don't see an improvement of weight loss, even by 0.something-or-other I make myself eat a lot less that day - just so there will be an improvement tomorrow.
It doesn't help that I drink so much water (not for weight loss or anything) and end up getting stuffed off of that too - but I don't like fizzy juice or anything anymore because it's just been water for so long.
Gah.
Happy Birthday Toto
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