I'm trying to push hard through my anxieties, pulling out all the stops, but have been so busy it's worn me out. I've had a festival, a house party, my nan's golden wedding bash and a sleepover consecutively while working on top, which have all been brilliant don't get me wrong but also meant being out of routine for about a week now, and getting sleep-deprived. I can always tell when I'm overtired because suddenly there's no drive to break boundaries, I feel scared of dessert but I eat it for the wrong reasons, some punishment or test and the like, with a nasty rebound effect on my mood. Doesn't happen to the same degree when I have more energy. I don't want to drain myself to the point where I believe the lies again but it might happen if I keep going on.
But I don't know whether I actually need to get to bed or am just feeling 'tired' from stress. We're surrounded in a culture which tells us not to complain and get on with it especially when it comes to rest, but once I'm beyond a certain point I'm not that pleasant to be round (parents have implied as much) and I lose most of my ambition and independence. Positivity goes out of the window when you can't think straight. These parties have distracted me enough to keep positive but it's hit me hard now I'm alone again.
It all tends to be resolved with a good, early night's sleep, but am I being weak for needing sleep apparently a bit more than the average person/reacting pretty strongly and negatively to lots of late nights? I sometimes wonder it.