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The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

I want to keep this post anon please.
Just want to find out from you ldr'ers any advice on how you cope when your other half is away. I am to be in a ldr soon for 3 years :frown:

. Our relationship is great but I'm not one to deal with change well so just need some good advice on coping! :smile:

thank you

First of all, that's already good news , you know that it's three years. Some people don't know how long their LDr is going to last.. :tongue:

Make sure that you stay in touch everyday :smile:

you don't know how much this helps :smile:

and visit one another as much as you can :smile:

may I ask where she/he is going? :smile:

Reply 7481

caseyhayes

6

Original post by Ciccina

Sorry for the stress dear! Hang in there :hugs:

how long till you see the boy? :smile:

A few horrible bits left at work this week and then Friday! :smile:

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 7482

caseyhayes

6

Original post by ohdrama

they are deep-rooted and i think we both know that. i'm trying to work things out, talking to people, but those incidents have changed the way i look at certain things quite drastically. it is still a long way to go to properly process those things and "recover".

unfortunately, he doesn't wanna talk about it. he even threatened to end our relationship. like there's no way in hell we can ever talk things through. all he sees is how i've ruined his trust by going through his messages. i didn't do it secretly btw. he was acting strange and i asked him a couple of times about it, but he just went on being all preoccupied etc. so i urged him to show me those messages blah blah blah. i'm not proud of myself for doing that, it was terrible and i DO understand how upset he was (or: is). but what i've read has somehow ruined my trust as well and by absolutely not wanting to talk about it, it just seems like he wants to avoid confrontation. and tbh, if i were in this shoes, i wouldn't have a clue how to explain the things he's said...

no idea what's going to happen. maybe i'll manage to get over it for the moment, but it will sneak up on me again eventually. bright prospects. always wanted to know in advance when i'll get dumped, yay.

Ohh, I'm sorry I don't know what else to say. For me, I don't think I could have continued the relationship and not talked about it...

Reply 7483

Ciccina

Original post by caseyhayes

A few horrible bits left at work this week and then Friday! :smile:

Friday, yay!! :biggrin:

hope it'll get better at work :smile:

pm me if you need to vent out! :hugs:

Reply 7484

Anonymous #426

Original post by ohdrama

they are deep-rooted and i think we both know that. i'm trying to work things out, talking to people, but those incidents have changed the way i look at certain things quite drastically. it is still a long way to go to properly process those things and "recover".

unfortunately, he doesn't wanna talk about it. he even threatened to end our relationship. like there's no way in hell we can ever talk things through. all he sees is how i've ruined his trust by going through his messages. i didn't do it secretly btw. he was acting strange and i asked him a couple of times about it, but he just went on being all preoccupied etc. so i urged him to show me those messages blah blah blah. i'm not proud of myself for doing that, it was terrible and i DO understand how upset he was (or: is). but what i've read has somehow ruined my trust as well and by absolutely not wanting to talk about it, it just seems like he wants to avoid confrontation. and tbh, if i were in this shoes, i wouldn't have a clue how to explain the things he's said...

no idea what's going to happen. maybe i'll manage to get over it for the moment, but it will sneak up on me again eventually. bright prospects. always wanted to know in advance when i'll get dumped, yay.

I have been/am in a very similar situation. My boyfriend left his facebook open when he went out and I was in his house so I got nosy :/ He'd been talking to 2 girls (both as friends, I don't think it was as a pretext for flirting) about how he was unhappy with our relationship, he said that one day I'd been at his and he'd 'felt nothing' for me. He said it was a rough patch and he'd get through it. It was utterly bizarre because he'd been lovelier than ever to me the weeks before it.

It really messed with my head, I was in bits. I didn't know what parts of his behaviour I could trust and which he was trying to cover up unhappiness. I asked him if he wasn't happy with me without saying I'd read the messages and he denied it and denied it. I kept trying to get it out of him but he wouldn't say.

We're still together and it still plays on my mind. I don't know why he would say that and stay with me but then how can I say that when I read those messages and I'm still with him!

Anyway massive ramble, I hate facebook too! And I'm sure as hell never doing that again. Hope you're okay xxx

Reply 7485

Anonymous #386

My boyfriend and I only see each other over the weekend/every other weekend, but we talk once a day on the phone. This last week, he's been very distant. I'm seeing him next week and I'm sure it'll be fine but I asked him today what's been going on.

He said he's missed me as much as usual but this week has just needed to keep it to himself a bit more rather than saying he misses me and being quite as affectionate as usual as a mechanism to cope as he's missing me.

I accepted it, but I'm not convinced. When I said I needed to hear it a bit more from him, he said "what about my needs" to keep it to himself.
My question is, if he actually missed me, is a valid coping mechanism honestly to talk less about missing me/be distant?! :s

Reply 7486

HeatherM

Original post by caseyhayes

What a shame :frown:

Will you get long together? That must be really dissapointing. Is there no way you can have a little interim visit?
Hang in there..

He has decided he's going to make time <3
And it won't be the fortnight we thought he could be home for. But it's better than nothing. I am so relieved and excited. :smile:

I miss him terribly but i'm already worrying about what i'll wear next time i see him :L
It's the little things, right?
I still haven't washed the t shirt he gave me last time i saw him. And i can't wear it in case it starts to smell like me instead :L

How's everything with you? :smile:

xx

Reply 7487

silverbolt

19

Well shes gone, put her on a plane an hour ago and it was so hard, i really wanted her to either stay or go with her. We even said it to each other she asked me to come with her and jeez i wanted to. It would have been utter insanity for so many obvious reasons but the idea is still................

i miss her already, the room still smells of her and i cant bear to even to clear up after us or wash the cup she was drinking out of.

Oh well six months roughly till i move there and we can be together properly. Two weeks till im over there for just under a week. After that im dreading it as who knows when.

And i know im going to feel worse tomorrow. The last week i have devoted myself entirely for her and havent done nything for myself, not painted or played a game or nothing so tonight ill be chilling out, as you cant live in each others pockets all the time.

But dammit i want her back with me

Reply 7488

strawberry

13

Original post by silverbolt

Well shes gone, put her on a plane an hour ago and it was so hard, i really wanted her to either stay or go with her. We even said it to each other she asked me to come with her and jeez i wanted to. It would have been utter insanity for so many obvious reasons but the idea is still................

i miss her already, the room still smells of her and i cant bear to even to clear up after us or wash the cup she was drinking out of.

Oh well six months roughly till i move there and we can be together properly. Two weeks till im over there for just under a week. After that im dreading it as who knows when.

And i know im going to feel worse tomorrow. The last week i have devoted myself entirely for her and havent done nything for myself, not painted or played a game or nothing so tonight ill be chilling out, as you cant live in each others pockets all the time.

But dammit i want her back with me

I know how that feels :frown:

When my man dropped me off at the airport, we kissed and hugged and said goodbye and then he walked away and didn't look back. I asked him later why he did that, because I was still looking back at him ... and he said he didn't want to see me leave because he was going to crack in public. It's such an awful feeling. He emailed me a day or two later telling me that my smell on his pillow was absolutely killing him :frown:

Just look forward to the next time you'll see her. Savor every moment, every touch. The first time you see each other after so long is always so amazing.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 7489

ktlaurenroe

13

Yet another absolutely lovely weekend :love:

gaahhh, in a happy mood cos he's made me so happy but at the same time a little sad because it's over for now!

Got upset earlier over something unrelated to him and then couldn't stop being really sad/upset for a good few hours after :sad:

at least he was there to cheer me up and give some lovely cuddles, but being upset made me think of how I normally felt when I was missing him which made me even worse... also felt a bit horrible and guilty for being upset cause I felt like I was ruining our time together for him but luckily he was lovely and very understanding :redface:

and not long at all until I go see him though so all is good really.
Pretty excited that there's lots to look forward to, so I'm not all sad this evening. Spending a week of the Easter holidays together, hoping it's the first week so there won't be long waits between seeing each other, but tbh either would be awesome :teeth:

and then when I've finished some exams we'll be able to have even longer weekends as I won't have any lessons on Mondays anymore. Lots to be happy about :h:

Original post by silverbolt

Well shes gone, put her on a plane an hour ago and it was so hard, i really wanted her to either stay or go with her. We even said it to each other she asked me to come with her and jeez i wanted to. It would have been utter insanity for so many obvious reasons but the idea is still................

i miss her already, the room still smells of her and i cant bear to even to clear up after us or wash the cup she was drinking out of.

Oh well six months roughly till i move there and we can be together properly. Two weeks till im over there for just under a week. After that im dreading it as who knows when.

And i know im going to feel worse tomorrow. The last week i have devoted myself entirely for her and havent done nything for myself, not painted or played a game or nothing so tonight ill be chilling out, as you cant live in each others pockets all the time.

But dammit i want her back with me

Massive hugs for you, think we can all relate to that! :hugs:

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 7490

tripsis

7

Original post by strawberry

I know how that feels :frown:

He emailed me a day or two later telling me that my smell on his pillow was absolutely killing him :frown:

Wow I know how that feels! When my boyfriend stays over we each have our own sides of the bed. But when he leaves I sleep on his side because it smells like him. It makes me sad but I also like being able to think of him like that.

Original post by victorialou23

I've been out with a guy who was a four hour train ride away and wouldn't consider that long distance but then my boyfriend is in France at the moment and i'm finding it way harder now that calling and texting is out of the equation.

How about Whatsapp? My boyfriend and I used that mobile application when I was in the US and he was in the UK. It's a text messenger that uses wireless or your data plan instead of your texting plan. So no international texts! It was free when I got it but now I think there may be a very small yearly fee or something? That's just what I heard.

----------------

My boyfriend was here for 12 days visiting and wow I miss him like crazy already :frown:

It's always so sad saying goodbye to him at the train station. I always want to cry but it makes my boyfriend sad when I cry so I try to put on a brave face :tongue:

I'm a little annoyed because I felt pretty sick for about two days and I value my time with him so much that I just hate losing two days like that. But my boyfriend was totally amazing about it <3

I'm not sure exactly when I'll see him again but maybe the second half of April. Sigh. Let the missing begin (or continue :tongue:

)

Reply 7491

strawberry

13

Original post by tripsis

How about Whatsapp? My boyfriend and I used that mobile application when I was in the US and he was in the UK. It's a text messenger that uses wireless or your data plan instead of your texting plan. So no international texts! It was free when I got it but now I think there may be a very small yearly fee or something? That's just what I heard.

it's free for the first year, and then it's $2 a year after that.

Reply 7492

Sazzy890

18

Had an amazing weekend but feeling sad now it's over :sad:

Though I shouldn't complain as I wasn't meant to be seeing him today but I decided to go back to his anyway on Saturday night so we got last night and today together :smile:

Still doesn't make it any less sad though. It's going to be unbearable next weekend because that's the last weekend I'm going to be seeing him for two weeks, and in the second week we'll probably only get to send each other a few texts here and there as he is off on the ski trip. Will miss him like crazy! :cry2:

At the same time, I really want him to enjoy himself and I hope he does, I just know that I will miss him even though at the same time I'm glad he will be off doing something really fun :smile:

I was a bit gutted that the ski trip cut into a 4-day weekend (due to easter) that we could've had :sad:

Original post by silverbolt

Well shes gone, put her on a plane an hour ago and it was so hard, i really wanted her to either stay or go with her. We even said it to each other she asked me to come with her and jeez i wanted to. It would have been utter insanity for so many obvious reasons but the idea is still................

i miss her already, the room still smells of her and i cant bear to even to clear up after us or wash the cup she was drinking out of.

Oh well six months roughly till i move there and we can be together properly. Two weeks till im over there for just under a week. After that im dreading it as who knows when.

And i know im going to feel worse tomorrow. The last week i have devoted myself entirely for her and havent done nything for myself, not painted or played a game or nothing so tonight ill be chilling out, as you cant live in each others pockets all the time.

But dammit i want her back with me

Awwww

I know the feeling of not wanting to clean the mug that she (well he in my case :tongue:

) was drinking from. It's silly things like that that make you feel even more sad. Still, just focus on the good times and the times ahead! :h:

Get thinking about the times after the next visit so that you won't dread the next visit being over before it's even begun :biggrin:

Reply 7493

caseyhayes

6

Got a bit worried late last night when my other half talked about making plans to doing things with workmates over two weekends, one in June one in September. This made me think we're not going to get time together despite the fact we always make the effort and this year is going far too fast for my liking and arghhhh. I know I'll feel better if we get some time together in the diary around those weekends so I don't have to panic - hopefully we'll sort it on the phone tonight.

Not sure where that came from, sorry guys!

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 7494

Anonymous #212

Not sure if anyone remembers me but I was asking about how to end a LDR.. and if it's acceptable to do it over skype.

So,

I dumped him.

It hurt a LOT at the time, but now I know it was probably the best decision I have ever made in my life.

Reply 7495

silverbolt

19

Original post by strawberry

I know how that feels :frown:

When my man dropped me off at the airport, we kissed and hugged and said goodbye and then he walked away and didn't look back. I asked him later why he did that, because I was still looking back at him ... and he said he didn't want to see me leave because he was going to crack in public. It's such an awful feeling. He emailed me a day or two later telling me that my smell on his pillow was absolutely killing him :frown:

Just look forward to the next time you'll see her. Savor every moment, every touch. The first time you see each other after so long is always so amazing.

I watched her go and when she turned the corner and was out of my vision my heart gave a lurch. I was missing her almost instantly. She looked back as she turned and i think there was a little crying there on her part.

I was in a relationship for 8 years with my ex, ive been in this one not even two months and this week i trusted her with something very personal that i NEVER told my ex.

Original post by Sazzy890

Had an amazing weekend but feeling sad now it's over :sad:

Though I shouldn't complain as I wasn't meant to be seeing him today but I decided to go back to his anyway on Saturday night so we got last night and today together :smile:

Still doesn't make it any less sad though. It's going to be unbearable next weekend because that's the last weekend I'm going to be seeing him for two weeks, and in the second week we'll probably only get to send each other a few texts here and there as he is off on the ski trip. Will miss him like crazy! :cry2:

At the same time, I really want him to enjoy himself and I hope he does, I just know that I will miss him even though at the same time I'm glad he will be off doing something really fun :smile:

I was a bit gutted that the ski trip cut into a 4-day weekend (due to easter) that we could've had :sad:

Awwww

I know the feeling of not wanting to clean the mug that she (well he in my case :tongue:

) was drinking from. It's silly things like that that make you feel even more sad. Still, just focus on the good times and the times ahead! :h:

Get thinking about the times after the next visit so that you won't dread the next visit being over before it's even begun :biggrin:

you had a great weekend Sazzy, thats the best thing - even if it is a long time until you see him again.

Yeah i couldnt bear to do it last night but i suppose this evening ill have to clean up a little bit in the bedroom. It still smells of her and the pillow does as well, but two weeks till i see her again.

Reply 7496

silverbolt

19

Original post by tripsis

How about Whatsapp? My boyfriend and I used that mobile application when I was in the US and he was in the UK. It's a text messenger that uses wireless or your data plan instead of your texting plan. So no international texts! It was free when I got it but now I think there may be a very small yearly fee or something? That's just what I heard.

Original post by strawberry

it's free for the first year, and then it's $2 a year after that.

Whatsapp charges? I never knew that.

Myself and my partner use Fring which is like skype in many regards but more user friendly, free, simple and easy to use. Its also reliable for calls (well as reliable as any internet phone service is, it does cut out but thats the internets fault not the programme) and does us especially a messaging service. Dropped our bills by about half at this point. which is good because my bills were becoming ridiculous - my January one alone was over £200.

Reply 7497

silverbolt

19

Original post by caseyhayes

Got a bit worried late last night when my other half talked about making plans to doing things with workmates over two weekends, one in June one in September. This made me think we're not going to get time together despite the fact we always make the effort and this year is going far too fast for my liking and arghhhh. I know I'll feel better if we get some time together in the diary around those weekends so I don't have to panic - hopefully we'll sort it on the phone tonight.

Not sure where that came from, sorry guys!

Dont worry about it - im sure many of us do the same irrational "how dare you go out and have fun instead of sitting pining over meeeeeee". Its two weekends you can arrange to meet up around that.

I did something irrational this week as well, shes still in contact with her ex (there are very good and logical reasons for this) and his name in her phone was rather loveydovey. I saw it and got a bit upset. Seeing as my last relationship ended with me being badly hurt (cheated on and dumped, made to feel utterly worthless etc etc) im probs still a bit twitchy is why i got upset, but it was completley without reason. Shes known the guy over six years, they dated for five and have been split up for one, its utterly rational to not think "gee better change the way i spell his name in my phone" she changed his name there and then when she realised i was upset. After Id "calmed" down a bit i apologised for the over reaction, she said she understood seeing how my last relationship ended. And it was all rosy after that. Ive said it before ill say it again - communication is key. Even if you think your being silly hell even if you are being silly an understanding partner will be ok with it.