Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.
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Original post by Cinamon
Oh dear, I promise that I wasn't thinking of you when I made the account!
(Well actually I am trying to assimilate with you and steal your online thoughts, natch.)
Original post by Antiaris
Oh, another moment of weakness.
I do apologise all. It's cutting me to the core letting of my steam here, possibly triggering some, but at this moment in time...
I do apologise all. It's cutting me to the core letting of my steam here, possibly triggering some, but at this moment in time...
Spoiler
Antiaris, you have always been to me, one of my strongest inspirations because of your strength of character. By exhibiting and admitting your own weakness simply personifies you further as this exceptional being.
Everyone is vulnerable to relapse because, as we've said so many times before... nobody is "cured" of an ED. Everyone can be oblivious to information, but information cannot be UNLEARNED.
Our info, compulsions, behaviours... they don't simply vanish. They simply become shackled up and put in a dark cell of our mind until they smash forth for another go. We just have to hope that when it happens, we've forged even stronger shackles to stop them again; but sometimes, we don't.
Antiaris, I will level with you and say I too have found myself indulging the ED this past week. Not by anything but purposely overestimating the numerical calorific value of what I am eating. As such, I have actually lost a pound or two.
The scariest thing? I was ashamed to step onto the scale and see the number go down, but the ED part of me did a sly, disgusting smile. At that point, I realised I still am not in full control.
Teetering points; seems as though we get them far too often with this mental conditioning buddy. But I am always here for you, and everyone else.
Strong mind, strong body, guys
Good God.
I just had this sudden realisation/reminder/epiphany sort of thing. It's more a memory than anything else but that epiphanic (is that a word?) feeling is exactly what I'm feeling now!
I'm trying to get into meditating to help me help my ED and literally 5 minutes ago my memory/epiphany broke the meditation because I remembered my girst ever "fat thought"
I must've been about 6 or 7 years old and I was visiting my cousins. My aunt gave me a fried potato waffle but I didn't want it because I thought I'd gain weight, at age 6!
My "fat thoughts" disappeared for five years after that.
Sorry if this doesn't help anyone guys, I just had that sudden feeling of needing to get it out of my system and this was the only place I could think of seeing as I don't really have anyone to tell!
Ignore me. All I needed was to let it out.
If anyone remembers their first ED provoking thought/action I'd love to hear.
I can't believe it's been over 10 years since that moment but I never realised
I just had this sudden realisation/reminder/epiphany sort of thing. It's more a memory than anything else but that epiphanic (is that a word?) feeling is exactly what I'm feeling now!
I'm trying to get into meditating to help me help my ED and literally 5 minutes ago my memory/epiphany broke the meditation because I remembered my girst ever "fat thought"
I must've been about 6 or 7 years old and I was visiting my cousins. My aunt gave me a fried potato waffle but I didn't want it because I thought I'd gain weight, at age 6!
My "fat thoughts" disappeared for five years after that.
Sorry if this doesn't help anyone guys, I just had that sudden feeling of needing to get it out of my system and this was the only place I could think of seeing as I don't really have anyone to tell!
Ignore me. All I needed was to let it out.
If anyone remembers their first ED provoking thought/action I'd love to hear.
I can't believe it's been over 10 years since that moment but I never realised
Hi,
I've been having eating disorders since few years! I'm on a binge/starve cycle which is affecting me a lot.
On a binge week, I eat 7000-9000 cal daily and on a starve week, I eat approx 1500 cal daily.
Anyone has any advice?
I've been having eating disorders since few years! I'm on a binge/starve cycle which is affecting me a lot.
On a binge week, I eat 7000-9000 cal daily and on a starve week, I eat approx 1500 cal daily.
Anyone has any advice?
Anon 69, get out of the habbit. I know it is much more difficult to get out of the habbit on a binge week, so eat enough on the restriction weeks. Try and normalise from there.
Also, said I might post some of my painting soon...
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Original post by Antiaris
Also, said I might post some of my painting soon...
Spoiler
Oh Antiaris.. they're beautiful.
I adore art and your pieces are prime examples of why I appreciate it so much. Art should both portray and evoke emotions and your paintings so both perfectly! The third piece is my favourite.. the boat looks so overwhelmed by the water which has so much movement. 
Please keep painting. 
Original post by Antiaris
Also, said I might post some of my painting soon...
Spoiler
They're beautiful pictures
My mum wants me to come off the calorie supplements I've been on for a while. It kind of seems like a positive thing, but I'm worried I'll just end up losing weight again, because I don't feel like I have any concept of what is the right amount for me to eat, plus I'm only maintaining and still underweight as it is.. 
Original post by Amwazicles
My mum wants me to come off the calorie supplements I've been on for a while. It kind of seems like a positive thing, but I'm worried I'll just end up losing weight again, because I don't feel like I have any concept of what is the right amount for me to eat, plus I'm only maintaining and still underweight as it is..
Do you have some sort of meal plan? Do you see a dietician? Both of those could help you both come off the supplements and understand what a normal healthy amount of food is which is a really important part of recovery.
Original post by Anonymous
Do you have some sort of meal plan? Do you see a dietician? Both of those could help you both come off the supplements and understand what a normal healthy amount of food is which is a really important part of recovery.
I don't have a meal plan, and I have seen dieticians in the past but not for a while. The thing I'm more worried about is that, I expect a 'normal' amount of food is going to be SO much more than I usually eat, I will just end up being intimidated and feel like giving up. Because although the general food anxiety is nowhere *near* as bad as it has been, I still get stressed when I eat a lot or feel full, or eat new things and so on. So even a meal plan with good amounts of good food all planned out, I feel like I'm not ready for a fully 'normal' diet yet.
Original post by Amwazicles
I don't have a meal plan, and I have seen dieticians in the past but not for a while. The thing I'm more worried about is that, I expect a 'normal' amount of food is going to be SO much more than I usually eat, I will just end up being intimidated and feel like giving up. Because although the general food anxiety is nowhere *near* as bad as it has been, I still get stressed when I eat a lot or feel full, or eat new things and so on. So even a meal plan with good amounts of good food all planned out, I feel like I'm not ready for a fully 'normal' diet yet.
You don't have to do it all at once. I can totally understand being afraid of a normal diet atm but it is something you can work up to. How about starting off with a meal plan based on less calories than you need but what you think you can manage then making up the rest of the calories you need in supplements then gradually increasing the food and decreasing the supplements? You don't have to do it in one big jump.
Original post by Anonymous
You don't have to do it all at once. I can totally understand being afraid of a normal diet atm but it is something you can work up to. How about starting off with a meal plan based on less calories than you need but what you think you can manage then making up the rest of the calories you need in supplements then gradually increasing the food and decreasing the supplements? You don't have to do it in one big jump.
I see what you mean. But I've never done a calorie-counting type of diet plan, and I really feel like I don't want to, because I know I'd just end up more stressed out about it, and end up forgetting things anyway.
Sorry, I don't mean to sound like I'm just shooting down your every suggestion..Original post by Amwazicles
I see what you mean. But I've never done a calorie-counting type of diet plan, and I really feel like I don't want to, because I know I'd just end up more stressed out about it, and end up forgetting things anyway. Sorry, I don't mean to sound like I'm just shooting down your every suggestion..
Sorry, I don't mean to sound like I'm just shooting down your every suggestion..No need to appologise! Certainly don't start calorie counting if you don't. It's best to get away from calories I just mentioned calorie counting cos that's how a lot of people do it. Have you ever used an exchange based meal plan? For examples of what I'm talking about check out this site: http://www.joyproject.org/overcoming/mealplans.html and for what servings/exchanges are this link: http://www.joyproject.org/whatised/normaleating.html Basically if you have a look at what a normal amount looks like by the number of exchanges then start with a small number and add in one each day or week till you've got enough. The idea isn't to count the calories in what you're eating, it's just each meal plan is based on a rough number of calories so you'd make up the rest with supplements. Am I making any sense yet lol? I still recommend seeing if you can see a dietician to help you with this though unless your mum has a really healthy relationship with food and can help you do it.
Amwa, oddly enough I am the other way. Governed by numbers as opposed to my body, I no longer have any knowledge of what constitutes a normal human portion either.
I know that a meal should be between 350g and 450g for an average adult. But that's a number. I don't know what it really IS.
I know how many calories are in everything and for each meal, have a set "number." It's sad because I place quotation marks around it for a reason; because foods are numbers to me. So I'll say, "I'm having a 230 and a 210 and a 45, so that's about 500 kcal". I add stuff up that way, and whether or not it's an ENORMOUS, BELLY HURTING pile of food or a morsel of nibblage, that's what I'll eat.
It's weird because I have a great appetite too, but when it comes to numbers, I rarely deviate. If I've not had my specific numbers but my stomach aches with being full, I still plough on and eat my numbers. If I am hungry but I've made up my numbers, I won't eat.
You're in an enviable position to be able to answer your body's call, and I say, to an extent, go with it!!
I know that a meal should be between 350g and 450g for an average adult. But that's a number. I don't know what it really IS.
I know how many calories are in everything and for each meal, have a set "number." It's sad because I place quotation marks around it for a reason; because foods are numbers to me. So I'll say, "I'm having a 230 and a 210 and a 45, so that's about 500 kcal". I add stuff up that way, and whether or not it's an ENORMOUS, BELLY HURTING pile of food or a morsel of nibblage, that's what I'll eat.
It's weird because I have a great appetite too, but when it comes to numbers, I rarely deviate. If I've not had my specific numbers but my stomach aches with being full, I still plough on and eat my numbers. If I am hungry but I've made up my numbers, I won't eat.
You're in an enviable position to be able to answer your body's call, and I say, to an extent, go with it!!
Original post by Anonymous
No need to appologise! Certainly don't start calorie counting if you don't. It's best to get away from calories I just mentioned calorie counting cos that's how a lot of people do it. Have you ever used an exchange based meal plan? For examples of what I'm talking about check out this site: http://www.joyproject.org/overcoming/mealplans.html and for what servings/exchanges are this link: http://www.joyproject.org/whatised/normaleating.html Basically if you have a look at what a normal amount looks like by the number of exchanges then start with a small number and add in one each day or week till you've got enough. The idea isn't to count the calories in what you're eating, it's just each meal plan is based on a rough number of calories so you'd make up the rest with supplements. Am I making any sense yet lol? I still recommend seeing if you can see a dietician to help you with this though unless your mum has a really healthy relationship with food and can help you do it.
Original post by TotoMimo
Amwa, oddly enough I am the other way. Governed by numbers as opposed to my body, I no longer have any knowledge of what constitutes a normal human portion either.
I know that a meal should be between 350g and 450g for an average adult. But that's a number. I don't know what it really IS.
I know how many calories are in everything and for each meal, have a set "number." It's sad because I place quotation marks around it for a reason; because foods are numbers to me. So I'll say, "I'm having a 230 and a 210 and a 45, so that's about 500 kcal". I add stuff up that way, and whether or not it's an ENORMOUS, BELLY HURTING pile of food or a morsel of nibblage, that's what I'll eat.
It's weird because I have a great appetite too, but when it comes to numbers, I rarely deviate. If I've not had my specific numbers but my stomach aches with being full, I still plough on and eat my numbers. If I am hungry but I've made up my numbers, I won't eat.
You're in an enviable position to be able to answer your body's call, and I say, to an extent, go with it!!
I know that a meal should be between 350g and 450g for an average adult. But that's a number. I don't know what it really IS.
I know how many calories are in everything and for each meal, have a set "number." It's sad because I place quotation marks around it for a reason; because foods are numbers to me. So I'll say, "I'm having a 230 and a 210 and a 45, so that's about 500 kcal". I add stuff up that way, and whether or not it's an ENORMOUS, BELLY HURTING pile of food or a morsel of nibblage, that's what I'll eat.
It's weird because I have a great appetite too, but when it comes to numbers, I rarely deviate. If I've not had my specific numbers but my stomach aches with being full, I still plough on and eat my numbers. If I am hungry but I've made up my numbers, I won't eat.
You're in an enviable position to be able to answer your body's call, and I say, to an extent, go with it!!
Thanks for the replies
I feel like any kind of specific meal plan (even one that's not quite so defined, like #68 posted) is just never really going to work for me. I am extremely variable in my eating habits, and I know that's not ideal, but I can't control it anyway. Some days I feel fine, and I consciously think at dinner "I am going to finish off this plate, whatever it takes", and I do. But some days I am just really anxious and I know that I couldn't possibly eat a full meal, whatever incentive I had.Toto, I see the point you're making, and it does seem valid. But at the same time, I know that I need to put on weight, and clearly - seeing as I'm not putting on weight as it is - I need to eat more than I do at the moment in order to do that. I don't want a fixed calorie-controlled diet plan, because I know I couldn't possibly stick to something as rigid as that, and it'd end up making me feel worse. But I know I have to something, I can't just live my life relying on prescribed supplements to *maintain* me at an already unhealthy weight. :/
wow. this kind of hit home. I'm 91lbs currently also. and worried. I've been in and out of hospital for my potassium levels, wired up to an ECG (machine that tracks your heart) as the defeciencies really effect that. I just had a blood test done and I'm low on it again. jheeeez. I know its best to take them, but I literally vom from the taste and it feels like I take one step forward and two back. At the mo I sort of try not to think about it which I don't know is better or worse. So recovery is on the backburner. I (like you) am an over-achiever, despite getting good grades I'm resitting to get a few A*s in there... and it feels like i don't have the time/energy/willpower to recover soo I'm just getting on with what I've known for the last 3 yrs of my life.
End of, really.
End of, really.
Triggering thoughts:
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Original post by Cinamon
Triggering thoughts:
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-glomps-. i also feel like crap too C. German teacher giving us too much work. Darent tell him because a friend has already told him shes not coping, her mother got emailed, she asked him why, he yelled at her. She cried. Aaand its getting to the point im struggling to sleep/eat.
Original post by .snowflake.
-glomps-. i also feel like crap too C. German teacher giving us too much work. Darent tell him because a friend has already told him shes not coping, her mother got emailed, she asked him why, he yelled at her. She cried. Aaand its getting to the point im struggling to sleep/eat.
Sorry to hear that snow
I hope things start to get better for youEdit:
and i've just realised something. Every time I consider going to the doctors about this... ED tells me i'm too big to burden anyone with this problem as i'm not physically weak. So I starve, and then forget why i'm starving and decide to get better, binge and then i'm right back where I started. For a month now... so now it's actually a bad thing when I think about getting help.
(edited 12 years ago)
