Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.
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Some parents find it incredibly tough to deal with their children having ED.
For example, I had an incredibly distressing time with my drunken father the other night. He got himself absolutely paraletic after a party and he told me exactly what he thought - "You're a liar, you're not trying hard enough, you're making your mum sick, you're manipulating people to believe it when you're just in yer own wee bubble."
I sobbed and sobbed. But he's the introverted sort who tells me nothing. But I suppose when you're drunk you tell the truth.
I DO try, but it rings home how absorbed we are in that fantasy ED world.
Of course I don't condone how nastily he said it, and I've still not forgiven him, but it resonated with me. It's hurting him more than he lets on.
For example, I had an incredibly distressing time with my drunken father the other night. He got himself absolutely paraletic after a party and he told me exactly what he thought - "You're a liar, you're not trying hard enough, you're making your mum sick, you're manipulating people to believe it when you're just in yer own wee bubble."
I sobbed and sobbed. But he's the introverted sort who tells me nothing. But I suppose when you're drunk you tell the truth.
I DO try, but it rings home how absorbed we are in that fantasy ED world.
Of course I don't condone how nastily he said it, and I've still not forgiven him, but it resonated with me. It's hurting him more than he lets on.
Original post by TotoMimo
x
HUGS
That made me want to cry.
My parents don't believe I really had/have an ED, they still say that the doctors were exaggerating. I think for some they just get so frustrated and angry that they can't do anything to help that they almost think that they can shock it out of you, that if they ground you/yell at you/force you to eat you'll be back to being normal again.
(edited 12 years ago)
Belle, I will not lie. It's probably the most crushed I have ever felt. I know I have my blips as any sufferer does, but to tell me I wasn't trying and that I was essentially bull**itting everyone was pretty awful.
Again making me want to cry. No e-hugs are enough. Being called a fake is the worst feeling ever. But don't question it. You do have a disorder. You do need support getting through it. And you're bloody strong for having gotten for this far, you have worked your a**e of with this and people who have never suffered from mental illness never understand what it's like.E-hugs again.
Original post by TotoMimo
Belle, I will not lie. It's probably the most crushed I have ever felt. I know I have my blips as any sufferer does, but to tell me I wasn't trying and that I was essentially bull**itting everyone was pretty awful.
I'm not going to claim to know you, or know what you're going through. But I will say, I think your dad probably spoke in that way more because he was worried about you than anything else. It makes sense (that's not to say it's OK) to get angry at you, when really he is just worried and not sure what to do.
Original post by cloppy
Oh, gosh sweetie, I’m so sorry about your mum. You must be devastated. I’m positive she’s proud of you too, how well you’re coping and for being so kind to random people on the internet 
I’m glad she put up a good fight for so long, it’s just terrible she couldn’t win.
Actually had quite a good evening. Me and dad went up the pub for a drink and talked about random crap, then I brought all my dvds down for him in case he should feel inclined to watch some girly things or family guy. He and my mum are currently watching the sex and the city movie, which he (slightly alarmingly) seems to be enjoying.
That’s a relief about the pain management. I suppose I’m more worried that he’ll be feeling scared, and I know if he is he won’t talk about it. He’s a ‘must be macho at all times’ type of bloke (despite the SATC watching!).
Thank you again for being so lovely to me. It’s a great comfort. I’m going to message you in future if I may, since I’ve derailed this thread enough. I don’t want to upset you though, having lost your mum this must be a sensitive subject to say the least xxx
I’m glad she put up a good fight for so long, it’s just terrible she couldn’t win.Actually had quite a good evening. Me and dad went up the pub for a drink and talked about random crap, then I brought all my dvds down for him in case he should feel inclined to watch some girly things or family guy. He and my mum are currently watching the sex and the city movie, which he (slightly alarmingly) seems to be enjoying.
That’s a relief about the pain management. I suppose I’m more worried that he’ll be feeling scared, and I know if he is he won’t talk about it. He’s a ‘must be macho at all times’ type of bloke (despite the SATC watching!).
Thank you again for being so lovely to me. It’s a great comfort. I’m going to message you in future if I may, since I’ve derailed this thread enough. I don’t want to upset you though, having lost your mum this must be a sensitive subject to say the least xxx
Thank-you. I certainly hope she's proud, it's my life mission to make my mum proud now.
I'm glad you had a good evening tonight, it's nice to do normal things (even if that does mean your dad watching SATC
). The doctors will be aware that some people hide their fears, they're very good at finding out how people are doing. And yes, feel free to message me any time you want to - it won't upset me at all, it is a sensitive subject but I like talking about my mum and I know what it's like so if there's anything I can say to help I'm happy to.
On a more on-topic related note (sorry everyone!), I'm doing well with eating at the moment - it seems such a long way from back in February and March when I was struggling so much with it. I notice the thoughts creeping back in lately, especially with hard times coming up and Christmas...but they're just thoughts. And I can control thoughts. It is my decision to eat or not eat, and I am going to choose to eat, have energy and be happy - it's going to feel rubbish enough at Christmas as it is, I don't need to justify feeling bad by not eating.
Keep fighting those ED thoughts everyone. The anticipation is often worse than actually doing it (although it may not feel like it at the time!). But it is worth it. x
Original post by Amwazicles
I'm not going to claim to know you, or know what you're going through. But I will say, I think your dad probably spoke in that way more because he was worried about you than anything else. It makes sense (that's not to say it's OK) to get angry at you, when really he is just worried and not sure what to do.
Oh, dearest Am, Trust me when I say the man is not a malicious one. My dad genuinely just doesn't know how to help and when those that are closest to us and love us the most are unable to help and take the problem away, the easiest way to deal with it is either dance around the problem to avoid it entirely or, as my dad has shown, lash out with great hatred.
I won't pretend like the severity nor the methods he took weren't close to *monstrous*, and I actually said to him that I had never heard such disgusting things said about my most hated enemy, let alone someone's own son, but he had been bottling it up and bottling it up, got absolutely rat-faced drunk and just decided now was the time to totally blow up and let loose. For the entire following day he moped around and hardly spoke to anyone... partially through hangover, potentially... but he couldn't look me in the eye either (though I was no fan of him to respond anyway).
I am sensitive enough to appreciate just how much this affects my family and truly wish it wasn't this way and I won't let his night-long outburst stop progress, but I will never forget the things said or the way in which he said it.
I think if nothing else it shows how tainting an ED can be not only to the sufferer, but to those around him or her. You hear about anorexia or bulimia in a single person ripping apart entire families, and I'm beginning to see how it could happen...
Original post by TotoMimo
Oh, dearest Am, Trust me when I say the man is not a malicious one. My dad genuinely just doesn't know how to help and when those that are closest to us and love us the most are unable to help and take the problem away, the easiest way to deal with it is either dance around the problem to avoid it entirely or, as my dad has shown, lash out with great hatred.
I won't pretend like the severity nor the methods he took weren't close to *monstrous*, and I actually said to him that I had never heard such disgusting things said about my most hated enemy, let alone someone's own son, but he had been bottling it up and bottling it up, got absolutely rat-faced drunk and just decided now was the time to totally blow up and let loose. For the entire following day he moped around and hardly spoke to anyone... partially through hangover, potentially... but he couldn't look me in the eye either (though I was no fan of him to respond anyway).
I am sensitive enough to appreciate just how much this affects my family and truly wish it wasn't this way and I won't let his night-long outburst stop progress, but I will never forget the things said or the way in which he said it.
I think if nothing else it shows how tainting an ED can be not only to the sufferer, but to those around him or her. You hear about anorexia or bulimia in a single person ripping apart entire families, and I'm beginning to see how it could happen...
I won't pretend like the severity nor the methods he took weren't close to *monstrous*, and I actually said to him that I had never heard such disgusting things said about my most hated enemy, let alone someone's own son, but he had been bottling it up and bottling it up, got absolutely rat-faced drunk and just decided now was the time to totally blow up and let loose. For the entire following day he moped around and hardly spoke to anyone... partially through hangover, potentially... but he couldn't look me in the eye either (though I was no fan of him to respond anyway).
I am sensitive enough to appreciate just how much this affects my family and truly wish it wasn't this way and I won't let his night-long outburst stop progress, but I will never forget the things said or the way in which he said it.
I think if nothing else it shows how tainting an ED can be not only to the sufferer, but to those around him or her. You hear about anorexia or bulimia in a single person ripping apart entire families, and I'm beginning to see how it could happen...
I see exactly what you mean. I'm sure it was horrible, and I'm sure he regrets the outburst as much as you do, when he remembers it in the sober light of day.
What you say about being sensitive really makes sense too. I think that people who are more sensitive and perceptive to other people are much mroe prone to mental health-type stuff, because they absorb everything from everyone else and store it all up until it has to come out somehow. And of course, when they actually get ill, it can cause people around them to struggle even more, and it ends up in an awful cycle. I guess it's just important to try and remember that you are separate to your family. Although they are having trouble at the moment, and it's partly related to you being ill, you can't let that stop you. They need to get on with their own thing, and learn to accept you and everything that's going on, and you can't do anything about that. And similarly, you need to try and accept them, despite what they might feel or say about your illness.
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I know what you mean completely. When I was at my worst a few years ago, some of the things that made it most difficult were the way my parents acted, because it was so obvious they were so worried about me, and just despairing about what to do. And I just absorbed it all in the form of guilt, making myself feel worse and worse.
Original post by Liv1204
x
Thank you sweetheart
Original post by .snowflake. Can't really say much more than that. We found out yesterday that one of the chemistry teachers died of the big C over the weekend, watching teachers fall to pieces during the assembly was horrid.
Can't really say much more than that. We found out yesterday that one of the chemistry teachers died of the big C over the weekend, watching teachers fall to pieces during the assembly was horrid.Thankyou for the hugs
Original post by LaBelleEtLeBete
I hope everything works out with your dad and I agree with the other poster, Macmillan is wonderful for families as well as the ill.
Hugs for you and your dad. My mum had cancer when I was eleven and nobody talked about it, to this day nobody talks about it. Your dad will probably feel glad to explain what's going on with him, and knowing that you care. I think that parents especially want to protect their kids when they're suffering and put on a brave front. Just give him a big hug.
E-hugs.
Hugs for you and your dad. My mum had cancer when I was eleven and nobody talked about it, to this day nobody talks about it. Your dad will probably feel glad to explain what's going on with him, and knowing that you care. I think that parents especially want to protect their kids when they're suffering and put on a brave front. Just give him a big hug.
E-hugs.
Thanks so much. I'm sorry about your mum, I hope she's better now. Cancer massively sucks! x
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Original post by LaBelleEtLeBete
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oooh dear. does anyone know?
Original post by .snowflake.
oooh dear. does anyone know?
The thing is, I was supposed to be losing a small amount of weight (was on a medication that made me put on a load of weight as a side-effect, went from underweight to slightly overweight) without trying so people aren't noticing that the amount I'm losing and how rapidly it's happening isn't normal/healthy.
im just looking for some help or advice really
i have always been very slim i could eat macdonalds and crap and not put on weight
but 6 weeks ago i broke up with my boyfriend and i was so hurt i couldnt eat, i lost 4 stone and dropped from a dress size 8 to a 2 too size 4, im now eating but sometimes when im sad i cant eat and im not putting on weight but everybody thinks im starving myself on purpose but im not im just neever hungary this is not an eating disorder is it as im not purposefully starving myself i want to put on weight
i have always been very slim i could eat macdonalds and crap and not put on weight
but 6 weeks ago i broke up with my boyfriend and i was so hurt i couldnt eat, i lost 4 stone and dropped from a dress size 8 to a 2 too size 4, im now eating but sometimes when im sad i cant eat and im not putting on weight but everybody thinks im starving myself on purpose but im not im just neever hungary this is not an eating disorder is it as im not purposefully starving myself i want to put on weight
Original post by SillyMilly
im just looking for some help or advice really
i have always been very slim i could eat macdonalds and crap and not put on weight
but 6 weeks ago i broke up with my boyfriend and i was so hurt i couldnt eat, i lost 4 stone and dropped from a dress size 8 to a 2 too size 4, im now eating but sometimes when im sad i cant eat and im not putting on weight but everybody thinks im starving myself on purpose but im not im just neever hungary this is not an eating disorder is it as im not purposefully starving myself i want to put on weight
i have always been very slim i could eat macdonalds and crap and not put on weight
but 6 weeks ago i broke up with my boyfriend and i was so hurt i couldnt eat, i lost 4 stone and dropped from a dress size 8 to a 2 too size 4, im now eating but sometimes when im sad i cant eat and im not putting on weight but everybody thinks im starving myself on purpose but im not im just neever hungary this is not an eating disorder is it as im not purposefully starving myself i want to put on weight
4stone in 6 weeks!!! no wonder people are concerned!!
Original post by SillyMilly
im just looking for some help or advice really
i have always been very slim i could eat macdonalds and crap and not put on weight
but 6 weeks ago i broke up with my boyfriend and i was so hurt i couldnt eat, i lost 4 stone and dropped from a dress size 8 to a 2 too size 4, im now eating but sometimes when im sad i cant eat and im not putting on weight but everybody thinks im starving myself on purpose but im not im just neever hungary this is not an eating disorder is it as im not purposefully starving myself i want to put on weight
i have always been very slim i could eat macdonalds and crap and not put on weight
but 6 weeks ago i broke up with my boyfriend and i was so hurt i couldnt eat, i lost 4 stone and dropped from a dress size 8 to a 2 too size 4, im now eating but sometimes when im sad i cant eat and im not putting on weight but everybody thinks im starving myself on purpose but im not im just neever hungary this is not an eating disorder is it as im not purposefully starving myself i want to put on weight
You don't have to be starving yourself to have an eating disorder
'disordered eating' is just extremely unhealthy eating habits, which is exactly what you're described 
Have you seen your GP? They could help you figure out a good diet to improve your weight 
Pot. trigger
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Original post by Anonymous
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Original post by Amwazicles
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