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Boyfriend was so close to beating me up so badly, I'm just waiting for it :(

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Original post by PardonMyFrench96
Please OP, leave him. Tell your friends and family about your fears, so they can help you leave him, and protect you if anything does go down. It'll only get worse. And this is such typical behaviour, it starts off like the most perfect relationship, then he gets angry, afterwards he'll act like you're the best thing to make up for it, but it keeps on happening. The man you love should be happier to throw himself in front of a bus than lay a finger on you, or make you feel so scared and even contemplate hitting you. Maybe call a helpline? But just get out as fast as you can!


u wot m8?
Original post by Aramiss18
Full on Women's Union here dude. His side has been close to totally ignored.



this is always the case when a guy loses his temper, he automatically becomes the bad guy.
Happened to me once when i was in a really unhealthy relationship, i still maintain i was perfectly in the right but i was painted as the bad guy.
sorry OP but youve screwed up,

getting hammered stopping over at your exes place and ignoring his calls is going to set any bloke off.

Did he react wrongly no not really - he flipped everyone has a temper no matter how nice he appears. If myparter did that i would be furious but id never hit her.

The key here is communication, you need to accept what you did was wrong but you also need to say the way he reacted frightened you.

Just because a partner gets angry does not in any way make him abusive
Original post by Chief Wiggum
u wot m8?



What was wrong with the post? It made sense to me. In fact it was one of the only posts that considered how hard it actually is to leave someone in an abusive relationship, and gave good advise to the OP about using family and friends to help protect her.

Leaving someone volatile like this isn't easy, but it's a quicksand. Get out sooner rather than later, otherwise you'll be scared to leave them because it will end in prison for him, and potentially worse for you.


Original post by silverbolt

Just because a partner gets angry does not in any way make him abusive


I'll grant that this was a bad situation to put her boyfriend in, but as he's acted like this before, I think you can call this abusive. Someone being aggressive can be extremely abusive, the lingering threat of violence, the language involved. I think that it's important to know that this is how it starts before escalating, and no partner should ever make you feel threatened.

The BBC have quite a good page that you should read (silverbolt), abuse really isn't just physical.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by Izzyeviel
Read OP Posts fully, this is not the only time it's happened.


Huh?
Original post by Hal.E.Lujah
What was wrong with the post? It made sense to me.


It seemed like a massive overreaction to me.
Original post by Ice Constricter
Huh?


Because you were so eager to defend her boyfriend you didn't read her whole post and you missed this:

There have been another two similar occasions where he has completely lost his temper at me and I can see how close he has been to beating me. I am scared but I don't know what do. It's like he has two sides to him, he is either extremely sweet and lovely or angry and scary as hell

Why do you want the OP to be in relationship that makes her scared?
Reply 47
Original post by Skaterkid
x3


you went too far....
Original post by Chief Wiggum
It seemed like a massive overreaction to me.


She describes her bf as 'he can be scary as hell' and you think advice to leave him is an over reaction?
Original post by Chief Wiggum
It seemed like a massive overreaction to me.



I've done alot of work with people in abusive relationships, and the simple truth is if one person in a relationship feels that it's reached that point, and has some justification for it, then it has.

I know how easy it is to feel that words are just words, but remember that this is from the person closest to someone in the world. They're meant to be an emotional focal point, and you should never associate violence with that. Instincts are based on tiny observations, and if the OP feels violence was a possibility on those occasions, and that it will be in the future, it's time to leave, before the situation grows more volatile and leaving him provokes a worse reaction.


I completely get that he's upset about something, but if we take the OPs post to be completely accurate, then it's abuse.
Reply 50
Original post by Izzyeviel
Because you were so eager to defend her boyfriend you didn't read her whole post and you missed this:

There have been another two similar occasions where he has completely lost his temper at me and I can see how close he has been to beating me. I am scared but I don't know what do. It's like he has two sides to him, he is either extremely sweet and lovely or angry and scary as hell

Why do you want the OP to be in relationship that makes her scared?


Scared every time someone gets angry? She hasn't said that he hit her or even shows any real signs that he was about to therefore has no reason to be scared.

He should be the one dumping her.
Original post by Izzyeviel
Because you were so eager to defend her boyfriend you didn't read her whole post and you missed this:

There have been another two similar occasions where he has completely lost his temper at me and I can see how close he has been to beating me. I am scared but I don't know what do. It's like he has two sides to him, he is either extremely sweet and lovely or angry and scary as hell

Why do you want the OP to be in relationship that makes her scared?


Actually I didn't miss anything. The person I quoted claimed the OP did nothing wrong, I was simply stating the things normal people in relationships would consider wrong.

And as for your question, actually read my post again....ALL OF IT and not just the bottom half. :facepalm2:
Original post by Izzyeviel
She describes her bf as 'he can be scary as hell' and you think advice to leave him is an over reaction?


The post I quoted said more than that. Plenty of people suggested leaving him, and I didn't comment on those posts.
Interesting. Sounds not necessarily like he's going to hit you, plus a lot of people aren't as hard as you think just because they're male. Dunno whether it might end you KO'ing him :lol: or your knee inadvertently finds it's way swiftly to his crotch, you never know what adrenalin may bring?

That aside - I reckon what's going on is that in his own mind he's suspicious of you playing funny buggers even though you aren't. Any way you slice it, it doesn't look healthy or promising for the long term prospects of the relationship in terms of trust. You have to feel for him in a way if he genuinely does think this, it's probably breaking his heart and manifesting itself through anger, but this is no excuse for his behaviour. Most men have a temper, and most women but we must control it.

Either that or he's a complete controlling prat and needs to get the elbow.
Original post by Jordan_1
Scared every time someone gets angry? She hasn't said that he hit her or even shows any real signs that he was about to therefore has no reason to be scared.

He should be the one dumping her.


So you think she should wait for the violence to start? Then what? Stick with him because it may be a 'one' off? Then what? Stick with him because he was drunk? You're insane.

OP clearly feels something is wrong and may happen, hence this thread. You don't describe someone as being 'scary as hell' if they weren't being very scary.

And she has said he's displayed signs, you choose to ignore what shes typed for some reason :confused:
Dump brigade out in full force as per the usual.

Firstly because he gets really angry does not mean he will hit you, I'm curios to know why you think he will hit you?
Secondly, he is justified to be pretty damn angry in that situation at least if not the other two.

If you genuinely are scared of him, discuss it with him and give him a chance to fix it. If he doesn't try or it's not working and things don't change then maybe it's time to hit the road and separate.
Just don't jump to conclusions and not even allow him a chance, nearly everyone deserves a chance.
(edited 11 years ago)
Reply 56
Original post by Izzyeviel
So you think she should wait for the violence to start? Then what? Stick with him because it may be a 'one' off? Then what? Stick with him because he was drunk? You're insane.

OP clearly feels something is wrong and may happen, hence this thread. You don't describe someone as being 'scary as hell' if they weren't being very scary.

And she has said he's displayed signs, you choose to ignore what shes typed for some reason :confused:


Because she hasn't ****ing explained any of these so called 'signs'. If he actually hit her or threatened to/raised his arm etc then obviously she should leave him. Im sure you've heard 'innocent til proven guilty' right?
Original post by Izzyeviel
So you think she should wait for the violence to start?


Major assumption, everyone with anger issues isn't violent. More often than not teenagers with anger management issues aren't violent and if they are they tend to take it out on objects.
She should break up with him because she has a hunch/feeling he could get violent? If the world worked of feelings and hunches it would be chaos and injustice would be rife.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by Izzyeviel
So you think she should wait for the violence to start?


That's a very interesting point.

I would argue that even if someone's shouting in your face, it doesn't necessarily lead to violence. However, if a boyfriend is acting in a way (say, shouting in your face) that makes you uncomfortable, then that could in itself be grounds for a break up, nothing to do with violence. Also, there is potential violence everywhere we look, but only a very small percentage of the time does it actually happen.

Personally I'm pretty tolerant to people shouting in my face, when I see a fist coming towards it, it's a different story. But I've found in life, for the most part, people are full of hot air and don't have the minerals to actually lay hands on anyone. However, a girlfriend is an easy target for those too scared to do it to someone their own size, so it's a hard one to call.

I think it just needs judging by the individual. If the OP fears violence, then she is uncomfortable enough to terminate the relationship no matter whether that fear is real or imaginary.
Original post by So Instinct
Dump brigade out in full force as per the usual.

Firstly because he gets really angry does not mean he will hit you, I'm curios to know why you think he will hit you?
Secondly, he is justified to be pretty damn angry in that situation at least if not the other two.

If you genuinely are scared of him, discuss it with him and give him a chance to fix it. If he doesn't try or it's not working and things don't change then maybe it's time to hit the road and separate.
Just don't jump to conclusions and not even allow him a chance, nearly everyone deserves a chance.



I'm usually quite vocally against the normal 'Dump he has too many eyelashes' brigade.

In this case, someone could be in quite a serious situation, and it has to be handled very carefully.

The simple cold truth is, she feels threatened. That being the case, she needs to remove herself from that.

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