Declaring love at New Year.
Earlier this year I was kinda "seeing" this girl at my college, we never officially went out or anything but we decided we would date when both our exams had finished. But when summer came about we drifted apart and didn't really talk at all, and when college restarted we acted like nothing that really happened and became more like acquaintances.
However she began flirting with one of my "best" mates who obviously reciprocated (since he's a ****), so I didn't know if she actually liked him or it was to get my attention. Either way. I was really p'd off and didn't talk to both of them for weeks, more angry at him cos he knew about our history and how I felt about her but bloody went for it anyway.
Recently though, I've been really regretting my actions and how I avoided/ignored her, so have been gradually getting back talking and texting with her, and I've realised that I was really really stupid for not making the effort over the summer to get together with her, and that I'm actually completely in love with her.
Now I was planning to tell her all this either in person at New Year's or beforehand in text, but the problem is I have no idea if she likes my "mate", or if he likes her or they're dating or anything at all. I don't want to spill everything and then just get shot down, but if I don't I know I'll regret it.
Any advice for me guys. PS sorry for long rant!
However she began flirting with one of my "best" mates who obviously reciprocated (since he's a ****), so I didn't know if she actually liked him or it was to get my attention. Either way. I was really p'd off and didn't talk to both of them for weeks, more angry at him cos he knew about our history and how I felt about her but bloody went for it anyway.
Recently though, I've been really regretting my actions and how I avoided/ignored her, so have been gradually getting back talking and texting with her, and I've realised that I was really really stupid for not making the effort over the summer to get together with her, and that I'm actually completely in love with her.
Now I was planning to tell her all this either in person at New Year's or beforehand in text, but the problem is I have no idea if she likes my "mate", or if he likes her or they're dating or anything at all. I don't want to spill everything and then just get shot down, but if I don't I know I'll regret it.
Any advice for me guys. PS sorry for long rant!
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BUMP
It could be good move bro. I find Christmas and NYE is always more loved up than any other time apart from Valentines. Give it a go. Whats the worst that can happen.
I don't know how'd I'd get her alone to tell her. We'll both be at a New Years Eve party you see.
Ask her if she wants the D
Original post by Anonymous
I don't know how'd I'd get her alone to tell her. We'll both be at a New Years Eve party you see.
Pretty easy. Just ask to speak to her, go outside or to a quiet corner or something. Good luck, hope it goes well!
one way trip to friend zone, don't do it 
Original post by joker12345
Pretty easy. Just ask to speak to her, go outside or to a quiet corner or something. Good luck, hope it goes well!
Thanks, although I have no idea what I'm going to say. Really nervous...
Original post by boner in jeans
one way trip to friend zone, don't do it
Options:
1) I tell her and she says she likes me as well
2) I tell her and I'm friend zoned
3) I don't tell her and I'm friend zoned
Seeing your point but I'm going to have to try.
Original post by Anonymous
Options:
1) I tell her and she says she likes me as well
2) I tell her and I'm friend zoned
3) I don't tell her and I'm friend zoned
Seeing your point but I'm going to have to try.
1) I tell her and she says she likes me as well
2) I tell her and I'm friend zoned
3) I don't tell her and I'm friend zoned
Seeing your point but I'm going to have to try.
your mind seems made up, why make the thread then?
Original post by boner in jeans
your mind seems made up, why make the thread then?
To ask advice on how to handle the situation.
Original post by Flibble22
Go for it man, you've got nothing to lose as you know already.
I did it and got burned, but I don't regret it.
I did it and got burned, but I don't regret it.
Hey man sorry it didn't work out.
at least you know now. One other thing I'm concerned about is my "mate". If he does actually like her (unconfirmed), then he may not react well to me telling her how I feel. Although at the same time I'm angry because he did kind of betray me. But if it turns out that they actually are together then I'll be humiliated and ruin my friendships with both of them!
Aargh, I don't know what to do!?!
Why don't you actually ask her at the party what's going on with her and your mate? "So what's going on with you and *insert friends name here*?". If they're together, don't do it, if she says they are just friends (and it sounds convincing) then maybe start making the moves!
For me personally, I think it might be a bit over the top telling her you love her. Of course, I don't fully know the situation between you two. But for me as an individual, I hate the term being thrown around like it is these days, and if some guy who I'd only dated for a little a while back said it to me, I wouldn't take them very seriously. I think you should just try a little flirting and hopefully you will get a new year's kiss!
Of course, I might really misunderstand the situation and maybe it could be appropriate for you to say you love her, but based on the information I have read, I don't think it would be.
Also, don't worry about your mate being annoyed about you pursuing this. As you said, he did it to you too!
For me personally, I think it might be a bit over the top telling her you love her. Of course, I don't fully know the situation between you two. But for me as an individual, I hate the term being thrown around like it is these days, and if some guy who I'd only dated for a little a while back said it to me, I wouldn't take them very seriously. I think you should just try a little flirting and hopefully you will get a new year's kiss!
Of course, I might really misunderstand the situation and maybe it could be appropriate for you to say you love her, but based on the information I have read, I don't think it would be.
Also, don't worry about your mate being annoyed about you pursuing this. As you said, he did it to you too!
not sure if you should spring the big L on her but definitely tell her you have feelings for her.
Original post by Linnerzx
For me personally, I think it might be a bit over the top telling her you love her. Of course, I don't fully know the situation between you two. But for me as an individual, I hate the term being thrown around like it is these days, and if some guy who I'd only dated for a little a while back said it to me, I wouldn't take them very seriously. I think you should just try a little flirting and hopefully you will get a new year's kiss!
Also, don't worry about your mate being annoyed about you pursuing this. As you said, he did it to you too!
For me personally, I think it might be a bit over the top telling her you love her. Of course, I don't fully know the situation between you two. But for me as an individual, I hate the term being thrown around like it is these days, and if some guy who I'd only dated for a little a while back said it to me, I wouldn't take them very seriously. I think you should just try a little flirting and hopefully you will get a new year's kiss!
Also, don't worry about your mate being annoyed about you pursuing this. As you said, he did it to you too!
Original post by Bellissima
not sure if you should spring the big L on her but definitely tell her you have feelings for her.
If you love her, tell her! I find it pretty sad that we live in a society where some casual flirting seems better than I love you.
Original post by joker12345
If you love her, tell her! I find it pretty sad that we live in a society where some casual flirting seems better than I love you.
It is sad, but I just don't think it's going to get the desired effect. What, she's going to be happy and say, "that's great I love you too!"? Maybe. Probably not. Some people are more upfront about their emotions than others, and until it's clear that she has feelings for him, I don't think he should express his love in this way.
I think a little flirting could have a more positive effect. It put less pressure on her.
Hey, maybe I'm totally wrong. Maybe this could really work out. OP, it would be really great if you could report back and let us all know how it goes.
Original post by Anonymous
Hey man sorry it didn't work out. at least you know now.
One other thing I'm concerned about is my "mate". If he does actually like her (unconfirmed), then he may not react well to me telling her how I feel. Although at the same time I'm angry because he did kind of betray me. But if it turns out that they actually are together then I'll be humiliated and ruin my friendships with both of them!
Aargh, I don't know what to do!?!
Hey man sorry it didn't work out.
at least you know now. One other thing I'm concerned about is my "mate". If he does actually like her (unconfirmed), then he may not react well to me telling her how I feel. Although at the same time I'm angry because he did kind of betray me. But if it turns out that they actually are together then I'll be humiliated and ruin my friendships with both of them!
Aargh, I don't know what to do!?!
Cheers dude, I still care about her a great deal but it wasn't meant to be I suppose. Doesn't stop me listening to soppy songs though.
As for your 'mate', I think it would be karmic retribution of sorts for you to admit your feelings for her. I certainly wouldn't feel bad about it given that he didn't care about you enough to avoid her at the outset. Plus, at this point you just don't know what's going on anyhoo. Go for it.
Go for it man! You clearly love her so do it! Also, as for your "mate", well, d'you even Sam to be friends with him if he's the kind of guy who does that? S if he gets pissed off then don't worry! And yeah, she might say no, but you'll kill yourself wondering. Good luck : )
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Lamest thing I have ever heard.
How about instead of some ridiculous display of affection you try and have fun.
I never really understood this whole tell them how you feel strategy. How is that supposed to help you get with her? Is she all of a sudden supposed to love you? And if she already loved you, you didn't need to do it.
Just imagine if some girl you kinda liked but weren't sure about confessed their love for you. Do you think it is suddenly going to make you love her?
How about instead of some ridiculous display of affection you try and have fun.
I never really understood this whole tell them how you feel strategy. How is that supposed to help you get with her? Is she all of a sudden supposed to love you? And if she already loved you, you didn't need to do it.
Just imagine if some girl you kinda liked but weren't sure about confessed their love for you. Do you think it is suddenly going to make you love her?
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by Classical Liberal
Lamest thing I have ever heard.
How about instead of some ridiculous display of affection you try and have fun.
I never really understood this whole tell them how you feel strategy. How is that supposed to help you get with her? Is she all of a sudden supposed to love you? And if she already loved you, you didn't need to do it.
Just imagine if some girl you kinda liked but weren't sure about confessed their love for you. Do you think it is suddenly going to make you love her?
How about instead of some ridiculous display of affection you try and have fun.
I never really understood this whole tell them how you feel strategy. How is that supposed to help you get with her? Is she all of a sudden supposed to love you? And if she already loved you, you didn't need to do it.
Just imagine if some girl you kinda liked but weren't sure about confessed their love for you. Do you think it is suddenly going to make you love her?
Um, well what good is just standing around gonna do? And it will get her attention! Maybe she'll give him a go! So maybe she won't be like "OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I WANT TO HAVE BABIES WITH YOU AND GET MARRIED" but she might give it a shot. Also, this is a rarer occurrence, but perhaps she likes him but is scared to tell him.
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