Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.

Original post by .snowflake.

Squiffy, we love you. But restricting = bad. Eating = good. (yes, this is supposed to remind you of the two legs bad, four legs good thing frm Animal Farm) :hugs:

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Thanks

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Reply 1702

It's 10:22 and I've binged and purged 6 times in under 2 hours.. I think today IS the day that I ask for help.

Reply 1703

Original post by sophiemay20

It's 10:22 and I've binged and purged 6 times in under 2 hours.. I think today IS the day that I ask for help.

You aren't alone - I'm doing exactly the same thing, and it started because of a few ****ing dried apricots x x

Reply 1704

Original post by squiff93

You aren't alone - I'm doing exactly the same thing, and it started because of a few ****ing dried apricots x x

It's crazy! I hate that I have no control over it! Mine was honey when I was putting a bit in my porridge. x

Reply 1705

Original post by sophiemay20

It's crazy! I hate that I have no control over it! Mine was honey when I was putting a bit in my porridge. x

Yeah i can relate to that :frown:

it's always the extra thing that does it the thing you 'could have gone without' eventhough it was little and would be better than binging and purging it's a compulsion...

To be honest for me it was just going to happen today. Had an argument with someone last night who now just won't speak to me, and it's upsetting and just stressing me out. So then when i ate an apricot i just went crazy.

:frown:

sucks...

Are you able to move on from a b/p and do something with the day or not?

Reply 1706

Riku

Original post by squiff93

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Squiff (this goes for Sophie-May, Snowflake and anybody else having trouble): have you tried giving yourself control over things that aren't food-based? Rather than saying "no, I'll be strong and resist", say "YES!". Say, "Yes, I'll have that evening listening to my favourite group or watching my favourite film," "Yes, I'll go out with my friends and have that amazing night out", "Yes, I'll go do that activity or see that place I've always dreamed of!" And in the same way, when something doesn't quite go to plan, try to tell yourself that it's okay. It takes a lot of courage to risk failure and rejection, and we try but might not always succeed, but what makes us human is that we learn from our mistakes and they make us stronger.
I know it's easier said than done, and it's took me quite a while to figure it out to be honest, but you don't have to give yourself control by denying yourself pleasure. You can instead empower yourself in a positive manner to do the great things and be the great person that you truly are underneath the corrupting veil of our EDs.
Just my two cents! :hugs:

Reply 1707

Original post by squiff93

Yeah i can relate to that :frown:

sucks...

Are you able to move on from a b/p and do something with the day or not?

Bless you.. hope you're feeling better today! I've had my worse week b&p-wise.. because I crashed my car the other day, work is stressing me out and my friend cancelled on me for a night out tonight.. I just want to get hammered!

I had lots planned today, but I'm scrapping all that and going to the gym instead. x

Reply 1708

Cinamon

Hey. Thought i'd drop in and say hi. I'm doing ok. Still positive :smile:

Housemates have decided to start a diet after freshers. I hope I can just ignore it... :smile:

My day isn't ruined if, for example, someone gives me a coke instead of a diet coke. It's not going to kill me. And squiff - neither is an apricot. Come on :frown:

Break this continuous cycle of ED drama! It's a gradual process, getting better, and to say you're suddenly better and then coming on and completely crashing isn't going to stop unless you recognise that you need to make a separation between moods and your eating. You know this :hugs:

Reply 1709

High five to that, Cinamon. I may well have a nightmarish time of it fighting this thing, but having come from, what... 93lb to now, 100lb - I'm both terrified and proud. I have more energy. I know what a SANDWICH tastes like again, let alone takeaway food! It's phenomenal!

Sure, I look in the mirror and see Orca-Man, but I know it's just the ED contact lenses telling me that. Remain strong, put the blinkers on and fight fight fight!

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(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 1710

Hahaha, I just realised what a state I look. GET A SHAVE, LADDIE.

Reply 1711

Original post by Cinamon

Hey. Thought i'd drop in and say hi. I'm doing ok. Still positive :smile:

Housemates have decided to start a diet after freshers. I hope I can just ignore it... :smile:

My day isn't ruined if, for example, someone gives me a coke instead of a diet coke. It's not going to kill me. And squiff - neither is an apricot. Come on :frown:

hope you manage to stay on track! I'm so jealous that your already at university.

It wasn't just the apricot, it was the fact i wasn't sitting down, the fact that it start off the day badly, that it messed up my breakfast and just showed i have no control.

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Reply 1712

Original post by sophiemay20

Sorry to hear you crashed your car :frown:

but at least your alright - thats the main thing, these things happen

Awh :frown:

yup EDs really do go through stages - this week has ended terribly but i am going to make sure next week is a good one i won't cope if it isn't! I also got cancelled on, last night 10 mins after the time we were meant to go out. I'd got ready and everything. Pissed me off and I pathetically rang him crying down the phone because I thought that staying in would make me binge + purge... which it did.... then i woke up and did exactly the same today! And i still can't bloody stop it, just don't see the point.

At least going to the gym gets you out - it's a shame your not doing what you intended to do but it's good that your getting out the house and stuff. I really want to go to tescos but i can't leave the house my stomach is so bloated and round and i feel disgusting.

Anyways i'm going to stop complaining now :smile:

Reply 1713

Anonymous #59

Does anyone else get really really sharp chest pains at night that make it hurt unbearably to inhale? I can't take this anymore, I've never felt so low in my life. I'm trapped.

Reply 1714

Anon, I explained earlier in the thread that my ED had gotten to the point where I was experiencing massive chest pains (what I now know to be acute angina). I had literally restricted my body to the point my heart muscle was being eaten.

I ended up having a phantom heart attack (basically a severe angina attack) which is the precursor to the real deal. It's not just cholesterol-clogged arteries that cause heart attacks!

What's the most scary? I can say I had my FIRST heart attack at the age of 26. Terrifying. No ED is worth that.

Reply 1715

Annie72

Original post by Anonymous

Does anyone else get really really sharp chest pains at night that make it hurt unbearably to inhale? I can't take this anymore, I've never felt so low in my life. I'm trapped.

You need to see a Dr about those pains.

Reply 1716

Anonymous #58

Original post by Riku

Toto's got it nailed pretty well on the psychology, I'll just add a little which might help

I'm sorry I can't be of more help right now but this sounds very much like restrictive anorexia with purging (this is how I started before I realised I didn't want to die actually...); it's good that she's being closely monitored by a GP because they can refer her if things do get way out of hand, she's in the right place. Sadly there isn't much that you can do except keep being there for her and supporting her. You might feel you want to do more but it's something best left to professionals and it's very easy to mean well but do or say something that steeps her further into the ED behaviours. For example, I wouldn't suggest that you tell her she's "beautiful and thin" because that can reinforce the notion she's very likely to have developed that "thin=beautiful, anything else=ugly". The mind of an ED sufferer can twist any well-intentioned comment into an accusation or an incentive to carry on with this life-threatening challenge. It might help for you to read up some more on EDs? We're here to help if you want anytime.
I wish you both all the best [hugs]

Thank you Riku and Toto for the reply :smile:

I understand completely about reinforcing the notion that 'thin=beautiful' so I don't tell her she is 'beautiful and thin'. However, what is the best thing to say when she says 'I have eaten sooo much today' (when she hasn't) and 'I can't let [name] see me this week until I lose some weight' etc?

Reply 1717

TheSmithsIndeed

I feel like a bit of a fraud posting on here since I haven't gone through what you've all gone through but reading through these pages has really delivered some home truths and made me look at my own habits.

I've had severe OCD since I was in my early teens and I've always been what you'd call a 'perfectionist' in everything I do and this includes being hugely critical over my appearance/weight. I've struggled with the concept of food for some years now in that I hate the fact that it's a continuous act, there's no definite end to it. I've found that having OCD means that I like to do stuff properly and so I must either eat everything or nothing- there's no inbetween. I go through phases, for example, weeks where I will eat the bare minimum per day and feel like I've achieved something, only to give in which brings about this sense of failure and uncertainty. When I actually think about it, for years now, I've been denying myself a good, balanced diet and it's showing. When I visited the doctor for my OCD, he persisted with questions over my weight which at the time I didn't understand why. I'm constantly tired (ridiculously so!) and yet I still can't bring myself to eat more, it's like I don't know how to which sucks because I feel like I'm in a bit of a rut right now. Sigh, sorry this all sounds so petty in comparison to the rest of this thread (it's just nice to get stuff off my chest!)

More importantly, good luck to you all. I hope that you all succeed in battling your illnesses :console:

Reply 1718

Smiths, can I just say that first up - you're not any less deserving or severe a case than any other individual on here. That might seem like a very patronising statement but it's true. The reason? Most ED behaviours don't exhibit themselves as predominantly food-related. Sounds weird, but it's true.

The food thing in the majority of cases comes from phobia, strict control, compulsions and habitual mannerisms where food just happens to be part and parcel of the entire gig.

For example, my own ED was formed through a lack of long-term ambition (I'd achieved all my goals, and as such my ambitions fell by the wayside and I started executing a set of "Daily goals" based on arbitrary, numerical compulsions). It was all about "beating my numbers". Food just happened to become involved to the point where I was restricting an insane amount and performing an obscene amount of repetitive (and in hindsight, fairly ineffective) rep-based exercises, beating what I did the previous day, just to feel a sense of achievement.

Perhaps you too have endured an overachiever's lifestyle and have suddenly faced a void that these OCD behaviours now fill?

Reply 1719