Boyfriend was so close to beating me up so badly, I'm just waiting for it :(
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I know most people are saying leave him, but I wouldn't be so hasty...I have anger problems too and my boyfriend and I deal with it and I do my best to control it. I would say you should at least try talking to him about his behaviour first. If he doesn't listen to reason and doesn't believe he's doing anything wrong, then yes you should leave him. You don't deserve to be treated like that. I wouldn't be so quick to give up on him though.
10000000x!
leave him for your sake..
leave him for your sake..
staying over at an exs house and not answering your phone? i fully understand why he was angry.
are you sure you're not over reacting to him shouting?
Sometimes i get angry and want to hit the person making me angry but i have self control and have never thrown a punch in my life.
are you sure you're not over reacting to him shouting?
Sometimes i get angry and want to hit the person making me angry but i have self control and have never thrown a punch in my life.
Original post by BabyfacedDom
staying over at an exs house and not answering your phone? i fully understand why he was angry.
are you sure you're not over reacting to him shouting?
are you sure you're not over reacting to him shouting?
This did enter my mind when I read the OP I have to admit.
Some people do tend to yell, that's not my style but I'd understand him being pretty upset/cross that you slept over and didn't call to tell him of the change of plans.
Has he actually done anything to make you think he'd hurt you? Cos he shove you, get right in your face spitting at you, raise his fist like he's suggesting he'd throw a punch etc?
I've known girls who've had raging arguments with their partner, I'm sure some on this forum may have done so, it does happen, but they've not turned in into physical violence.
Obviously if you absolutely feel he's going to assault you at some point then leave him ASAP.
Original post by BabyfacedDom
staying over at an exs house and not answering your phone? i fully understand why he was angry.
are you sure you're not over reacting to him shouting?
Sometimes i get angry and want to hit the person making me angry but i have self control and have never thrown a punch in my life.
are you sure you're not over reacting to him shouting?
Sometimes i get angry and want to hit the person making me angry but i have self control and have never thrown a punch in my life.
This is exactly it. I think you have a near guarantee that he will never hit you. You stayed the night at your ex's home, ignoring your boyfriend's repeated texts, and in the debrief on it he "went completely mental" but didn't become physically abusive.
I think few girlfriends have tested-out their boyfriends so thoroughly as this.
Original post by BabyfacedDom
staying over at an exs house and not answering your phone? i fully understand why he was angry.
are you sure you're not over reacting to him shouting?
Sometimes i get angry and want to hit the person making me angry but i have self control and have never thrown a punch in my life.
are you sure you're not over reacting to him shouting?
Sometimes i get angry and want to hit the person making me angry but i have self control and have never thrown a punch in my life.
Wow. I have respect for you man. I've got in fights at primary school, and sometimes even at secondary school, I just sort of flipped after taking lots of **** from people, and after that I've not hit any one. Im simply not a violent person, but massive respect to you!
Original post by sharp910sh
Why were you going to your ex's yard? If I was him I would have done the same, but slapped one hard. I would be very vex. Deserves it.
Well then that explains your neg rep. Yeah, be angry, but to resort to violence is just cowardly
Original post by de_monies
Wow. I have respect for you man. I've got in fights at primary school, and sometimes even at secondary school, I just sort of flipped after taking lots of **** from people, and after that I've not hit any one. Im simply not a violent person, but massive respect to you!
Well then that explains your neg rep. Yeah, be angry, but to resort to violence is just cowardly
Well then that explains your neg rep. Yeah, be angry, but to resort to violence is just cowardly
My negative rep is not because I am angry, it is because people disagree with what i say. At the end of the day, she could have banged her ex-bf. I would be very angry if that happened.
Original post by BabyfacedDom
staying over at an exs house and not answering your phone? i fully understand why he was angry.
are you sure you're not over reacting to him shouting?
Sometimes i get angry and want to hit the person making me angry but i have self control and have never thrown a punch in my life.
are you sure you're not over reacting to him shouting?
Sometimes i get angry and want to hit the person making me angry but i have self control and have never thrown a punch in my life.
Yeah I completely understand what your trying to say but he was so close from slapping me and then he stopped himself, I can see in his face how much that took, his nose flared up and he backed away. He has said previously it takes A LOT for him to get angry but when he does, he completely loses it.
Original post by supernature
I have been with my boyfriend for just under a year and I have to say the first 8 months were great, we never argued, were completely loved up to the point where I thought this was too good to be true.
However, for the past 3 months things have started to all of sudden get extremely bad, it all started when I asked him if he would be okay with me going to one of my ex's house warming party with a couple of my mates. He seemed completely fine and told me to go, so there I went, got pretty drunk as you do, and didn't get home till the next day at around 9am. I was completely out of it, had a bit too much to drink and slept at my ex's living room with two of mates, I got about 20 odd missed calls from my boyfriend during that night and by the morning I knew what was going to happen. I felt terrible and thought my behaviour was completely wrong as on paper it looks REALLY bad. Anyway, I arranged to meet him that day during the evening and he basically went MENTAL. I had never seen him like that before and the anger in him was just insane. I actually got so scared because he was so close to slapping me. He asked me if anything happened and I said no but in my head I thought if I had said yes, I would be on the ground beaten up.
There have been another two similar occasions where he has completely lost his temper at me and I can see how close he has been to beating me. I am scared but I don't know what do. It's like he has two sides to him, he is either extremely sweet and lovely or angry and scary as hell.
How can I deal with this situation?
However, for the past 3 months things have started to all of sudden get extremely bad, it all started when I asked him if he would be okay with me going to one of my ex's house warming party with a couple of my mates. He seemed completely fine and told me to go, so there I went, got pretty drunk as you do, and didn't get home till the next day at around 9am. I was completely out of it, had a bit too much to drink and slept at my ex's living room with two of mates, I got about 20 odd missed calls from my boyfriend during that night and by the morning I knew what was going to happen. I felt terrible and thought my behaviour was completely wrong as on paper it looks REALLY bad. Anyway, I arranged to meet him that day during the evening and he basically went MENTAL. I had never seen him like that before and the anger in him was just insane. I actually got so scared because he was so close to slapping me. He asked me if anything happened and I said no but in my head I thought if I had said yes, I would be on the ground beaten up.
There have been another two similar occasions where he has completely lost his temper at me and I can see how close he has been to beating me. I am scared but I don't know what do. It's like he has two sides to him, he is either extremely sweet and lovely or angry and scary as hell.
How can I deal with this situation?
Maybe it's time to find a new boyfriend...
I don't know the details of the other occasions, but in the first, you were in the wrong. Not to the point where you'd deserve to be beaten up, of course, but he didn't hit you. He was angry because he loves you and it makes him angry when you stay at your ex's house, drunk, without telling him beforehand.
If you actually fear for your safety I'd leave like everyone else is saying. Better to be safe than sorry. Although IMO you did give him a reason to be angry, although nothing can excuse hitting or threatening to hit the person you're supposed to be in a relationship with.
So going to her ex boyfriend's house, not answering his calls, pissed out of her mind and staying their overnight doesn't count?
And are you saying people aren't allowed to stay in contact with their boyfriend/girlfriend once in the presence of friends? Remember, OP didn't answer ANY phone calls.
Original post by katehlouise
Yeah I agree with the above.
Don't wait until he does actually hit you to leave. If you really are scared of him, and believe that he will eventually attack, you need to get out as soon as possible. You don't want to end up being stuck in an abusive relationship, too scared to leave in case he really hurts you. People say 'oh it'll never happen to me, I'd leave straight away', but it doesn't always go like that.
In my opinion, you did nothing wrong. You went to a party (just so happened to be an ex), obviously had a drink and then slept in a room with other people. You shouldn't be expected to be in contact with your boyfriend all night - it's rude when you're trying to socialise with other friends, and constantly answering a phone!
Don't wait until he does actually hit you to leave. If you really are scared of him, and believe that he will eventually attack, you need to get out as soon as possible. You don't want to end up being stuck in an abusive relationship, too scared to leave in case he really hurts you. People say 'oh it'll never happen to me, I'd leave straight away', but it doesn't always go like that.
In my opinion, you did nothing wrong. You went to a party (just so happened to be an ex), obviously had a drink and then slept in a room with other people. You shouldn't be expected to be in contact with your boyfriend all night - it's rude when you're trying to socialise with other friends, and constantly answering a phone!
So going to her ex boyfriend's house, not answering his calls, pissed out of her mind and staying their overnight doesn't count?
And are you saying people aren't allowed to stay in contact with their boyfriend/girlfriend once in the presence of friends? Remember, OP didn't answer ANY phone calls.
(edited 11 years ago)
How did you know he was 'close to beating you'?
Because I've been in a ****ty situation where a girl said this about me, and it was total BS. I was very angry, but I would have never hit her, however the next time I heard about the incident I'd apparantly 'nearly hit her'. It's important you think about what you're saying and whether he was actually violent and whether you honestly think he'd actually hit you, otherwise bandying around the kind of phrases you are can have serious repercussions.
Because I've been in a ****ty situation where a girl said this about me, and it was total BS. I was very angry, but I would have never hit her, however the next time I heard about the incident I'd apparantly 'nearly hit her'. It's important you think about what you're saying and whether he was actually violent and whether you honestly think he'd actually hit you, otherwise bandying around the kind of phrases you are can have serious repercussions.
I'm glad a few guys have chipped in pointing out he didn't actually hit you and that "shouting" does not nearly equal physical violence. I've shouted at my girlfriend and even (stupidly) punched something, but I would never hit her. Love is a powerful emotion and when it's threatened it can promote other emotions in a powerful way. In a way it's a good thing, at least he cares. You would no doubt be complaining if he hadn't called and shouted and just said meh. The fact that you were scared he was going to should have little reflection on him as he didn't actually do it.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by PardonMyFrench96
Please OP, leave him. Tell your friends and family about your fears, so they can help you leave him, and protect you if anything does go down. It'll only get worse. And this is such typical behaviour, it starts off like the most perfect relationship, then he gets angry, afterwards he'll act like you're the best thing to make up for it, but it keeps on happening. The man you love should be happier to throw himself in front of a bus than lay a finger on you, or make you feel so scared and even contemplate hitting you. Maybe call a helpline? But just get out as fast as you can!
Massively overboard here. How on earth can you suggest he even considered hitting her and how can you suggest he wouldn't throw himself in front of a bus for her. If he didn't love/care for her then he wouldn't have reacted.
You're making it out like the guy has unjustifiably ranted at her when he probably spent all night thinking she was ****ing this guy. But yeah, let's make the hurt and insecure guy who loses his temper out to bbe the bad guy- even though he didn't lay a finger on her.
Original post by PardonMyFrench96
Please OP, leave him. Tell your friends and family about your fears, so they can help you leave him, and protect you if anything does go down. It'll only get worse. And this is such typical behaviour, it starts off like the most perfect relationship, then he gets angry, afterwards he'll act like you're the best thing to make up for it, but it keeps on happening. The man you love should be happier to throw himself in front of a bus than lay a finger on you, or make you feel so scared and even contemplate hitting you. Maybe call a helpline? But just get out as fast as you can!
Shut up you idiot. As others have said we don't even know if he threatened to hit her. OP is most likely over-reacting and trying to play the victim after being the bad guy in the first place.
Original post by Ice Constricter
If you actually fear for your safety I'd leave like everyone else is saying. Better to be safe than sorry. Although IMO you did give him a reason to be angry, although nothing can excuse hitting or threatening to hit the person you're supposed to be in a relationship with.
So going to her ex boyfriend's house, not answering his calls, pissed out of her mind and staying their overnight doesn't count?
And are you saying people aren't allowed to stay in contact with their boyfriend/girlfriend once in the presence of friends? Remember, OP didn't answer ANY phone calls.
So going to her ex boyfriend's house, not answering his calls, pissed out of her mind and staying their overnight doesn't count?
And are you saying people aren't allowed to stay in contact with their boyfriend/girlfriend once in the presence of friends? Remember, OP didn't answer ANY phone calls.
Full on Women's Union here dude. His side has been close to totally ignored.
Original post by de_monies
Wow. I have respect for you man. I've got in fights at primary school, and sometimes even at secondary school, I just sort of flipped after taking lots of **** from people, and after that I've not hit any one. Im simply not a violent person, but massive respect to you!
don't get me wrong i had little scraps in primary school and secondary school but it was just kids stuff not a full on fist fight apart from in year 8 when i smashed someones head against the pavement (doesn't count as a punch
) but yeah i've never started a fight, i've only ever fought back.
Original post by Ice Constricter
-
So going to her ex boyfriend's house, not answering his calls, pissed out of her mind and staying their overnight doesn't count?
And are you saying people aren't allowed to stay in contact with their boyfriend/girlfriend once in the presence of friends? Remember, OP didn't answer ANY phone calls.
So going to her ex boyfriend's house, not answering his calls, pissed out of her mind and staying their overnight doesn't count?
And are you saying people aren't allowed to stay in contact with their boyfriend/girlfriend once in the presence of friends? Remember, OP didn't answer ANY phone calls.
Read OP Posts fully, this is not the only time it's happened.
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