Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.

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I'm sick of this, I need to grow up. It's tearing me and my BF apart - not least because my personality seems to have become stuck in 2005 :sad:

I'm so childish and precocious, it's unbearable. :frown:

Strangely enough personality changing is more a form of conditioning than something innert. There are some aspects that do seem to be from birth, but others will have environmental influences. ED's are one of those influences. Your entire personality changes when you are ED'd. Your brain is working on some weird chemical hormone soup that changes how you act, hyperactive at the slightest source of energy, moody when at low blood sugar (Though sometimes this releases a high of endorphins which people can get addicted to.)

When you recover you mature again, physically and mentally. When you are unhealthily underweight you can sometimes feel powerless and as such regress into a more childish state, all bits included. This has caused theories that ED's are actually a person's way of avoiding ageing, WANTING to regress into a childish weight and mind, but it's more probably the reverse. The childish actions are a symptom, not the cause.

Personally I didn't become overly childish, just incredibly withdrawn. People act differently, but this personality change you've had is not unusual.

Reply 4341

CollateralElement

Thank you, Toto.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 4342

TotoMimo

Were you the last anon, Collateral? X

Reply 4343

Anonymous #83

I know its silly, but I made a thread on here earlier showing pictures of me from when I was underweight and some of me now. Generally, with some exceptions, people think I look better/healthier now, but they also think I could do with losing some weight (just not as much as before). Its kindof motivated me to lose weight again, but to try and do it healthily.. and build muscle rather than just go mental with cardio. But it makes me feel a bit better about gaining in the first place that their immediate reaction wasn't "OMG FATTY" (or if it was, they kept it to themselves). I know it shouldn't matter so much what other people think, but it really does to me because I can't trust my own opinion. Somehow knowing that some people don't think I look like a whale now makes me feel less urges to binge, because it stops me from thinking "oh god its hopeless, i'm already grotesque so why not?".

Spoiler

I've asked this question before but never received any replies, so I hope you don't mind me asking again: did telling a GP really help any of you, even if you were already physically at a healthy weight again? How did you bring it up to them, what did you say?

Reply 4344

MelissaJayne

Original post by Antiaris

It's reading stuff like this that really makes me inspired to reach an optimum health. There are so many pros to recovering, which makes it all the harder to grasp why that anorexic part of you fights it so much. But I cannot wait to be a fully mature woman. The cycle (sorry boys to go into detail), and the rest of the stuff too. Every human has mood swings, but ED feels like it takes control of mine completely. I wanna decide when to be stroppy and childish!

Reply 4345

Anonymous #100

Today has been... good. My anxiety has hardly made an appearance. But I hate it when I get like this because I know it's only a matter of time before it creeps up on me. Could be tomorrow, could even be later tonight. I can't trust myself to feel happy because I know it won't last.

I have so much hatred inside me for so many things. It scares me.

Reply 4346

MelissaJayne

Original post by Anonymous

Maybe write down now, the feelings you have. How good it feels to be free of it for a while. Why life is so much better without the unneeded anxieties? And then when you feel it creeping back up, have a read and remind yourself of the sensible logic.

Reply 4347

sentiment

sorry for negativity, triggering

Spoiler

Reply 4348

l.west191

Hi guys, I need some help and I hope you guys will be able to give me some advice.

My best friend has a serious EDNOS, she was diagnosed with it at 12 years old, she's now 21 and she's not getting any better. The eating disorder team where we live isn't all that great and rarely hospitalise, only if they're asked to by a GP normally (which I find odd).

She's a gymnast, so being skinny is her life and she's surrounded by it daily but recently she's been a lot worse. Her boyfriend is horrible (there is no other word) he verbally abuses her and uses her fear of getting fat as a way to control her. It's so bad, I can't be around her when he's there, because I constantly want to knock him out.

She has a referral for the local ED team again but she has no intention of going and even when she does, she doesn't tell them the truth and always discharges herself as soon as she can.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do or how I'm supposed to help. Clearly I can't make her tell the truth to the ED team and I can't make her get help but I feel so useless.

What do you guys suggest I do?

Reply 4349

.snowflake.

Original post by sentiment

sorry for negativity, triggering

Spoiler

-hugsyousohardrightnow- somebody needs a cup of tea in a mug so big, its essentially a glorified bucket with a handle. I don't want you to disappear, you're too nice for that.

I'm wondering how much further i have to fall before I bounce.
I've got to the stage where if what i want to have, and what i end up having aren't the same, I'm on the verge of bursting into tears/ not eating any of it. This is scary because I've never been like this before.

Reply 4350

x-Disenchanted-x

I've been doing really well but am now sleepless after a break-up tonight and hope to god I don't relapse as bad as the last time this happened. Feel so sad and hollow right now :frown:

Reply 4351

Anonymous #112

Hey There,

So it's getting closer and closer to my move in date for uni. I'm getting more and more nervous about my eating situation. (I dont know how to spoiler so im really sorry if this upsets/triggers anyone)
Im in 'recovery' but obviously still struggle on a daily basis. However, i can go out for meals now and eat more regularly without purging (i used to purge numerous times a day). The food i actually eat is what is concerning me, because it's such a constant struggle i stick to 'safe' foods (low fat, low calorie) and i know this isnt the definition of 'recovery' but for the last few months thats all i dare have. I know my weight can not be totally maintainable with the level of calories, but i try not to push myself on hard days...which is everyday. I'm too scared ill fall into a binge, and even more scared this may happen at uni and if anything i'm absolutely petrified of relapse. I know this can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy but if anyone is reading this who has suffered with b/p symptons you'll know, how out of control you can become during a binge.

Basically im just really nervous about living with new people and eating with them/in front of them. I know i shouldnt feel like this in recovery. But i do, i cant help beat myself up about not being 'perfect' at recovery.

xxx

Reply 4352

Anonymous #100

I am so bloody hungry. For gods saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake

Reply 4353

Cinnie

Ughhh. I hate the fact that it's not even about the food - not really. It's a much deeper problem and food and weight is just a way our brain represents all our fears and anxieties in a way we can control. It's only after i've restored my weight that the real battle is ensuing - because the demon is me and not calories. Toto was completely right in that you can be a 250lb anorexic mind.

Reply 4354

x-Disenchanted-x

I look a lot healthier (as in far less bony, far more toned lean muscle) since going to the gym and making sure I hit my target of 3 meals a day plus 2 snacks, even if at lunchtime it isn't much. Slowly increasing my dietary fats with good fats like nuts and different kinds of meat as well as eggs. Even though surprisingly the number on the scales has dropped a bit, my disappointment wasn't too long-lasting...let's just say that after 3 years of not feeling very "woman" compared to other girls, turns out all the tiredness last week and dizziness was down to PMT so I must be doing something right at last! :smile:

But how is this possible if my weight has dropped? Does it still mean I'm getting healthier; surely gaining toned muscle would make me gain, not lose weight?

Reply 4355

x-Disenchanted-x

Original post by Cinnie

Hang in there- you've been doing well *hugs* xx

Reply 4356

Cinnie

Original post by x-Disenchanted-x

But how is this possible if my weight has dropped? Does it still mean I'm getting healthier; surely gaining toned muscle would make me gain, not lose weight?