Female psychology
This forum has always surprised me with how the girls are more open to causal sex. Traditionally it is said that it's not in women's psychological nature because women are more protective of themselves and only want to be with the right person (to choose the right father). So for millennia women have been more careful in this area. Even today you will see this (more so with the older generations).
So out of curiosity I went on craiglist to see what the situation was like in terms of gender differences for casual encounters. And what do you know? It's exactly as it's always been ... lots fo men looking for women but hardly any women looking for men. One odd thing that I saw was that the few times when women are listed it's usually with a male partner who it looking for another person (usually another woman to join them).
So I am looking to undersand all this.
Why are the women on the forum giving a different impression to what we see traditionally?
Why is craiglist without many women looking for men? Are are they not interested at all or are they looking to respond to the male adverts instead? If it is the latter then why? Whats wrong with advertising? Are women not supposed to be the ones who give the first signals?
Another odd thing is how the proper dating sites have more men listed then women. Now that is more puzzling because it's quite obvious that even women want relationships.
So out of curiosity I went on craiglist to see what the situation was like in terms of gender differences for casual encounters. And what do you know? It's exactly as it's always been ... lots fo men looking for women but hardly any women looking for men. One odd thing that I saw was that the few times when women are listed it's usually with a male partner who it looking for another person (usually another woman to join them).
So I am looking to undersand all this.
Why are the women on the forum giving a different impression to what we see traditionally?
Why is craiglist without many women looking for men? Are are they not interested at all or are they looking to respond to the male adverts instead? If it is the latter then why? Whats wrong with advertising? Are women not supposed to be the ones who give the first signals?
Another odd thing is how the proper dating sites have more men listed then women. Now that is more puzzling because it's quite obvious that even women want relationships.
Scroll to see replies
Yes, women are less open to casual sex. I personally haven't seen many women on this forum state otherwise, but if they are then just ignore them. What people say (particularly on the internet) is often inconsistent with what they actually do.
Original post by a_n_o_n
Women don't need to go looking for men on sites like craigslist because women can get casual sex pretty much whenever they like 
i personally always have guys i can text/get guys on nights out. I'd feel uncomfortable advertising myself on the internet really.
i personally always have guys i can text/get guys on nights out. I'd feel uncomfortable advertising myself on the internet really.this
Thanks for the replies.
What you girls said makes sense. However I do think that the culture plays a big part in this. Women of the past were not so much into casual sex and what you just said probably applies to more liberal cultures. I am a lot older than most on this forum and I remember a time when some of my friends (boys) didn't want causal relationships! but it's been glamorised by the media a lot so things have changed.
So you have answered my question on the casual relationships but what about proper romantic relationships? Why are there fewer women on dating websites? I mean you cant just text mr right, can you?
Btw your answer on the causal relationships does point out an inherent difference between men and women.
What you girls said makes sense. However I do think that the culture plays a big part in this. Women of the past were not so much into casual sex and what you just said probably applies to more liberal cultures. I am a lot older than most on this forum and I remember a time when some of my friends (boys) didn't want causal relationships! but it's been glamorised by the media a lot so things have changed.
So you have answered my question on the casual relationships but what about proper romantic relationships? Why are there fewer women on dating websites? I mean you cant just text mr right, can you?
Btw your answer on the causal relationships does point out an inherent difference between men and women.
So if girls can get guys on tap, doesn't that mean many guys out there can get girls on tap too?
Original post by Anonymous
So if girls can get guys on tap, doesn't that mean many guys out there can get girls on tap too?
No
Original post by Anonymous
So if girls can get guys on tap, doesn't that mean many guys out there can get girls on tap too?
Only the better looking or better socially guys.
I bet you any money that 50% of the guys who advertise themselves on craigslist, etc, are already in relationships, especially the good looking ones.
If I'm looking for casual sex, I can usually find it, though not necessarily always with the type of guys I'd most want. But it's easy to imagine that this is simple for most women - some are shy, not good at 'putting themselves out', have much guilt about sex, not at ease with how they look, don't know how to make the best of themselves, don't want to be seen as a slut, and so on. It's a big fallacy to imagine that all women have it easy - especially those who go out and leave on their own after seeing their more confident friends instantly approached by the guys there.
Casual sex is easy to find for women, well, for those with confidence and the emotional strength to enjoy sex for what it is and not expect more. I honestly think though that most women (well, over a certain age), just want to find a long term partner. Only young girls (15-19 at most), just go out to have a good time and have a one night stand.
Women are not less interested in casual sex (as someone said above)
Women just dont go on sites to get it. I think women are far more happy to have sex with a male they know than to go on the internet and search for someone.
Partly because of safety, if you arrange to meet up with someone from a dating advert for casual sex there is potential danger involved, especially if you are female. You dont know anything about these men you are meeting, and although most are lovely and what they say they are for the few that wont be it isnt worth the risk.
Women just dont go on sites to get it. I think women are far more happy to have sex with a male they know than to go on the internet and search for someone.
Partly because of safety, if you arrange to meet up with someone from a dating advert for casual sex there is potential danger involved, especially if you are female. You dont know anything about these men you are meeting, and although most are lovely and what they say they are for the few that wont be it isnt worth the risk.
Read this: http://www.webmd.com/sex/features/sex-drive-how-do-men-women-compare
Its another big factor, men have greater sex drives. Still baffled by the girls who think that men and women are on par on this. I reckon they are judging most girls based on their own minority preferences. Even evolutionary psychologists say that most women need relationships to want sex.
Its another big factor, men have greater sex drives. Still baffled by the girls who think that men and women are on par on this. I reckon they are judging most girls based on their own minority preferences. Even evolutionary psychologists say that most women need relationships to want sex.
You're looking at this in the wrong way. You can't put people into different boxes. Some people want to be monogamous at one point and free and casual at another. It doesn't say anything about what they want in the long-term.
Wrong. I don't just lose my sexuality because I'm not in a relationship. I don't stop feeling sexual attraction because I'm not dating anyone. That does not make sense. If that was the case, then I'd never date anyone because I'd never feel sexual attraction.
Being in a relationship is an arrangement between people. You can't evaluate that scientifically.
most women need relationships to want sex
Wrong. I don't just lose my sexuality because I'm not in a relationship. I don't stop feeling sexual attraction because I'm not dating anyone. That does not make sense. If that was the case, then I'd never date anyone because I'd never feel sexual attraction.
Being in a relationship is an arrangement between people. You can't evaluate that scientifically.
Original post by a_n_o_n
Women don't need to go looking for men on sites like craigslist because women can get casual sex pretty much whenever they like i personally always have guys i can text/get guys on nights out. I'd feel uncomfortable advertising myself on the internet really.
i personally always have guys i can text/get guys on nights out. I'd feel uncomfortable advertising myself on the internet really.this, most girls who are semi-attractive could ask any guy in a night clubs or most places for that matter and he would likely oblige, the ball is in the woman's court with dating and sex unfortunately
Original post by hiding12
the ball is in the woman's court with dating and sex unfortunately
The question is, why?
Us men need to stop chasing. It's the biggest mistake we have made.
As has been said by people already on this thread you don't get women on these sites because they don't look for casual sex that way and are more likely to do it through someone they already know or in clubs etc on nights out where it is very easy for girls to get with guys. Also the psychological nature, as you said, of women is not the same for all women and also differs depending on the stage they are at in there life. For instance at the moment I can easily go out and have ons and have no emotional attachment to the guy at all, and in most case feel more attachment to the guy I first kissed than any of the guys I've had ons with bar one. However at the same time I'd equally happily settle in a relationship with someone.
I think the main difference is women go about finding partners of whatever kind (either casually or seriously) in a different way to men and therefore don't advertise it online like guys do.
The ball is in the women's court because guys are expected to do the chasing and be the ones to make the approaches. Though in casual arrangements it can be the girl who initiates it but they guys rarely refuse.
I think the main difference is women go about finding partners of whatever kind (either casually or seriously) in a different way to men and therefore don't advertise it online like guys do.
The ball is in the women's court because guys are expected to do the chasing and be the ones to make the approaches. Though in casual arrangements it can be the girl who initiates it but they guys rarely refuse.
Men are more in demand for casual sex than women, for natural reasons.
- Casual sex is more risk-free for men than women. Even though there are greater options for contraception these days, women are biologically wired not to seek it out in the same way.
- Women produce hormones during sex which causes them to attach. Men produce hormones which increase their adrenaline and attachment short term, but not long term. As a general rule, women get more keen after sex, men less.
- It takes more to give a woman an orgasm than a man. The chances of a stranger who doesn't know a woman's body or preferences being able to get her off, are small.
- Men are biologically wired to seek variation to a great extent than women.
Of course there are exceptions and variations of this. Women also seek validation through sex, men seek satisfaction through "hunting", not just orgasm. If your feelings are with one person, you can have no-strings sex with another without attaching.
The ball is not in anybody's "court". There are advantages and disadvantages to both the man and women's situation.
I completely understand and agree with the notion that women want sexual pleasure just as much as men, and I am aware that “giving it up” on the first date is not always giving it up so much as it is “getting it.” If that is your goal, then of course this is a different matter altogether and you are free to do that. But understand that it will not make a woman desirable to men. Men can do it and maintain (or sometimes increase) their attractiveness; women cannot. I acknowledge that this is holding women and men to a different standard, but in this case it is appropriate, because men and women are different in this respect.
Men are built to be sexually promiscuous – or at least, they are built so that we can be sexually promiscuous. There is little risk for a man when it comes to sex: he doesn’t need to worry about pregnancy. Even if he is not using a condom, he can control when (and if not when, where) he ejaculates. As a last resort, he is able to walk away from the woman and leave her to deal with the pregnancy. This is a repulsive thing to do and no one denies this – probably not even the men who do it. But it can be done and it is done. Sexually transmitted diseases and infections have a significantly higher male-to-female transmission rate than they do from females to males, and the effects are worse for women than they are for men. There is also the factor of physical strength: if a woman goes to bed with a man she thinks she likes, she is far less able to then change her mind, for fear of rape. A man, on the other hand, has no such problems: sex for him is very low-risk. The result of this fact is that, historically, men have taken the offense in all matters sexual; they are the pursuers. Because they are more sexually liberated by nature, they seek sexual relationships more frequently, and historically the active role in relationships has fallen on their shoulders, while women have assumed the passive role. This is the case elsewhere in nature as well, for the same reasons.
It is only because Western culture in recent history has emphasized the equality of the sexes that some women see this dynamic in a negative light, and get upset about a double standard. The notion that a man should protect his wife and children, or that he should not abandon a woman he impregnates, or even that he should leave the toilet seat down when females are in the house; these notions are all rooted just as deeply in sexual differences, but because they don't place a burden on females, no objections are raised. There are balances to this phenomenon: women have far more opportunities to have sex than men, and thereby are able to have sex with higher quality partners. You won’t find many girls that have had sexual partners uglier than themselves, but you’ll find an endless list of guys that have – in fact, there is a contingent of men that usually only have sex with girls less attractive than themselves. This is a product of the same phenomenon: because men can have low-risk sex, women are far more in-demand for sexual relationships, and therefore have more and better options. Men may be able to get laid more often, or at least, with more partners; but women often get to sleep with men that are out of their league. It is a matter of quality versus quantity, and I think there is a lot to be said for both, to the point that I am not convinced that either one is an advantage – they are just corollaries of the same phenomenon.
A woman is judged negatively for having promiscuous sex because it takes no skill or effort on her part; all that is required is her assent. There will never be a deficit of sexually willing and attractive men from which she can select if she chooses. A man, on the other hand, has to be highly gifted or skilled in order to get women of his own caliber into bed. This is because the women willing to do so are few(er) and far(ther) between. (Consider for a moment that no one respects a man who always sleeps with women that are way below his standards – everyone considers this repulsive.)
Most women prefer sex in relationships rather than casual sex. You'll see that even women who have spent their 20s sleeping around seek out something else as they get older. You also see the large number of girls seeking advice on a f-buddy or FWB gone wrong. In rare circumstances a woman may have regular, good sex with a man without emotionally attach - usually this is a result of either the fact that she has gone beneath her league, that she still has feelings for someone else or that she is simply seeking easy validation.
Even women who aren't into casual sex themselves, are usually pro having the option and are often fronting it for the sake of women's rights (or whatever term feminists prefer this month). Which is why you'll see women on online forums promoting casual sex as a "right" even if they don't practice it themselves.
- Casual sex is more risk-free for men than women. Even though there are greater options for contraception these days, women are biologically wired not to seek it out in the same way.
- Women produce hormones during sex which causes them to attach. Men produce hormones which increase their adrenaline and attachment short term, but not long term. As a general rule, women get more keen after sex, men less.
- It takes more to give a woman an orgasm than a man. The chances of a stranger who doesn't know a woman's body or preferences being able to get her off, are small.
- Men are biologically wired to seek variation to a great extent than women.
Of course there are exceptions and variations of this. Women also seek validation through sex, men seek satisfaction through "hunting", not just orgasm. If your feelings are with one person, you can have no-strings sex with another without attaching.
The ball is not in anybody's "court". There are advantages and disadvantages to both the man and women's situation.
I completely understand and agree with the notion that women want sexual pleasure just as much as men, and I am aware that “giving it up” on the first date is not always giving it up so much as it is “getting it.” If that is your goal, then of course this is a different matter altogether and you are free to do that. But understand that it will not make a woman desirable to men. Men can do it and maintain (or sometimes increase) their attractiveness; women cannot. I acknowledge that this is holding women and men to a different standard, but in this case it is appropriate, because men and women are different in this respect.
Men are built to be sexually promiscuous – or at least, they are built so that we can be sexually promiscuous. There is little risk for a man when it comes to sex: he doesn’t need to worry about pregnancy. Even if he is not using a condom, he can control when (and if not when, where) he ejaculates. As a last resort, he is able to walk away from the woman and leave her to deal with the pregnancy. This is a repulsive thing to do and no one denies this – probably not even the men who do it. But it can be done and it is done. Sexually transmitted diseases and infections have a significantly higher male-to-female transmission rate than they do from females to males, and the effects are worse for women than they are for men. There is also the factor of physical strength: if a woman goes to bed with a man she thinks she likes, she is far less able to then change her mind, for fear of rape. A man, on the other hand, has no such problems: sex for him is very low-risk. The result of this fact is that, historically, men have taken the offense in all matters sexual; they are the pursuers. Because they are more sexually liberated by nature, they seek sexual relationships more frequently, and historically the active role in relationships has fallen on their shoulders, while women have assumed the passive role. This is the case elsewhere in nature as well, for the same reasons.
It is only because Western culture in recent history has emphasized the equality of the sexes that some women see this dynamic in a negative light, and get upset about a double standard. The notion that a man should protect his wife and children, or that he should not abandon a woman he impregnates, or even that he should leave the toilet seat down when females are in the house; these notions are all rooted just as deeply in sexual differences, but because they don't place a burden on females, no objections are raised. There are balances to this phenomenon: women have far more opportunities to have sex than men, and thereby are able to have sex with higher quality partners. You won’t find many girls that have had sexual partners uglier than themselves, but you’ll find an endless list of guys that have – in fact, there is a contingent of men that usually only have sex with girls less attractive than themselves. This is a product of the same phenomenon: because men can have low-risk sex, women are far more in-demand for sexual relationships, and therefore have more and better options. Men may be able to get laid more often, or at least, with more partners; but women often get to sleep with men that are out of their league. It is a matter of quality versus quantity, and I think there is a lot to be said for both, to the point that I am not convinced that either one is an advantage – they are just corollaries of the same phenomenon.
A woman is judged negatively for having promiscuous sex because it takes no skill or effort on her part; all that is required is her assent. There will never be a deficit of sexually willing and attractive men from which she can select if she chooses. A man, on the other hand, has to be highly gifted or skilled in order to get women of his own caliber into bed. This is because the women willing to do so are few(er) and far(ther) between. (Consider for a moment that no one respects a man who always sleeps with women that are way below his standards – everyone considers this repulsive.)
Most women prefer sex in relationships rather than casual sex. You'll see that even women who have spent their 20s sleeping around seek out something else as they get older. You also see the large number of girls seeking advice on a f-buddy or FWB gone wrong. In rare circumstances a woman may have regular, good sex with a man without emotionally attach - usually this is a result of either the fact that she has gone beneath her league, that she still has feelings for someone else or that she is simply seeking easy validation.
Even women who aren't into casual sex themselves, are usually pro having the option and are often fronting it for the sake of women's rights (or whatever term feminists prefer this month). Which is why you'll see women on online forums promoting casual sex as a "right" even if they don't practice it themselves.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by Millie228
...
Wow, what a comprehensive post. Did you write all this yourself or copy and paste?
Original post by midlandsman
Wow, what a comprehensive post. Did you write all this yourself or copy and paste?
Both, some of it is copied. I've linked to stuff and posted longer before, but there are limits to what people bother reading (and what they consider interesting).
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