Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.
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Original post by Anonymous
Missed my very important doctors appointment. Feel pretty ****ing useless right now. I always screw things up 
I don't even know why or how I'm still at uni.
I don't even know why or how I'm still at uni.
no you aren'tDid you miss it by choice?
Original post by Anonymous no you aren't
Did you miss it by choice?
no you aren'tDid you miss it by choice?
Slept in, since Thursday I haven't been able to wake up before midday - so I've missed two lectures (one marked attendance which is going to affect my degree grade) and this.
It seems at the moment my life revolves around the gym, sleeping, eating (or rather, not really eating) and doing a teeny tiny bit of uni work when I can't do either of the other three options.
Original post by Anonymous
Slept in, since Thursday I haven't been able to wake up before midday - so I've missed two lectures (one marked attendance which is going to affect my degree grade) and this.
It seems at the moment my life revolves around the gym, sleeping, eating (or rather, not really eating) and doing a teeny tiny bit of uni work when I can't do either of the other three options.
It seems at the moment my life revolves around the gym, sleeping, eating (or rather, not really eating) and doing a teeny tiny bit of uni work when I can't do either of the other three options.
I know exactly how you feel; I'm sat before my book pretty much in tears, unable to concentrate and feeling so full of self-doubt. Just gonna go back to bed then out for a run.
Hope you're feeling better soon, things like this always pass just like I know I'll pull myself back together at some point.
Original post by Anonymous
Girly one..
Spoiler
Ironically as a male anorexic (now recovery stage) I have spoken to far, far more girls in this situation at my clinics than even the girls do with one another; perhaps it's due to feeling less self comparable or conscious.
I have spoilered "embarrassing talk".
Spoiler
My anorexia was never about vanity, it was far more mechanical and OCD/Anxiety-related, but for those that become anorexic FOR vanity reasons - the ironic thing is that whilst your body shuts down tertiary and then secondary functions whilst you consistently lose weight, one of the first things it gives up on is making you look physically appealing to the opposite sex. Why should it? Genetically we are programmed to procreate, but if we are not in prime physical condition, it is almost your body's way of going "Hey, potential mates, I am not cool for any kind of fornication right now, yeah? So away ye go."
Original post by x-Disenchanted-x
I know exactly how you feel; I'm sat before my book pretty much in tears, unable to concentrate and feeling so full of self-doubt. Just gonna go back to bed then out for a run.
Hope you're feeling better soon, things like this always pass just like I know I'll pull myself back together at some point.
Hope you're feeling better soon, things like this always pass just like I know I'll pull myself back together at some point.
Today is going a bit better. Had the weirdest nights sleep last night -once again I couldn't sleep very well and it took me ages to drift off, but when I did I felt like I woke up instantly and was surprised to see it was morning! Then my dream came back to me as if I'd just forgotten about it.
Spoilered for food talk:
Spoiler
Counselling session tomorrow, my first CBT session :/
Original post by Anonymous
Link?
sounds interesting
sounds interesting
http://exeter.tab.co.uk/2012/10/14/the-gym-exeters-silent-killer/
I'm refusing to look at the horrible comments. My editors are happy so I'm pleased.
I think I should refuse treatment. I've been following the meal plan for two weeks now, and I've put on nearly a stone. It's obscene, how is it possible to pile on that much? More importantly it has been really easy for me to eat, it's like a relief in a way. If I needed help I wouldn't be able to right? I feel like such a fraud and I know the people at the hospital will think I never had a problem, maybe I never did have a serious problem. At this rate of gain I'll be normal weight in less than a month 
Idk. I think my feeling that I wasn't really unwell was correct. I seem to always dip in and out of eating disordered behaviours so I'm never that much of a medical risk.
It's my 21st today and I thought that I could just let myself eat whatever, but I just had an entire sharing bag of maltersers and I feel dreadful., and guilty and all round rubbish. And I haven't even had dinner yet..... sorry just wanted to rant somewhere.
Idk. I think my feeling that I wasn't really unwell was correct. I seem to always dip in and out of eating disordered behaviours so I'm never that much of a medical risk.
It's my 21st today and I thought that I could just let myself eat whatever, but I just had an entire sharing bag of maltersers and I feel dreadful., and guilty and all round rubbish. And I haven't even had dinner yet..... sorry just wanted to rant somewhere.
Original post by Violet_apple
I think I should refuse treatment. I've been following the meal plan for two weeks now, and I've put on nearly a stone. It's obscene, how is it possible to pile on that much? More importantly it has been really easy for me to eat, it's like a relief in a way. If I needed help I wouldn't be able to right? I feel like such a fraud and I know the people at the hospital will think I never had a problem, maybe I never did have a serious problem. At this rate of gain I'll be normal weight in less than a month
Idk. I think my feeling that I wasn't really unwell was correct. I seem to always dip in and out of eating disordered behaviours so I'm never that much of a medical risk.
It's my 21st today and I thought that I could just let myself eat whatever, but I just had an entire sharing bag of maltersers and I feel dreadful., and guilty and all round rubbish. And I haven't even had dinner yet..... sorry just wanted to rant somewhere.
Idk. I think my feeling that I wasn't really unwell was correct. I seem to always dip in and out of eating disordered behaviours so I'm never that much of a medical risk.
It's my 21st today and I thought that I could just let myself eat whatever, but I just had an entire sharing bag of maltersers and I feel dreadful., and guilty and all round rubbish. And I haven't even had dinner yet..... sorry just wanted to rant somewhere.
Happy Birthday
. Only cool people are born on the 17th of October ( yes it's my birthday too, I'm a lot older than you though).I know it's easy for me to say but you deserve to be happy and healthy xxOriginal post by Anonymous
Today is going a bit better. Had the weirdest nights sleep last night -once again I couldn't sleep very well and it took me ages to drift off, but when I did I felt like I woke up instantly and was surprised to see it was morning! Then my dream came back to me as if I'd just forgotten about it.
Spoilered for food talk:
Counselling session tomorrow, my first CBT session :/
Today is going a bit better. Had the weirdest nights sleep last night -once again I couldn't sleep very well and it took me ages to drift off, but when I did I felt like I woke up instantly and was surprised to see it was morning! Then my dream came back to me as if I'd just forgotten about it.
Spoilered for food talk:
Spoiler
Counselling session tomorrow, my first CBT session :/
How weird is that...it's my first ever CBT session tomorrow too :P been on waiting list for over 2 years! Good luck with yours and let me know how it goes!
Original post by Violet_apple
I think I should refuse treatment. I've been following the meal plan for two weeks now, and I've put on nearly a stone. It's obscene, how is it possible to pile on that much? More importantly it has been really easy for me to eat, it's like a relief in a way. If I needed help I wouldn't be able to right? I feel like such a fraud and I know the people at the hospital will think I never had a problem, maybe I never did have a serious problem. At this rate of gain I'll be normal weight in less than a month
Idk. I think my feeling that I wasn't really unwell was correct. I seem to always dip in and out of eating disordered behaviours so I'm never that much of a medical risk.
It's my 21st today and I thought that I could just let myself eat whatever, but I just had an entire sharing bag of maltersers and I feel dreadful., and guilty and all round rubbish. And I haven't even had dinner yet..... sorry just wanted to rant somewhere.
Idk. I think my feeling that I wasn't really unwell was correct. I seem to always dip in and out of eating disordered behaviours so I'm never that much of a medical risk.
It's my 21st today and I thought that I could just let myself eat whatever, but I just had an entire sharing bag of maltersers and I feel dreadful., and guilty and all round rubbish. And I haven't even had dinner yet..... sorry just wanted to rant somewhere.
Don't feel bad, that's amazing! Happy birthday
I know it's hard, but you need to keep fighting. The gain won't be that rapid all the time, plus it's initially water weight.
Happy birthday, Violet! Hope you're having a better day now, a rubbish moment doesn't have to make a rubbish day!
21st and one for good luck :P
Happy birthday to Annie too maybe we should put some balloons on the title page of this thread tonight 
21st
and one for good luck :P Happy birthday to Annie too
maybe we should put some balloons on the title page of this thread tonight Original post by x-Disenchanted-x
How weird is that...it's my first ever CBT session tomorrow too :P been on waiting list for over 2 years! Good luck with yours and let me know how it goes!
Not looking forward to it tomorrow. My stomach's already started playing up (though that could be all the salad I've been eating
)... getting a bit nervous. Tomorrow I have:9am lecture
CBT
Job interview
First night out with housemates since moving back to uni in September
No chance to go to the gym and I really will have to eat properly but that itself will be difficult as we're going to cocktail night and it starts at 5pm :/
(Anon because I don't want this associated with my account... Just incase.)
Hello everyone,
Sorry for intruding but I would really appreciate some advice. I've read this thread and maybe posted here before (not sure if I actually worked up the courage) and you all seem to have a lot of ideas for helping each other. I hope you guys can knock some sense into me.
First of all I should clarify that I don't think I have an eating disorder of any kind, but I do have quite a lot of thoughts that are starting to dictate my behaviour and affect my mood/life in general.
I suppose I should also mention having had previous problems with excessive dieting and obsessing over weight and calories as a teenager. I lost a fair amount of weight during this time (although I was never severely underweight) through minimal calorie intake and too much exercise.
This phase of my life 'ended' about 6-7 years ago, but I've been left with some thoughts and behaviours that, as of recenty, have started to bother me more and more.
I'll put them in some sort of bullet pount system to make the reading easier.
1. My weighing scales. I've always kept a close check on my weight, weighing myself every day, but lately it's becoming a ridiculous compulsive thing that I can't help but do. I weight myself as soon as I wake up. If the number is lower than I expect I feel the scales are 'tricking' me, so I weigh myself a few more times and take an average. I then weigh again after going to the toilet and after breakfast.
This morning routine takes a silly amount of time, and decides what and how much I eat for breakfast, as well as what I wear and generally how I feel. If the numbers average is low I feel confident and am allowed a bigger breakfast, if it's high I still eat a sensible amount (because I know I have to) but spend that morning feeling full of guilt and shame.
I should also mention that the obsessive weighing continues throughout the day. Before and after almost everything I eat. My weight plays a massive part in deciding what I have to eat and whether I am able to enjoy my food or eat it anyway and be left feeling awful.
I've realised how much of a problem this has become tonight when my partner sugested removing the scales. The thought of not knowing my weight makes me feel that I can't eat, just incase.
2. The mirror. Along with my weighing routine I check myself in the mirror frequently, and again I've noticed the numbers play a big part here too. My logical brain can tell me that a pount in weight change can't be visibly seen on my body, but I've noticed that if, say, in the morning my scales numbers are lower than expected I feel I look normal, and then if a few hours later they're higher I can really see this weight gain on my body.
3. My third point is calories. I am almost always keeping a track of my calories, even though I eat enough to maintain my weight, and sometimes more.
It's almost like I'm causing myself all this agony over nothing, because despite everything that rolls around in my brain I know I'm going to eat a sensible number and a balanced diet, so why do I continue to do this to myself?
Should I really be concerned about these things when none of it has a significant effect on how much I eat, or my weight?
Does anyone have any tips to help me with what I'm doing to myself mentally?
I have logic enough to realise that tormenting myself isn't good, but equally I sort of don't want to stop for fear of putting on weight.
I also have a counselling appointment coming up. I want to tell him about this but don't know how? I'm also convined he will laugh me out the door and accuse me of lying because surely these thoughts would cause me to lose weight if they were genuinely causing me so much trouble? It's really concerning me that if I do decide to share this nothing will come of it because of my weight (I'm a little over what I should be).
Any advice is most welcome. I'm fed up of this crazy brain of mine!
And thanks if you actually got through this!
Hello everyone,
Sorry for intruding but I would really appreciate some advice. I've read this thread and maybe posted here before (not sure if I actually worked up the courage) and you all seem to have a lot of ideas for helping each other. I hope you guys can knock some sense into me.
First of all I should clarify that I don't think I have an eating disorder of any kind, but I do have quite a lot of thoughts that are starting to dictate my behaviour and affect my mood/life in general.
I suppose I should also mention having had previous problems with excessive dieting and obsessing over weight and calories as a teenager. I lost a fair amount of weight during this time (although I was never severely underweight) through minimal calorie intake and too much exercise.
This phase of my life 'ended' about 6-7 years ago, but I've been left with some thoughts and behaviours that, as of recenty, have started to bother me more and more.
I'll put them in some sort of bullet pount system to make the reading easier.
1. My weighing scales. I've always kept a close check on my weight, weighing myself every day, but lately it's becoming a ridiculous compulsive thing that I can't help but do. I weight myself as soon as I wake up. If the number is lower than I expect I feel the scales are 'tricking' me, so I weigh myself a few more times and take an average. I then weigh again after going to the toilet and after breakfast.
This morning routine takes a silly amount of time, and decides what and how much I eat for breakfast, as well as what I wear and generally how I feel. If the numbers average is low I feel confident and am allowed a bigger breakfast, if it's high I still eat a sensible amount (because I know I have to) but spend that morning feeling full of guilt and shame.
I should also mention that the obsessive weighing continues throughout the day. Before and after almost everything I eat. My weight plays a massive part in deciding what I have to eat and whether I am able to enjoy my food or eat it anyway and be left feeling awful.
I've realised how much of a problem this has become tonight when my partner sugested removing the scales. The thought of not knowing my weight makes me feel that I can't eat, just incase.
2. The mirror. Along with my weighing routine I check myself in the mirror frequently, and again I've noticed the numbers play a big part here too. My logical brain can tell me that a pount in weight change can't be visibly seen on my body, but I've noticed that if, say, in the morning my scales numbers are lower than expected I feel I look normal, and then if a few hours later they're higher I can really see this weight gain on my body.
3. My third point is calories. I am almost always keeping a track of my calories, even though I eat enough to maintain my weight, and sometimes more.
It's almost like I'm causing myself all this agony over nothing, because despite everything that rolls around in my brain I know I'm going to eat a sensible number and a balanced diet, so why do I continue to do this to myself?
Should I really be concerned about these things when none of it has a significant effect on how much I eat, or my weight?
Does anyone have any tips to help me with what I'm doing to myself mentally?
I have logic enough to realise that tormenting myself isn't good, but equally I sort of don't want to stop for fear of putting on weight.
I also have a counselling appointment coming up. I want to tell him about this but don't know how? I'm also convined he will laugh me out the door and accuse me of lying because surely these thoughts would cause me to lose weight if they were genuinely causing me so much trouble? It's really concerning me that if I do decide to share this nothing will come of it because of my weight (I'm a little over what I should be).
Any advice is most welcome. I'm fed up of this crazy brain of mine!
And thanks if you actually got through this!
Really bad day, binged massively and already purged once, desperately fighting not to a second time 
Hi everyone,
I have been anorexic for about a year and bulimic for 4 years. I am now 3 months free of ED. I will not lie and say that I feel good as I suffer from acid reflux because of this disease. I am still healing my digestive system but hopefully will get better.
I would like to say that before it gets too late, TAKE Action NOW. I am 1.62m and weighted about 46kgs. Recovery has made me gained only 3kgs! I killed my health for 3 small kgs. Anyway guys and girls, there is a way out and YOU CAN RECOVER. Don't give up
<3
I have been anorexic for about a year and bulimic for 4 years. I am now 3 months free of ED. I will not lie and say that I feel good as I suffer from acid reflux because of this disease. I am still healing my digestive system but hopefully will get better.
I would like to say that before it gets too late, TAKE Action NOW. I am 1.62m and weighted about 46kgs. Recovery has made me gained only 3kgs! I killed my health for 3 small kgs. Anyway guys and girls, there is a way out and YOU CAN RECOVER. Don't give up
<3
Original post by Anonymous
(Anon because I don't want this associated with my account... Just incase.)
Hello everyone,
Sorry for intruding but I would really appreciate some advice. I've read this thread and maybe posted here before (not sure if I actually worked up the courage) and you all seem to have a lot of ideas for helping each other. I hope you guys can knock some sense into me.
Hello everyone,
Sorry for intruding but I would really appreciate some advice. I've read this thread and maybe posted here before (not sure if I actually worked up the courage) and you all seem to have a lot of ideas for helping each other. I hope you guys can knock some sense into me.
First of all I should clarify that I don't think I have an eating disorder of any kind, but I do have quite a lot of thoughts that are starting to dictate my behaviour and affect my mood/life in general.
I suppose I should also mention having had previous problems with excessive dieting and obsessing over weight and calories as a teenager. I lost a fair amount of weight during this time (although I was never severely underweight) through minimal calorie intake and too much exercise.
This phase of my life 'ended' about 6-7 years ago, but I've been left with some thoughts and behaviours that, as of recenty, have started to bother me more and more.
I'll put them in some sort of bullet pount system to make the reading easier.
1. My weighing scales. I've always kept a close check on my weight, weighing myself every day, but lately it's becoming a ridiculous compulsive thing that I can't help but do. I weight myself as soon as I wake up. If the number is lower than I expect I feel the scales are 'tricking' me, so I weigh myself a few more times and take an average. I then weigh again after going to the toilet and after breakfast.
This morning routine takes a silly amount of time, and decides what and how much I eat for breakfast, as well as what I wear and generally how I feel. If the numbers average is low I feel confident and am allowed a bigger breakfast, if it's high I still eat a sensible amount (because I know I have to) but spend that morning feeling full of guilt and shame.
I should also mention that the obsessive weighing continues throughout the day. Before and after almost everything I eat. My weight plays a massive part in deciding what I have to eat and whether I am able to enjoy my food or eat it anyway and be left feeling awful.I've realised how much of a problem this has become tonight when my partner sugested removing the scales. The thought of not knowing my weight makes me feel that I can't eat, just incase.
2. The mirror. Along with my weighing routine I check myself in the mirror frequently, and again I've noticed the numbers play a big part here too. My logical brain can tell me that a pount in weight change can't be visibly seen on my body, but I've noticed that if, say, in the morning my scales numbers are lower than expected I feel I look normal, and then if a few hours later they're higher I can really see this weight gain on my body.
3. My third point is calories. I am almost always keeping a track of my calories, even though I eat enough to maintain my weight, and sometimes more.
It's almost like I'm causing myself all this agony over nothing, because despite everything that rolls around in my brain I know I'm going to eat a sensible number and a balanced diet, so why do I continue to do this to myself?
Should I really be concerned about these things when none of it has a significant effect on how much I eat, or my weight?
Does anyone have any tips to help me with what I'm doing to myself mentally?
I have logic enough to realise that tormenting myself isn't good, but equally I sort of don't want to stop for fear of putting on weight.
I also have a counselling appointment coming up. I want to tell him about this but don't know how? I'm also convined he will laugh me out the door and accuse me of lying because surely these thoughts would cause me to lose weight if they were genuinely causing me so much trouble? It's really concerning me that if I do decide to share this nothing will come of it because of my weight (I'm a little over what I should be).
Any advice is most welcome. I'm fed up of this crazy brain of mine!
And thanks if you actually got through this!
Anon, I'm going to save you a lot of trouble pondering whether you have cause to concern, bold out everything which sets my alarm bells ringing and say-yes, if your thoughts and mood are this centred on these things, you are cheating yourself out of happiness. Maybe not for nothing-almost certainly a way to cope with something that you haven't yet figured out a better way to manage klike most of us-but there are other ways. Ways that don't cause so much anxiety, insecurity and grief. And regardless of whether that has taken its toll physically yet, it's clearly not made you feel emotionally secure or happy which sooner or later will have consequences. But it can be stopped. You need to look after your mind and well-being as much as your body, in many ways they're one and the same, they are biological extensions of you.
Really hope your counselling appointment goes well. Be very honest with them, and if they're worth a toss as professionals you'll be taken seriously.
x__________________
Bit of a bad week
Spoiler
Original post by Anonymous
Bit of a bad week
Bit of a bad week
Spoiler
I probably eat more if that happens. Not that i can remember at the moment. Currently so unwell i nearly passed out after a lecture yesterday, and am in so much pain/ feel so sick I'm not really sleeping either.
Original post by .snowflake.
I probably eat more if that happens. Not that i can remember at the moment. Currently so unwell i nearly passed out after a lecture yesterday, and am in so much pain/ feel so sick I'm not really sleeping either.
Oooh, that's not good
wish I could offer more help than that. Take it easy! xOriginal post by Anonymous
Oooh, that's not good wish I could offer more help than that. Take it easy! x
wish I could offer more help than that. Take it easy! xI'm trying to, i've asked my tandem partner if we can do it another day as i'm really in no fit state to speak a foreign language/ correct her english.
Any tips about eating in public, especially alone? I consider myself mostly recovered but I still can't eat alone in public and if I'm with a group can only eat when they're eating and less than them. I eat mostly normally at home, but if I have a long day at uni and none of my group of friends are available for lunch I'll not eat until I'm at home, causing me to be dizzy and headachey by two. I actually caught myself smirking on the bus this afternoon, feeling *superior* to the other people on there as I hadn't eaten since dinner time last night...
