Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.
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Original post by darkxangel
This girl called Sian Conway is or was anorexic and I thought that her videos/blog might be helpful to some, so yh here you go.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3ZFkvPIVcw&feature=channel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3ZFkvPIVcw&feature=channel
This girl is an absolute appreciation, yet she's so self-deprecating and dismissive of her own achievements and inner beauty! I think this is a pretty good illustration of how debilitating eating disorders really can be-but they CAN be overcome. Thanks for sharing this. x
Original post by TotoMimo
The irony, Riku, is that your ED feeds itself by trying to make you justify the justification it puts forth. No, it's not "normal" to do what you're doing. That doesn't make you a monster, it makes your ED a powerful demon.
The fact you're questioning it is a good sign. Keep going. If you're thinking "is it right I'm doing X? Maybe I should think twice..." that's the first step to understanding/quelling the voice.
The fact you're questioning it is a good sign. Keep going. If you're thinking "is it right I'm doing X? Maybe I should think twice..." that's the first step to understanding/quelling the voice.
This nurse therapist has thrown me through the loop suggesting I'm not eating disordered, but I think I've gone beyond the average person's emotional eating too. I'm trying to get my head around that simple concept of moderation, that it's not the "crap" I'm eating making me "fat" or unhealthy or out of shape or whatever, it's how much I'm stressing about what I'm eating and the massive comfort-eats or binges that I use to destroy and punish after I think a tiny thing's gone wrong. So really it's not the food which is the threat, it's myself or rather how badly I can treat myself sometimes for no reason.
So today I tried to make a baby step by going one step further with breakfast and having usually "unsafe" foods; muesli (otherwise reservedly a binge-food these days) and buttered toast. Shouldn't really be a big deal especially if I don't have an ED and wouldn't be for anyone else yet it is, to go choose a treat for the specific purpose of having a treat rather than as a punishment and to really feel the experience rather than numb it or panic right through. To assert that that in itself is really alright, bit of a stretch of the imagination. But it's a start, and I'm hoping I can have the courage to let go in other ways over Easter.
I've screwed up so much with my Lent promise but I did stick to the one thing that really matters: giving up on giving up on myself. Awkward double-negative FTW
x(edited 12 years ago)
Hello
It's my first time posting on this thread but I'm pretty desperate for advice so I figured this might be a good place.
About 2 years ago I was diagnosed with anorexia, I 'recovered' as quickly as possible and was discharged from my out-patient treatment clinic by october. I really don't believe my thoughts about food or my weight ever really changed in that period - I really just thought I needed to get out of treatment as quickly as possible; my parents had always refused to talk about my issues and encouraged me to keep the whole thing as quiet as possible so people didn't think I was a freak. Nobody likes a girl with a problem. However, I told a friend. She told another person, and before I knew it teachers had started dragging friends and siblings out of class to discuss my problems (I guess it was more of a big deal because I was head girl at the time - still, I was appalled by teachers responses). I've had very serious trust issues ever since that which I've never really discussed. Now, I have no proper friends, I never go out (and I freak out if I have to attend some kind of social thing), and pretty poor relationships with my entire family. I also have a really bad fear of photos of myself. I'm absolutely terrified that people will find out that I have an eating disorder.
Anyway, since about september I've been having a bit of trouble with bulimia, and now it's gotten to the point where it's completely destroying me. I feel constantly ill, anxious, I'm completely disgusted by myself. I hate what I've become, and I just can't seem to stop. I've tried self help books but no matter how much I challenge my thoughts I just can't seem to shift this behaviour pattern. I'm really scared, I just can't go on like this but I'm just so terrified of anyone finding out. I don't know what to do - it's gotten to the point where I really, really want some help, I wish I could just go to the GP and tell them everything but I just can't. I'm so fat, and nobody's noticed anything (minus an increase in the price of the weekly food shop), and just don't understand how I can't get over this by myself.
I'm going to uni in september (well, medical school if I get the grades - but given my jan results I'd have to do really, really crap to miss them), and I'm terrified that I'll still be in this state. Worse, I'm terrified I'll still be this fat. What do I do? I have such an enormous fear of being judged by the GP, I don't want my family to find out, but I can't drive yet, so I don't really think I could have regular treatment without at least my mum finding out, and I'm scared that treatment will force me to become even fatter. But realistically, at this rate I'm not sure I'll be alive by september. I just want someone to tell me what I should do, please help.
It's my first time posting on this thread but I'm pretty desperate for advice so I figured this might be a good place.
About 2 years ago I was diagnosed with anorexia, I 'recovered' as quickly as possible and was discharged from my out-patient treatment clinic by october. I really don't believe my thoughts about food or my weight ever really changed in that period - I really just thought I needed to get out of treatment as quickly as possible; my parents had always refused to talk about my issues and encouraged me to keep the whole thing as quiet as possible so people didn't think I was a freak. Nobody likes a girl with a problem. However, I told a friend. She told another person, and before I knew it teachers had started dragging friends and siblings out of class to discuss my problems (I guess it was more of a big deal because I was head girl at the time - still, I was appalled by teachers responses). I've had very serious trust issues ever since that which I've never really discussed. Now, I have no proper friends, I never go out (and I freak out if I have to attend some kind of social thing), and pretty poor relationships with my entire family. I also have a really bad fear of photos of myself. I'm absolutely terrified that people will find out that I have an eating disorder.
Anyway, since about september I've been having a bit of trouble with bulimia, and now it's gotten to the point where it's completely destroying me. I feel constantly ill, anxious, I'm completely disgusted by myself. I hate what I've become, and I just can't seem to stop. I've tried self help books but no matter how much I challenge my thoughts I just can't seem to shift this behaviour pattern. I'm really scared, I just can't go on like this but I'm just so terrified of anyone finding out. I don't know what to do - it's gotten to the point where I really, really want some help, I wish I could just go to the GP and tell them everything but I just can't. I'm so fat, and nobody's noticed anything (minus an increase in the price of the weekly food shop), and just don't understand how I can't get over this by myself.
I'm going to uni in september (well, medical school if I get the grades - but given my jan results I'd have to do really, really crap to miss them), and I'm terrified that I'll still be in this state. Worse, I'm terrified I'll still be this fat. What do I do? I have such an enormous fear of being judged by the GP, I don't want my family to find out, but I can't drive yet, so I don't really think I could have regular treatment without at least my mum finding out, and I'm scared that treatment will force me to become even fatter. But realistically, at this rate I'm not sure I'll be alive by september. I just want someone to tell me what I should do, please help.
Hey,
Trying to make an informed decision on whether to go to the gym or not today? I'm recovering and have been going for a while to build up strength etc as I'm a dancer. Started a new dance class this week which has made my muscles ache a bit but I also had pizza last night and didn't worry because i was going to the gym today. But woke up this morning and i am quite tired... thoughts??
Trying to make an informed decision on whether to go to the gym or not today? I'm recovering and have been going for a while to build up strength etc as I'm a dancer. Started a new dance class this week which has made my muscles ache a bit but I also had pizza last night and didn't worry because i was going to the gym today. But woke up this morning and i am quite tired... thoughts??
Original post by Green_girl94
Hey,
Trying to make an informed decision on whether to go to the gym or not today? I'm recovering and have been going for a while to build up strength etc as I'm a dancer. Started a new dance class this week which has made my muscles ache a bit but I also had pizza last night and didn't worry because i was going to the gym today. But woke up this morning and i am quite tired... thoughts??
Trying to make an informed decision on whether to go to the gym or not today? I'm recovering and have been going for a while to build up strength etc as I'm a dancer. Started a new dance class this week which has made my muscles ache a bit but I also had pizza last night and didn't worry because i was going to the gym today. But woke up this morning and i am quite tired... thoughts??
Don't go
never feel like you absolutely have to go. If you're tired, it's your body's way of telling you that you need some rest rather than straining yourself. xOriginal post by sophiemay20
Does anyone else have low potassium levels? Mine are currently 1.7 (with 3.5 and under being low).. urghh, I have zero energy and a chest infection that won't budge.. to top it off I've had to come off my citalopram because I've been told to so I just feel beyond strange.
If it is 1.7 you should be in hospital as that is severely low. Mine has been that and i was instantly hospitalised with an IV drip of potassium. Has your GP not advised this or even pushed it?
Does anyone else feel that discussing their ED (with therapist/counsellor, friends etc) just makes it worse?
Original post by Etoile
Does anyone else feel that discussing their ED (with therapist/counsellor, friends etc) just makes it worse?
I think it can in the initial stages. But as you start to recover it helps to talk about it and remember why you don't want to be back there! How are you doing?
Hi, I am really very sorry to interrupt/intrude. I was just hoping i could get some comfort/advice/anything really sorry.
But lately I have been really struggling with Ana (yet again), and my home team have been on a strict meal plan which i'm trying my best to adhere to. Not very successfully
Anyway...before i say what my problem is i feel i should put a little
*trigger warning*
just incase - i don't want to make any of you feel worse.
Over the past few weeks i haven't coped well with regards to ED. My problem is that my stomach has become severely distended. Even if i drink water; it just balloons up no matter what, it just swells at random times causing a lot of pain.
Rationally i know this must be some other medical condition, but my main fear is that Ana is right....its "weight" and thats why i'm too scared to seek medical advice in case they tell me i have just added some weight? Does this make sense to any of you? My friend saw it and said it cannot possibly be weight as i look as though i'm pregnant (definitely not possible). I'm just very scared and hoping for a little support? please?
Again i am so so very sorry for taking your time
sorry.But lately I have been really struggling with Ana (yet again), and my home team have been on a strict meal plan which i'm trying my best to adhere to. Not very successfully
Anyway...before i say what my problem is i feel i should put a little
*trigger warning*
just incase - i don't want to make any of you feel worse.
Over the past few weeks i haven't coped well with regards to ED. My problem is that my stomach has become severely distended. Even if i drink water; it just balloons up
no matter what, it just swells at random times causing a lot of pain.Rationally i know this must be some other medical condition, but my main fear is that Ana is right....its "weight" and thats why i'm too scared to seek medical advice in case they tell me i have just added some weight? Does this make sense to any of you? My friend saw it and said it cannot possibly be weight as i look as though i'm pregnant (definitely not possible). I'm just very scared and hoping for a little support? please?
Again i am so so very sorry for taking your time
Original post by Etoile
Does anyone else feel that discussing their ED (with therapist/counsellor, friends etc) just makes it worse?
Yes. my SI/ED'd past came up in a skype convo with a friend a few days ago - being told 'jeesus you're messed up' NOT HELPFUL. I'm currently sat here in two minds at to whether i should devour this entire terrys chocolate orange, which has been chilling in my stocking since xmas, or leave it - which is scary as hell because its not like me to eat so much choccie in one go.
Last Uni offer came through yesterday. Have sent back my responses, **** just got real. Doesn't help I'm sitting so many exams in May/June. I'm terrorfied that i'm not doing enough revision for my german resits, because if I don't come out with damn near full marks on both AS papers, and get 30+/40 on my Unit 3 essay. Sir'll be absolutely gutted, he'll assume it's his fault that I've not done as well as i should have done, and I can't bear to let him down. I desperately want to curl up in a dark corner and never come out again.
With regards to the issue about talking to the therapist - I've been attending my psychiatric specialist for a year now and only NOW have I started to understand the benefits of her insights and questioning this entire time. Before I almost approached her as another obstacle or an enemy, who was digging at me for information and antagonising me intentionally. What I now understand is she was challenging my own limits in ways I wasn't able to understand.
Dobby, with regards to your distended torso, I too experienced this. It's your body suffering - short answer. Your body is re-allocating water because of chemical imbalances. You need to keep fighting the ED!!
XX
Dobby, with regards to your distended torso, I too experienced this. It's your body suffering - short answer. Your body is re-allocating water because of chemical imbalances. You need to keep fighting the ED!!
XX
Original post by .snowflake.
Yes. my SI/ED'd past came up in a skype convo with a friend a few days ago - being told 'jeesus you're messed up' NOT HELPFUL. I'm currently sat here in two minds at to whether i should devour this entire terrys chocolate orange, which has been chilling in my stocking since xmas, or leave it - which is scary as hell because its not like me to eat so much choccie in one go.
Last Uni offer came through yesterday. Have sent back my responses, **** just got real. Doesn't help I'm sitting so many exams in May/June. I'm terrorfied that i'm not doing enough revision for my german resits, because if I don't come out with damn near full marks on both AS papers, and get 30+/40 on my Unit 3 essay. Sir'll be absolutely gutted, he'll assume it's his fault that I've not done as well as i should have done, and I can't bear to let him down. I desperately want to curl up in a dark corner and never come out again.
Last Uni offer came through yesterday. Have sent back my responses, **** just got real. Doesn't help I'm sitting so many exams in May/June. I'm terrorfied that i'm not doing enough revision for my german resits, because if I don't come out with damn near full marks on both AS papers, and get 30+/40 on my Unit 3 essay. Sir'll be absolutely gutted, he'll assume it's his fault that I've not done as well as i should have done, and I can't bear to let him down. I desperately want to curl up in a dark corner and never come out again.
That's pretty restrained of you to still have it from xmas! Have part now and part later?
Oooh congrats! You're going to do amazingly
What revision are you doing? There's not really much you can do for languages really Original post by TotoMimo
With regards to the issue about talking to the therapist - I've been attending my psychiatric specialist for a year now and only NOW have I started to understand the benefits of her insights and questioning this entire time. Before I almost approached her as another obstacle or an enemy, who was digging at me for information and antagonising me intentionally. What I now understand is she was challenging my own limits in ways I wasn't able to understand.
Hmm, I suppose that's true. I come out feeling like I've had all my emotions stamped on
Thanks Toto.Original post by Green_girl94
I think it can in the initial stages. But as you start to recover it helps to talk about it and remember why you don't want to be back there! How are you doing?
Hopefully it gets better then
I feel like I disappoint her every time I go and she asks me when the last time I ate was and I have to say several days ago, or when the last time I cut was and I have to say last night >.<Original post by Etoile
That's pretty restrained of you to still have it from xmas! Have part now and part later?
Oooh congrats! You're going to do amazingly What revision are you doing? There's not really much you can do for languages really
That's pretty restrained of you to still have it from xmas! Have part now and part later?
Oooh congrats! You're going to do amazingly
What revision are you doing? There's not really much you can do for languages really I'm making lists of ideas/ tables for the vor und nachteile of TV, etc. Wort für Wort has become bedtime reading. I'm trying to crack the passive and reported speech. I'm halfway through an AS essay for sir. Half of me thinks I must be doing well in my A2 speaking practice that I've had for sir, because he got the 'how to stretch and challenge' booklet from AQA out last time. Yet the other half of me thinks I'm not doing enough revision - even though I started the day after results day!- that my speaking isnt good enough, I dont go into enough detail, word order is messed up and that I'm eating far too much of everything. Even though sir says that if I repeat my performance in the A2 I should come out with a very good grade and if I have this sort of fluency in my AS resit, I'll get an A stood on my head.
E - atleast you're honest with her. Could be worse, you could be telling her you've not cut since last time and the last time you ate was this morning and you had toast and jam and a cup of tea, and then your friend came round and she had some dolly mix and you had a few. When that isnt the case.
The sheer idea of going to uni terrorfies me. I'm not even THAT good at Chemistry, as Magdalena likes to remind me. 'Well you SHOULD know the answer, you are going to study it at uni!' I'm probably going to get put with a bunch of people who turn into absolute ********s/ bitches when they're drunk.
(edited 12 years ago)
Urgh, I feel really awful lately. I've started eating above my maintainence for the first time since inpatient and it's a struggle. I thought it was going to be easier because I felt so positive about it, but I always forget the horrible emotions that follow. I feel like I'm going to vomit (not purge, just feel sick) and I know it's simply because of how low my mood is.
I'm doing all I can to help myself right now. I have a bath running and I'm going to try and calm down...
I feel like I'm going to vomit (not purge, just feel sick) and I know it's simply because of how low my mood is. Spoiler
I'm doing all I can to help myself right now. I have a bath running and I'm going to try and calm down...
Long post, just a warning.
Etoile, about the therapist-agree with Toto. You'd be surprised what they're digging at over weeks or months of seemingly silly questions.
This is what basically has happened to me in therapy, sorry for the digression. I'll spoiler in case this can be taken the wrong way.
Of course, the situation is probably pretty different for yourself-in no way am I meaning to belittle it,! I’m speaking from a healthy weight, professionally approved calorific intake and activity level. I still urge you to carry on doing whatever is your best course of action for your health and wellbeing.
Main point is, therapy will be hard. It is hard. It has to be hard. You're being told to re-evaluate the way you've perceived and see life, that is incredibly threatening. But in time, with the right people and willingness to go in with an open mind, you’ll come to see they had a point. Friends and family too, but I think in a different way. Let them know you’re suffering , talk to them about things. But at the same time, they might not always even know how to help and you need to try and forgive them for this.
In any case, you cannot let this dominate your whole life and consume you. It won’t always be this way!
Riku, over and out. x
Etoile, about the therapist-agree with Toto. You'd be surprised what they're digging at over weeks or months of seemingly silly questions.
This is what basically has happened to me in therapy, sorry for the digression. I'll spoiler in case this can be taken the wrong way.
Spoiler
Main point is, therapy will be hard. It is hard. It has to be hard. You're being told to re-evaluate the way you've perceived and see life, that is incredibly threatening. But in time, with the right people and willingness to go in with an open mind, you’ll come to see they had a point. Friends and family too, but I think in a different way. Let them know you’re suffering , talk to them about things. But at the same time, they might not always even know how to help and you need to try and forgive them for this.
In any case, you cannot let this dominate your whole life and consume you. It won’t always be this way!
Riku, over and out. x
Original post by Anonymous
Urgh, I feel really awful lately. I've started eating above my maintainence for the first time since inpatient and it's a struggle. I thought it was going to be easier because I felt so positive about it, but I always forget the horrible emotions that follow. I feel like I'm going to vomit (not purge, just feel sick) and I know it's simply because of how low my mood is.
I'm doing all I can to help myself right now. I have a bath running and I'm going to try and calm down...
I feel like I'm going to vomit (not purge, just feel sick) and I know it's simply because of how low my mood is. Spoiler
I'm doing all I can to help myself right now. I have a bath running and I'm going to try and calm down...
It'll be okay. I can't really say any more than that...I used to think I wouldn't even live to finish my A levels let alone get to university, but I'm there now. I'm not better but I am alive, and I know I'll graduate and one day I will get better. You can too, please don't give up just yet!
Original post by jazzykinks
I constantly had low potassium levels when I was anorexic. When you're not eating enough, it's only natural because you're not getting the nutrients your body needs. I know what you mean about citalopram too. My docs have been really lazy about my prescription so I haven't had any in 2 weeks and I feel rotten!
2 weeks without them.. gosh, I hope you get them soon! I feel awful without them even after a few days.
Original post by natalie122
If it is 1.7 you should be in hospital as that is severely low. Mine has been that and i was instantly hospitalised with an IV drip of potassium. Has your GP not advised this or even pushed it?
I was in hospital on Tuesday for over 9 hours after seeing an emergency doctor because of stabbing chest pain and constantly passing out. At the hospital I had xrays and tests and then they put me on a drip. They told me I needed to stay but I freaked out and refused, because I was scared that they'd never let me out.
Original post by sophiemay20
2 weeks without them.. gosh, I hope you get them soon! I feel awful without them even after a few days.
Finally got them, but the contrast in personality is crazy. I'm so much better with them now. Not having them just proved how much I actually need them!
On how ungraceful I was getting off my niece's trampoline "the whale has landed"... Nice, dad. Really ****ing nice.
I saw an obviously anorexic girl in the supermarket a couple of years ago. She walked around the fruit and veg section for twenty minutes picking things up and then quickly putting them down like they were burning her. God, how many of us have spent hours in supermarkets walking around in a daze just trying to psych ourselves up into buying some food, trying to justify whether the lower fat or lower calorie slim-a-soup would keep the weight falling? I wonder if people noticed me when I was doing it, I mean, I must've looked so sad and crazy, shaking in the ****ing soup aisle of all places.
I had my ultrasound last week, the tech stopped talking when she got to my ovaries and then was really nice to me. So I probably have a mass of cysts for them to remove. I know it's iirrational, I know my condition is based on genetics, but I can't help but think that I'm just being punished for abusing my body. I was an idiot and decided that all I cared about was being thin, that I didn't care about my health and now it's come back to bite me in the a**e.
I saw an obviously anorexic girl in the supermarket a couple of years ago. She walked around the fruit and veg section for twenty minutes picking things up and then quickly putting them down like they were burning her. God, how many of us have spent hours in supermarkets walking around in a daze just trying to psych ourselves up into buying some food, trying to justify whether the lower fat or lower calorie slim-a-soup would keep the weight falling? I wonder if people noticed me when I was doing it, I mean, I must've looked so sad and crazy, shaking in the ****ing soup aisle of all places.
I had my ultrasound last week, the tech stopped talking when she got to my ovaries and then was really nice to me. So I probably have a mass of cysts for them to remove. I know it's iirrational, I know my condition is based on genetics, but I can't help but think that I'm just being punished for abusing my body. I was an idiot and decided that all I cared about was being thin, that I didn't care about my health and now it's come back to bite me in the a**e.
Original post by LaBelleEtLeBete
On how ungraceful I was getting off my niece's trampoline "the whale has landed"... Nice, dad. Really ****ing nice.
My dads said something like that when I went to the doctors when I was 16 for my boosters. After your 16th birthday they weigh and measure you. Getting on to the scales 'One at a time please', he says. I could have died there and then tbqh.
The thoughts are coming back again. Funsies. </sarcasm>
Doesn't help when the girl who sits next to you has more brains in her little toe than you do in your entire body now seems to be really bitter/jealous that I've got offers and she doesn't. 'Well you should know the answer, you're the one going to study it at university'. Having a go at me because I've not brought my chemistry textbook - I don't bring it because my bag weighs the same as a small baby, and I am able to borrow a spare copy. Thinking I'm stupid because I'm actually bringing my excercise book to make readable notes in it/ attending all of my biology lessons despite the fact one of my teachers is awful and I'd get more done in the library. One of the girls in our room was having a go at her boyfriend this morning cos he's put on a bit of weight. She KNOWS I can't deal with conversations about diets or her usual 'Oh, I'm fat <mope, mope mope> shiz she does. Yes, I'm aware that I care far too much about what others think.
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by .snowflake.
My dads said something like that when I went to the doctors when I was 16 for my boosters. After your 16th birthday they weigh and measure you. Getting on to the scales 'One at a time please', he says. I could have died there and then tbqh.
The thoughts are coming back again. Funsies.
The thoughts are coming back again. Funsies.
He didn't know about your ED then, did he?
UGH.
