why does he act this way

I've been going out with this guy for almost 3 months now. he is a very nice guy. we have had sex and it was quite good (in my opinion) so I don't think there is this awkwardness/shyness of being around one another. however he never kisses me unless I kiss him first. at the beginning he did initiate but only twice and now when we meet up unless I hug him he wont hug me first, unless I kiss him at the end of our "date" he wont kiss me at all. but he does text me and asks me if I want to hang out. because he never really touches me (and I mean things like putting his hand around me if we are walking or holding my hand unless I do it first, and I can't even mention sexual touching cause there is absolutely nothing) I feel like perhaps he doesn't like me in that way.

what do you guys/girls think? from what I have said do you think he likes me?

Reply 1

HeatherM

Original post by Anonymous

I've been going out with this guy for almost 3 months now. he is a very nice guy. we have had sex and it was quite good (in my opinion) so I don't think there is this awkwardness/shyness of being around one another. however he never kisses me unless I kiss him first. at the beginning he did initiate but only twice and now when we meet up unless I hug him he wont hug me first, unless I kiss him at the end of our "date" he wont kiss me at all. but he does text me and asks me if I want to hang out. because he never really touches me (and I mean things like putting his hand around me if we are walking or holding my hand unless I do it first, and I can't even mention sexual touching cause there is absolutely nothing) I feel like perhaps he doesn't like me in that way.

what do you guys/girls think? from what I have said do you think he likes me?

All you've told us is the stuff that's worrying you. Is he sweet in other ways? Like does he say nice things? We need more than just concerns to know if he still likes you.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by HeatherM

All you've told us is the stuff that's worrying you. Is he sweet in other ways? Like does he say nice things? We need more than just concerns to know if he still likes you.

he doesn't say nice things but he doesn't say horrible things either. he makes me laugh and doesn't upset me in any way. like I said he is a very nice person and I have nothing bad to say about him but this whole intimacy thing is really worrying me. that's the only thing that is wrong in my eyes. I couldn't find a horrible ugly flaw in him even if I tried. he doesn't hate me and I don't hate him either I just don't understand why he doesn't get close to physically unless I I do it. If I hug him he will hug me back and if I kiss him he will kiss back but he never initiates it himself.

Reply 3

chuckaduckitskat

He obviously still likes your in the fact he texts you to meet up
Probably unsure of PDA or just doesnt feel the need to do things like that. However still bring it up with him in a conversation. Just so he knows. Because he can't change his habits if he doesnt know what he is doing 'wrong'
Like my current boyfriend rarely texts me or calls me but will kiss and what not, and is big on PDA whereas im a bit iffy about PDA
But my ex always texted me and called me. Guys are different, could also be dependent on his past relationships? They have a big effect on how guys act in a relationship i've found

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by chuckaduckitskat

He obviously still likes your in the fact he texts you to meet up
Probably unsure of PDA or just doesnt feel the need to do things like that. However still bring it up with him in a conversation. Just so he knows. Because he can't change his habits if he doesnt know what he is doing 'wrong'
Like my current boyfriend rarely texts me or calls me but will kiss and what not, and is big on PDA whereas im a bit iffy about PDA
But my ex always texted me and called me. Guys are different, could also be dependent on his past relationships? They have a big effect on how guys act in a relationship i've found

I did say to him that if he wants you know what then he could initiate it by kissing and I encourage him to do it but he still doesn't.

Reply 5

TruetoMyself

9

Credit due, dude seems like a gentleman, probably bit too nice. You should turn him more aggressive. Tie him up and ride his brains out. Should awaken the 'beast' inside

Is he gay?

You've become a habit in his daily life rather than a romantic relationship. He's just not that into you if you're looking for the honest answer, but as he has no current alternatives, he's not dumping you.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by HortyNarcissus

Is he gay?

definitely not gay!

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by keliouster

You've become a habit in his daily life rather than a romantic relationship. He's just not that into you if you're looking for the honest answer, but as he has no current alternatives, he's not dumping you.

so do I leave him? do I tie him up like it's been suggested?

Reply 10

SugarPuffs

5

Original post by Anonymous

so do I leave him? do I tie him up like it's been suggested?

Yes; tie him up and ride him until he's no longer over-gentlemenly by the sounds of it.

I reckon he's worried he'll do something wrong in terms of touching and initiating hugs/kisses, etc.

Reply 11

chuckaduckitskat

Just try something different, spicen up the relationship, maybe he'll get the hint.
Just try stuff before you end it. Wait a while and if it doesnt get better let him know about how you feel about leaving him and why and stuff :/

Reply 12

Zamolxes

10

He's gay, trust us, were guys, we know. He's gay.

You can neg me 50 more times if it makes you feel better, in fact I encourage it.

I've seen this before, he is not being respectful, it's been three months it's not like he doesn't have your permission. He doesn't touch you more then he has to because he is gay. He doesn't press you up against the wall kissing you passionately because he's gay. He doesn't hump your leg when you spoon/cuddle because he's gay.

Now please shoot me, for I am the messenger.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 13

Pink Bullets

15

Original post by TruetoMyself

Credit due, dude seems like a gentleman, probably bit too nice. You should turn him more aggressive. Tie him up and ride his brains out. Should awaken the 'beast' inside

Putting him in a submissive position is going to make him more aggressive? Not sure you thought that one out...

Reply 14

TruetoMyself

9

Original post by Pink Bullets

Putting him in a submissive position is going to make him more aggressive? Not sure you thought that one out...

Actually mmmm true in a sense :smile:

But possibly shows him that OP doesnt mind a bit of agression...then again by the sounds of things he might become scared and call the cops. In this case probably best to ask him 'whats up?' before subsequently going at it like rabbits ;-)

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 15

Anonymous #2

I'm a guy as well, and i'm similar to him.
I think he might just be lacking a little confidence.
He's a gentlemen who just loves you A LOT, and doesn't want to do anything that may be 'too forward' in his head, even if its just kissing or hugging.
He doesn't want to lose you.
Try talking to him about how you feel, and make it clear to him that it's okay for him to be more touchy and feely.

Reply 16

doobucks

16

Original post by Pink Bullets

Putting him in a submissive position is going to make him more aggressive? Not sure you thought that one out...

Yeah, just get her to tease him, men hate being teased, because they don't get anything out of it besides a boner. The guy gets aggressive, OP unties him, and she gets ****ed like a pornstar, it'll work.