Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.

-hug- Hope you're okay and that this godawful stomach bug clears off soon.

-hugs- Thanks. I hope your exams are going all right!

German was rediculously triggering. Could only have been worse had it involved numbers. Chemistry went well, I think... Next exam isnt until the 15th, which is nice.

Something interesting to consider.

Regardless of age the human brain, to function, requires between 510 and 580 calories a day to function ALONE. That means you need to eat at least this per day for your brain to even work beyond basic motor functions (cerebellum is your "subconscious" brain alongside the medulla). On top of this, your liver and kidneys use about 200(ish). That is, to process and filtrate out bad stuff. The body uses these as primary outputs. That means before your lungs, heart, intestines, muscles, skin, hair, ANYTHING is assigned calorie energy for the day, your body already needs like 800 calories.

To be able.... To think. Costs 800 kcal. To THINK.

Idk I felt like functioned reasonably (in the context of very low calorie intake and being unhealthy in general obviously) ok on that amount a day and lower. I suppose science is science though, its very possible I could have been deluding myself into thinking I was fine.

You're right it is interesting though.

Without appearing condescending, I can assure you that the "functioning" you refer to is most likely a big portion of reliance on the disorder, a subset of rituals and habits that effectively places you on autopilot.

"I could still live my disordered life eating 500 cals a day" is pretty much "my body did what the ED Programmed it to... I was an automaton but I still managed ok".

I know because I was there at one point and I cant remember being able to distinguish one day from another... They all just melded into one continuous, repetitive routine...

x

It's took a while for me to realise to get fitter and stronger, actually, I need to eat more-and namely not worry about exactly what I'm eating too much either (as well as manage stress better e.g. get enough sleep, which I'm getting a lot better at prioritising.) I'm actually quite glad to do this soemtimes, and the benefits are starting to show. Whether gaining through mainly slow bulk and re-starting training is complete recovery, I'm not yet certain. But I'm really starting to understand why my dietician said BMI 20 should be the minimum benchmark for anyone striving to lead an active lifestyle.

One huge physical bug-bear though (there's enough thoughts and feelings getting in the way). I'm still convinced I've become glucose intolerant/going diabetic from my overeating and binging, and knowing everything I eat doesn't help. This has treached the point yesterday was entirely 'clean' until we'd gone out for dinner for Mum's birthday, and one glass of Peroni destroyed me. I managed to eat it all (three courses) but everything was blurry and I became confused/dizzy. I really don't remember much of the conversation
Could be the heat or I'm knocked out by a single beer these days, or exam stress (but I wasn't feeling particualrly stressed by exams when there ). It could be something really trivial. Yet I've decided it was a sign I was going diabetic from ODing on carbs etc. etc.. This was added by the fact I'd been sedentary all of yesterday (bar an intense drum sesh) and had a fairly large meal for lunch anyway...although was clearly hungry by the time the meal came round! (which, surely, would indicate increasing insulin sensitivity)
How can this be explained? This has never happened until recently, and one day should not do that. At 19 I shouldn't be getting any symptoms of pre-diabetes and the like I don't want to have to low-carb everything on the basis of omething which could just be stress and overanalysis.

Nor do I see why friends and family can eat lots of snacks and treats fairly absent-mindedly, or drink, and it doesn't hit them. Partly because they're blessed by either not knowing, not caring, or knowing and caring without worrying, which I can't do.

It's plain...unfair! Pathetic to say considering what I've put my parents through, but that's how I feel. And I realise I blamed myself for being who I am by binges, or restriction.
If I'm honest, it's one of my biggest risk factors for relapse. It's my own biggest moment of my body working against me and saying 'things were better when you were ill'. Surely not eating means balancing blood sugars, right? (and then end up going hypoglycaemic again yayyy, logic fail).
This further exacerbates the already huge problem of can I stop having to pay attention to everything I think and everything my body does and just get on with my life and being myself already? K thx.

Sorry for the rant. Guess I'm really annoyed by getting slapped in the face by our own bodies when doing our best to be good to ourselves too.

Hey Guys,

Just wanting some advice. Has anyone experienced (if you currently recieve treatment) having to move your treatment for an eating disorder from one city to another, in the case of moving to uni? It seems to be that they can't just transfer my case over and that i will have to start the referral process all over again (and we all know how long that can take sometimes) once i am registered at a gp in that city. After having 9 months of dedicated support here, it has made me very anxious that i may have to go a couple of months at uni without the one on one support. I am very mindful of the fact that the stress of moving and change can be a trigger.

Can anyone help?

Thankyou

xx

Belle, Toto and Sentiment: It's natural. At a healthy BMI and having been recovered for 2 years, I feel ridiculously obese at times. I don't think that will ever really leave me, or you guys either. But remember that what we compare ourselves to is NOT healthy or safe at all. Our lives are much better now, even if we do feel fat sometimes. We are healthy and we are able to function normally without being entirely dependent on anyone/anything. We are in control of our lives, more so than when we were in the depths of our ED. x

Riku: don't worry. I'm sure the thing with the Peroni was because you've just recovered. You have done some damage to your body throughout your ED and afterwards, your alcohol tolerance is rubbish. I went from being the girl who could polish off 15 vodka-cokes in a night pre-ED to not being able to handle a glass of wine after recovering! x

Wow. At both your tolerance for alcohol beforehand and the difference afterwards.

(like toto I also don't mean to sound like i'm having a go) but...

(contains calories and a general ramble but nothing triggering IMO)


This is completely just my opinion though I don't wanna sound like a know it all haha. Sometimes times of clarity need to be seized :P

Edit: Oh and also, i've found that it's helped me a lot to idealize something harmless (rather than weight loss) as a distraction. Like, i'm working on my piano playing and composing which would be a nice part of my identity to rely on rather than being ill. Like toto with his gaming and animation stuff (which is awesome :P )

Haha thanks! Taken me 2 years to get back to being able to handle what I used to/be able to mix drinks etc. There is a future for a high alcohol tolerance after an ED, it just takes time lol x

I suppose going from 15 voddy and cokes before being drunk, to being Oh ****. I'm really really tipsy after a glass of wine did make your nights out cheap? Ball on friday, should be a laugh.