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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.

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Original post by Riku
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There's so much truth in what you've said Riku, I don't even know where to start with a reply. Apart from to say that if you're having to lie about something, there is veryvery definitely something wrong.

Probably going to turn into a hyper-rant and will most likely be triggering so read with care peeps!

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As I said, ranty. Feel a bit better for writing it all down but I've had a frankly awful day. A tonne of work to do and confusing lecture that made writing a presentation that I have to do on Thursday so much harder. Not to mention the fact that I generally hate presentations + my low mood/opinion/struggles at the moment = having my seminar class of 8 people all looking at me for answers an incredibly daunting prospect. I should be over this by now, I've done 4 already and to bigger groups! Think I just need to get the work done, prepare as well as I can and get through it. It'll be better then.

And Riku, in terms of the support thing --> :hugs: It's bloody frustrating having someone who knows what you've been through and has the very best intentions at heart not really getting the point of what you're saying. It's one of those situations where you have to be the selfish one, you have to get them to realise that although you're trying something just isn't working somewhere. Sometimes things just don't work, no matter how much everyone wants them to. Don't forget that although all the people here aren't physically around you we're very much with you. Just reading through this thread sometimes gets me out of a silly place I'm in. Power of the mind and all that :smile:

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Hi I just feel like I need to tell this to someone. I think I may have an eating disorder - i binge eat on fatty foods eg. loads of chocolate bars, a bag of donuts, a tub of ice cream, muffins etc for an evening until I feel really sick and then feel disgusted with myself and diet strictly and exercise for a few days or a week and then it starts all over again. I do not throw up but i suppose eating very little/exercising a lot is the same thing?
Original post by Anonymous
Hi I just feel like I need to tell this to someone. I think I may have an eating disorder - i binge eat on fatty foods eg. loads of chocolate bars, a bag of donuts, a tub of ice cream, muffins etc for an evening until I feel really sick and then feel disgusted with myself and diet strictly and exercise for a few days or a week and then it starts all over again. I do not throw up but i suppose eating very little/exercising a lot is the same thing?


Still classed as bulimia, I'm afraid. Get help my dear :hugs:
Lots of love to everyone on this thread and i'm sorry I can't be of much help.

Genuinely quite trigger-some

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I had never ever missed a period before. I don't know whether it's stress or restricting but I don't feel thin enough to be loosing periods. What tests does the doctor do if you tell them about missing periods?
Original post by Cinamon
Lots of love to everyone on this thread and i'm sorry I can't be of much help.

Genuinely quite trigger-some

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I had never ever missed a period before. I don't know whether it's stress or restricting but I don't feel thin enough to be loosing periods. What tests does the doctor do if you tell them about missing periods?



I don't have periods for quite long amounts of time (haven't had one since June) and before did not have a period for 3 years. They will usually scan your pituitary gland for any abnormalities/problems (usually MRI scan), scan your ovaries, do different blood tests, check your womb, do hormone tests.. I had nothing wrong with me whatsoever but it is probably my lifestyle that does it as I usually do not eat nearly enough to have periods most likely (apart from binges)
Seriously struggling.
Reply 1846
I'm really struggling to beat this nut phobia...

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I have essays and I can't concentrate from the belief that all food not 100% on the "safe" list (barely anything if I'm honest) is somehow poisonous and lethal. And they have a market on in uni square YAY
(edited 12 years ago)
Reply 1847
Sentiment, you're going to need to offer more in the way of details here, honey!!

Riku, the good thing is you KNOW how absurd that sounds. The problem is,you're letting it rule you regardless! Think about how many people eat peanut butter every day on sandwiches and they're skinny. It's a carb-fat combo! But they're skinny!! Whaaa?

The cute and simple way of looking at it is:

Protein is the building blocks, the muscle-building stuff.
Carbohydrates are like the little workers that use the blocks to build healthy body mass.
Fat is like the lubricant and food that makes the Carby workers' lives much easier to do this,
and Vitamins and Minerals are the cement that hold the blocks together and maintain them!

(This isn't scientifically nor medically sound, but it's super-cute and helped my young nephew appreciate why he can't not eat his peas)
Well today I did it, I went to the doctors about my problems.

Last night I was up typing about literally everything from the beginning to now, my feelings and stuff and handed it over to him after I sat down. The doctor was just speechless for a few minutes after reading it which made me even more uncomfortable as I thought he'd start shouting at me or something.. but first thing he said was 'wow, what a fantastic way to express yourself.. I couldn't wish for anything more. I would show this as an example for others in your position, without a doubt'. By this time I was sobbing my eyes out.

He then talked what I had written through with me, talked about the options available and then told me to get a blood test. I have an appointment with him next week, hopefully my test will be back by then.

He also advised me to choose between my full time job and part time access course. I've chosen to let college go, which just breaks my heart.. but I couldn't handle the stress of it, and it was getting more and more stressful. Plus, I was on the course to then go on to do OT (health).. no uni is going to accept me with this on record.

I feel strange at the moment.. relieved that I actually got the courage to see my doctor, but then on the other hand frustrated that this has now stopped my studying. This frustration has led me to b&p three times since seeing the doctor. This is going to be tough :frown:
Hahah yeah details might help. Well it's fresher's week, I am having an amazing time, my flatmates are great, I'm slightly ****ting myself about all the work I'm going to have to do but that's fine. At the start of the week I was so hungover I literally couldn't eat, so now I've lost my appetite (you know how it goes) and I'm already getting a reputation for not eating properly. If I'm feeling a bit awkward with people I don't know very well at the start of the evening I automatically start thinking, 'If I was thinner I'd be more confident' which of course is rubbish. Part of me desperately doesn't want anyone I live with to work it out, part of me is getting to trust people a lot already and want to share with them, although that would make life in the future seriously difficult. Part of me wants to just be honest about it because it's a part of who I am, and while they don't know about it they don't really know me. Other than this I've been good about really being myself. Also, earlier I decided it was a good idea to order some scales which will be delivered tomorrow which of course is a ridiculous idea because I will be weighing myself ten times a day and generally going mental. Truth is, I don't want to get better, I want to get worse. At the same time, I want to ace my course, get a first and go on to have an amazing career. Unfortunately I can't have everything.
Rant over, sorry for being so mental.
Original post by TotoMimo
The cute and simple way of looking at it is:

Protein is the building blocks, the muscle-building stuff.
Carbohydrates are like the little workers that use the blocks to build healthy body mass.
Fat is like the lubricant and food that makes the Carby workers' lives much easier to do this,
and Vitamins and Minerals are the cement that hold the blocks together and maintain them!

(This isn't scientifically nor medically sound, but it's super-cute and helped my young nephew appreciate why he can't not eat his peas)


Also the fat is what makes up the wall of every single cell - it is fundamental to actually being a multicellular organism!
Oh and, if I do tell anyone here they'll just think I'm too fat to actually have a serious eating disorder, because there are two ridiculously skinny girls upstairs who eat chips all the time and everyone fancies them regardless. There is also a boy in my flat who I am hitting it off with, and already I have started to equate eating less with getting on better with him, which means if I get rejected, I am going to go into a massive spiral. Which of course is completely overreacting since we have only just met.
Rant really over this time.
Original post by Anonymous
Also the fat is what makes up the wall of every single cell - it is fundamental to actually being a multicellular organism!


Love this!
Reply 1853
Original post by TotoMimo
Sentiment, you're going to need to offer more in the way of details here, honey!!

Riku, the good thing is you KNOW how absurd that sounds. The problem is,you're letting it rule you regardless! Think about how many people eat peanut butter every day on sandwiches and they're skinny. It's a carb-fat combo! But they're skinny!! Whaaa?

The cute and simple way of looking at it is:

Protein is the building blocks, the muscle-building stuff.
Carbohydrates are like the little workers that use the blocks to build healthy body mass.
Fat is like the lubricant and food that makes the Carby workers' lives much easier to do this,
and Vitamins and Minerals are the cement that hold the blocks together and maintain them!

(This isn't scientifically nor medically sound, but it's super-cute and helped my young nephew appreciate why he can't not eat his peas)


Tried to pos rep this but can't apparently :')
Thanks Toto, but when you've got to a point of dropping a packet of apricots on the train from the potassium fear, I think it's time to be re-referred to the dietician : / Even though it's not dissipated the worry all that much, it's made me giggle so kudos to you!
Original post by Riku
Tried to pos rep this but can't apparently :')
Thanks Toto, but when you've got to a point of dropping a packet of apricots on the train from the potassium fear, I think it's time to be re-referred to the dietician : / Even though it's not dissipated the worry all that much, it's made me giggle so kudos to you!


If use a really,really powerful microscope, the phospholipid bilayer looks like little circles with squiggly legs on them, they're actually quite cute.
Reply 1855
Original post by sentiment
Truth is, I don't want to get better, I want to get worse. At the same time, I want to ace my course, get a first and go on to have an amazing career. Unfortunately I can't have everything.
.


You sound in constant emotional conflict, but like me, at least you realise this. Acceptance is the first stage of recovery.



Original post by sentiment
Oh and, if I do tell anyone here they'll just think I'm too fat to actually have a serious eating disorder, because there are two ridiculously skinny girls upstairs who eat chips all the time and everyone fancies them regardless. There is also a boy in my flat who I am hitting it off with, and already I have started to equate eating less with getting on better with him, which means if I get rejected, I am going to go into a massive spiral. Which of course is completely overreacting since we have only just met.
Rant really over this time.


In other words, these people are morons, or at least highly insensitive to the true machinations behind an ED. Sadly that goes for the majority of the population, mainly because the easiest way to portray the impact of a condition is to take it to its extremes without considering the many traumatic shades of grey in between.
Unfortunately I'm gonna have to be a hypocrite and really don't intend to sound patronising but am gonna have to do exactly that with your guy scenario, just to get the point across. You wouldn't equate eating less with getting on with him better if, say, he invited you up to his bedroom and you collapsed on the stairs from heart failure would you?
But again, you realise this so stay true to yourself. It's a stressful time, by all means enjoy it but try your best not to link fun with ED fuel!
:hugs:
Original post by Riku
You sound in constant emotional conflict, but like me, at least you realise this. Acceptance is the first stage of recovery.





In other words, these people are morons, or at least highly insensitive to the true machinations behind an ED. Sadly that goes for the majority of the population, mainly because the easiest way to portray the impact of a condition is to take it to its extremes without considering the many traumatic shades of grey in between.
Unfortunately I'm gonna have to be a hypocrite and really don't intend to sound patronising but am gonna have to do exactly that with your guy scenario, just to get the point across. You wouldn't equate eating less with getting on with him better if, say, he invited you up to his bedroom and you collapsed on the stairs from heart failure would you?
But again, you realise this so stay true to yourself. It's a stressful time, by all means enjoy it but try your best not to link fun with ED fuel!
:hugs:


You're right, of course. Also, there's nothing sexy about emotional baggage. I am just too much of a liability at the moment.
Well.... haven't posted in ages and I've been trying to post for about 2 weeks but I've always deleted it so here goes. Spoilered parts contain weight or general triggering thoughts.

My referral to the ED services here finally came through and I saw them today, spilled my guts and explained EVERYTHING and didn't leave anything out. The therapist actually seemed a bit taken aback and said that she was going to make sure that I was top of the referral list. Which should be 'good' because even I know I need it but the second she said that I felt like I didn't need/want help. :s
I got weighed and I freaked out even though I'd actually

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because my BMI is

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and it's a head**** that everything is going to **** and it's still not showing in my weight. I feel like I can't fully commit myself to recovery until I'm 'ill' again. Where will that get me? But I can't think rationally. Been crying to my mum all evening and having a strange kind of deja vu to my nights in hospital when I was just as worked up and saying the same things. My parents keep asking me what I want to do because I suppose it's obvious that I'm not doing very well somehow.
I feel trapped because I don't really want to stay here. My uni is great, I don't love the course yet but I don't hate it but I'm getting more and more anxious and it's getting harder and harder to leave my room, I'm getting scared to speak in my seminars even when I have something to say and I'm just a mess, I'm desperately trying not to let anything beat me and so I'm refusing to leave but I don't want to stay here because my ED is making me miserable, my mood is getting worse and worse, I'm more desperate and irrational than I usually am and I feel like I don't even know how to pull myself out of it and my thoughts are going to places they haven't been in years. I have to get myself vaguely better but I just don't even know what's happening in my head. I'll probably keep carrying on because I'm stubborn but I don't even know if I want to do the degree I'm doing anymore and I'm not really in the best headspace. All I keep thinking is that I want to let the ED get worse just so I don't have to deal with it, just so it doesn't hurt so much that I can see everyone having fun and I can see what I'm missing out on. But I want so much from life that I want to cry. I want to stop looking so miserable and droopy, I want to smile genuinely, I want to eat a proper meal, I want to do amazingly well in my degree and feel confident enough in my writing that I can do something with it. My sister said to me that she doesn't know where I've gone because the old DD wouldn't let anything beat her and she said that she's starting to forget who I was/really am and she said that she wants her sister back. :sad: I'm sick of upsetting everyone and I thought me being far away would make it easier but it just makes them more worried. Just kind of a bit... I don't know. Numb? Confused? Nothing's getting through to me. :sad:
I'm going to get through this though and I'm going to end up stronger than ever. Been listening to Demi Levato's 'Skyscraper' and it's made me feel a bit more able to fight. Funny how music does that.

Hope you're all ok.
Original post by sophiemay20
it was getting more and more stressful. Plus, I was on the course to then go on to do OT (health).. no uni is going to accept me with this on record.


Congratulations on taking such a massive step! You've been so brave. :smile:
Just thought I should share something with you - you're very wrong about uni. I'm starting my nursing training this year and still have a diagnosis of anorexia. They wish to see me improve within the year I have before then, but they have referred me to their ED services for when I go there. :smile: Anything is possible, you'll be capable of so much when you're getting well again!
Im totally confused :hmmmm:

When I stopped bingeing and purging I gained.

Now I am bingeing and purging most days, I lost. I dont get it, my psych told me b/p would make me gain. They keep changing my diagnosis from bulimic/anorexic w purging subtype.
My BMI is so variable between 16.8-18.0

I know its more about how you feel than what you weigh. But I cant seem to get a handle on thisin terms of understanding what is going on physiologically. I feel like, because thats my area f study, it will helpme to orientate myself.

But im so utter confused in what i want, where i should be going and what is happening...CONFUSED!

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