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not wearing headscarf anymore

i currently wear a headscarf... however, I do not want to anymore as I do not feel it represents who i am any more.I am not religeous anymore and do not want to be attached to any religion.

so I want to stop wearing it, however, bit worried about reaction from family. as I know they`ll be like "its the right thing, you`ve always worn it"
however, I dont feel confident with it anymore- its not me, and now am old enough to know what I truly want, its not what I want.

im thinking I should just keep it on till september (start uni) then take it off, my parents wont be there so I wont have to explain to them? although they`d then realise and ask,why?

n I guess I would feel slightly guilty too. but its wrong to do something just because you feel you have to..

basically its a conversation am going to have to have...

so what should i do?

any suggestions would be appreciated :smile:

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Reply 1
Avatar for Pawsies
Pawsies
15
look up trudi from waterloo road :smile:
Reply 2
Avatar for shush
shush
hey, im guessing your a muslim
i used to be like wary one of girls who wore hijab or jilbab
this song changed my view

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZ6yKsuuMLo

Original post by Pawsies
look up trudi from waterloo road :smile:

and even by the waterloo rd storyline...how'd she end up
she became pregnant
Original post by Anonymous
i currently wear a headscarf... however, I do not want to anymore as I do not feel it represents who i am any more.I am not religeous anymore and do not want to be attached to any religion.

so I want to stop wearing it, however, bit worried about reaction from family. as I know they`ll be like "its the right thing, you`ve always worn it"
however, I dont feel confident with it anymore- its not me, and now am old enough to know what I truly want, its not what I want.

im thinking I should just keep it on till september (start uni) then take it off, my parents wont be there so I wont have to explain to them? although they`d then realise and ask,why?

n I guess I would feel slightly guilty too. but its wrong to do something just because you feel you have to..

basically its a conversation am going to have to have...

so what should i do?

any suggestions would be appreciated :smile:


Well firstly it depends on your parents, are they pakistani and are they understanding?
Reply 4
Avatar for Iqbal007
Iqbal007
19
Original post by Anonymous
i currently wear a headscarf... however, I do not want to anymore as I do not feel it represents who i am any more.I am not religeous anymore and do not want to be attached to any religion.

so I want to stop wearing it, however, bit worried about reaction from family. as I know they`ll be like "its the right thing, you`ve always worn it"
however, I dont feel confident with it anymore- its not me, and now am old enough to know what I truly want, its not what I want.

im thinking I should just keep it on till september (start uni) then take it off, my parents wont be there so I wont have to explain to them? although they`d then realise and ask,why?

n I guess I would feel slightly guilty too. but its wrong to do something just because you feel you have to..

basically its a conversation am going to have to have...

so what should i do?

any suggestions would be appreciated :smile:


Depends on how your family are like, whether they'll accept it, another thing is that they'll question your reasons behind e.g. is it a boy or something....thats how it usually is with parents from Asia.

Maybe you should question your reasons behind it before taking such an action cos you'll have to think about the effects after doing it. Some people may begin to treat you differently, see you differently, etc.
Original post by Anonymous
i currently wear a headscarf... however, I do not want to anymore as I do not feel it represents who i am any more.I am not religeous anymore and do not want to be attached to any religion.

so I want to stop wearing it, however, bit worried about reaction from family. as I know they`ll be like "its the right thing, you`ve always worn it"
however, I dont feel confident with it anymore- its not me, and now am old enough to know what I truly want, its not what I want.

im thinking I should just keep it on till september (start uni) then take it off, my parents wont be there so I wont have to explain to them? although they`d then realise and ask,why?

n I guess I would feel slightly guilty too. but its wrong to do something just because you feel you have to..

basically its a conversation am going to have to have...

so what should i do?

any suggestions would be appreciated :smile:


you said you don't want to be attached to any religion anymore. I will give you an example of myself, when I walk down the street I get approached by many Muslim/Arab women. Why? because I feel that the Hijab and Abaya that I wear represents a Muslim women who has accepted Islam. If you don't want to be a part of Islam anymore, then that is fine. Just be honest with your parents. Don't force a religion on yourself. When you feel you want to accept Islam again then you can revert back the Islamic way. But, Islam is peaceful, there is no force that you have to follow it just because you are born into it. But, consult with your parents if you feel uncomfortable, they know best. Good Luck!! :smile: :smile:
Reply 6
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by Iqbal007
Depends on how your family are like, whether they'll accept it, another thing is that they'll question your reasons behind e.g. is it a boy or something....thats how it usually is with parents from Asia.

Maybe you should question your reasons behind it before taking such an action cos you'll have to think about the effects after doing it. Some people may begin to treat you differently, see you differently, etc.


my family are quite open! I even have guy friends over :colondollar:

its not really a boy or anything, its just not who i am. I guess what worries me is how others will see me too, im seen as the good child, and my current scarf styles are sort of copied by a lot of people i guess in some ways people look up to me.

what do you mean see me differently?
Original post by Anonymous
i currently wear a headscarf... however, I do not want to anymore as I do not feel it represents who i am any more.I am not religeous anymore and do not want to be attached to any religion.

so I want to stop wearing it, however, bit worried about reaction from family. as I know they`ll be like "its the right thing, you`ve always worn it"
however, I dont feel confident with it anymore- its not me, and now am old enough to know what I truly want, its not what I want.

im thinking I should just keep it on till september (start uni) then take it off, my parents wont be there so I wont have to explain to them? although they`d then realise and ask,why?

n I guess I would feel slightly guilty too. but its wrong to do something just because you feel you have to..

basically its a conversation am going to have to have...

so what should i do?

any suggestions would be appreciated :smile:


Firstly, you shouldn't be oppressed into wearing it but make sure what you are doing is 100% what you want and not just a phase in your life that you are going through. I have four sisters who are older then me....so i would know.

Secondly, i wouldn't recommend not telling your family but you should ease them into it somehow. Maybe you can do what you suggested and then tell them after a few months into uni or something.
Reply 8
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by shush
hey, im guessing your a muslim
i used to be like wary one of girls who wore hijab or jilbab
this song changed my view

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZ6yKsuuMLo



this may sound really bad, but i dont think that does it for me.

Original post by Ayesha.Tabassam95
Well firstly it depends on your parents, are they pakistani and are they understanding?


yes pakistani and very understanding, but im well known for my scarf styles, and i gues a lot of people look up to me:frown: so it would be really obvious.

Original post by Silver Lining
you said you don't want to be attached to any religion anymore. I will give you an example of myself, when I walk down the street I get approached by many Muslim/Arab women. Why? because I feel that the Hijab and Abaya that I wear represents a Muslim women who has accepted Islam. If you don't want to be a part of Islam anymore, then that is fine. Just be honest with your parents. Don't force a religion on yourself. When you feel you want to accept Islam again then you can revert back the Islamic way. But, Islam is peaceful, there is no force that you have to follow it just because you are born into it. But, consult with your parents if you feel uncomfortable, they know best. Good Luck!! :smile: :smile:


thanks. im just worried with the whole consultation part- my family have always bought me up with religeon and i guess they always thought id be religeousy

but i dont pray or anything
Reply 9
Avatar for tamimi
tamimi
16
Don't wear it if you don't want to wear it.
There's not much point in wearing the headscarf if you religiously don't believe in it. Same way you wouldn't pray if you don't believe in God.

Some women choose to wear it because they feel safe in it, rather than religiously. Which is also a fine reason. But if neither applies to you, I don't see why you should.

As for social acceptance, that's down to your family, but does it really matter what they think? It's a relationship between you and your God. Not you and your society.
Reply 10
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by oh-my-diddy
Firstly, you shouldn't be oppressed into wearing it but make sure what you are doing is 100% what you want and not just a phase in your life that you are going through. I have four sisters who are older then me....so i would know.

Secondly, i wouldn't recommend not telling your family but you should ease them into it somehow. Maybe you can do what you suggested and then tell them after a few months into uni or something.


lol i was not oppressed into wearing it. it was my own decision initially, its just not who i am anymore.

i guess i agree with the whole easing them into it. but i dont want it to look like ive just taken it off for uni, this is something ive been wanting to do for a while
Reply 11
Avatar for kpwxx
kpwxx
20
Original post by Anonymous
.


Thinking about waiting until uni, your parents may think if you do that that something/someone at uni has persuaded you to stop. Of course it's up to you so that shouldn't matter in the whole picture of things, but it's just something to be aware of- if you let them know before uni they may be more trusting that it is your own choice that you've made because of personal reasons, not because of any pressure etc.

xxx
yes pakistani and very understanding, but im well known for my scarf styles, and i gues a lot of people look up to me:frown: so it would be really obvious.

Erm.. well, I could have given you alot of excuses, to your parents, why you didnt want to wear it. But never mind. Lol
Oh but I would advise that you may not want to go to uni and then take it off cause theyll think that there are bad people there and they made you take it off, and then theyll go off on all sorts of tangents. Lol.
Just a suggestion though :smile:
Original post by Anonymous

thanks. im just worried with the whole consultation part- my family have always bought me up with religeon and i guess they always thought id be religeousy

but i dont pray or anything


no worries, if you want you can PM me. but don't worry about it. you can tell them this and ask them to guide you as they are your parents and hopefully nothing will change. its just growing up and a sense of making your own decisions. :smile:
You are free to do as you wish, but I advise against doing anything before university. Your parents may find it is completely unacceptable and may even chuck you out. Unless you have friends on standby willing to take you in, I don't think it's a good idea. However, you should do what makes you happy. Asides, the whole 'easing them into it' is quite a good idea. There are many women on the television who don't wear the headscarf. Konnie Huq and the character of Zainab Masood in EastEnders are 2 examples. Have you ever seen the film East is East?? It's a film about children/teenagers from an Asian background trying to adapt to life/multiculturalism in Yorkshire (Bradford, I think).
Reply 15
Avatar for Iqbal007
Iqbal007
19
Original post by Anonymous
my family are quite open! I even have guy friends over :colondollar:

its not really a boy or anything, its just not who i am. I guess what worries me is how others will see me too, im seen as the good child, and my current scarf styles are sort of copied by a lot of people i guess in some ways people look up to me.

what do you mean see me differently?


WOW, my mum goes crazy if a girl is anywhere near me :/ they get weird idead ¬¬

Well when you drop your headscarf, people won't see you as a the good girl you described or as the person they thought they knew. It happens with some people where friends, etc start behaving differently and acting unfriendly.
Also if you do this, your family may feel like that giving you so much freedom was the reason, they might put a stronger curfew on you.

Whats the problem exactly?
In Islam you don't HAVE to wear the headscarf, it's YOUR choice.Lots of women who are very good Muslims don't wear it and it's fine. :biggrin:
Reply 17
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by Ayesha.Tabassam95

Erm.. well, I could have given you alot of excuses, to your parents, why you didnt want to wear it. But never mind. Lol
Oh but I would advise that you may not want to go to uni and then take it off cause theyll think that there are bad people there and they made you take it off, and then theyll go off on all sorts of tangents. Lol.
Just a suggestion though :smile:


lol what type of excuses?

ye, i see where you are going, but my parents have complete trust in me with the whole bad people thing. i mean family wise really open about general stuff, its just taking of a hijab signifies that im not religeous anymore- and my mum well recently she`s commented on other girls not hair covering like its bad.... and she became religeous at the same age im becoming not religeous if that makes sense.

plus where i live, im really well known even though i hardly go out because i have a really cool scarf looks. id probably never wwant to be in my home-town again. people talk, i dont care whatsoever, but i think my mum would mind and i dont want to upset her in any way.
Reply 18
Avatar for Pawsies
Pawsies
15
Original post by shush



and even by the waterloo rd storyline...how'd she end up
she became pregnant


:confused: so people who don't wear headscarves get pregnant?
Original post by Anonymous
In Islam you don't HAVE to wear the headscarf, it's YOUR choice.Lots of women who are very good Muslims don't wear it and it's fine. :biggrin:


there is no such thing as a good Muslim. no one can judge who is a good or bad Muslim, only Allah can. and it is compulsory for a Muslim woman to cover herself from her non-mehram, it is a sign of a Muslim woman. it is written in the Quran. I do apologise for bringing this up but what you said is wrong.

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