Boyfriend was so close to beating me up so badly, I'm just waiting for it :(

I have been with my boyfriend for just under a year and I have to say the first 8 months were great, we never argued, were completely loved up to the point where I thought this was too good to be true.

However, for the past 3 months things have started to all of sudden get extremely bad, it all started when I asked him if he would be okay with me going to one of my ex's house warming party with a couple of my mates. He seemed completely fine and told me to go, so there I went, got pretty drunk as you do, and didn't get home till the next day at around 9am. I was completely out of it, had a bit too much to drink and slept at my ex's living room with two of mates, I got about 20 odd missed calls from my boyfriend during that night and by the morning I knew what was going to happen. I felt terrible and thought my behaviour was completely wrong as on paper it looks REALLY bad. Anyway, I arranged to meet him that day during the evening and he basically went MENTAL. I had never seen him like that before and the anger in him was just insane. I actually got so scared because he was so close to slapping me. He asked me if anything happened and I said no but in my head I thought if I had said yes, I would be on the ground beaten up.

There have been another two similar occasions where he has completely lost his temper at me and I can see how close he has been to beating me. I am scared but I don't know what do. It's like he has two sides to him, he is either extremely sweet and lovely or angry and scary as hell.

How can I deal with this situation?

Reply 1

manty

17

By
A) leaving him.
B) leaving him...

Reply 2

Izzyeviel

19

Original post by manty

By
A) leaving him.
B) leaving him...

x2

x3

c-c-c-combo breaker!!!

But I think If he actually does hit you, then leave him

(edited 11 years ago)

x4

Original post by supernature

I have been with my boyfriend for just under a year and I have to say the first 8 months were great, we never argued, were completely loved up to the point where I thought this was too good to be true.

However, for the past 3 months things have started to all of sudden get extremely bad, it all started when I asked him if he would be okay with me going to one of my ex's house warming party with a couple of my mates. He seemed completely fine and told me to go, so there I went, got pretty drunk as you do, and didn't get home till the next day at around 9am. I was completely out of it, had a bit too much to drink and slept at my ex's living room with two of mates, I got about 20 odd missed calls from my boyfriend during that night and by the morning I knew what was going to happen. I felt terrible and thought my behaviour was completely wrong as on paper it looks REALLY bad. Anyway, I arranged to meet him that day during the evening and he basically went MENTAL. I had never seen him like that before and the anger in him was just insane. I actually got so scared because he was so close to slapping me. He asked me if anything happened and I said no but in my head I thought if I had said yes, I would be on the ground beaten up.

There have been another two similar occasions where he has completely lost his temper at me and I can see how close he has been to beating me. I am scared but I don't know what do. It's like he has two sides to him, he is either extremely sweet and lovely or angry and scary as hell.

How can I deal with this situation?

No one should be treated like that. It's scary because one day he might actually do it. I know its hard but Get rid :frown:

Reply 7

russellsteapot

16

While he hasn't actually hit you (as far as I can see), someone who seems capable of doing it and frightens you probably isn't the ideal long-term partner.

It's obviously easier for someone on the outside to say that you should get out, but hopefully you'll feel the same. Some people with bad tempers will never progress to actually hitting someone, but even so do you want to carry on being afraid of him? Temper is quite a difficult thing to change (although it is possible).

Reply 8

katehlouise

14

Yeah I agree with the above.
Don't wait until he does actually hit you to leave. If you really are scared of him, and believe that he will eventually attack, you need to get out as soon as possible. You don't want to end up being stuck in an abusive relationship, too scared to leave in case he really hurts you. People say 'oh it'll never happen to me, I'd leave straight away', but it doesn't always go like that.

In my opinion, you did nothing wrong. You went to a party (just so happened to be an ex), obviously had a drink and then slept in a room with other people. You shouldn't be expected to be in contact with your boyfriend all night - it's rude when you're trying to socialise with other friends, and constantly answering a phone!

Reply 9

whatsername2009

11

Original post by supernature

I have been with my boyfriend for just under a year and I have to say the first 8 months were great, we never argued, were completely loved up to the point where I thought this was too good to be true.

However, for the past 3 months things have started to all of sudden get extremely bad, it all started when I asked him if he would be okay with me going to one of my ex's house warming party with a couple of my mates. He seemed completely fine and told me to go, so there I went, got pretty drunk as you do, and didn't get home till the next day at around 9am. I was completely out of it, had a bit too much to drink and slept at my ex's living room with two of mates, I got about 20 odd missed calls from my boyfriend during that night and by the morning I knew what was going to happen. I felt terrible and thought my behaviour was completely wrong as on paper it looks REALLY bad. Anyway, I arranged to meet him that day during the evening and he basically went MENTAL. I had never seen him like that before and the anger in him was just insane. I actually got so scared because he was so close to slapping me. He asked me if anything happened and I said no but in my head I thought if I had said yes, I would be on the ground beaten up.

There have been another two similar occasions where he has completely lost his temper at me and I can see how close he has been to beating me. I am scared but I don't know what do. It's like he has two sides to him, he is either extremely sweet and lovely or angry and scary as hell.

How can I deal with this situation?

I agree with everyone else. However, I also think you should make a thread in the Bullying & Relationship Abuse Q&A section of the Relationships forum, because I think you should get some advice on how to end it without putting yourself at risk - after all, if he's come close to hurting you before now then there's a chance he'll react badly when you break up with him.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

I'm sorry to say but you should just get out of this relationship because these situations should never happen because like you said they're terrifying and how could you be with someone who you are afraid of - you'd feel like you're walking around on egg shells instead of living your life and nobody wants that.

Reply 11

MilitaryPatch

This shouldn't even be up for debate.
Clearly you are afraid of him.
Clearly there is little trust (if any) in your relationship.
Whether YOU love him or not, HE doesn't love YOU like YOU love HIM.
As difficult as this may be to hear, I don't mince words- leave him. Leave him now before you become yet another statistic.

He won't change. Not even if he says he will. People like this never do. They will do anything and say anything to OWN YOU.

You are nothing but something to be owned. Are you? No.

Leave him, tell him straight- get someone you know to help you move your things out etc, or to be there if you are afraid of his reaction. Don't worry what he thinks.

He isn't important. YOU ARE.

Also
MAKE IT YOUR NEW YEAR RESOLUTION TO LOOK AFTER AND WORRY ABOUT YOU.

Patch out.

Reply 12

Mourinho<3

7

Original post by supernature

I have been with my boyfriend for just under a year and I have to say the first 8 months were great, we never argued, were completely loved up to the point where I thought this was too good to be true.

However, for the past 3 months things have started to all of sudden get extremely bad, it all started when I asked him if he would be okay with me going to one of my ex's house warming party with a couple of my mates. He seemed completely fine and told me to go, so there I went, got pretty drunk as you do, and didn't get home till the next day at around 9am. I was completely out of it, had a bit too much to drink and slept at my ex's living room with two of mates, I got about 20 odd missed calls from my boyfriend during that night and by the morning I knew what was going to happen. I felt terrible and thought my behaviour was completely wrong as on paper it looks REALLY bad. Anyway, I arranged to meet him that day during the evening and he basically went MENTAL. I had never seen him like that before and the anger in him was just insane. I actually got so scared because he was so close to slapping me. He asked me if anything happened and I said no but in my head I thought if I had said yes, I would be on the ground beaten up.

There have been another two similar occasions where he has completely lost his temper at me and I can see how close he has been to beating me. I am scared but I don't know what do. It's like he has two sides to him, he is either extremely sweet and lovely or angry and scary as hell.

How can I deal with this situation?

If your mother, a sister, a good friend, was in this kind of relationship what would you say?

A) Stay with a guy who scares you and doesn't sound approachable or

B) Leave him and be happy?

20 missed calls? That is not normal. You shouldn't feel bad about going to a party. You only felt bad because you knew how he would react, not because you were in the wrong. You asked him if you could go and he said yes-he nust have known you would drink at a party :rolleyes:

HE has trust issues it seems.

As for his two sides; you say he is "sweet". Lots of guys can be that I'm sure. I would question how "sweet" this guy is by the way you describe him as well...there are plenty of guys who aren't intimidating.

You shouldn't have to change a guy from an intimidating bully to a nice guy. Nice guys exist anyway-just find one :smile:

And if he does go mental about you breaking up with him there are people who can help you-theres a forum on here to start about bullying.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 13

kittyb99

11

Original post by Sai4

c-c-c-combo breaker!!!

But I think If he actually does hit you, then leave him

Ski Runner?

And yes! You shouldn't put up with that! It's not right and no-one should be treated like that! :console:

Reply 14

concubine

17

Cool. So getting (somewhat understandably) pissed off and shouting a bit is suddenly the same as physical violence.

If you have an issue with him getting angry like this tell him, if you genuinely feel physically threatened by him (despite, going by what you've said, there's not really any evidence that he's going to be violent) then leave him.

It's not like you're stuck living in a house with him.

Reply 15

Jingers

15

What did he do to make you think he would hit you?

On some real ****, personally I think if you haven't wanted to hit your partner, or do anything similar like throw something at them etc, then you haven't been in a real relationship because working past that frustration strengthens your bond. Obviously leave if they're hurting you/have hurt you, but I think that that's when you find what your relationship is truly made of.

Stick with him for now. He hasn't touched you yet, so he obviously cares.

Leave if he hits you.

Reply 16

Dragonfly07

18

Don't use the sweet moments in your relationship to convince yourself that everything is ok. It's a thing many people in abusive relationships do and it's what gets them stuck in it.

Leave him when you can before something bad DOES happen. He should never react with that much anger at anything... if he truly hates some things that you do, he should either talk it out with you calmly or tell you that you shouldn't be together. He's just shown you that he has temper issues which arise at petty things and which could get much worse as he gets used to you. The more you stay with him the more controlling he will get and the more angry he will get at smaller things. You will still have sweet moments but you will also be living in fear.

Reply 17

Gavzzz

12

Original post by supernature

I have been with my boyfriend for just under a year and I have to say the first 8 months were great, we never argued, were completely loved up to the point where I thought this was too good to be true.

However, for the past 3 months things have started to all of sudden get extremely bad, it all started when I asked him if he would be okay with me going to one of my ex's house warming party with a couple of my mates. He seemed completely fine and told me to go, so there I went, got pretty drunk as you do, and didn't get home till the next day at around 9am. I was completely out of it, had a bit too much to drink and slept at my ex's living room with two of mates, I got about 20 odd missed calls from my boyfriend during that night and by the morning I knew what was going to happen. I felt terrible and thought my behaviour was completely wrong as on paper it looks REALLY bad. Anyway, I arranged to meet him that day during the evening and he basically went MENTAL. I had never seen him like that before and the anger in him was just insane. I actually got so scared because he was so close to slapping me. He asked me if anything happened and I said no but in my head I thought if I had said yes, I would be on the ground beaten up.

There have been another two similar occasions where he has completely lost his temper at me and I can see how close he has been to beating me. I am scared but I don't know what do. It's like he has two sides to him, he is either extremely sweet and lovely or angry and scary as hell.

How can I deal with this situation?

How do you know that he was close to hitting you? I remember getting into an argument with my gf and she got scared because I was shouting at her. But not once and never have I thought about hitting her, in fact the very notion sickens me.

Now obviously I do not know the full details of your situation but did he raise his hand to you in a threatening manner or was he just angry and shouting at you? It might be that you are over reacting because you imagined if you had said yes you would be beaten up?

That being said if after you have had time to consider these things you still feel that you was in danger of being hit then maybe you should consider what everyone else is saying and leave.

Reply 18

± Dan ±

8

Like you said, it is only going to be a matter of time, and if he has done it more than once, it has shown him he can react like that and get away with it, things could possibly escalate further unless you do something about him.

IMO you shouldn't put up with it, and show him where the door is!