Hi everyone, I'd like some none judgemental advice on this problem please. I know I've created it myself and I'm to blame but no overly negative comments please - I know I'm at fault here.
Basically, I got together with a guy down my hallway (I'm a first year student nurse) after months of flirting and liking eachother. We slept together after a drunken night out but then decided to try things out as a couple. We were really happy for a month or so and seemed to fall for eachother really quickly...but because I'm quite depressive and really hate the halls I live in we started to argue a lot. I don't get on with his friends as they keep me awake all night when I have nursing placement and I truly regret moving away from home. This put a lot of pressure on us.
One day he turned up at my door and spontaneously ended things with me. I was in bits and made it obvious I wanted to try and work things out but when he wasn't having any of it I left it for a few days. We both went home for easter and then I text him saying I wanted to see him. He wanted to aswell but because his mum wouldn't let him use the car and us students have no money. So I used some of my savings to get a bus to the other end of the country...to visit him for a day.
We spent time talking and it was like a date, we were both really happy and we decided we had done things too quickly and said things we didn't yet mean (such as I love you) but that we still wanted to be together and we started over. I returned home and since I did he hardly spoke to me. I put this down to the fact that his mum dislikes me and he doesn't speak to me infront of her, and also due to the fact he has exams coming up and he was going on holiday.
Friday night however we had an argument because he'd took a photo of girl who we live with and put on facebook how fit she was. I asked him politely to take it down as I wanted us to start over and this wouldn't help my confidence issues. Hearing this he flew off the handle which is very out of character for him, saying I'm not the best looking girl in halls and I should know that (which I do - he knows I have poor self esteem and suffer depression). I tried to call him and talk but he wouldn't - at this point I'd drank myself into a right state and sent him a load of slurred texts about how I don't want to be here anymore. I then took an overdose of tramadol but my mum came home and called an ambulance when she saw what I'd done. It wasn't just due to the fact that he was being horrible that I did this but it was the final straw for me. I was let out of hospital thenext morning after drinking charcoal and having lots of tests and a mental assessment.
He was going away that morning and I text him confessing what I'd done. I'd had no reply to what I had said the night before but then he text me saying "have you really done that?", I said yes and explained why and got no reply. I haven't heard from him since and I don't think he believes me. He deleted me on facebook. I've sent him apologetic texts even though I know he's abroad and even tried to call him.
I can't concentrate on university. I'm aware I've probably scared him off with all my problems but I'm getting help now after abandoning it a few months ago. What should I do? He won't talk to me but even if he won't get back with me I want my closure...I care about him so much and I'm pretty sure I'm not going back to halls now as I can't take the rumours and also the fact I'd probably hear him bringing girls home as he only lives a few doors down. I've even sent his mum a message explaining the situation but I think she's already made her mind up about me...
Last edited by NLH91; 04-04-2012 at 16:00.
- 04-04-2012 14:49
- 04-04-2012 14:51
Oh and I'll add that I slept with him several times that day I went to see him and now feel incredibly used. I also bought him tickets to see Tribes to say sorry for freaking him out. I'm such a push over.Last edited by NLH91; 04-04-2012 at 14:54.
- 04-04-2012 15:03
I'll probably get negged for this but...
Honestly, properly constructed sentences make things easier to read...
- 04-04-2012 15:35
I'm not writing an essay. I'm talking about my feelings. Get off my thread if you can't be helpful. Tar.
- 04-04-2012 15:47
It LOOKS like an essay though. If you want people to help you, don't make people feel tired when they just look at what you've written.
- 04-04-2012 15:58
Fine I'll break it up a bit but I can't mess with the sentences. Honestly, structure of my writing is the least of my worries right now.
- 04-04-2012 16:14
It just sounds like a big mess, you loaded a lot on him at once but it sounds like he doesn't want a commited relatinship with you.
Not that anyone on here can judge that... but it sounds like you're better off with him NOT talking to you and trying to get over it.
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- 04-04-2012 16:26
Ignore snotty internet people. You'd have to be pretty characterless to even bother writing a pointless response like that.
OP, where is all this coming from? Why are you so upset? I'm not talking about your current situation - I'm talking about fundamentally. When you are fundamentally upset, you need to forget about guys. Because you're looking for a crutch and relationships are the way to go for many a listless person. Doesn't help. They won't save you. You have to work on yourself first.
If you think you won't be able to cope going back to halls with him there, then change halls. Just do it and don't judge yourself for doing it. Sometimes we gotta be real about how something is bound to make us feel, and not feel ashamed for it either.
You absolutely have scared him off with your problems, which is one of the many reasons why looking for fulfilment outside of yourself NEVER works out in the longterm. Can you see how this whole fiasco with this boy has only led to more hurt for you?
He's not ignoring you to be nasty. He's ignoring you because he doesn't want to be a part of your miserable life. Forget him. There's something way more important than worrying about him that you need to focus on now, and that's being very real with yourself about why you're so fundamentally upset. This normally goes back to our childhood and it's tough to go back there.
Listen, it's so so good that you can step up adnd say at the outset 'I realise that I've brought this on myself' - do you know many people will never, ever admit that? It takes balls. I hope you have balls enough to sort yourself out too because, believe me, no one else can do it for you.
I know I'm being vague but, I'm on the phone!
Bottom line: forget relationships until you're feeling happier in yourself. Be kind to yourself, since there's only one of you.