Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.

Dear ED,

I don't care if I could skip another meal, or loose another couple of lb's - I won't because it won't be enough for you will it? It won't shut you up, it will only make you worse. So i'm going to keep myself healthy and happy so that I can do what really matters in life. I'm not going to treat myself any worse than I would treat my best friend - because my body is for life and it's probably one of the most important things I have. You are just a blip - a test. And i'm going to win.

I've come to realise why I find it so hard to break out of the cycle, and why I always come back to this. I was 16 when it began, and in a week's time I will turn 20. I spent some of the most formative years of my life consumed by anorexia. It became an integral part of me. I don't know who I am without it.

This is exactly how I feel (except in my case I'll be 19). There's a fine line between a genuine desire to keep fit and healthy and the compulsive exercise that often comes along with disordered eating. (Forgive me if I've got that bit wrong, that's definitely my problem anyway >_<). It can be incredibly hard to break out of the cycle when the cycle's most of your last few years. All I can suggest is that every day is a fresh start, and while we can never forget, we can learn from the mistakes of yesterday.
Think about what you want from this next momentous stage of your life; why do you want to go to uni? Maybe it's passion for your course, regaining the independence that you loved while you were travelling, making a whole host of new friends and acquaintances? You know being active can be about fun rather than weight loss, you said yourself time with your dad helped you to love food again. Use that to your advantage, maybe join the Hiking Society, share your love for activity and culture with countless others who'd love to hear what you've done! I'm sure that you know deep down, you didn't go to starve yourself, count how few calories you'll have or how many you can burn today.
The mirror lies. As long as you base your self-worth off what you look like (and we tend to get a pretty screwed-up view of that with this anyway), it'll be nigh-on impossible to find inner peace. Search within for who you really are, if you dig deep enough you'll probably find it's an amazing person!
[hugs]

I think I've mentioned my grandma before on this thread. She's been anorexic, on and off, for the best part of sixty years. Her poor circulation and Reynaud's (both caused by ED) have now become so bad that she's having to have her foot amputated tomorrow.

Just a bit of a kick up the butt to anyone even thinking about letting the ED win. Don't know about you but personally I like having two feet. Much love to everyone, it WILL be worth the fight.

I think I've mentioned my grandma before on this thread. She's been anorexic, on and off, for the best part of sixty years. Her poor circulation and Reynaud's (both caused by ED) have now become so bad that she's having to have her foot amputated tomorrow.

Just a bit of a kick up the butt to anyone even thinking about letting the ED win. Don't know about you but personally I like having two feet. Much love to everyone, it WILL be worth the fight.

O_o. Ouch. So i really, really do need to go to the doctors about the whole naff circulation thingy. I also like having two feet, even if they generally look like they arent mine.

Hope your Grandma's op goes well.

I hate the weekends.

Haven't been on here in ages, much love to everyone I thought I was doing better and should just avoid thinking about it... then all the weight I spent over a month putting on, I lost in a week. I start uni in under three weeks and there's no way I'll have put it back on again in time - at the start of summer it was my goal to get as close as possible to whatever my 'natural weight' is in time for uni but that's clearly not happening. Sorry to be depressing but I just feel so defeated today. Ughh



Good luck tomorrow. It's great that you're sorting it out early; PLEASE be honest with the psychiatrist! When I was first sent to the doctors I let the ED take over, came out with a load of lies and managed to bull**** my way out of turning up for any more treatment. That was eight years ago. Much as I love everyone on this thread, I wish wish wish I didn't have to be here. So please be honest, explain everything - they can't help you unless they understand what's going on in your head! The part of you that says 'we were just getting good at it'? Sorry to be blunt but that part wants you dead. Best of luck

Dear ED,

I don't care if I could skip another meal, or loose another couple of lb's - I won't because it won't be enough for you will it? It won't shut you up, it will only make you worse. So i'm going to keep myself healthy and happy so that I can do what really matters in life. I'm not going to treat myself any worse than I would treat my best friend - because my body is for life and it's probably one of the most important things I have. You are just a blip - a test. And i'm going to win.

Ain't that the truth.

Admittedly she doesnt have to stay on exactly x+21lbs, thats not what I'm saying, but just staying roughly around there. Atleast shes given herself one hell of a cushio if she ends up with the flu or something awful over the winter.

:nods: Vair true! Don't worry, I knew what you meant.