I believe football teams should be decided on mathematically. We take the final points at the end of the season, we divide these points by the total wages of the players. Then we subtract from this the wealth of the owners. From here, we relegate any teams who don't bat an eyelid at spending £30,000,000+ on a player, and give Aston Villa 1,000 points for good measure. We rig the high scores list - Heskey consistently scores 5 times in a game - we allow flamingoes to referee matches - what's the difference? - and we punch anyone who uses Comic Sans in the face. The Premier League, but perfect. Who's with me? :P