I think I'm fighting what I would call a conflict of interests.
I WANT to gain weight and am now above 7 stone mark again. I have developed a newfound hunger which is a double-edged sword presenting itself vivaciously over the festive period. But there are repercussions and anxieties.
For one, my anorexia has left me with severe osteoperosis. I broke my wrist not too long ago simply sitting down on my bed. This means I am not allowed to exercise AT ALL. But I'm being asked to eat 2500-3000 kcals a day.
Through this I've learned to indulge and enjoy, broaden my horizons, eat more than just various vegetables and fruits, etc. But over the festive period, it's meant FEASTS. I've just went to town, enjoying everything and hitting my targets.
However the weight CONTINUES to go solely to my stomach. It's now fatty and soft when once it was flat. My lower stomach forms a "captial D" if looked at from the side. I want to feel good about my weight gain but when it presents itself in a way that goes against everything I hoped WOULDN'T happen, it's proving hard.
Moreover, my newfound hunger is scaring me somewhat. My therapist says it is entirely normal to regain an almost mad appetite, but I mean, at any opportunity, I'm asking my family if they want to go out for a meal or whatever. Anything so I can be exciting and decadent for the day.
These issues are assuredly "normal" to someone in my scenario, but they sure as hell are not feeling that way...