The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

Hey! Long distance doesn't have to be the end of the world. The way I look at it is, we're not in the ideal situation at the moment, but that doesn't mean we can't be happy together. Today I was dancing on sunshine because I had a really nice long talk on Skype last night with my boyfriend, even though he is 6000 miles away and I won't be seeing him for another 10 weeks.

I used to see him every 2 weeks when I was at university in the UK, and I think that is much more difficult than being on the other side of the world. It is harder to enjoy yourself because you still have him in your life enough to stop you from being independent and getting along without him. Instead of keeping busy, you end up counting the days until you see him again, and he becomes the focus of your life. Just like a long car journey - if it takes 10 hours you don't bother looking how long until you arrive because you know it will be a long time!

If there is one thing I have learnt about long distance, it's that you have to change your priorities. Your happiness can't come from him, it can only come from you. Just a little change in perspective could improve the way you feel about it. If you think of the time apart as time for yourself to go and have fun, make new friends, have new experiences, then go and do those things, you will already be spending more time enjoying yourself, and less time missing him.

I know it is really hard, but it's just a physical separation and you can be just as much by each other's side in spirit. He can help you when it gets tough, he is going through it too.

I know you may feel really sad but I hope I helped you see that you don't need to be.

then what is the whole point of being with him, if he can't make you happy?

Of course he can make you happy, but the problem is that if you just turn to one person for your happiness, no matter what they do, it can't work. Especially in a LDR you need other sources of happiness than your partner.

I have been through a lot of crap the past few years, and the one thing I've got out of it is that happiness comes from yourself and how you choose to react to that situation.

I'm awfully new to this but I guess this is the place to ask advice; I have recently entered into a long distance relationship with a guy I've been best friends with for quite a while. I always had romantic feelings for him, but for 8 months (we became friends at about month 6) I was with another, much older guy, who I realise now, used me for all I'm worth, and left me in pieces this June, and there were all my friends too hold me together, help me make the right choices, and get my life on track; which it hadn't been for months and months. I would say he saw me at my very very worst and he helped me back to the person I'm supposed to be, and still thought i was a saint. Until August we remained just friends, then as august began we grew closer and closer, and eventually how we both really felt came out. I've seen him twice since then since he lives 4-5 hours away, and despite it not being all that far, neither of us have the money to vist until christmas. My days revolve around talking to him, things have gotten much harder since his last visit, as he got on his train, I got this sinking feeling in my stomach, now I've never been homesick before, but now, everything is out of place, nothing feels right, i ache to be back with him,and i don't sleep properly anymore, I just don't know what to do with myself. I sit, every night crying knowing when i wake up I won't be home, everything isn't quite as wonderful without him. BUt, don't get me wrong, I've never been this happy or myself in all my life, i just want some general advice on coping without him. We already talk through every vayin form, Skype, phonecalls, texts, chat, even letters, and i get little gifts in the post, and its not like we ever run out of things to talk about, its just how to deal with missing him, i dont know where to begin in dealing with the emptiness that has a habit of creeping up to me as i lie awake in an empty bed.. any tips from you LDR long timers?

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Hey! Long distance doesn't have to be the end of the world. The way I look at it is, we're not in the ideal situation at the moment, but that doesn't mean we can't be happy together. Today I was dancing on sunshine because I had a really nice long talk on Skype last night with my boyfriend, even though he is 6000 miles away and I won't be seeing him for another 10 weeks.

I used to see him every 2 weeks when I was at university in the UK, and I think that is much more difficult than being on the other side of the world. It is harder to enjoy yourself because you still have him in your life enough to stop you from being independent and getting along without him. Instead of keeping busy, you end up counting the days until you see him again, and he becomes the focus of your life. Just like a long car journey - if it takes 10 hours you don't bother looking how long until you arrive because you know it will be a long time!

If there is one thing I have learnt about long distance, it's that you have to change your priorities. Your happiness can't come from him, it can only come from you. Just a little change in perspective could improve the way you feel about it. If you think of the time apart as time for yourself to go and have fun, make new friends, have new experiences, then go and do those things, you will already be spending more time enjoying yourself, and less time missing him.

I know it is really hard, but it's just a physical separation and you can be just as much by each other's side in spirit. He can help you when it gets tough, he is going through it too.

I know you may feel really sad but I hope I helped you see that you don't need to be.

Because of my experiences over the past year, I can't agree with you.
One part of it is how we choose to react to the unexpected problems and situations we go through, one other part, and a big one, is how your partner makes you feel about your Long Distance Relationship, that is how serious he is about it and willing to make sacrifices, money-wise and time-wise, and communication-wise, in order to show you he/she cares. When you have someone who's not willing to compromise any aspect of his or her life to be with you, yet leads you on, either you accept that this is all what they can give you and settle down to a lower level of happiness, or don't settle and move on.

I know how that feels! Crying every few nights, missing him at all random times of the day, waiting for the moment he comes online so we can talk. I live far far away with 8 hrs time difference, and that makes it that much harder. Sleeping at odd hours and waking up early for Skype, no texts or phonecalls because it's too expensive. I even starting tearing up when I saw regular couples spend time together, on those really horrid days when I feel lonely.

It's been over a month I've done this, and I think the pain numbs a bit. Though at times it does get worse. How about you? Oh wells, I wholly believe distance makes the heart grow fonder and you two much stronger as a couple. Pledge time to talk everyday and talk about anything and everything. I love smiling over Skype every night! Think of how time would eventually pass and it'll end so awesomely. I can't wait for next summer already!

Would love to hear how you've been doing!

I won't be posting here anymore guys... I found out last night through and accidental voicemail that my boyfriend had infact cheated on me with 4 girls during freshers. Thankyou for all your support guys, its been greatly appriciated and you've all helped me through rough times loads, thankyou! Xxx

Hey guys

We are 4 weeks into our LDR now and going strong. She came to see me at the weekend and we had a great time, and better still, it will be only another 2.5 weeks till I get to see her again! Despite being 5.5 hours away we are finding time to see each other, and its suprisingly inexpensive so long as we book train tickets in advance

But what I came here to ask was if any of you guys have any ideas of things to send to her in the post? Just as a nice suprise y'know Obviously I was thinking small bits of jewellery, maybe a hand written letter but nothing too cheesy!

Cheers!

Well she decided it wasn't for her in the end. "look i'm sorry but i dont want anything to happen from this"

well I was going to suggest we kept in touch, but if she's going to be that dismissive then **** it.

Well she decided it wasn't for her in the end. "look i'm sorry but i dont want anything to happen from this"

well I was going to suggest we kept in touch, but if she's going to be that dismissive then **** it.

I won't be posting here anymore guys... I found out last night through and accidental voicemail that my boyfriend had infact cheated on me with 4 girls during freshers. Thankyou for all your support guys, its been greatly appriciated and you've all helped me through rough times loads, thankyou! Xxx

I couldn't deal with the time difference, it would tear me to pieces, I wake up in the morning, and I'll a morning text for me to read whilst I get ready and head off to class, it's just the little things like that keep me going, the odd hours would be murder as I'm already on 4-6 hours sleep a night as I live near on 3 hours from my school, and to be able to talk to him at night I can't get to bed early, so I can sympathise with your time difference! I suppose in someways we're both keeping busy, he's at uni, and he's got a part time job now to save up for more visits, and I'm in school, but it stresses me out as I know I probably take too much time out of working or revising to talk to him, and I can see myself slipping up, I know I have my Prelims to worry about, and that'll I'll pull the exams off that matter, it's just I feel a little helpless, he knows I need to work, and he encourages me to do so, but I always put it off and put it off so I can talk more. (sorry for the super long sentence, rant mode :') ) Well, anyway, I know my relationship is strong, stronger than anyother have, and hopefully the only relationship I'm going to have now, and my friend group in supportive, I just feel like I'm building a very precarious house of cards with my school work, neglecting it almost. I suppose for now, that's the best I can manage, we're as happy as ever, plans are in place for the next visit, it just catches me sometimes, and little things make me thing of him, but well, it'll never be easy, we've just got to manage until I finish my last two years of school, and we can try move closer; here's hoping to two very fast years filled with visits and holidays!

The other thing that's been helping is the little things of his I have, my traintickets from the visits, his shirt that still smells of him, a little wrist band from his favourite club, his presents he sends, they're just the little things that remind me I haven't been dreaming!

Awwh, two years?! Hold on, man! Remember to put yourself and your schoolwork first. Yeahh, the little things keep us going. I loooove Skype every night! A Levels is a pain that keeps us really busy too! :/ Well, good luck !

Got my first visit of the year abroad lined up thanks to a combination of travel/reading week/amount of holiday I can take off I get about a whole 60 hours, but better than nothing after 9/10 weeks apart. This (if my calculations are correct) is the 3rd 2 month phase we've been through, and after this we've got 4 more to go til June when I get back from Year Abroad. Nearly half way :'D

Got my first visit of the year abroad lined up thanks to a combination of travel/reading week/amount of holiday I can take off I get about a whole 60 hours, but better than nothing after 9/10 weeks apart. This (if my calculations are correct) is the 3rd 2 month phase we've been through, and after this we've got 4 more to go til June when I get back from Year Abroad. Nearly half way :'D

Sweet I can't remember if you mentioned it before but where are you/what are you doing for your YA?

I've also got my first visit. I'm going to Montpellier tomorrow night to meet my boyfriend at the airport.

I can't wait, I don't know when I last had a month that lasted this long