Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.
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Original post by Laus
Saw this; it looks good.
I suffered from anorexia for almost four years, but I am so much better, which is something I couldn't imagine ever happening when I was ill. I honestly thought I'd be sick forever, and that the thoughts I had would never stop tormenting me. My relationship with food isn't fantastic - I still look at calories and have days where I think oh my god how did I let myself get so fat (I'm not fat) - but, for the most part, I'm well. It's a wonderful feeling, and I promise anyone who is struggling now that there is light at the end of the tunnel and that wellness is possible. I wish you all the best of luck.
I suffered from anorexia for almost four years, but I am so much better, which is something I couldn't imagine ever happening when I was ill. I honestly thought I'd be sick forever, and that the thoughts I had would never stop tormenting me. My relationship with food isn't fantastic - I still look at calories and have days where I think oh my god how did I let myself get so fat (I'm not fat) - but, for the most part, I'm well. It's a wonderful feeling, and I promise anyone who is struggling now that there is light at the end of the tunnel and that wellness is possible. I wish you all the best of luck.
This is what I really needed to read this morning.
Thank you so much! Keep strong.
Original post by briesandwich
This is what I really needed to read this morning. Thank you so much! Keep strong.
Thank you so much! Keep strong.Your username has totally made me want a brie and cranberry sandwich!
I'm wearing a top that I last wore at the height of my ED (three years ago) it's strange how even that is making me feel all weird. Not triggered, not huge, just weird.
Original post by LaBelleEtLeBete
I'm wearing a top that I last wore at the height of my ED (three years ago) it's strange how even that is making me feel all weird. Not triggered, not huge, just weird.
Good weird or bad weird.
Original post by .snowflake.
Good weird or bad weird.
Just weird... I don't now how to put it. I just don't feel myself today, at all. But I'm not distressed or anything. Argh. Stupid brain.
Original post by LaBelleEtLeBete
Just weird... I don't now how to put it. I just don't feel myself today, at all. But I'm not distressed or anything. Argh. Stupid brain.
bad brain. Stop being weird.
Original post by .snowflake.
bad brain. Stop being weird.
Is it weird to tell off your own brain?Original post by LaBelleEtLeBete Is it weird to tell off your own brain?
Is it weird to tell off your own brain?for me, no. For everyone else, possibly.
Original post by .snowflake.
for me, no. For everyone else, possibly.
Once someone else admits to it it's no longer the habit of a crazy person IMO.
Original post by LaBelleEtLeBete
Once someone else admits to it it's no longer the habit of a crazy person IMO.
true.
Being a student with an eating disorder is a ****ing nightmare. To tell you the truth, it is obsessive control over my intake which helped me concentrate on work. Every aspect of my life was controlled perfectly throughout my first years at uni, I would eat at exact times with precise calorie intake and work none stop to a tight schedule. Perfect marks at uni, everything going swimmingly.
It was only in my 2nd year when my weight dropped below around 7.5 stone that I was forced to do something about my eating. I admitted there were aspects of my life I hated, I disliked the constant cold, the inability to leave shops without reading food labels (I remember one time crying in a Morrisons over some pasta I 'couldn't' have... good times) but with hindsight in terms of academic output, I was never better than when I was going through a bad patch. I am currently in a horrible liminal situation of being both unable to control my food/feeling terrible about myself, coupled with an inability/lack of motivation for work. So not only do I feel as if I have lost the one 'thing', a little piece of regularity and control, in my life but I have held onto the residual feelings of self loathing associated with the consumption of food. All i have left is a mountain of work, which I no longer have the motivation to even tackle, and a body which I am even less happy with than when I have been an in patient.
There is also an additional stigma of being a man with a condition traditionally associated with femininity. An additional insult for me was that although these days there seems to be an obsession and glorification with female size zero, if a man is severely underweight it is instantly repulsive. Thus, not only do you struggle to receive any help, but you have the added proverbial kick in the balls of being ugly in the eyes of everyone else, as well as yourself!
Anorexia totally ruined, and still is ruining my life. It's a part of me that will never go, I will never be able to establish a healthy relationship with food. To be honest, it's getting to a stage now where sadness has been overtaken by apathy. Self pity can at least be enjoyable at times, the pleasure you get from listening to sad music etc. but when it's overtaken by pure apathy, that's when you know you're ****ed.
Anyway, sorry for the ramble. The worst part perhaps is that one day I know this eating lark will get the better of me. Not only does food govern how I live but ultimately there is a good statistical likelihood it will govern how I die. fun times =/
May I just add, that I am in no way appealing for sympathy nor do I wish to come across as a whiny child. I'm a 23 year old male, and feel I have the emotional maturity to be able to cope without the faux sympathetic advice of strangers (as arrogant as perhaps that sounds). All I would say is that people who glamorise this, or see this lifestyle as something be aspired to, be warned... it completely sucks balls.
It was only in my 2nd year when my weight dropped below around 7.5 stone that I was forced to do something about my eating. I admitted there were aspects of my life I hated, I disliked the constant cold, the inability to leave shops without reading food labels (I remember one time crying in a Morrisons over some pasta I 'couldn't' have... good times) but with hindsight in terms of academic output, I was never better than when I was going through a bad patch. I am currently in a horrible liminal situation of being both unable to control my food/feeling terrible about myself, coupled with an inability/lack of motivation for work. So not only do I feel as if I have lost the one 'thing', a little piece of regularity and control, in my life but I have held onto the residual feelings of self loathing associated with the consumption of food. All i have left is a mountain of work, which I no longer have the motivation to even tackle, and a body which I am even less happy with than when I have been an in patient.
There is also an additional stigma of being a man with a condition traditionally associated with femininity. An additional insult for me was that although these days there seems to be an obsession and glorification with female size zero, if a man is severely underweight it is instantly repulsive. Thus, not only do you struggle to receive any help, but you have the added proverbial kick in the balls of being ugly in the eyes of everyone else, as well as yourself!
Anorexia totally ruined, and still is ruining my life. It's a part of me that will never go, I will never be able to establish a healthy relationship with food. To be honest, it's getting to a stage now where sadness has been overtaken by apathy. Self pity can at least be enjoyable at times, the pleasure you get from listening to sad music etc. but when it's overtaken by pure apathy, that's when you know you're ****ed.
Anyway, sorry for the ramble. The worst part perhaps is that one day I know this eating lark will get the better of me. Not only does food govern how I live but ultimately there is a good statistical likelihood it will govern how I die. fun times =/
May I just add, that I am in no way appealing for sympathy nor do I wish to come across as a whiny child. I'm a 23 year old male, and feel I have the emotional maturity to be able to cope without the faux sympathetic advice of strangers (as arrogant as perhaps that sounds). All I would say is that people who glamorise this, or see this lifestyle as something be aspired to, be warned... it completely sucks balls.
Original post by Anonymous
Anon was accidental.
Original post by Anonymous
Being a student with an eating disorder is a ****ing nightmare. To tell you the truth, it is obsessive control over my intake which helped me concentrate on work. Every aspect of my life was controlled perfectly throughout my first years at uni, I would eat at exact times with precise calorie intake and work none stop to a tight schedule. Perfect marks at uni, everything going swimmingly.
It was only in my 2nd year when my weight dropped below around 7.5 stone that I was forced to do something about my eating. I admitted there were aspects of my life I hated, I disliked the constant cold, the inability to leave shops without reading food labels (I remember one time crying in a Morrisons over some pasta I 'couldn't' have... good times) but with hindsight in terms of academic output, I was never better than when I was going through a bad patch. I am currently in a horrible liminal situation of being both unable to control my food/feeling terrible about myself, coupled with an inability/lack of motivation for work. So not only do I feel as if I have lost the one 'thing', a little piece of regularity and control, in my life but I have held onto the residual feelings of self loathing associated with the consumption of food. All i have left is a mountain of work, which I no longer have the motivation to even tackle, and a body which I am even less happy with than when I have been an in patient.
There is also an additional stigma of being a man with a condition traditionally associated with femininity. An additional insult for me was that although these days there seems to be an obsession and glorification with female size zero, if a man is severely underweight it is instantly repulsive. Thus, not only do you struggle to receive any help, but you have the added proverbial kick in the balls of being ugly in the eyes of everyone else, as well as yourself!
Anorexia totally ruined, and still is ruining my life. It's a part of me that will never go, I will never be able to establish a healthy relationship with food. To be honest, it's getting to a stage now where sadness has been overtaken by apathy. Self pity can at least be enjoyable at times, the pleasure you get from listening to sad music etc. but when it's overtaken by pure apathy, that's when you know you're ****ed.
Anyway, sorry for the ramble. The worst part perhaps is that one day I know this eating lark will get the better of me. Not only does food govern how I live but ultimately there is a good statistical likelihood it will govern how I die. fun times =/
May I just add, that I am in no way appealing for sympathy nor do I wish to come across as a whiny child. I'm a 23 year old male, and feel I have the emotional maturity to be able to cope without the faux sympathetic advice of strangers (as arrogant as perhaps that sounds). All I would say is that people who glamorise this, or see this lifestyle as something be aspired to, be warned... it completely sucks balls.
It was only in my 2nd year when my weight dropped below around 7.5 stone that I was forced to do something about my eating. I admitted there were aspects of my life I hated, I disliked the constant cold, the inability to leave shops without reading food labels (I remember one time crying in a Morrisons over some pasta I 'couldn't' have... good times) but with hindsight in terms of academic output, I was never better than when I was going through a bad patch. I am currently in a horrible liminal situation of being both unable to control my food/feeling terrible about myself, coupled with an inability/lack of motivation for work. So not only do I feel as if I have lost the one 'thing', a little piece of regularity and control, in my life but I have held onto the residual feelings of self loathing associated with the consumption of food. All i have left is a mountain of work, which I no longer have the motivation to even tackle, and a body which I am even less happy with than when I have been an in patient.
There is also an additional stigma of being a man with a condition traditionally associated with femininity. An additional insult for me was that although these days there seems to be an obsession and glorification with female size zero, if a man is severely underweight it is instantly repulsive. Thus, not only do you struggle to receive any help, but you have the added proverbial kick in the balls of being ugly in the eyes of everyone else, as well as yourself!
Anorexia totally ruined, and still is ruining my life. It's a part of me that will never go, I will never be able to establish a healthy relationship with food. To be honest, it's getting to a stage now where sadness has been overtaken by apathy. Self pity can at least be enjoyable at times, the pleasure you get from listening to sad music etc. but when it's overtaken by pure apathy, that's when you know you're ****ed.
Anyway, sorry for the ramble. The worst part perhaps is that one day I know this eating lark will get the better of me. Not only does food govern how I live but ultimately there is a good statistical likelihood it will govern how I die. fun times =/
May I just add, that I am in no way appealing for sympathy nor do I wish to come across as a whiny child. I'm a 23 year old male, and feel I have the emotional maturity to be able to cope without the faux sympathetic advice of strangers (as arrogant as perhaps that sounds). All I would say is that people who glamorise this, or see this lifestyle as something be aspired to, be warned... it completely sucks balls.
Surprising number of male anorexics here honestly.
One in ten people will have an eating disorder of some sort at some point in their lives.
One in ten of those will be male.
Here? Riku, Toto, myself (All named Tom coincidentally), and now yourself.
Seems the numbers may either be skewed as men are less likely to divulge, or male Student Room members are more likely to have food issues. Your choice.
Apathy is an absolute... null. Seriously. I know what it feels like, I think most of us knows what it feels like. Feels like crap. Or lack thereof. Eating disorders are notoriously linked to depression. Serotonin? Nope. That little neurotransmitter needs carbohydrates to get the tryptophan through to be converted. Oh yeh, that, tryptophan. How you gonna get it without the foods containing it? Noradrenaline? DOPAMINE EVEN?!
People always think that the big thing with eating disorders is malnourishment and the like, but they forget that actually a big proportion of the hefty death rate is actually suicides.
You've recognized the issue. Now face it.
Just to mention on the "faux sympathetic advice of strangers", don't think of it like that. People show genuine concern, honestly (or at least I do.) People get nothing from pretending to show concern, as such they wouldn't post ANYTHING if they didn't actually feel the concern mentioned. The brilliant thing is that people respond to pure personality on the internet. If they show concern, it is GOING to be GENUINE concern over YOU. Not your body, not your job nor your degree. You, as a person.
You have two options.
a)Try and get professional help
b)Try and face this on your own
Just to tells ya on recovery;
Better go in hard, and fast. Go to the weight gain section and the help and advice section of caloriecount for guidance.
Don't give up. Set a goal in mind, go for it.
Things take a while to normalise after. Don't worry about this transition period.
Best of luck to ya mate. Pop here again, don't ever feel daunted.
Original post by Laus
Your username has totally made me want a brie and cranberry sandwich!
Cranberry?!
Why ruin such beautiful cheese. 
Happy Eating Disorders Awareness Week everyone!
Yesterday was not fun. Got into my bed at half midnight, 22 hours after I left it! My team came 12 out of 14 and the co-ed squad came 13 out of 15. Good results if you consider that we've had a couple of really bad weeks with injuries left right and centre (co-ed had to re-organise their routine on Thursday, and again on Friday because of it, and then again on the day) and that it's our first comp, but I'm still a little disappointed. Perfectionist side in me is really coming out recently :/
I don't even want to think about the food aspect of it. Two stops at McDonalds.... enough said...
I don't even want to think about the food aspect of it. Two stops at McDonalds.... enough said...
Hi everyone,
I have been following this thread for ages and would love to just ask a question. Has anyone managed to get any better, or take any steps forward, without seeing a counsellor or other such person. I get absolutely NO benefit from talking things through with people and working out where things started etc. It makes me feel worse rather than better and makes me mull over things rather than changing anything. I have tried CBT, counselling, pyschotherapy, hypotherapy, acupuncture...the lot - but to no avail. Everyone seems to think that I am getting defensive and hitting the self destruct button when I say that I do not want to carry on with this side of things. But I have no idea what alternative there is - has anyone tried anything else?
Thank you in advance, any help would be amazing.
I have been following this thread for ages and would love to just ask a question. Has anyone managed to get any better, or take any steps forward, without seeing a counsellor or other such person. I get absolutely NO benefit from talking things through with people and working out where things started etc. It makes me feel worse rather than better and makes me mull over things rather than changing anything. I have tried CBT, counselling, pyschotherapy, hypotherapy, acupuncture...the lot - but to no avail. Everyone seems to think that I am getting defensive and hitting the self destruct button when I say that I do not want to carry on with this side of things. But I have no idea what alternative there is - has anyone tried anything else?
Thank you in advance, any help would be amazing.
Original post by PharmacyGirl26
Hi everyone,
I have been following this thread for ages and would love to just ask a question. Has anyone managed to get any better, or take any steps forward, without seeing a counsellor or other such person. I get absolutely NO benefit from talking things through with people and working out where things started etc. It makes me feel worse rather than better and makes me mull over things rather than changing anything. I have tried CBT, counselling, pyschotherapy, hypotherapy, acupuncture...the lot - but to no avail. Everyone seems to think that I am getting defensive and hitting the self destruct button when I say that I do not want to carry on with this side of things. But I have no idea what alternative there is - has anyone tried anything else?
Thank you in advance, any help would be amazing.
I have been following this thread for ages and would love to just ask a question. Has anyone managed to get any better, or take any steps forward, without seeing a counsellor or other such person. I get absolutely NO benefit from talking things through with people and working out where things started etc. It makes me feel worse rather than better and makes me mull over things rather than changing anything. I have tried CBT, counselling, pyschotherapy, hypotherapy, acupuncture...the lot - but to no avail. Everyone seems to think that I am getting defensive and hitting the self destruct button when I say that I do not want to carry on with this side of things. But I have no idea what alternative there is - has anyone tried anything else?
Thank you in advance, any help would be amazing.
I had binge eating disorder, it was quite bad I was binging about 3 days a week and then restricting the other days. However suddenly my situation changed and I'm starting to get all the things I want(first choice uni, good job for gap year etc) and this had triggered some positivity within me which is helping me through, i haven't binged for about 2 weeks and I don't feel like I will, I still have the compulsion to binge I just don't act upon it which is difficult but manageable. I also created a blog anonymously which I used to vent out my feelings and that helped.
However I would say my ED was quite mild, I've only suffered from it for about 6 months so it's going to be a bit easier to recover from than if you've had it for a lot longer so just bear that in mind.
Good luck and keep trying, being in recovery and feeling positive about the future is the best feeling ever.
Original post by Anonymous
I had binge eating disorder, it was quite bad I was binging about 3 days a week and then restricting the other days. However suddenly my situation changed and I'm starting to get all the things I want(first choice uni, good job for gap year etc) and this had triggered some positivity within me which is helping me through, i haven't binged for about 2 weeks and I don't feel like I will, I still have the compulsion to binge I just don't act upon it which is difficult but manageable. I also created a blog anonymously which I used to vent out my feelings and that helped.
However I would say my ED was quite mild, I've only suffered from it for about 6 months so it's going to be a bit easier to recover from than if you've had it for a lot longer so just bear that in mind.
Good luck and keep trying, being in recovery and feeling positive about the future is the best feeling ever.
However I would say my ED was quite mild, I've only suffered from it for about 6 months so it's going to be a bit easier to recover from than if you've had it for a lot longer so just bear that in mind.
Good luck and keep trying, being in recovery and feeling positive about the future is the best feeling ever.
Thank you very much - sounds like you have done a really good job - and good on you!! I have had problems with my eating and diet etc for about 9 years now and its very deeply entrenched, and it occupies my thoughts 24/7. I am at Uni in my 3rd year of a 5 year course, so I need to make sure I can stay at uni and keep on getting the grades I need to carry on, and everyone seems to think that means going to useless appts to talk to people that make me feel worse and if I don't go, then I am effectively rejecting the help and support that my lecturers have given me.
I hate going to an appt every week for an hour or so, whether I feel like it or not and I can't understand why this is the only option available. I have tried several Drs, several times, self referral and just doing nothing but everything seems to lead to a counselling type approach and I know for sure that it doesn't help me. I'm at such a dead end!
Bear in mind guys...
... they say recovery takes approximately as long for the individual as the duration of the illness (including the "onset" period).
This means if you've been suffering anorexia for two years to expect at LEAST two years of proper recovery time.
This isn't true of every case but my therapist said to me that it's surprisingly accurate based on past experience...
... they say recovery takes approximately as long for the individual as the duration of the illness (including the "onset" period).
This means if you've been suffering anorexia for two years to expect at LEAST two years of proper recovery time.
This isn't true of every case but my therapist said to me that it's surprisingly accurate based on past experience...
Original post by .Scout.
*hugs*
I know exactly what you are going through.
I didn't have the best start in life; I had a tough childhood which caused me (and still to this day causes) a lot of pain and upset. I ultimately used food as a way of gaining some control over my life. I was literally obsessed; I would think constantly about food - yet would deprive myself from eating. I would weigh everything, stand religiously on the scales and eat in private. This made me feel powerful and made me feel as if I was in control.
I was hospitalised, I failed my A Levels yet still was delusional; I still craved control and thought that there was nothing wrong with what I was doing to myself. Now, I'm at university and at a 'healthy weight' but does that mean that everything is okay? No.
To an outsider, everything would seem a-okay. I no longer look skeletal and my obsession with food and cookery shows makes it seem as if I have a passion for food; but in reality, I'm so close to slipping back into my old ways. I may be healthy now but I know that i'll never be able to fully recover as I just can't shake off this mindset.
I know exactly what you are going through.
I didn't have the best start in life; I had a tough childhood which caused me (and still to this day causes) a lot of pain and upset. I ultimately used food as a way of gaining some control over my life. I was literally obsessed; I would think constantly about food - yet would deprive myself from eating. I would weigh everything, stand religiously on the scales and eat in private. This made me feel powerful and made me feel as if I was in control.
I was hospitalised, I failed my A Levels yet still was delusional; I still craved control and thought that there was nothing wrong with what I was doing to myself. Now, I'm at university and at a 'healthy weight' but does that mean that everything is okay? No.
To an outsider, everything would seem a-okay. I no longer look skeletal and my obsession with food and cookery shows makes it seem as if I have a passion for food; but in reality, I'm so close to slipping back into my old ways. I may be healthy now but I know that i'll never be able to fully recover as I just can't shake off this mindset.
I'm exactly the same .Scout.
Throughout year 9, 10, 11, then Sixth-form I had on-going issues that gradually got worse and worse. They lessened massively in the last year of Sixth-form (I was there for 3 years because I had to re-sit the year due to the problem) and I thought I was over it even though I was still thinking about it all and was tempted to carry on and want to lose a lot of weight. So it was better.
When I moved to University this September just gone, everything was great, but in the last two/three months it's all started to hit me again, and I've started to slip into the behaviours again. The mindset has made a massive appearance.
It really is hard.
I hope that people that haven't got an eating disorder don't ever go through one, and never, ever wish to have one, just because you want to lose weight. It's life threatening and life changing, even if you aren't underweight, even if you are over-weight you can still have an eating disorder.
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