Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.
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Original post by Anonymous
I know they just want to help me. They tried to get me help and I freaked out :'( I dont know what to do anymore. It's made me lower and worse than ever 
I miss them but my head is telling me that I cant speak to them anymore
I miss them but my head is telling me that I cant speak to them anymore Oops this was me ..
Hi everyone, I'm a girl, 19. I'm not anorexic or super skinny but I think I hve a bit of an issue with food, counting calories, feeling guilty after eating, exercising compulsively, etc. Whenever I feel upset or stressed my reaction is to 'comfort starve' and the thought of going out and eating a three course meal...I just couldn't, unless I'd exercised a lot and not eaten anything else that day. This has been going on for about 3 years now but because I still do eat (about 900-1000 calories a day on average) I don't look terrifyingly thin or anything. I'm just sick of food dictating every decision and every moment of my day.
My dad is not a big eater but very active so I'm always comparing myself to him. He is very careful of not 'overindulging', is a fattist and will often skip meals or eat hardly anything, e.g. he'll be doing physical work all day and just have a slice of bread for lunch. I know that if I ate the healthy amount for me, I'd be eating more than him and my head just won't accept that. Also my older sister is 5'10, I am 5'7, yet she weighs the same as me (just over 8 stone) - she is so thin, I am constantly comparing myself to her and as she barely eats, I can't allow myself to either.
My life has become truly miserable because of all this and I'm so sick of it, but I have no idea how to make things better again and just eat without any issues. It feels like there is no way out and the thought of this going on for years really scares me.
just typing this out on a forum is helpful but if anybody has any words of advice I would be so so grateful.
My dad is not a big eater but very active so I'm always comparing myself to him. He is very careful of not 'overindulging', is a fattist and will often skip meals or eat hardly anything, e.g. he'll be doing physical work all day and just have a slice of bread for lunch. I know that if I ate the healthy amount for me, I'd be eating more than him and my head just won't accept that. Also my older sister is 5'10, I am 5'7, yet she weighs the same as me (just over 8 stone) - she is so thin, I am constantly comparing myself to her and as she barely eats, I can't allow myself to either.
My life has become truly miserable because of all this and I'm so sick of it, but I have no idea how to make things better again and just eat without any issues. It feels like there is no way out and the thought of this going on for years really scares me.
just typing this out on a forum is helpful but if anybody has any words of advice I would be so so grateful.
My friends want me to get help but I'm so scared. It terrifies me. I hate whoever is in my head. I literally feel there is two parts of me. The part that commands that I starve etc etc and the part that is the little bit left of the old me that recognizes I need help but is too scared to get it. Don't know what to do!!
The terrifying thing is recognising you are a broken individual but being unable to act. The absolute most painful thing.
Nobody here is more or less deserving or justified in being here. If you're hurting due to a disorder that stops you from simply accepting eating food is normal animal behaviour, you can say anything here without judgement. Xx
Nobody here is more or less deserving or justified in being here. If you're hurting due to a disorder that stops you from simply accepting eating food is normal animal behaviour, you can say anything here without judgement. Xx
i've had too much coffee today. can't sleep, still too much to do, exam on friday, terrified that my partner doesnt care about it, (hence i've got to worry on her behalf) people in flat above are now trying to make as much noise as possible to piss me off. so ready for xmas
So I came to stay with my friend .. couldnt wait to get away after they told my nan about everything! And then my friend went out to her lecture and left her facebook logged in and I am such a horrible person because I couldnt resist looking. I feel so guilty. But they were chatting about me and how no one wants to share a room with me when we all go away this weekend :'(. It was not nice to read at all completely broke me! How all I do is moan at this one friend I am with now and its not fair. I pointed this out to said freind and she told me she wanted me to carry on. I found out they have been lying to me about loads of things, and they have told a teacher too! **** I am so gutted. It has just upset me how much I have driven them away. None of them want to be near me anymore! It hurts so much. They now have this horrible power over me where they threaten to ring my nan again if I dont do whatever they say e.g. eat! I actually feel worse than ever. I dont know where to go. I honestly cant remember the last time I was happy. I should never have read her messages :'(
Sorry for the rant just needed to get it out before I completely lose it!
Sorry for the rant just needed to get it out before I completely lose it!
Original post by letsdothetimewarpagain
rubbish
Can I ask what this was in reference to, because out of context this might seem incredibly insensitive to all the anon posters.
Original post by TotoMimo
The terrifying thing is recognising you are a broken individual but being unable to act. The absolute most painful thing.
Exactly how I feel right now
And you're right, ****ing terrifying.How are you doing these days Toto?
J x
Damn auto anon.. ^ That was me!
J x
J x
i still hate my body....i used to have worse problems with it but recently ive been slipping and im not so sure its a bad thing..
Original post by 05autyt
So I came to stay with my friend .. couldnt wait to get away after they told my nan about everything! And then my friend went out to her lecture and left her facebook logged in and I am such a horrible person because I couldnt resist looking. I feel so guilty. But they were chatting about me and how no one wants to share a room with me when we all go away this weekend :'(. It was not nice to read at all completely broke me! How all I do is moan at this one friend I am with now and its not fair. I pointed this out to said freind and she told me she wanted me to carry on. I found out they have been lying to me about loads of things, and they have told a teacher too! **** I am so gutted. It has just upset me how much I have driven them away. None of them want to be near me anymore! It hurts so much. They now have this horrible power over me where they threaten to ring my nan again if I dont do whatever they say e.g. eat! I actually feel worse than ever. I dont know where to go. I honestly cant remember the last time I was happy. I should never have read her messages :'(
Sorry for the rant just needed to get it out before I completely lose it!
Sorry for the rant just needed to get it out before I completely lose it!
Sorry I'm new here and negged this post on my I pad by accident, could someone tell me how to undo it ? Thanks
I'm so so sorry to the anon i spoke to last time. I can't find the worksheets. Sorry for the delay as well, I was UCAS'ing.
I finally heard from ED services, have an appointment on the 12th December. Now I don't feel like going, just because of the delay and my current weight. But just yesterday I was crying to the Home Treatment Team about needing help to get better because I can't cope anymore. So, there's that.
Sorry for the delay as well, I was UCAS'ing.I finally heard from ED services, have an appointment on the 12th December. Now I don't feel like going, just because of the delay and my current weight. But just yesterday I was crying to the Home Treatment Team about needing help to get better because I can't cope anymore. So, there's that.
Original post by diamonddust
I'm so so sorry to the anon i spoke to last time. I can't find the worksheets. Sorry for the delay as well, I was UCAS'ing.
I finally heard from ED services, have an appointment on the 12th December. Now I don't feel like going, just because of the delay and my current weight. But just yesterday I was crying to the Home Treatment Team about needing help to get better because I can't cope anymore. So, there's that.
Sorry for the delay as well, I was UCAS'ing.I finally heard from ED services, have an appointment on the 12th December. Now I don't feel like going, just because of the delay and my current weight. But just yesterday I was crying to the Home Treatment Team about needing help to get better because I can't cope anymore. So, there's that.
cuddles. you can do this dd.
Just a heads-up.
In an attempt to raise some money for Mental Health charities (specifically Regional Eating Disorder Services) I will be auctioning off a bunch of my artworks, starting with the Metal Gear Solid Snake-Rex-Ninja battle canvas mentioned in my Doodlepad thread (link here: http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2084979)
Here's the link to the canvas itself: http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Metal-Gear...item3a7c5fc8db
I will continue by auctioning off some of the artwork in the thread, so if you want any of the Pokemon elemental sets, for example, or a Futurama set, please let me know and I'll make them available to try to get some dosh together for the donations Cheers chaps and chapettes.
In an attempt to raise some money for Mental Health charities (specifically Regional Eating Disorder Services) I will be auctioning off a bunch of my artworks, starting with the Metal Gear Solid Snake-Rex-Ninja battle canvas mentioned in my Doodlepad thread (link here: http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2084979)
Here's the link to the canvas itself: http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Metal-Gear...item3a7c5fc8db
I will continue by auctioning off some of the artwork in the thread, so if you want any of the Pokemon elemental sets, for example, or a Futurama set, please let me know and I'll make them available to try to get some dosh together for the donations Cheers chaps and chapettes.
I am struggling, does anyone have any advice? I'll spoiler this just in case..
Spoiler
Another 'girly post' ughh 
Spoiler
Original post by Anonymous
Another 'girly post' ughh
Spoiler
I was just about to post something so similar to this!! The same happened to me today and I cried!! I am trying to think of it as a positive thing but like it does to you, to that part of my head (which is so beating the other part at the minute) it just spells FAT to me So I really feel for you <3 I hate this so much. The worst thing is i really am beginning to believe my friends when they say i need help, because all i want to do is Spoiler
Hope you feel a bit better soon!!
Last two posters... I hope you look at what you wrote and feel even pangs of shame in what you've said.
My ex fiance literally nearly died through ovarian problems and endured a full hystorectomy aged 30. The ability to menstruate is a gift, and though not glamorous, it signifies that you are good enough, womanly enough, to be able to fulfil our reason to even exist on this earth logically; to pass on your genetic legacy and someday be a parent.
You might not want a sprog today, or even this decade, but to purposely want to be sick and stifle your reason to exist in order to maintain a childlike, dying frame when those like my ex had no choice?
I'm not saying I'm better than you. I've had unreasonable thoughts and feelings throughout my ED. But I hope you get some perspective.
You are literally moaning that your body is indicating it is trying to heal and not die, and is giving you a sign to say keep it up, the alternative is a slow, miserable existence and premature demise... And trust me, the frame you maintain in a coffin is plenty skinny.
Think about it.
My ex fiance literally nearly died through ovarian problems and endured a full hystorectomy aged 30. The ability to menstruate is a gift, and though not glamorous, it signifies that you are good enough, womanly enough, to be able to fulfil our reason to even exist on this earth logically; to pass on your genetic legacy and someday be a parent.
You might not want a sprog today, or even this decade, but to purposely want to be sick and stifle your reason to exist in order to maintain a childlike, dying frame when those like my ex had no choice?
I'm not saying I'm better than you. I've had unreasonable thoughts and feelings throughout my ED. But I hope you get some perspective.
You are literally moaning that your body is indicating it is trying to heal and not die, and is giving you a sign to say keep it up, the alternative is a slow, miserable existence and premature demise... And trust me, the frame you maintain in a coffin is plenty skinny.
Think about it.
Original post by TotoMimo
Last two posters... I hope you look at what you wrote and feel even pangs of shame in what you've said.
My ex fiance literally nearly died through ovarian problems and endured a full hystorectomy aged 30. The ability to menstruate is a gift, and though not glamorous, it signifies that you are good enough, womanly enough, to be able to fulfil our reason to even exist on this earth logically; to pass on your genetic legacy and someday be a parent.
You might not want a sprog today, or even this decade, but to purposely want to be sick and stifle your reason to exist in order to maintain a childlike, dying frame when those like my ex had no choice?
I'm not saying I'm better than you. I've had unreasonable thoughts and feelings throughout my ED. But I hope you get some perspective.
You are literally moaning that your body is indicating it is trying to heal and not die, and is giving you a sign to say keep it up, the alternative is a slow, miserable existence and premature demise... And trust me, the frame you maintain in a coffin is plenty skinny.
Think about it.
My ex fiance literally nearly died through ovarian problems and endured a full hystorectomy aged 30. The ability to menstruate is a gift, and though not glamorous, it signifies that you are good enough, womanly enough, to be able to fulfil our reason to even exist on this earth logically; to pass on your genetic legacy and someday be a parent.
You might not want a sprog today, or even this decade, but to purposely want to be sick and stifle your reason to exist in order to maintain a childlike, dying frame when those like my ex had no choice?
I'm not saying I'm better than you. I've had unreasonable thoughts and feelings throughout my ED. But I hope you get some perspective.
You are literally moaning that your body is indicating it is trying to heal and not die, and is giving you a sign to say keep it up, the alternative is a slow, miserable existence and premature demise... And trust me, the frame you maintain in a coffin is plenty skinny.
Think about it.
I know. I am ashamed of feeling like that
Thats why I said that I am trying to think of it as a positive thing. I know it means I am getting healthier and I know thats a good thing 
Its just trying to convince that unreasonable part of my head that its a good thing thats the problem.Original post by TotoMimo
Last two posters... I hope you look at what you wrote and feel even pangs of shame in what you've said.
My ex fiance literally nearly died through ovarian problems and endured a full hystorectomy aged 30. The ability to menstruate is a gift, and though not glamorous, it signifies that you are good enough, womanly enough, to be able to fulfil our reason to even exist on this earth logically; to pass on your genetic legacy and someday be a parent.
You might not want a sprog today, or even this decade, but to purposely want to be sick and stifle your reason to exist in order to maintain a childlike, dying frame when those like my ex had no choice?
I'm not saying I'm better than you. I've had unreasonable thoughts and feelings throughout my ED. But I hope you get some perspective.
You are literally moaning that your body is indicating it is trying to heal and not die, and is giving you a sign to say keep it up, the alternative is a slow, miserable existence and premature demise... And trust me, the frame you maintain in a coffin is plenty skinny.
Think about it.
My ex fiance literally nearly died through ovarian problems and endured a full hystorectomy aged 30. The ability to menstruate is a gift, and though not glamorous, it signifies that you are good enough, womanly enough, to be able to fulfil our reason to even exist on this earth logically; to pass on your genetic legacy and someday be a parent.
You might not want a sprog today, or even this decade, but to purposely want to be sick and stifle your reason to exist in order to maintain a childlike, dying frame when those like my ex had no choice?
I'm not saying I'm better than you. I've had unreasonable thoughts and feelings throughout my ED. But I hope you get some perspective.
You are literally moaning that your body is indicating it is trying to heal and not die, and is giving you a sign to say keep it up, the alternative is a slow, miserable existence and premature demise... And trust me, the frame you maintain in a coffin is plenty skinny.
Think about it.
I totally understand what you're trying to say here but you know as well as anyone else Tommy that this disorder can remove all rationality from your thoughts. These girls don't mean to sound the way they do, they're just struggling right now and what you said came across a little too harshly.
Keep strong and stay fighting girlies, you know these thoughts aren't right, thats why you posted here so keep challenging them and keep talking to people about your worries, it helps.
All the best.
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