Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.
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So waited 2 years of hell for today's appointment...where I get told I am on another long waitinf list. The NHS don't care about me, I don't care about me and I don't know how much longer I can fight this stupid stupid thing. Don't know what to do with myself right now.
Dont know if its related to my eating problems(have been bulimic in past) but I have really bad liver results from doctor and getting worse at a faster rate than they should(I still eat junk)
this is despite having lower than the average(in a good way) cholesterol, and perfect blood sugar etc.
this is despite having lower than the average(in a good way) cholesterol, and perfect blood sugar etc.
Love and such to everyone, I do read all posts and my heart goes to every one of you. Just a quick check in, I attended my CBT session today which has now dropped to one every 3 weeks (the better I get, the less I need to go, woo) - and she seemed very happy with me. I'm super happy with life on the whole right now, she said as soon as I get periods she feels like I wont need her at all.
I really need to get off tumblr. Just delete my blog and forget that poisonous website even exists...
Spoilered because it's a complete nonsensical rant and mentions weights etc.
Spoilered because it's a complete nonsensical rant and mentions weights etc.
Spoiler
That's so great Mel 
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I'm going to have to leave uni. I can no longer go to lectures because I am having major (obvious) panic attacks over all of the disordered thoughts i'm having and am now binging and purging and having suicidal thoughts and this has to be nipped in the bud. Unfortunately it's being made worse by my disorder telling me I cannot get help due to having a normal weight. Even my mum, who has a very 'just man up and get through it' attitude is urging me to come home.
hugs to everyone x
----
I'm going to have to leave uni. I can no longer go to lectures because I am having major (obvious) panic attacks over all of the disordered thoughts i'm having and am now binging and purging and having suicidal thoughts and this has to be nipped in the bud. Unfortunately it's being made worse by my disorder telling me I cannot get help due to having a normal weight. Even my mum, who has a very 'just man up and get through it' attitude is urging me to come home.
hugs to everyone x
Original post by Cinnie
That's so great Mel
----
I'm going to have to leave uni. I can no longer go to lectures because I am having major (obvious) panic attacks over all of the disordered thoughts i'm having and am now binging and purging and having suicidal thoughts and this has to be nipped in the bud. Unfortunately it's being made worse by my disorder telling me I cannot get help due to having a normal weight. Even my mum, who has a very 'just man up and get through it' attitude is urging me to come home.
hugs to everyone x
----
I'm going to have to leave uni. I can no longer go to lectures because I am having major (obvious) panic attacks over all of the disordered thoughts i'm having and am now binging and purging and having suicidal thoughts and this has to be nipped in the bud. Unfortunately it's being made worse by my disorder telling me I cannot get help due to having a normal weight. Even my mum, who has a very 'just man up and get through it' attitude is urging me to come home.
hugs to everyone x
-huggggging- but its better you come home and get it sorted, than put up and shut up and potentially kill yourself/ really **** up your degree.
Original post by Cinnie
That's so great Mel
----
I'm going to have to leave uni. I can no longer go to lectures because I am having major (obvious) panic attacks over all of the disordered thoughts i'm having and am now binging and purging and having suicidal thoughts and this has to be nipped in the bud. Unfortunately it's being made worse by my disorder telling me I cannot get help due to having a normal weight. Even my mum, who has a very 'just man up and get through it' attitude is urging me to come home.
hugs to everyone x
----
I'm going to have to leave uni. I can no longer go to lectures because I am having major (obvious) panic attacks over all of the disordered thoughts i'm having and am now binging and purging and having suicidal thoughts and this has to be nipped in the bud. Unfortunately it's being made worse by my disorder telling me I cannot get help due to having a normal weight. Even my mum, who has a very 'just man up and get through it' attitude is urging me to come home.
hugs to everyone x
I had to leave University in my first year, I totally wasn't well enough and was getting worse. I think you can only face it when you're ready. Your health comes first. Always. X
I can't stop eating 
Original post by .snowflake.
-huggggging- but its better you come home and get it sorted, than put up and shut up and potentially kill yourself/ really **** up your degree.
-hugs-
There is no way i'm going to get the best out of my degree in this sort of state.
Original post by MelissaJayne
I had to leave University in my first year, I totally wasn't well enough and was getting worse. I think you can only face it when you're ready. Your health comes first. Always. X
I am physically well - as in... on the outside I have recovered to a healthy weight.
But I can't be on the inside as I still have no periods and am only feeding my body junk food and purging some of it (i'm not good at it) as a form of self-harm.
It's just so tricky when it takes so long to mentally recover.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by Cinnie
-hugs-
There is no way i'm going to get the best out of my degree in this sort of state.
I am physically well - as in... on the outside I have recovered to a healthy weight.
But I can't be on the inside as I still have no periods and am only feeding my body junk food and purging some of it (i'm not good at it) as a form of self-harm.
It's just so tricky when it takes so long to mentally recover.
There is no way i'm going to get the best out of my degree in this sort of state.
I am physically well - as in... on the outside I have recovered to a healthy weight.
But I can't be on the inside as I still have no periods and am only feeding my body junk food and purging some of it (i'm not good at it) as a form of self-harm.
It's just so tricky when it takes so long to mentally recover.
In my opinion, it's wrong to be told we're "well" as soon as we hit some government decided "weight" - no, it's not about weight it's about your mental health and well being. I mean, if you're not having periods, it's a sign your body still isn't right..and purging is going to be doing tons of damage (im sure you know all the ins and outs) - Are you having CBT? I think a lot of people are pushed out into the world as apparently "well" when they get to that weight but theyre not ready to be over their ED properly yet and haven't got to the root of the issue or overcome it, so they revert back to ED behaviour in order to almost seek comfort and security in the ED..you seem so lovely, makes me sad to think of you unhappy
Original post by Cinnie
That's so great Mel
----
I'm going to have to leave uni. I can no longer go to lectures because I am having major (obvious) panic attacks over all of the disordered thoughts i'm having and am now binging and purging and having suicidal thoughts and this has to be nipped in the bud. Unfortunately it's being made worse by my disorder telling me I cannot get help due to having a normal weight. Even my mum, who has a very 'just man up and get through it' attitude is urging me to come home.
hugs to everyone x
----
I'm going to have to leave uni. I can no longer go to lectures because I am having major (obvious) panic attacks over all of the disordered thoughts i'm having and am now binging and purging and having suicidal thoughts and this has to be nipped in the bud. Unfortunately it's being made worse by my disorder telling me I cannot get help due to having a normal weight. Even my mum, who has a very 'just man up and get through it' attitude is urging me to come home.
hugs to everyone x
Talk to your uni about taking an interruption so you can return when you're better - I've just finished mine.
Original post by MelissaJayne
In my opinion, it's wrong to be told we're "well" as soon as we hit some government decided "weight" - no, it's not about weight it's about your mental health and well being. I mean, if you're not having periods, it's a sign your body still isn't right..and purging is going to be doing tons of damage (im sure you know all the ins and outs) - Are you having CBT? I think a lot of people are pushed out into the world as apparently "well" when they get to that weight but theyre not ready to be over their ED properly yet and haven't got to the root of the issue or overcome it, so they revert back to ED behaviour in order to almost seek comfort and security in the ED..you seem so lovely, makes me sad to think of you unhappy
I completely agree Mel. Before my ED got to the point where I was physically severely underweight, I went to the GP about binging and starving and how it was ruling my life. He gave me a card for the uni counselling services and sent me off. He basically might as well said 'come back in a few months when you're dying'.
I'm not having any therapy. I know I need to but I am so ashamed I can never get myself to actually go.
Original post by Cinnie
-hugs-
There is no way i'm going to get the best out of my degree in this sort of state.
I am physically well - as in... on the outside I have recovered to a healthy weight.
But I can't be on the inside as I still have no periods and am only feeding my body junk food and purging some of it (i'm not good at it) as a form of self-harm.
It's just so tricky when it takes so long to mentally recover.
There is no way i'm going to get the best out of my degree in this sort of state.
I am physically well - as in... on the outside I have recovered to a healthy weight.
But I can't be on the inside as I still have no periods and am only feeding my body junk food and purging some of it (i'm not good at it) as a form of self-harm.
It's just so tricky when it takes so long to mentally recover.
I think you're doing the right thing, Cinnie. If you don't feel you can enjoy or cope with university despite the support and that you're still at risk of doing something dangerous then it might be best to pull out and have some breathing space. There's always deferred entry.
Hopefully by now you'll know as Melissa says, that being healthy weight doesn't necessarily mean a healthy mind. Doesn't always mean healthy body even.
Spoiler
You've as much a right to reach out for help as anyone else.
xOriginal post by Aemiliana
Talk to your uni about taking an interruption so you can return when you're better - I've just finished mine.
What is an interruption, is it a year out?
Original post by Riku x
xThanks for the reminder, Riku. Sometimes I forget that it's not normal to be able to purge easily.
I am being triggered every day as my housemate (lived with her for 2 years) purges when she is stressed and at the moment she is doing it every day. There is also a lot of alcohol induced throwing up happening.
Another of my female housemates has a mild eating disorder but she probably doesn't know it. She is fascinated with what everyone else is eating and eats only vegetables and feels guilty if she doesn't run. She is constantly going on about calories and how fat she is and it has set things off.
I don't think living here is healthy.
Original post by Cinnie
What is an interruption, is it a year out?
Essentially. You'd have to repeat the year you're in but I know at my uni you don't have to pay the tuition fees for that repeated year.
Original post by Aemiliana
Essentially. You'd have to repeat the year you're in but I know at my uni you don't have to pay the tuition fees for that repeated year.
Thank you
Cinnie, you should interrupt your studies. I hate how the services in this country think that it's okay once you've regained the weight. No, it's not. I don't know why they don't seem to understand that eating disorders are psychological illnesses and that you may be fine on the outside, but inside it's hell. They think it's all fine when you've gotten to a healthy weight and then they wash their hands off you.
Excuse the rant, but I had to get it off my chest! Been bothering me for nearly 3 years, lol.
One of my 'friends' has been diagnosed with a binge eating disorder. She's being very inconsiderate though. We had a good friendship but, despite knowing I was anorexic, she only talks to me about food now. It's food, exercise and how fat she is. That's all she talks to me about. She doesn't even think twice that it may be affecting me negatively. She's obsessed but I don't want to go back there. She's become what I used to be -- an eating disorder, not a person. x
Spoiler
Excuse the rant, but I had to get it off my chest! Been bothering me for nearly 3 years, lol.
One of my 'friends' has been diagnosed with a binge eating disorder. She's being very inconsiderate though. We had a good friendship but, despite knowing I was anorexic, she only talks to me about food now. It's food, exercise and how fat she is. That's all she talks to me about. She doesn't even think twice that it may be affecting me negatively. She's obsessed but I don't want to go back there. She's become what I used to be -- an eating disorder, not a person. x
Might want to keep your distance from the person you know who's been diagnosed for the time being, Jazzy. Sounds horrible but you don't want to be triggered because you can't help anyone then. At the very least if she knows about your history, you've got every right to tell her to well, shut up about it! (Maybe not like that 
)
The best you can do is support her as your old friend when she's being less ED-centric and, when she brings it up excessively/nearly triggering, suggest to her if she wants to talk to someone about it because it's concerning you and you know you're not talking entirely to a person then, which is horrible to remember.
Just also wanted to say brilliant news, Mel
) The best you can do is support her as your old friend when she's being less ED-centric and, when she brings it up excessively/nearly triggering, suggest to her if she wants to talk to someone about it because it's concerning you and you know you're not talking entirely to a person then, which is horrible to remember.
Just also wanted to say brilliant news, Mel
Think of it like this; if you had a broken leg, you would stop running and get better.
With an ED, your very thoughts are broken. University, and thus MENTAL PURSUITS, are broken.
Take the break! It is literally just the same damage level.
With an ED, your very thoughts are broken. University, and thus MENTAL PURSUITS, are broken.
Take the break! It is literally just the same damage level.
