Hi there,
Recently I went on a trip for a month to a developing country. Whilst I was over there I became very ill, I couldn't keep any food down and was full after just a teaspoon or two of food. I couldn't even keep water down. I was constantly nauseous. I lost so much weight and hadn't even realised until I caught sight of myself in a mirror about 3 weeks into the trip. It scared me at first but I didn't want to admit this, and so I pushed the thought to the back of my mind, as everybody was losing weight, I just seemed to have lost the most. Everyday I would struggle through, trying my best to carry on. Until one night towards the end of the trip, during a meal in a restaurant, the combination of heat, nausea and a very rare steak on the plate next to me (yes, I am vegetarian) made me very sick and I had to rush to the bathroom in time. My friend chased after me, getting used to the routine of holding my hair back whilst I puked my guts out. One of the teachers who was with us shortly followed. She ushered my friend out and as I sat on the bathroom floor trying my best not to be sick again, continued to tell me that she knew I had an eating disorder. She told me that I was making myself sick and that if I were her daughter she would have me at a psychiatrist and a nutritionist and then proceeded to tell me I needed "professional help" Now, I tried to tell her I was fine, I had a sneaky suspicion my anti-malarial tablets were the cause, but she told me I was in denial. I was devastated. I couldn't believe she has just said that to me. Up until that moment, I thought everything was fine and healthy. But being told that I was a delusional, mentally unstable bulimic really shook me up. I began to think what if I was making myself sick without even knowing it. I was scared to eat food as I was afraid I would be sick again. And as I was being constantly watched and followed every time I went to the toilet, I felt that I had to be secretive. I felt like a toddler, constantly being watched so that they don't harm themselves. I felt like I couldn't be trusted and got pretty upset about the whole thing.
Having returned, I went to the doctor and explained the situation, she weighed and measured me, and told me that I was no longer allowed to take that particular anti-malarial drug as I had a severe adverse reaction (also had water retention in my ankle because of it) to it, although she told me my BMI was .4 from being classed as underweight. That put me at ease, that I wasn't just being sick for the sake of it but the amount of weight I had actually lost shocked me. But there was still that thought in the back of my head that was screaming out BULIMIC.
Two months on, I still have not gained my full appetite back, and I find my slimmer figure more attractive (don't get me wrong, I was a size 8 before I left, now a size 6) and the fact so many people have said complimentary things about my weight loss (I lost a stone and a half), so It got me thinking do I have an eating disorder and not even know it. I've always been particular about my food, seeing as I was a chubby child- I was bullied because of it. I've been a vegetarian for 6 years and so don't tend to have as big portions as I used to since I mainly eat vegetables (not a huge fan of quorn). I never eat breakfast, occasionally a small lunch and a large dinner. It got me thinking about the food I was consuming and how much weight I would gain if I ate certain types of food. I'm now absolutely paranoid about me possibly having and eating disorder! HELP!!