Hey guys, massive respect for all the LDRers, must be hard, I kind of can empathise.
But here's my story... I need help!! :/...
So I've been together with my girlfriend now since November 20th 2011, so 5 months and a bit, but obviously to me its more like 7 months since we started hanging out properly and having a good time
Anyway, thing is, 5 months sounds and well isn't THAT long, when you're starting to consider/talk about LDRs they are generally people who've been going out for over a year! But I just want to say that my previous and first for that matter relationship lasted 15 months so I'm not just a young man being soppified 5 months in
I kind of went long distance with my first for 6 weeks (summer) when she went to South Korea for all of it! So I know how hard it is and stuff, just thought I'd set the scene and my background...
So yeah, 5 months, and well, we've had our 'spats' as I like to call them over the period and stuff, but I do love her a lot... but here's my problem..
First of all, basically we can be sat in the car chilling and chatting and then she goes all quiet, and is like 'worried' about September when we will both be going to Uni, me to London and her to Norwich, which I've been told by her is a good 2 hours apart. And It is as many of you can probably empathise, one of the hardest conversations I've ever had, to handle it, know what to say and stuff.
I personally, tell her how I'm up for doing a LDR, because when I'm with her it's epic, we don't have to do anything like cinema or restaurants, we could literally just chill and talk for hours on end to be happy
and well... having a girlfriend is just epic, the security, someone to talk to about stress, happiness, worries or whatever!
And so half the time she is like really equally soppy and up for it, says she never wants to lose me, and thus worried, but deffo wants to do it. But then occassionally she can just be like 'I don't know anymore, you seem really keen and I'm like worrying, undecided' ... ... 'I just don't want to ruin it' ... and I'm like telling her... why would you ruin it? If you loved me you'd want to be with me and control yourself per say? And then she goes like 'ye but ... ahh I was talking months ago with Rob (her friend) about how epic and funny freshers week will be (obviously drunken times + guys.. you know the drill)' 'just wont be fun :/' and I'm thinking to myself... that's rather sad that you think freshers will only be fun so that you can have flings or whatever.. i'm pretty sure freshers is more than just sex... its social and having fun and getting to know people -.- which you can still have whilst remaining faithful :L but I didn't say this to her haha...
But yeah, so she can be one minute really up for it, then the next she's like trepidatious... I mean I told her I'm scared as well, but I tell her the quote 'if you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right'... basically reflecting the fact that if your heart and mind is into something, it will work... I'm just like... thinking... Is her heart really in it?
And then she says like 'its just a really big step, its like we're settling down or something'... and I was like... ye i understand you seeing it that way.. but the fact is Its just a decision to carry on our relationship, but at a long distance.. its no different to the relationship we have now, just distance.. if you get me? Its not a contract that we'll be together the next 3/4 years, its just continuing our relationship because we love and want to be with each other!?!?!
So I'm worried, I just need opinions and advice and support or whatever! It's really tough because at this period of time, I'm freaking out revising mad so I can get my place at LSE!! And when I get stressed out with my girlfriend its hard to concentrate :'( :'(
Also I think it may be worth adding points about our little 'spats'...
Basically, I'm her first proper boyfriend...
But over our time together, she has sometimes done stuff that really upset me and well, I didn't know whether it was wrong, but when I talked to my sister and friends about what she did, they were like 'she's out of order, I wouldn't put up with that'..
Basically the first straw was when she was just texting a guy she had met at a party... and she just essentially went on a date with him... he paid for a dinner, and they walked along the beach... but to me I just obviously got jealous, but shrugged it off, because I'm pretty caring and I always want to be the best boyfriend ever, and i don't want to be controlling so I was cool about it.
Next straw was at a party, drunken obviously.. oh wait no it was my 18th birthday house party, and basically was really mean to me, starts telling everyone really private stuff like REALLY private, and ye at one point was like 'i'm single, i don't have a boyfriend anymore' and I confronted her that night... w talked it through and stuff.. i mean it was pretty bitchy but we worked through it, I guess i'm rather weak/pushover, i'm just quite caring.. :/ but ye it did upset me a lot and my best friend Cooper was there and like 'I wouldn't take that ****'. But ye she was sorry the next day and stuff and I was like whatever its cool, we talked it out
Next, she had met my good friend Ed through me, like twice briefly, but she starts talking to him loads, and then one time, she was asking to see me and I couldn't i was busy, but I was like 'we could go beach after i'm finished' and she's like okay ... then later on she's like 'oh don't worry about walk I decided to go beach instead' I was like... 'we were going to beach hunny?' and she was like 'oh okay, i'm with someone you'd love (ed)'... so she had gone to the beach with him... so ye.. later that day I was giving her a lift to her friend Eevie, and well I was upset about her seeing ed, (because she had seem him like 2 days before that as well... -.-).. and so I quickly phoned my sister beforehand to tell her about it and my sis was like 'it's not on tell her whats what'... so I did, when she came to the car she was wearing HIS hoodie... okay fair play wear it because your cold, but in my warm car or with me.. when i have a hoodie... it wrong its a freaking coupley thing to do! You don't do that do you? So I like kinda cried, and told her how it wasn't on... like I don't mind her seeing guys but oh yeah i forgot to say how she also held his hand at the beach... and seeing him 2 days basically in a row, when she hadn't known him previously... im not controlling... but I'm highly sure its wrong?! But yeah once again we sorted it out she claimed 'she didn't know, she's new to relationship obvi and thought it was okay' and i was like 'its not'
Penultimate straw... another party... she is basically same as that other party, mean and ed was there, and she spent more time on top of Ed than me. And I mean on top as in him laying flat down on sofa, her on top, face inches away from his... so i was SOOOO Pissed off. We discussed the next day, I kinda 'scolded' her but ye,.. i mean at the party again cooper was like 'dude not on' and Ron was like 'my days you're so tolerant, my girlfriends lovely to me'. So next day I proper layed it on, because at the start of the convo she wasn't even apologising, i was like wtf!! so it was a mahooosive convo, and i proper thought we sorted it for good... and things were going well...
Until a couple of days ago... i was like 'do you wanna see me in my lunch/free period tomorrow hunny?' and she was like 'When?' I said... 'tomorrow, 12:20 -2' and she was like hmmm nah actually i've got a lunch date... I was like oh okay no worries.. with who? ^_^ and she was like.. 'none of your beeswax'.. the convo continued and she was like 'its a guy' ... ' oh and also he drives' so I was like wtf you're being a bitch (because incidently i was having trouble at home that day and really upset and she knew this) so a major bitch tbh... but then again she came up with some excuse..
So i once again talked it through with her as my saying goes 'honesty is the best policy' and we are okay... but well as a result of all this, I occasionally get doubts.. i'm not gonna lie a little part of me wants to leave her, because loadsa people tell me a relationship should be happy and you shouldn't get sad, and well I do get sad, stressed and it sometimes gets to me when we have these incidents... but then again a bigger part of me, the affectionate side, loves her to bits, when we are happy and good together its freaking epic, such good times, and so i don't want to lose that, i don't want to lose my girlfriend! And so i'm like torn here as well! It's hurting but at the same time really great!
So to sum up, this probably humongous post, and I applaud anyone who manages to bother to get through it all! I need advice, support, opinions on both scenarios, seperately and combined. It's so difficult, i just need help as its stressing me out, when i'm trying to meet my ridiculous grades for LSE!!
Cheers
You can call me Lee as well, despite being Anon,.