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The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

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Well her vist is halfway through, im at work tomorrow and have only got till Sunday, cant beleive how fast its gone, its really not fair - but just need to make the most of it (and and we have done that for shizzle dawg :biggrin:

)

Get off TSR and go kiss your girlfriend one more time boy :tongue:

Just kidding, glad you're having fun!!

Reply 7421

Cicerao

Original post by strawberry

Just to make you guys feel a little more hope for long distance relationships :smile:

I was in a long distance relationship for 2.5 years that ended only last August. We lived about an hour's drive away from each other, and only saw each other every other week ... if I didn't have stuff going on with school. When I got my job offer, I moved even further away from him - a 4 hour drive - and was prepared to not be able to see him for months at a time :frown:

He managed to find a job where I was, and moved up to be with me a mere month after I moved.

We now live together, and will be getting married soon.
HAVE FAITH!! <3 :smile:

I hate to be a dick and all, but you lived an hour away from each other, this isn't going to give any "hope" or "faith" to those in actually long distance relationships. I know it's not in the spirit of the thread to admit it, but it ****s me off when people celebrate how they overcame all the difficulties of living a short train ride from each other. Meanwhile with couples thousands of miles away.

Reply 7422

HeatherM

Original post by such_a_lady

Only 29 days left...

I know the feeling so so much :frown:

It's so horrible :frown:

Just keep counting :smile:

I'm looking at either a very slim chance of 25 days.
If not then, i'm looking at 76 days. :L :frown:

Reply 7423

strawberry

Original post by Goody2Shoes-x

Congratulations! Best of luck with the prep for the wedding! :biggrin:

Thank you!

Original post by silverbolt

You have a date set yet?

btw how did he find out your ring size (not that im looking for ideas or anything :biggrin:

)

Yes we do. He actually had it relatively easy because I went ring shopping with his mother and sister some months before :smile:

Original post by Cicerao

Oh? Well people who start their sentences off with "I hate to be a dick but .." usually mean to be.
So I suppose I forgot to mention the times when I was back in my home country and he was in the US with a 12 hour time difference but that doesn't matter either?
Good on you for assumptions, especially since I didn't feel the need to tell you everything about my life with him. For the record, it's a 27 hour flight home for me.
Is that "thousand miles apart" enough for you?

I don't think how far people are apart has anything to do with it, because they ALL require effort.
To me, long distance is anything >= an hour apart, because I don't see that as convenient due to the fact that you can't just decide on the spur of the moment that you want to head over to see them.
Comparing how far you are from your partner to how far someone else is from theirs and judging the "strength of their love" based on that, is just plain ignorant.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 7424

such_a_lady

Original post by HeatherM

It's so horrible :frown:

Just keep counting :smile:

I'm looking at either a very slim chance of 25 days.
If not then, i'm looking at 76 days. :L :frown:

Again, I know the awful feeling where you've got dates and then he says "Wait a second..." and your heart not so much sinks as thuds to the floor :frown:

Reply 7425

HeatherM

Original post by such_a_lady

Again, I know the awful feeling where you've got dates and then he says "Wait a second..." and your heart not so much sinks as thuds to the floor :frown:

I know what you mean. :L
it's like a physical disappointment!! :L

Reply 7426

Goody2Shoes-x

Original post by Cicerao

If you're apart, you're apart. It doesn't matter if you're an hour's train journey or a 24 hour plane ride away, the distance is still there. If someone feels seperate and away from their partner, it feels crap no matter how big the distance. No need to belittle people for feeling that way.

Reply 7427

ktlaurenroe

^ Agree definitely. I would say it is generally more difficult the further apart you are - but that doesn't mean it's not hard when you're only 1 or 2 hours away from each other. When distance affects how regularly you can see them, it's long distance, and it's hard for everyone. :yep:

Reply 7428

Jellybean91

Original post by Cicerao

It doesn't matter how far away you are, distance is distance. It still means you cant see your partner when you want, and although some people may only live an hour apart, sometimes they have commitments that mean they cant see each other for weeks at a time! You can't belittle someone just because you're jealous of how close they are, because it doesn't make it any easier and we're meant to be here to help each other not talk to each other like that! I've done both the hour apart and the thousands of miles apart, neither is easy, so we sometimes its nice to be able to celebrate the victories and see people who have made it through!

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 7429

jeh_jeh

Original post by Cicerao

I would also argue that sometimes being closer is worse. Okay, if you're thousands of miles away and don't know when you can see each other again, it sucks - majorly! - but sometimes being only a small distance apart can be equally as frustrating when you still don't have time to see each other. I've done the thousand miles apart thing and, yes, it's horrible (especially when there's a time difference involved), but we're now twenty minutes away on the train and that really makes it no better because I still can't see him when I want to, because there's still a considerable amount of travelling involved (bus to the station, waiting at the station, changing at the first destination station, waiting for the second train - it all adds up). Add to that the fact that I'm a finalist about to go onto a highly competitive MA programme and he's at medical school about to start exams, and it means that our schedules are very, very tight. Despite living a "mere" hour away from each other in the holidays, we saw each other a grand total of three times over Christmas, purely because of our uni commitments. With such a small distance, I'm sure most people would expect the number of visits to be higher.

At the end of the day, though, belittling someone else's experiences isn't going to make your own situation any better. And, honestly, if all you want to do is wallow in self-pity, go somewhere else because this thread is supposed to be full of positivity and support, not turning love and relationships into a competitive sport.

Reply 7430

victorialou23

I've been out with a guy who was a four hour train ride away and wouldn't consider that long distance but then my boyfriend is in France at the moment and i'm finding it way harder now that calling and texting is out of the equation.

Reply 7431

Sazzy890

Original post by Cicerao

My boyfriend lives 2.5 - 3 hours away, but by the time I have finished work I would not be able to nip over and see him after work otherwise I wouldn't be able to make it in for work the next day. You can't just nip in and see each other during your lunch break. Or nip round for a cuddle if you're a feeling a little low. Even an hour way, with travel expenses (and even an hour away for train travel or driving is ****ing expense), waiting around for buses or trains, changes in between trains etc you don't get time to just pop round when you feel like it. So, yes, it is a challenge and yes it still counts as an LDR. Just because some people are in international LDR's it doesn't give them the right to say that their relationship is harder than someone who only lives a couple of hours away. You still can't just pop round when you feel like it. There's still a distance between you and no, it is not easy to overcome that distance if you both work or if you don't have much money (or both). Thankfully I'm lucky, I get to see my boyfriend on a regular basis at weekends, but I would give anything to be able to walk to his house for just a cuddle or cup of tea. I feel for those who are even further, but it ****s me off when people think that they are worse off than others when really we're all in the same boat and should be supporting each other.

Reply 7432

jeh_jeh

Original post by victorialou23

You do know you can still text his English number (if he has it with him in France), right? The only charges that are incurred are if an English phone is used abroad to text/call. So you can text him and call his English number and both will be included in whatever tariff you currently have. If he's out there for a while, you might consider getting PAYG BlackBerrys, because even though there's an initial cost (I think Orange do the handsets for a little over £100) BlackBerry Messenger is usually free even abroad - so essentially free texts! For calls, have you looked into Skype? For about a fiver a month, you can get a subscription with Skype credit that lets you have unlimited calls to landlines (there's probably similar packages for mobiles), so that might be worth a look, too.

Reply 7433

such_a_lady

Original post by victorialou23

Emails from your phone are your best friend :tongue:

Reply 7434

jeh_jeh

Original post by such_a_lady

Emails from your phone are your best friend :tongue:

It's still free (or whatever your usual price is) to text someone in France, as long as you text an English number. Because, essentially, the cost comes when you're using a network that isn't your own - so it's free for the person in England, because they're connected to their usual network; and it costs the person abroad for both texts and to make/receive calls because they're hogging a foreign network with their English phone.

Reply 7435

such_a_lady

Original post by jeh_jeh

My boyfriend doesn't have an English number, so :tongue:

Reply 7436

jeh_jeh

Original post by such_a_lady

My boyfriend doesn't have an English number, so :tongue:

Ah, I see your issue. Although Skype credit is excellent - you can get pretty cheap monthly subscriptions to call landlines/mobiles from the computer.

Reply 7437

strawberry

Original post by Sazzy890

I feel for those who are even further, but it ****s me off when people think that they are worse off than others when really we're all in the same boat and should be supporting each other.

Amen.

I think I'm going to stop by in here more often :smile:

I've always loved LDR communities.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 7438

such_a_lady

Original post by strawberry

Amen.

I think I'm going to stop by in here more often :smile:

I've always loved LDR communities.

So what is your home country? :smile:

Reply 7439

jeh_jeh

Original post by such_a_lady

So what is your home country? :smile:

I'm guessing if it's so far from the US it's probably either Australia/New Zealand or the Far East (yes, I know, not a country, but I can't really be much more specific!).