Eugh I feel so totally ****. This weekend I had two bbqs to go to and family were there, so I couldn't really restrict as my fiance would notice and get on (not in a nagging, but caring, way) so I decided to eat.
I barely had anything though, just foods I normally avoid as it was outwith my control - one burger, a few crisps, a handful or so of peanuts etc. You get the frist, nothing massive and not really 'bad' food in the grand scheme of it all. But because of all those foods, the salt, the lack of water from alcohol etc. I weighed myself tonight and I was 4-5lbs heavier than I was on Friday morning. Now I know I am going to heavier since it is night time and all, and in reality its not a gain of fat just the time of days, salt, water etc. but I cannot for the life of me, make myself feel 'accepting' of this at all, nor understanding. I just see a bigger number on the scale, so I am bigger. That's it, black and white - bigger number = fatter, smaller number = skinnier.
So tonight, of course, having weighed myself. I am now gorging on Thai Sweet Chilli Sensations and know there is going to be a massive binge/purge tonight with me then going back and realllly restricting as of tomorrow.
I just hate this.