The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

You'll understand: he's going to the cinema today with his mate to see Battleship and inwardly I was like "How DARE you go out and have a life and enjoy yourself while I miss you" etc. It doesn't help that I'm in a constantly bad mood because my final exams start next week and I'm just overloaded with work and more work and stress etc., while he's just about to finish school forever and has therefore been doing NOTHING for the last week or so while I'm working and working and working and then going to work at Waitrose on top of that at the weekend, (I have to get up at 5.30am every Saturday) and then I don't get a lie-in on Sunday because I have to get up and have a shower before we Skype, and yesterday we only skyped for 40 minutes because he had to go for lunch in the middle, the connection was abysmal and then I had to go. So I'm pretty overworked, writing essay after essay, while all he's doing is watching telly and playing xBox and it's driving me nuts! He's like, don't complain, I had to go through this too, and I'm like, yes but that was in January when everyone still has motivation (who still has energy in summer?!) and I was also struggling through masses and masses of coursework, so we were both working hard, and he's finishing school while I have more than a month to go, and even though it's certainly not his fault, it just pisses me off how I have to go through this and he does NOTHING -.-

If it's any consolation if he's going to see battleship he's not going to enjoy himself. Such a stupid premise for a movie.

Some weeks go really quickly and I just count down the hours until I can see my man, other weeks I'm pining and just wishing that it was the weekend but every minute seems to go sooo slowly and drag. Today was one of those days where I just didn't want to work, didn't want to get up, all I wanted to do was chill with my boyfriend! On the plus side (I should keep thinking about the positives so I don't pine as much!), this weekend is the start of 16 amazing days together (the longest time we'll have spent together), Sunday marks 6 months being together and a week tomorrow we're off to Turkey for 8 days. For some reason, as excited and happy as I am about that all I keep thinking is that I want those 2 weeks to start NOW. I should just keep focusing on the positives It won't be long now! I'm also pretty excited, although I don't want us to get too ahead of ourselves but I think it's a pretty exciting thought nonetheless, that he suggested we end the LD part of our R next year (we haven't looked into this properly yet but! please happen ). I do worry about focusing too much on the future, although the present is pretty amazing. And I do think that being a long distance relationship to start with has made us appreciate really what we have and how much we love each other.

(sorry, just needed to vent)

Really struggling. We are both unhappy and fed up of the distance. I spend 80% of the relationship being unhappy. But then I consider everything I've put into this, and how good it could be when we're together again, and I feel like I can't give up now. It's only 4 months before we're back together. Anyway I would feel just as unhappy without him.

This makes me wonder if he is really worth it and whether he is really the one for me. I thought I had forgiven him after he let me down, and then I went away again and the doubts started creeping in. That's why I'm thinking, if we were together I might not feel this way. I can't tell if it's the distance or if it's a bad relationship.

Then he adds to my confusion by saying he wants to ask me to marry him this year or next - and it's putting too much pressure on me to decide whether I really want to be with him. Arrrghhh. It's really not what I need right now. I feel like I'm waiting in limbo, because nothing is going to change until we close the distance.

Vent. Don't even know if this makes sense.

This was me to a tee when I was in Italy on my year abroad. I think that having to rely on the computer as your main source of communication can really wear you down, so I wouldn't worry too much about the doubts. I'd concentrate on getting through the next four months and trying to enjoy Japan(?) as much as you can, and then reassessing when you're back in a less extreme environment. He might be saying the marriage thing to try and reassure you (y'know, the old chestnut that every girl has dreamed about her wedding day since forever), so try not to read too much into it, and hang in there.

Oh I'm so relieved someone understands! It's just waiting for those 4 months to pass while trying to stay positive and sane. I really feel like I'm going crazy.

I don't know why he keeps mentioning it because I've already told him I'm not ready for that. It's like he's trying to see what my answer would be and he's going to keep prodding until I hint at yes.

Oh I'm so relieved someone understands! It's just waiting for those 4 months to pass while trying to stay positive and sane. I really feel like I'm going crazy.

I don't know why he keeps mentioning it because I've already told him I'm not ready for that. It's like he's trying to see what my answer would be and he's going to keep prodding until I hint at yes.

I must have hit anonymous by mistake earlier because I'm the one who posted directly above you. Perhaps that shows I should find better things to do than post on TSR during my lunch break, but I can't leave my desk, so I'm limited for things to do.

I feel exactly like you!

My boyfriend keeps sending really heavy (as in gushing, cringe worthy, what some girls would call 'romantic') e-mails and it's beginning to make me have doubts, as he seems ready for an engagement, and I'm definitely not!

I understand entirely!

Maybe he's subconsciously trying to plan for the future to reassure himself/you that there is a future after Japan. When I'm mega-stressed or lonely (my boyfriend's a medic, so exams take over his life every year) thinking about some point in the future, however distant, keeps me sane. That said, if it's too overwhelming for you (and it's not always like I share my crazy wedding/future! fantasies with my boyfriend) maybe you should try and tell him how you're feeling. Sometimes boys don't even realise these things.

What's the extent of your long-distanceness? I would say there are two possibilities, or a combination thereof: a) he's finding it hard and looking for reassurance that you guys have a future past all the distance; b) he wants to reassure you. Maybe you should assess those before worrying too much that he wants to meet you at the altar riiight now! I'm not trying to be condescending, by the way (I just re-read this and it sounds a bit preachy), but basically saying try not to panic too much!

He does look for reassurance that I'm still going to want to be with him when I get back, and when I finish uni next year. For me, all that's going too far into the future when I'm just trying to get through this year. I have made my feelings clear, which I think has worried him, because he knows I can't say what I'll want in over a year's time. But I have told him that I want to be with him now, and I wouldn't be going through all this crap if I didn't think it was worth it.

He's 4 years older and employed, so he has more direction in his life than I have... I'm only 20 and I'm going to have to think about jobs when I finish next year. I am also not keen on moving to his area, while he has no intention of moving away, so I think that's also in the back of his mind because that's something we haven't been able to agree on.

He's in Svalbard, I'm in England. When he comes back he'll only be in Wales so alot nearer.

I think you're right for the most part. I think it's also due to boredom as he's run out of things to do there, and he doesn't have alot of work to do...but it is still rather worrying when I get home and find 30 odd e-mails!

Bloody hell... that's impressive! Hopefully the number of emails will drastically reduce(!) when he moves to Wales!

Really struggling. We are both unhappy and fed up of the distance. I spend 80% of the relationship being unhappy. But then I consider everything I've put into this, and how good it could be when we're together again, and I feel like I can't give up now. It's only 4 months before we're back together. Anyway I would feel just as unhappy without him.

This makes me wonder if he is really worth it and whether he is really the one for me. I thought I had forgiven him after he let me down, and then I went away again and the doubts started creeping in. That's why I'm thinking, if we were together I might not feel this way. I can't tell if it's the distance or if it's a bad relationship.

Then he adds to my confusion by saying he wants to ask me to marry him this year or next - and it's putting too much pressure on me to decide whether I really want to be with him. Arrrghhh. It's really not what I need right now. I feel like I'm waiting in limbo, because nothing is going to change until we close the distance.

Vent. Don't even know if this makes sense.

If it's any consolation if he's going to see battleship he's not going to enjoy himself. Such a stupid premise for a movie.

Yep i understand it. The one thing i will say is - ok so you didnt get to skype for as long as usual. So? Theres plenty of time for it. These things happen and there will be other oppurtunities. Yes it sucks but you cant change it sweetie.

Can you take a break at all, just to recharge your batteries and relax?



Obviously - "well he will hate the movie" is not a consolation. And you dont know whether he will like it or not,

And fyi people in this thread can be quite emotional - LDRs are a strain so quips like that arent always gonna be appreciated.

Will be joining this in October I think. Two hours train journey is nothing though compared to what you guys have to deal with, still will feel like such a long way away :\

He does look for reassurance that I'm still going to want to be with him when I get back, and when I finish uni next year. For me, all that's going too far into the future when I'm just trying to get through this year. I have made my feelings clear, which I think has worried him, because he knows I can't say what I'll want in over a year's time. But I have told him that I want to be with him now, and I wouldn't be going through all this crap if I didn't think it was worth it.

He's 4 years older and employed, so he has more direction in his life than I have... I'm only 20 and I'm going to have to think about jobs when I finish next year. I am also not keen on moving to his area, while he has no intention of moving away, so I think that's also in the back of his mind because that's something we haven't been able to agree on.