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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.

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Original post by Etoile
Awesome! Are you going to pick up another language then?
Thank you for telling me all this, I really needed to hear it. :smile: Ruining my life in ways I hadn't even considered. Maybe scaring me into recovery will work! :lol: Plus, I think this all started off as a way for me to be 'perfect' and I realise that it's actually taking me further away. You know what they say, will power is a muscle so I must start exercising it in a more healthy way.



I know, and I should really appreciate him more. I didn't even try to get one though, it just happened! It does add another layer of pressure in my defence - insecurity about how I look naked etc. Like hell is he going to see that when I am so unhappy with it :lol: Although he can pick me up annoyingly easily. Once we were in the park and he threatened to drop me in the pool >.<

Both my male friends can do that, and I'm not exactly light. They suspending me upside down so they can watch me scream and demand them to 'Put me down. NOW!'
Original post by Etoile
Awesome! Are you going to pick up another language then?
Thank you for telling me all this, I really needed to hear it. :smile: Ruining my life in ways I hadn't even considered. Maybe scaring me into recovery will work! :lol: Plus, I think this all started off as a way for me to be 'perfect' and I realise that it's actually taking me further away. You know what they say, will power is a muscle so I must start exercising it in a more healthy way.


Well, if I change to FCH Modern Languages, I'll have to do 2 more, so I'll essentially be doing Italian, Spanish and Portuguese. Going to sort all this out next term though!

It's a devastating illness. I don't think people really realise how much damage it does, not just to the person suffering but their friends, family and parter too. It starts off as something harmless and then becomes an obsession. Perfection can never be achieved. The hardest, but most rewarding thing, you could ever do is learn to accept yourself. I didn't think I would ever achieve it, but I have and life is so much better now. I'm not perfect. I would change a million things if I could. But I can't. So I just accept :smile: x
One day I'll learn not to watch supersize vs superskinny because all the food stuff puts me on edge.
Original post by .snowflake.
One day I'll learn not to watch supersize vs superskinny because all the food stuff puts me on edge.


Know what you mean :/ it's weird just getting some sort of sick enjoyment out of seeing how much the supersizers eat, it's like it makes you feel like you're achieving something by the amount of self-control you have compared to them. Grr.
Original post by x-Disenchanted-x
Know what you mean :/ it's weird just getting some sort of sick enjoyment out of seeing how much the supersizers eat, it's like it makes you feel like you're achieving something by the amount of self-control you have compared to them. Grr.


its not necessaily that, more the fact I can imagine me eating all that food/ just seeing all that food puts me on edge.
Reply 3085
Original post by .snowflake.
Both my male friends can do that, and I'm not exactly light. They suspending me upside down so they can watch me scream and demand them to 'Put me down. NOW!'


Nor are you heavy! Upside down :lolwut: Maybe they have a thing for you!
Boyfriend has discovered how much I hate milk (not even an ED thing, just a me thing :lol:) and says he will take me to a spa and forcibly give me a milk bath :wtf:

Original post by jazzykinks
Well, if I change to FCH Modern Languages, I'll have to do 2 more, so I'll essentially be doing Italian, Spanish and Portuguese. Going to sort all this out next term though!

It's a devastating illness. I don't think people really realise how much damage it does, not just to the person suffering but their friends, family and parter too. It starts off as something harmless and then becomes an obsession. Perfection can never be achieved. The hardest, but most rewarding thing, you could ever do is learn to accept yourself. I didn't think I would ever achieve it, but I have and life is so much better now. I'm not perfect. I would change a million things if I could. But I can't. So I just accept :smile: x


Oooh awesome! My uncle speaks Portuguese and it sounds so nice :smile:
That pretty much sums it up. People keep commenting that I have been distant lately :s-smilie: That's such a great way to live your life! :smile:
Original post by Etoile
Nor are you heavy! Upside down :lolwut: Maybe they have a thing for you!
Boyfriend has discovered how much I hate milk (not even an ED thing, just a me thing :lol:) and says he will take me to a spa and forcibly give me a milk bath :wtf:


Not a massive fan of cows milk either. if i'm stressed it kaes me feel sick, and if i have too much dairy stuff, I'm all phlegmy. not great when you've got a concert coming up! Soy milk on the other hand. <3 the stuff because it doesnt make me feel tired.
Reply 3087
Original post by .snowflake.
Not a massive fan of cows milk either. if i'm stressed it kaes me feel sick, and if i have too much dairy stuff, I'm all phlegmy. not great when you've got a concert coming up! Soy milk on the other hand. <3 the stuff because it doesnt make me feel tired.


Are you allergic then? And also are you okay, re what you were saying before?
Original post by Etoile
Are you allergic then? And also are you okay, re what you were saying before?

Not allergic afaik.
as in being triggered? I'm alright. still eating. Promise. On the verge of pulling my hair out over this essay I'm writing, however
(edited 11 years ago)
Reply 3089
Original post by .snowflake.
Not allergic afaik.
as in being triggered? I'm alright. still eating. Promise. On the verge of pulling my hair out over this essay I'm writing, however


:console:
I meant what you said about not sleeping well, but that too. What's the essay?
Original post by Etoile
:console:
I meant what you said about not sleeping well, but that too. What's the essay?

OOoh. I'm still waking up at silly times during the night. ''Inwiefern betrachten Sie den von Ihnen gewählten geschichtlichen Zeitraum als erfolgreich?''
I've got 600 words but don't feel its long enough, probably because i normally handwrite them, and this ones typed. :/ I need to look up when the first set of actual free elections were in the GDR. and the whole ,mauer im Kopf' thing.
(edited 11 years ago)
Reply 3091

Spoiler

(edited 11 years ago)
Reply 3092
Original post by Riku
x


Spoiler

Reply 3093
Boyfriend just broke up with me, as predicted. He said it was because it was too hard to care for someone who didn't care for themself...
Shame he never asked how I was. Since that post 2 days ago I've really tried to eat and managed a slightly more human figure, and I haven't cut in two weeks. C'est la vie.
Original post by Etoile
Boyfriend just broke up with me, as predicted. He said it was because it was too hard to care for someone who didn't care for themself...
Shame he never asked how I was. Since that post 2 days ago I've really tried to eat and managed a slightly more human figure, and I haven't cut in two weeks. C'est la vie.


urgh. Men. -hugging- Please,please,please don't take this as a reason to eat even less than normal/ go a bit razor happy. cos you're too lovely for that.
Reply 3095
Original post by .snowflake.
urgh. Men. -hugging- Please,please,please don't take this as a reason to eat even less than normal/ go a bit razor happy. cos you're too lovely for that.


Indeed. :lol: But why? One person who I thought wanted me alive isn't actually that bothered. So it brings my total of people who care about me to 1. And that's what everyone's going to assume, that it's because of him! So now nobody can definitely find out about my ED/SI/general depression because they're even more likely to blow it off/call me attention seeking. I'm not even particularly sad tbh, it's one less layer of pressure, one less person I'm disappointing to. But just fml for how everyone's going to react.
Original post by Etoile
Indeed. :lol: But why? One person who I thought wanted me alive isn't actually that bothered. So it brings my total of people who care about me to 1. And that's what everyone's going to assume, that it's because of him! So now nobody can definitely find out about my ED/SI/general depression because they're even more likely to blow it off/call me attention seeking. I'm not even particularly sad tbh, it's one less layer of pressure, one less person I'm disappointing to. But just fml for how everyone's going to react.


because eating even less isnt going to do your innards any good/ probably render you completely infertile or somesuch. and cutting ****ing hurts when you do it/ get soap/shampoo in it/ sweat/ realise what the hell you've done and you're got PE tomorrow. then you spend the next three weeks desparately trying not to show your arms where you've made a mess of them/ bruised the **** out of them because you've been pulling at the skin. AND I LIKE YOU TOO MUCH AS A PERSON. OKAY?
Reply 3097
Original post by .snowflake.
because eating even less isnt going to do your innards any good/ probably render you completely infertile or somesuch. and cutting ****ing hurts when you do it/ get soap/shampoo in it/ sweat/ realise what the hell you've done and you're got PE tomorrow. then you spend the next three weeks desparately trying not to show your arms where you've made a mess of them/ bruised the **** out of them because you've been pulling at the skin. AND I LIKE YOU TOO MUCH AS A PERSON. OKAY?


I probably am anyway, and the pain is kind of the point. :tongue: Plus no PE for me any more :woo: Although don't worry! I realised how unhappy I am with my life yesterday morning, before this happened, and resolved to change as much as possible of it. So today I'm actually pretty happy, because I've made a list and I'm hoping things are going to improve pretty soon. In fact, my relationship was one of the things making me unhappy but I'm terrible at leaving people because I'm such a people pleaser and I hate hurting people's feelings. :colondollar: SO, for me I am now growing my hair, going to RECOVER, get HEALTHY, spend time with my family, paint my bedroom etc.
I LIKE YOU TOO SO ALSO BE GOOD(:
Original post by Etoile
I probably am anyway, and the pain is kind of the point. :tongue: Plus no PE for me any more :woo: Although don't worry! I realised how unhappy I am with my life yesterday morning, before this happened, and resolved to change as much as possible of it. So today I'm actually pretty happy, because I've made a list and I'm hoping things are going to improve pretty soon. In fact, my relationship was one of the things making me unhappy but I'm terrible at leaving people because I'm such a people pleaser and I hate hurting people's feelings. :colondollar: SO, for me I am now growing my hair, going to RECOVER, get HEALTHY, spend time with my family, paint my bedroom etc.
I LIKE YOU TOO SO ALSO BE GOOD(:


I've done the reverse, I've cut it. Its awesome. I'm tryinggg.
Reply 3099
Continuing in the vein of "Inspiring revelations for recovery", I've just had the most amazing kick in the backside.

I'm currently working for Ubisoft Reflections as a videogame artist down in Newcastle but haven't been actually in-office for a while due to my debility. I now live with my dad in Scotland whilst I slowly recover.

This week I was headhunted by a huge company in Scotland who want to consider me forthe job of lead game designer, an even BETTER job with greater creative freedom (and more moolah!). After talking with them they want me to go for an interview first thing next week. However, my therapy/support/physicians are unwilling to sign me back on for work until I gain beyond 18.5 BMI (so I still have to get above 8 stones!!) - and if successful, I'd start in one month!!

So -

ONE MONTH.

ONE STONE.

COME AT ME, CHOCOLATE.

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