Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.

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Oh, I'm really touched!!! Thank you!
I still visit TSR but not really this thread - just from time to time (like now). I'm still IP, been at maintenance (BMI 19-20) since mid-October. Plan is to stay here 3 more months and then move to a residential rehab place nearer home until I start UNI :biggrin:

in October.

I'm struggling quite a lot with my head - a lot of stuff has come up that I'm dealing with/trying to deal with. I've made a thread in this forum asking for advice if anyone has any, on managing flashbacks?

Lots of love xxxxx

Sorry, accidental neg from being on my phone! You are doing amazingly, keep going! From a lurker :smile:

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 2661

.snowflake.

Original post by *custardcream

-squeels- I MISS YOU. You can do this custard, do people at the 'fat farm' know?

Reply 2662

Riku

Yo Custard! :biggrin:

Reply 2663

TotoMimo

Custard, it's wonderful to hear from you!! I'm so glad you're at maintenance level now at a low-but-at-least-not-dire BMI!

I just want to extend my pride at how brave you've been at accepting and dealing with this evil ED, and that sentiment goes to the rest of you here.

Regardless of what level we're at - whether we're just understanding and accepting we HAVE an ED, or if we're on the cusp of full recovery, we all need each other just as much.

Reply 2664

Anonymous #48

I feel a binge coming on. I know it's self induced and it's my fault and I don't care to stop it.

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Reply 2665

Riku

Original post by Anonymous

I feel a binge coming on. I know it's self induced and it's my fault and I don't care to stop it.

Spoiler

________
OMG, I've just enjoyed a takeaway. Didn't quite think that was possible to ever happen. I thought I'd be able to eat them and accept the loss of progress, rationalise it's probably less detrimental to health than I make out, but actually savour and adore the meal? It's a sweet feeling, really.
(Char-sui Duck, nomnom! I don't believe I've yet chosen crispy duck of my own free will so it's a cornerstone)

That's another thing I like about recovery. You get to move, ever so slowly at first, out of the cave of restriction, obsession or ritualising and into what, to be honest, feels like a new world. Back out of boring and numbing routine into a realm of so many possibilities. Not just with food, there's lot of things I've done recently that I never dreamed of being able to do again, and some new experiences I've never had before on top.

The other thing I've found that has helped is the right to say Yes and No to anything and anyone. If anything has stopped me feeling like I binge at mealtimes, it's the ability to leave some on the plate for another time without feeling like I'm committing a cardinal sin. I spent a hell of a lot of time asking "is it OK if I do this?", "do you mind if I do this?", terrified at the very notion that I choose something in case they disapprove. So I spent many hours and many nights trying to be Hitch and solve every friend's problem at the expense of my own. And I spent a lot of time saying Sorry to people for breathing in their presence, even strangers. In the end, I cracked.
But now I'm trying something bizarre and asking, what do I want to do? Is this really something I'm comfortable doing? Can I afford to do it? Why do I need to be everyone's guardian angel or Agony Aunt?
It's not rude and it doesn't make you a bad person if you turn an offer down. Nor does it make you greedy or selfish to say Yes to something. Anything. And again, that goes for anything in life.
We're allowed to reach out, the choice is in our hands and always is. Life's ours for the taking.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 2666

Antiaris

Not gonna be nice Antiaris in this post, so heads up.

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Reply 2667

Anonymous #48

I'm going to take this as my new philosophy... (spoilered as I don't want to trigger any one but it's a decent pic)

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Reply 2668

.snowflake.

Original post by Antiaris

Not gonna be nice Antiaris in this post, so heads up.

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Your dad's a spiteful piece of work. Your interview will go amazingly, and clearly, they wouldn't interview you if they didnt want you. Admittedly york say the same for Chemistry and I'm convinced they'll decide after interview that they no longer want me/ i'm genuinely as sad and as much of a loner as I sounded in my PS...

Reply 2669

LaBelleEtLeBete

Ugh Ugh Ugh

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Reply 2670

x-Disenchanted-x

Original post by LaBelleEtLeBete

Ugh Ugh Ugh

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It must be terrible to feel so disregarded and it's no wonder you're hurt. What your father has said is cruel, and obviously there is something unhealthy in his thinking; this is not normal at all. I'm glad to see however that you know that he is in the wrong here.
Has he been brought up to believe in this distorted perception of women as ideally unhealthily thin? Does anyone on his side have an eating disorder themselves? Maybe he was under so much pressure when young to achieve that he has inflicted this on you and your sisters. Please ignore it. For your health, for your own self-esteem, ignore it.
You're right to notice that you get more attention than your sisters; after all, doesn't everyone on this forum here because this is what we want to achieve: a picture of health? Of course your size-10 figure makes you beautiful and I can only envy you that!
Hold your head up high. You've obviously got a good head on your shoulders and I'm pretty sure your Dad's view of "perfection" is not shared by others. Stay healthy and stay strong and you WILL come out on top. :hugs:

Reply 2671

Riku

Original post by Antiaris

Not gonna be nice Antiaris in this post, so heads up.

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Original post by LaBelleEtLeBete

Ugh Ugh Ugh

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Good luck with the interview, Antiaris!

Reply 2672

Riku

Oh dear I'm having a moment:

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Don't know whether this is anxiety sending me a barrage of disordered thoughts or what : /

Reply 2673

.snowflake.

Original post by Riku

Oh dear I'm having a moment:

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Don't know whether this is anxiety sending me a barrage of disordered thoughts or what : /

RIKU. Breathe man. It's not your fault your mam is on anti D's. Depresiion is a chemical imbalance in the brain, not something you've done. Would talking with them help the 'ARGH -flail/mad panicness-?'

Reply 2674

squiff93

I think I'm on the right path, I'm eating 3 healthy meals a day including all the things I need to and having a dessert as a treat after dinner. I'm trying to keep myself active by going to the gym but not being obsessive and so far it's working.

I am struggling with the depression side of it, I feel really down a lot of the time and a part of me wants to 'give up' but I am STRONGER than that, I won't give up because it won't make me any less depressed. This is the first time in a while I've felt like a normal, healthy person and I don't see how going back to the way I was would solve anything.

I've been going out a lot less and that to is helping me to feel better, no alcohol binges then starve days, no guilt from calories from drinking. Instead I'll go out once or twice a week as a treat, dancing will work off any alcohol and I can just ENJOY spending time with my friends and ENJOY being at university!!

Just want to thank the people on this thread, I've learnt a lot from your stories and inspirational messages. The way that you didn't give up and showed me that I shouldn't either. You can't succeed unless you try, and maybe you'll get knocked down but you'll get up stronger and wiser and eventually you'll do it right, and it'll feel so bloody good!

Reply 2675

Riku

Original post by .snowflake.

Snowflake, she said to my face just ebfore she went on it's because of two reasons really: me, and she finds work ****. 0_0
And she's like a different person at the moment, it's kinda manic depressive episodes one minute she's bouncy and laughing the next she's freaking out over nothing. She seems a lot more on edge anyway.
Stupid thing is she reminds me of me last year, lol. Aaargh I feel baddd

Reply 2676

Jordyy

I sort of skim read the OP and is this thread a way to help each other?

I don't eat when I'm nervous, stressed, depressed, not feeling 100%. Not out of choice but because me appetite just goes. Sometimes my stomach can be hungry without my mind being hungry. I go to eat but don't feel like it.

Sometimes I forced myself to eat more, try and expand my stomach so I could increase food capacity. But I've been so down under lately that some days I can just not eat at all. I've always been underweight though. I have some big major things coming up in recent months that'll further increase my stress and nervous levels and possible cause depression or perhaps it might not.

I once went to the doctor and they weren't too fussed. They wouldn't give me any protein shakes or anything like that. Are protein shakes a good way? It made my friend get quite chubby when he used to have them and not exercise.

Reply 2677

.snowflake.

Original post by Riku

Oh ****. Sorry!!

Reply 2678

Riku

Original post by .snowflake.

Oh ****. Sorry!!

It's not your fault. These things happen, I guess.
:hugs:

Reply 2679

squiff93

Original post by Riku

Oh dear I'm having a moment:

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Don't know whether this is anxiety sending me a barrage of disordered thoughts or what : /

It isn't your fault Riku, you never set out to harm or upset your Mum and I'm sure she knows that. She loves you, so obviously her seeing you ill has been hard on her. It was the same with my parents they cried, blamed themselves and we argued. But they knew it wasn't their fault, but it was something that needed to be sorted out.

Whenever we used to talk about my ED someone would get upset, but once it was all out there was also a sense of relief like we were a little bit closer to getting some insight or understanding and finding a way to solve the problems.

Depression is a hard thing to deal with but no-one can be blamed for it. You said that what you are doing in terms of dealing with eating and your eating disorder is working, tell your mum that be honest with her, hopefully she'll support you. Reading your messages you sound like you're a fighter, so keep fighting. Don't go back to your old habits it won't help anything.