25 living at home-should i be ashamed?

I moved back home 9 months ago after travelling and living with friends. I pay 200 board which is nothing but it is what my mum only asks for. My father is not very well so i try help my mum out and it makes me feel better being here. Ive managed to save 10k in the time ive been in home but ive just got off the phone to a friend and she was asking if am not embarassed to be still living at home at 25 and i wondered if i should be?? She sounded like she pitied me. She moved out of home from manchester to london a year ago because she wanted to become more independent and got a transfer working as a sales assistant in river island, she told me she works 50 hours a week to keep up with her rent and bills and is still paying off her overdraft, but thinks its sad to be still living at home. am confused to what the big deal is living at home and wanted your views. I dont see any point me renting living with strangers when am happy at home and saving money. Thanks

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1

username234673

I'm 27 and I've been living on my own since 18. I'd love to live back with my mum for a few years just to save money for a bond on a house. Quite frankly, I don't blame you for doing the same. You'll be laughing when your friend is still renting and you've bought a property.

Reply 2

Tiger Rag

It's sometimes more sensible to live at home. I mean, what's the point of living away from home if you can't afford it? As mikey said, it also means you can save to buy a property.

Reply 3

username848676

It depends really. Since you're saving up money and such, you shouldn't be ashamed. It's the people that do nothing, never have done nothing, and have lived with their parents since 16 with no intention of getting employment or doing anything with their lives, just purely living either off the tax system or the benefit system. They should be embarrassed of them selves.

But if you're studying and planning your career and what-not, you're probably in a better position than someone like her, working 50 hours a week and paying it all on rent and stuff just to live in London? Imagine the amount she could save if she lived with her parents working those hours.

Reply 4

ellieHA

It sounds like in your case it's a sensible thing to be at home. You can help your parents, save up money and not burn yourself out on working so much. No need to be ashamed :smile:

Reply 5

Galadriel

Why should you be ashamed of living at home with your mum? £200 per week sounds fair if that's all she asks for and I'm sure you're buying your own clothes etc, so it's just food and utilities that you use anyway.

If you get on with your parents and you're happy, who cares what anyone thinks? At the end of the day there are two types of people in life, those who are sensible, have a plan, follow it and hang everyone else and those who want to follow the crowd like a deaf, dumb and blind sheep!

Stick to your guns, stay home and live with your parents for as long as you're happy to do so. If you want to live there until you're 65, it's no-one's business but yours.

As previous posters have said, would you rather be in debt, struggling and your parents struggling. This way everyone is benefiting from this situation and you will be able to afford a nice place with a sizeable deposit

At the risk of sounding like an old fogey, I wish all young people were so sensible and had a clear plan how best to live in order to achieve things, rather than just going with the flow and being "independent" to the point of stupidity!

Reply 6

kookabura

I know quite a lot of people who still live at home at this age. I think it is one of those things where the people who have moved out of home can't imagine being back at home, having to live with their parents etc and only see the positives of living on independently. Whereas those living at home can see the benefits of it more easily!

If you get on well with your parents, make yourself useful at home so you aren't living totally rent/chore free and are using it as a stepping stone for maybe saving for a house/paying off debt etc, I don't see what it wrong with it.

One of my friends is 26 and her brother is 29 - both of them still live at home, but under totally different circumstances and I would look at them differently for living at home. My friend moved away from home and then changed jobs and ended up in a job near home, so moved back there to save up money so she can buy a house. Her mum is having chemo at the moment, so she is also glad to be at home and help her mum out - she does virtually all the cooking/cleaning/food shopping etc and has enough saved now that once her mum is a bit more stable she is planning on buying a house. Her brother on the other hand, has never moved away from home (not even for uni), he expects dinner ready when he gets in from work, occasionally mows the lawn. He doesn't pay rent, but barely contributes in any other way, he spends all his earnings on cars and has no intention of moving out in the near future! I would look at them totally different, my friend has well thought out, good reasons for being at home and not just doing it for the easy life. Her brother just seems to be lazy and take advantage of it!

So in your circumstances I would say similar, you seem to have reasons for still living at home and aren't just living them because you can't be bothered to do anything else!

Reply 7

spursvey

Thanks for the replies, i feel alot better now rather than feeling like a loser! I didnt feel any problem with it until i spoke to my friend. Thinking about it, my friend hasnt really progressed in life by moving to london as shes doing the same job in riverisland as she would had living at home, apart from shes working an extra 30 hours a week to keep up with rent and bills. I should had ignored her comments. Thanks again

Reply 8

Eboracum

I think times have changed in the United Kingdom.

When my parents were graduating from university in the 1970's, it was a guaranteed well paid job and access to a cheap housing market. But fast forward to today and things have changed. People can't afford it, wages are too low and housing prices are too high.

There is a second aspect to this. Life is short, and my family mean the world to me. I've just started university but, I would not be ashamed to go and live at home afterwards and beyond. My Mum has had cancer, so spending quality time with her means a lot to me. I think there is a culture of young people in this country who simply can't wait to get out of the door, at 18 or even 16 in some cases, and it's sad. Whether this is "because it's the done thing" or whether it's because they don't get on with their parents I'm not sure, but either way it's a shame. You never get those years back.

Your friend sounds like she was being a bit of a bitch on the phone to you, to be honest, ignore her, who cares what she thinks.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 9

mmmpie

You're living at home, but you're paying rent, saving up, and helping out your mum and dad. That's nothing to be ashamed of.

There's a big difference between being at home and sponging off your parents indefinitely with no plans just because you can, and being at home but actually pulling your weight and trying to do something with your life.

I moved out when I was 18, and I ended up moving back in with my parents shortly before my 24th birthday. My business went bust, I had a big break up, nowhere to live, etc. so I swallowed my pride, and moved back in with my parents. I went to college, did my A-levels, now I'm at university. If I hadn't have done that I wouldn't have had the opportunity to get back on my feet and start making a better life for myself.

Reply 10

Valentas

Mhm. As people told you, times have changed and housing is more expensive than ever. My grandfather lived at home with his father while he was building a house for himself on his own. He did every single chore by himself. Maybe you could try something like that? :biggrin:

Joking. There is a great skill needed to build something. I'd say stick with your parents though move out as soon as you are capable to do so on your own. Sensible choice.

Reply 11

username234673

Original post by spursvey

Your friend has realised she's playing a mug's game and is trying to bring you down to her level there methinks!

Living in London and working in retail? Mental. Utterly mental.

Reply 12

Ash Pearson

My sister asked if I should be ashamed living at home when I was 18. Harsh times. Needless to say, I was poor for the majority of my early 20s :frown:

Reply 13

smithyinthehouse

Na man dont worry your good.

Reply 14

spursvey

You are all right, times have changed with the current culture and housing market. It makes no logical sense for me to move out, especially when my commute to work is 10 minutes. My mum loves me being at home and am no hindrance to them (i think).
Mikeyd- i did ask her wether it was worth moving down and she insists it was as she having fun, but thinking about your comment, am not too convinced she is! X

Reply 15

Hakem

Do whatever you want as long you and your family happy. This is your own business, if you and your family agree, then do not look at what people say. If you go out and live in your own people would not be happy. They will complain as you do not have your own flat. If you have your own flat, people will also complain as it is small. If you be ashamed in everything u will not be happy.

Live your life as you want.

Reply 16

Gouki

Original post by spursvey

I'll be honest - she just wants you to be as miserable as her.

Reply 17

Rakas21

There's certainly nothing to be ashamed, not only is it your choice but its only post-WW2 that it has become the societal norm to move out early however in the past decade or two this has actually begun to trend back to staying at home (2% of over 30's and rising).

I'm 23 and living in university accommodation i do prefer 'independence' and so may even stay in Leeds City Center over the summer however if i do not have a job straight out of university i shall happily move back into the parents.

Reply 18

Bipolarb3ar

Bit selfish that your mum and dad have to go back to having sex in the bedroom quietly . Because lets be fair when you moved out they had it any which way.... Including loose!!

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Reply 19

Radio

I'm 21 and I'd rather stay at home for another couple of years and know that I have the funds to live independently and comfortably with ease than move out now and work insane hours a week just to get by.