friends with benefits
Anon because there are people i know who might see this.
There is this girl on my course at uni. We are friends but I definitely wouldn't say we are close friends. We sometimes chat on facebook and text each other. I have been round to her flat with her just her once (and she made me dinner, how nice is she!!??!?!) while we studied together - nothing happened. We both had a great time chatting after the work was done. I find her very attractive and we get along well and always have stuff to talk about but I don't think I'm ready for a relationship right now, having come out of a long term relationship with another girl a few months ago which lasted 2 and a half years, but I really want to start having a little fun. What I would like is for us to be friends with benefits, no strings attached, and then we'll see where that takes us. If we both would like more down the line then I think would be open to it, but not right now.
What I would like to know is, and this question is directed at girls mostly, if you would feel awkward around the guy afterwards if you had a friendship reminiscent of ours (not close but just a mate) and he asked you about being friends with benefits, no strings attached, and to see where it takes you - but you said no. Because even though we aren't THAT close I enjoy chatting with her and it would be a shame if she didn't feel she could talk to me after rejecting me. I know not every girl would feel the same way, but I just want to get a general feel for how most girls would react. And also, if there was a way to ask her but minimise the risk of any awkwardness afterwards, any ideas would also be really appreciated. Thanks.
One thing I think worth mentioning is we have never talked or joked about anything sexual in any way before, so I don't know how comfortable or open she would be talking about it to me or any of her friends like that.
There is this girl on my course at uni. We are friends but I definitely wouldn't say we are close friends. We sometimes chat on facebook and text each other. I have been round to her flat with her just her once (and she made me dinner, how nice is she!!??!?!) while we studied together - nothing happened. We both had a great time chatting after the work was done. I find her very attractive and we get along well and always have stuff to talk about but I don't think I'm ready for a relationship right now, having come out of a long term relationship with another girl a few months ago which lasted 2 and a half years, but I really want to start having a little fun. What I would like is for us to be friends with benefits, no strings attached, and then we'll see where that takes us. If we both would like more down the line then I think would be open to it, but not right now.
What I would like to know is, and this question is directed at girls mostly, if you would feel awkward around the guy afterwards if you had a friendship reminiscent of ours (not close but just a mate) and he asked you about being friends with benefits, no strings attached, and to see where it takes you - but you said no. Because even though we aren't THAT close I enjoy chatting with her and it would be a shame if she didn't feel she could talk to me after rejecting me. I know not every girl would feel the same way, but I just want to get a general feel for how most girls would react. And also, if there was a way to ask her but minimise the risk of any awkwardness afterwards, any ideas would also be really appreciated. Thanks.
One thing I think worth mentioning is we have never talked or joked about anything sexual in any way before, so I don't know how comfortable or open she would be talking about it to me or any of her friends like that.
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Mate, let me tell you one thing. Friends with benefits will never ever work out. It will lead into serious relationship/problems. Friends with benefits does not mean she can't go out and shag other guys. But if she does, how would you feel? Don't do it.
I would be honest and ask her if she wants a bit more, but be prepared she may say no and rather have a relationship
Original post by ChelseaFCCC
Mate, let me tell you one thing. Friends with benefits will never ever work out. It will lead into serious relationship/problems. Friends with benefits does not mean she can't go out and shag other guys. But if she does, how would you feel? Don't do it.
I would honestly be ok because at the moment I still have feelings for my ex, though I know it's not going to work out. I haven't got any emotional attachment to this other girl on my course.
Original post by Anonymous
I would honestly be ok because at the moment I still have feelings for my ex, though I know it's not going to work out. I haven't got any emotional attachment to this other girl on my course.
You say that now but after a few rounds with her [excuse the crassness of that] itll almost certainly change for atleast one of you... personally id advise against it because almost always one of you will get hurt. but do what you feels best!
Original post by Anonymous
I would honestly be ok because at the moment I still have feelings for my ex, though I know it's not going to work out. I haven't got any emotional attachment to this other girl on my course.
OK, so you have a girl, you have been shagging her for lets say 3 months, without a relationship. You guys been kissing, texting calling you name it. Your in a club with her, and you see her pull a guy and walk out the club with him. You honestly think you will be okay with it?
Original post by Anonymous
You say that now but after a few rounds with her [excuse the crassness of that] itll almost certainly change for atleast one of you... personally id advise against it because almost always one of you will get hurt. but do what you feels best!
I am fine with just having fun. If, after a few rounds, she turns around and says she wants more, then I think I would be open to giving it a shot, or at the very least i would say not right now, but if me with other girls really bothered her then I wouldn't mind temporarily being exclusive for the sake of her feelings, as I'm not the kind of guy that just goes round trying to pull girls at clubs. I prefer sex with someone I know and am comfortable with.
Original post by ChelseaFCCC
OK, so you have a girl, you have been shagging her for lets say 3 months, without a relationship. You guys been kissing, texting calling you name it. Your in a club with her, and you see her pull a guy and walk out the club with him. You honestly think you will be okay with it?
Maybe not, I guess you're right. But I still want to go through with this. Thank you for your opinion but I'm really not interested in those of neigh-sayers who would advise me against it because they don't agree with the concept of Friends with benefits. It's a matter of personal preference in that i would prefer to do it with someone I know and am comfortable with, but not necessarily in love or have feelings for.
Original post by Anonymous
I am fine with just having fun. If, after a few rounds, she turns around and says she wants more, then I think I would be open to giving it a shot, or at the very least i would say not right now, but if me with other girls really bothered her then I wouldn't mind temporarily being exclusive for the sake of her feelings, as I'm not the kind of guy that just goes round trying to pull girls at clubs. I prefer sex with someone I know and am comfortable with.
... that pretty much sounds like a relationship, just without the name OP!
Whether Friends with Benefits works or not is not up for debate.
Original post by Anonymous
Maybe not, I guess you're right. But I still want to go through with this. Thank you for your opinion but I'm really not interested in those of neigh-sayers who would advise me against it because they don't agree with the concept of Friends with benefits. It's a matter of personal preference in that i would prefer to do it with someone I know and am comfortable with, but not necessarily in love or have feelings for.
Why do you ask for advise and ignore it?
Don't ask and complain when you hear what you don't want to hear.
Whether or not you should ask her depends on the sort of person she is and you're the best at judging that. I'd say go for it though.
(edited 11 years ago)
I consider Friend+Sex=Girlfriend..
...i'd say its a bad idea but i guess it really just depends on the girl
Well I guess that what I've learned here is that friends with benefits is unpopular enough that it seems she is unlikely to say yes anyway.
I recently came out of a relationship ( a month ago) and was in the similar situation you described. In this situation, I'd crave physical touch (not all the way mind you) but the comfort and affection I'd miss. I wouldn't want the crazy boyfriend drama--just the touch.
I'm in the minority here, so she may not feel how I feel. Depends if she just got out of a relationship and is seeking a 'no drama' connection...
I'm in the minority here, so she may not feel how I feel. Depends if she just got out of a relationship and is seeking a 'no drama' connection...
Original post by 419
Why do you ask for advise and ignore it?
Don't ask and complain when you hear what you don't want to hear.
Whether or not you should ask her depends on the sort of person she is and you're the best at judging that. I'd say go for it though.
Don't ask and complain when you hear what you don't want to hear.
Whether or not you should ask her depends on the sort of person she is and you're the best at judging that. I'd say go for it though.
In fairness the OP didn't ask for opinions on the concept of friends with benefits. He wanted to know whether girls would feel awkward after a friend had asked them for a friends with benefits arrangement and they'd turned him down.
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