We want different things from life
I love my boyfriend and it's going well at the moment. But recently it's become obvious to me that we want different things from like and I'm wondering if it's worth staying with him any longer if we're going to break up eventually.
Firstly I want to go and work abroad. I was going to do it in summer 2012 but then I met him and ended up staying at home all summer, which I regret now. I also love skiing and thought about doing a winter season and when I mentioned this to him he didn't seem keen at all on me going. If I don't do either summer or winter work abroad this year I know I will regret it. I'm graduating this summer and I want a year or so doing fun things before getting a serious job.
He seems to think I should graduate, come home and get a job. What he wants is to work and stay at home forever. He doesn't want me to go away, yet he won't move anywhere with me! He won't even move somewhere (i.e. my uni city) where I can get a good career and he could easily get a job in his industry there. I understand he doesn't want to leave his friends, but he doesn't even get on with his family and I hardly have any proper friends at home so I feel like what's the point moving home forever when I've got years to be free and do different things?
So he wants to be settled with his job and living at home, but he never wants to get married or have kids!
This really bothers me because I know I definitely want to have kids in the future, and he knows he definitely doesn't.
Seriously, he is going to have a long boring life if he never goes anywhere and then never wants to settle with a family or anything? All he ever wants is to work and be in a relationship? I want to travel, see places, work towards a career and then start a family? But he's not the person to do that with, so as much as I love him is there any point us being together? Or will he change his mind.. i.e. be ok with me travelling/come with me/ever want a family?
Sorry for the rant, just been bothering me a bit. We're perfect together at the moment our lives suit each other. But I want so much more from life than he does. I can't stand the thought of moving home getting a job (not even a career) never going anywhere, never having a family. Which is what he wants from his life!!
Firstly I want to go and work abroad. I was going to do it in summer 2012 but then I met him and ended up staying at home all summer, which I regret now. I also love skiing and thought about doing a winter season and when I mentioned this to him he didn't seem keen at all on me going. If I don't do either summer or winter work abroad this year I know I will regret it. I'm graduating this summer and I want a year or so doing fun things before getting a serious job.
He seems to think I should graduate, come home and get a job. What he wants is to work and stay at home forever. He doesn't want me to go away, yet he won't move anywhere with me! He won't even move somewhere (i.e. my uni city) where I can get a good career and he could easily get a job in his industry there. I understand he doesn't want to leave his friends, but he doesn't even get on with his family and I hardly have any proper friends at home so I feel like what's the point moving home forever when I've got years to be free and do different things?
So he wants to be settled with his job and living at home, but he never wants to get married or have kids!
This really bothers me because I know I definitely want to have kids in the future, and he knows he definitely doesn't.
Seriously, he is going to have a long boring life if he never goes anywhere and then never wants to settle with a family or anything? All he ever wants is to work and be in a relationship? I want to travel, see places, work towards a career and then start a family? But he's not the person to do that with, so as much as I love him is there any point us being together? Or will he change his mind.. i.e. be ok with me travelling/come with me/ever want a family?
Sorry for the rant, just been bothering me a bit. We're perfect together at the moment our lives suit each other. But I want so much more from life than he does. I can't stand the thought of moving home getting a job (not even a career) never going anywhere, never having a family. Which is what he wants from his life!!
You have to recognise that what he wants to do is just as valid as what you want to do. To quote you for example you said "he won't even move to MY uni city''. Why would he move to your uni city?
I think like the above person has said, you do definitely want different things, but there are some things that can't be compromised on, like children. You either have them or you don't.
You're best off going off doing the things you want to do, and he can find someone that has a lifestyle that fits with his, and you can find someone that would fit with yours.
I think like the above person has said, you do definitely want different things, but there are some things that can't be compromised on, like children. You either have them or you don't.
You're best off going off doing the things you want to do, and he can find someone that has a lifestyle that fits with his, and you can find someone that would fit with yours.
Original post by insignificant
You have to recognise that what he wants to do is just as valid as what you want to do. To quote you for example you said "he won't even move to MY uni city''. Why would he move to your uni city?
I think like the above person has said, you do definitely want different things, but there are some things that can't be compromised on, like children. You either have them or you don't.
You're best off going off doing the things you want to do, and he can find someone that has a lifestyle that fits with his, and you can find someone that would fit with yours.
I think like the above person has said, you do definitely want different things, but there are some things that can't be compromised on, like children. You either have them or you don't.
You're best off going off doing the things you want to do, and he can find someone that has a lifestyle that fits with his, and you can find someone that would fit with yours.
The problem is, home is a small town and there's not many opportunities around here. He's happy working in catering. Part of me would settle for a job round here if I could find anything close to what I wanted, but there's so many graduates and so little jobs I'm unlikely to find something I really want. I would settle for staying here and getting an average job if he was the person that I was going to settle down and have children with eventually but he's not so I don't see the point? I don't see a future for us but right now I couldn't bear to break up - don't want to go through a break up in my last few months of uni and I've started to love him so...
Original post by Anonymous
The problem is, home is a small town and there's not many opportunities around here. He's happy working in catering. Part of me would settle for a job round here if I could find anything close to what I wanted, but there's so many graduates and so little jobs I'm unlikely to find something I really want. I would settle for staying here and getting an average job if he was the person that I was going to settle down and have children with eventually but he's not so I don't see the point? I don't see a future for us but right now I couldn't bear to break up - don't want to go through a break up in my last few months of uni and I've started to love him so...
If he isn't the person you're going to settle down with then why are you with him? You can't even enjoy the time that you are with him because of all these thoughts on your mind.
You gotta do what you want, if it is travelling you want to do then go for it you won't get chance later in life and you will be wondering what if. But if you are not happy in the relationship then it is best to end it.
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