Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.

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Warning, rant. But Id appreciate if someone read it and replied. Im extremely upset :sad:

ve just sped all the way back from town after seeing a friend, to get back to my scales.
I was just getting edamame beans when I hear a "HI EVA how are you? Oh wow, you look so much better with a little fattening up.."
what the absolute HELL. This guy knows I have an eating disorder, how much I have struggled for the last 3-4 years. I literally panicked the whole way home for like the 30 minutes it took for me to get back.
ONLY TO FIND I WEIGH THE SAME. Why the hell do people make such comments. Do you think most people would like it if someone said they got fatter, eating disorder or not, of course they wouldnt.

Why dont they keep their bloody nose out of my bloody business at leave me the feck alone.

Anyone else get sick of people making comments about your appearance ?

Reply 2361

Anonymous #79

I'm not sure if this will help anyone here, but it's worth a try :smile:

creatorsnotebook.tumblr.com :smile:

Hope you all get better soon! Recovery is amazing!! :biggrin:

Reply 2362

sentiment

Original post by Anonymous

Warning, rant. But Id appreciate if someone read it and replied. Im extremely upset :sad:

yes, yes and yes. whether people know you have problems with food or not i don't understand how people can think it's an okay thing to say. thing is, if people don't know about your disorder and make 'fatty' comments, they think it's just a great big joke so if you get aggy about it you look ridiculous for overreacting. i guess what you have to remember is that this guy thought he was paying you a compliment, i'm sure he never meant to hurt your feelings.

Reply 2363

MelissaJayne

Original post by Anonymous

Warning, rant. But Id appreciate if someone read it and replied. Im extremely upset :sad:

I think a lot of people make comments in an attempt to "be nice" - they think you want to hear that you're "better" or "healthier" - if he knows you've been working on recovery, he may feel to compliment you in that way will give some credit to the work you've been putting in. People don't make comments, generally, to hurt your feelings or cause you strain so try to tell yourself why they may say that, rather than a big panic and thinking the worst.

Reply 2364

Anonymous #10

Original post by sentiment

What you say make sense. I told my flatmate (also bulimic) and he said people are saying to me "Oh you look better" and then going saying to him " wtf shes lost again, is she ok?" So there is a certain amount of truth in the fact that people are just trying to be nice.

I think the problem comes when the disorder doesnt allow you to think like that. It just thinks or makes you think that the flatmate is lying and you must be fatter. Obviously thats not true and even if you did put on 2-3 lbs i doubt it would be noticeable to anyone else anyway.

I just dont understand why peopel find its acceptable to say to someone you look fatter, when if you said that to most non ED people theyd be pretty pissed too. So to say it to someone whose biggest phobia is weight gain just pisses me off.

Im in a rage / panic...so if I come accross as arsey I dont mean to be. But i wish he had kept his mouth shut because I know its going to send me off on a downward spiral of not eating. When i really wanted to try and be a little less crazy. :p:

Reply 2365

TotoMimo

Sometimes it can be a gentle, off-the-cuff and entirely innocent remark that's made... sometimes it's something a little bit more pre-meditated or non-subtle, but the truth is, talking to an ED-sufferer is a total tightrope.

Even something as simple as someone saying "you look healthy today" - mum said this to me the other day meaning "You don't look drawn and jaundiced" but I took it as "wow, how's it going, Whale Boy? All-You-Can-Eat Plankton Buffet, was it?"

The truth is, sometimes we don't even understand ourselves what a compliment is, or how it feels. For so long things have been a binary "thinner equals better, heavier equals worse" thing, and we forget that this is not at all true.

Reply 2366

MelissaJayne

Yeah, my Nan said to me today, "you look better" - my Mum knew how I'd take it and gave her a death stare to which she back-tracked and said, I mean happier, you look happier. Truth is though, I took it a lot better than I thought I would. I've done a lot of therapy on not just accepting my "flight mode" gut-reaction. If my gut had any sense, it wouldn't be killing me to listen to it all the time. So yeah, I do look better. I am eating closer to a 'normal' amount. But I'm not fat, not even close.

Reply 2367

Riku

Just yesterday at the party I had a "why am I healthy" moment. (Probably part of the reason I couldn't really sleep last night. Swear it's ridiculous trying to gain when sleep-deprived every other day.) My uncle said, "so I see you're getting your appetite back", which I managed to shrug off because he's a no-nonsense policeman, it's his style and I know he really is condoning my physical and mental recovery having been there at some of my worst moments. But then my aunt (who I don't think knows about the disordered thoughts) says jokingly, "we're not going to have a problem clearing the kitchen with Tom around!" and suddenly I'm looking at the plate of dad's gf's gorgeous Indian dishes like it's a shameful decision. It'd been a running joke for a while, me being a "growing lad", but last year I started taking it the wrong way. Doesn't help this same aunt sometimes starts making loads of embarrassing "oooh you're getting more handsome each time I see you" remarks every time I visit after having been in "Regime" mode. Put 2+2 together and you've apparently got Fat. Wrong, you've got your ED telling you health is a shi**er as opposed to the well-intentioned but misguided compliments of concerned loved ones. We've got to remember that the whole idea of family, friends and the Bloggs down the road are in some worldwide conspiracy to plump us up is absolutely absurd and really a bit egotistical. People have better things to do with their time than that, you have to trust that they mean well by the compliments and trust yourself that your decision-the decision to get better and stay that way-is the right one.

Having said that, I don't think there's any excuse for someone saying "you're looking fatter". In an ideal world that word wouldn't hold any negative connotations and weight would be what weight really is, just some numbers to refer to an individual's combined molecular mass. Unfortunately in our vain culture, that's not always the case and unless those people are pretty stupid, they should know it's a loaded term. Again, it's up to us to rise up above that superficial outlook and remember the true, greater beauty within each person (dammit now I feel in the mood for a Disney movie!)

---------------

Thanks for the birthday messages, all, it was an awesome day and a great party! Incidentally the fruitcake's still waiting, Mum was working yesterday so I'm catching up with her and that side of the family in a bit :biggrin:

Reply 2368

LaBelleEtLeBete

http://blogs.independent.co.uk/2011/11/27/but-you-dont-look-anorexic/ is everyone following this writer, I find her really relatable and inspirational.
Hang in there guys. :hugs:

Reply 2369

LaBelleEtLeBete

I've got to do an assignment tonight so I bought a fruit salad and a sandwich. Turns out I'm allergic to kiwi fruit and I've just spent an hour throwing up and feel like crap. Seriously, I eat a fairly 'normal' meal and then my body rebels. For the last few days I've been fighting the urge to binge/purge and now my body has decided to purge for me. It just makes this whole exercise in eating normally so I can do my assignment with a clear head and it's all gone to s**t. :/

Reply 2370

.snowflake.

Original post by LaBelleEtLeBete

not good on you kiwi fruit thing. I cant pick strawbs without coming out in this hideous blotchy rash, yet I can eat them fine. I feel delightfully on edge this evening. Havent a clue why and have felt like this since half 12 this afty.

Reply 2371

LaBelleEtLeBete

Original post by .snowflake.

Do you know why handling them causes a reaction and not eating them?
Nothing's happened to make you feel this way (on edge, that is)? Or is it just a general 'strange' feeling? Not a disassociation thing, I hope?

Reply 2372

.snowflake.

Original post by LaBelleEtLeBete

Dad reckons its the hairs on the plants that set me off. Original source shower gel results in the same reaction, great fun when that flared up during my second GCSE Bio exam.
No, suddenly came on at half 12 walking back from the co-op with a friend, its like when you know theres something your supposed to have done, but cant remember what it is. It's not a I'm not in my own body thing. Last time i felt like this, i had a panic attack a few days later, so this'll be fun if the voices in my head go mental in the middle of a german lesson. Sir will think its his fault, or if it happens in chem at the end of the week, the teacher will think i've gone completely mad.

Reply 2373

LaBelleEtLeBete

Original post by .snowflake.

Is there anything that will calm you/ take your mind of it? Like doing something artistic/ making lists/ even focusing on something 'normal' like cleaning/ sorting through your wardrobe? (Seriously, this is the one thing that helps me to avoid going mental- menial activities that require no thought but a lot of focus.) And you get to feel all acomplished when you're finished.

Reply 2374

TotoMimo

The odd thing I've found is that if someone says, "let's go for lunch!" and we're right outside the place, and lunchtime is NOW - I'll just go for it.

But if someone makes a plan of "lunch on Tuesday" or whatever, I think about it, I fret, I start to try to figure out calorie calculations, I try to factor, then I try to reason, then I make up excuses not to go, then I end up frazzling my mind.

IT'S LUNCH.

How odd that I do this when in the former scenario I just DO IT!

Reply 2375

Anonymous #50

Original post by TotoMimo

It's because you rule with your tummy and your instinct, not the weird things in your brain that have manifested there... The ED monsters :biggrin:

They whisper to you, and multiply quite rapidly and without you knowing. If you do something spontaneously, they don't have time to tell you their ideas. But let them fester, and they will tell you all sorts of things. Oh, and they're quite good at maths, too.
This is why recovery takes so long - ED monsters don't die easily. But you can eradicate them one by one!

Reply 2376

LaBelleEtLeBete

Original post by Anonymous

It's because you rule with your tummy and your instinct, not the weird things in your brain that have manifested there... The ED monsters :biggrin:

I'm imagining Toto in a videogame-esque scenario battling ED monsters with a ray gun. :biggrin:

In my head they look like the blubbery monsters in House of the Dead.

Reply 2377

Riku

Original post by TotoMimo

Funny you should mention this. I just got invited for a college reunion curry night. Dying to go, but I know curry night=heavy piss-up.
Now I love my real ale, but one thing I've learn over the last year is nothing makes me lose it over food than a drink-considering a lot of these guys knew me as "that guy in the gym most lunchtimes" and not the anxiety-ridden, OCD-driven neurotic I currently am a lot, things could get awkward. If I don't drink, I'm gonna look a wuss and start getting the airheadead "man-up"s coming my way which'll piss me off no end. If I do have a few, here's a high probability of a quiet one turning into, "NO! GET BACK, LAMB JALFREZI, KEEP YOUR FILTHY, CALORIFIC, SALTY, SATURATED CLAWS OFF ME! NOOOOO!"
Don't really want that to happen, tbh. I'd rather just talk to people, have a good time and perhaps get a bit messy.
What to doooo?

Liking what Anon's said though : )