Friend is being cheated on

This couple are both friends of mine and they both go to different universities in London but can get to each other in less than an hour. I have been told and shown some text messages (the evidence is very clear that she has cheated but i wont say what the evidence is). Anyway she is in love with her boyfriend and I have seen how much she cares about him. But it is clear that she has cheated on him this first term with at least 5 other guys. This has really upset me as i thought they were a good couple. The boy does not know yet and i am deciding if i should tell him or not.

Should I tell the girl that I know she has cheated. Shall I give her a chance to come clean.

Besides this I have textual evidence and someones word. Could this all be a misunderstanding or is she cheating for a fact.

please help

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Reply 1

Lay-Z

You should tell the girl and give her a chance to confess to him

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Reply 2

username23423

Original post by troach

Wtf? If this guy is your friend, you will tell him right now. Five other guys, what the hell...

Reply 3

hannahflossie

If you think that other people know, and he will eventually find out then it's best to let her know you know, and give them a chance to sort it out between them, cause its best coming from her.
However, in my opinion, what you don't know can't hurt you, and if you think they're a good couple, and that she loves him, and that if you don't say anything he won't ever find out, then telling him/her that you know, is just going to cause un-necessary hurt and tension for everyone involved

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by hannahflossie

I agree that you should let her tell him first, but please don't keep this to yourself if she doesn't have the guts to. I've been cheated on before and it was kept from me for a long time. When I found out, I was crushed, but would I have preferred never finding out? Hell no.

Granted other people may prefer the blissful ignorance, and I can't say the nature of their relationship is anything like mine was. But, I believe it is your duty as his friend to make sure this gets out, the sooner the better. Also, whether it's the girl or you who has to do the deed, don't forget to be there for him as much as you can, he's going to need you. Good luck to the both of you.

Reply 5

troach

Original post by Hormonal

Wtf? If this guy is your friend, you will tell him right now. Five other guys, what the hell...

I do think this is a delicate matter and I dont want to cause any tension between me and the two friends. I dont want them to think I am **** stirring. The girl may also deny this and I have only been shown ecidence i do not have evidence. Also i think if the boy found out he would go off the rails. I think i need to make the girl aware that i know something has happened between her and other guys. I think telling the boy straight away with no evidence would be a mistake. I may leave it a while and wait for events to unfold a little more before confronting the girl about it.

thank u for responding though

Reply 6

username47781

I think the problem is even if she has cheated then she can just deny it, fair enough that you are looking out for your friend, but think getting involved is not a good idea.

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

Well I tell you something, I am currently nervous that my GF perhaps may be cheating (its hard to tell but I just had a few alarming signs).

I am two minds as to whether I want to know if she is. There is a side of me that if she is would rather stay ignorant and just have a relationship as if all was fine, and another that wants to know if she is, so that I move onto someone faithful if that is the case.

However, deep inside, i'd hope someone would tell if she has/is cheating (I think there is a fair chance she has but is not doing it regularly) so I can decided whether perhaps to take a blind eye, I may do, I don't know, or whether I need to let go and move on. Tbh, whether I did would to some extent depend on quite a number of factors, by no means least, the risk of her ending down the line for another guy.

In fact in a way, I wouldn't necessarily mind her having a guy on the side providing I knew the guy and I knew she wasn't just doing anything anywhere, and the guy wasn't an inherent threat to my relationship (i.e. I could take her having someone for a bit of fun, providing there wasn't a deeper 'closeness' that was in competition with me), that like I say I think i'd still like to know about it.

Reply 8

Anazoth

You need to look at it from his point of view. Would you want to be told if your girlfriend was sleeping with everyone on campus ?

Cheating once is bad, there's no excuse for doing it 5 times. You need to tell him, it will look even worse for you if he finds out that you have known all along which will more than likely happen since others are involved (the ones who showed you the evidence)

Reply 9

WelshBluebird

If she has cheated on him, and its with at least 5 guys, then she does not love him. End of.

Original post by hannahflossie

However, in my opinion, what you don't know can't hurt you

What a load of crap.
So you would be happy for your partner to cheat on you, as long as you don't know about it?

Reply 10

marky--mark

In that situation, I'm not sure if its the right thing to do, but I would tell her that I'm aware of what she's done and that she has maybe a week to come clean to him before I told him.

He deserves the truth from her, but if he's no going to get that hen he at least deserves the truth.

I've been in his position before by the way, and found out from a friend, but my friend didn't give my ex a chance to come clean. I wish it'd been her that had told me, but I'm at least grateful for the truth.

Reply 11

idontthinkso

If you're better friends with the guy tell. If you're better friends with the girl don't tell.

Reply 12

Londonburger

If you are clear with the whole situation, and given that she has had sex with 5 guys!, you can tell her bf.

however, if this guy doesn't dump this girl or they come back together again after separating for a while, you will be very awkward..

Reply 13

cl_steele

tell him she obviously doesnt love him or she wouldnt be sleeping around with 5 or so other people... shes a slapper and he should know.

Reply 14

Josh1312.

I'd say tell the guy.

Fair enough if it was just one guy she cheated with, but five? He has a right to find out.

Reply 15

MostUncivilised

If this guy is your close mate, think carefully before telling him. Human nature being what it is, it's quite possible he will (at least subconsciously) hold it against you despite believing what you say.

Equally, if they don't break up, she will hate you and probably try to damage your friendship with him. I'm afraid hos do come before bros.

The advice above is good advice; talk to her and tell her you know.

Reply 16

hannahflossie

Original post by WelshBluebird

What a load of crap.
So you would be happy for your partner to cheat on you, as long as you don't know about it?

If I NEVER knew, it would never be an issue. If I never ever found out, I wouldn't ever be upset by it, because in my mind, I wouldn't have anything to be upset about. I know it sounds weird, but I think it makes perfect sense, unfortunately though there aren't many situations where secrets like that don't end up coming out in the end. But I do believe that there any many times when people would be much happier if they didn't know the truth..

Reply 17

2ndClass

Original post by hannahflossie

Ignorance is bliss eh :rolleyes:

Reply 18

Mankytoes

Original post by troach

Ha, are you serious? She clearly doesn't love him, I swear a lot of people say they are "in love" as a default.

I'd say tell her you've heard rumours, and see how she reacts. If she denies it, tell her you have proof.

Reply 19

silverbolt

Ive had this in the past.

I told the cheater they had 48 hours to tell the other person (and the whole truth be very clear on that - whether you know the whole truth or not, in their mind they will imagine you know everything) before i did.

He told his gf and i kept my word ringing her two days later to see if he had