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I am thinking of quitting university to find a reason to live. Help?
Poll
Stay or go?
UPDATED QUESTION! CLICK HERE.
To put it simply, I need to decide whether or not to continue university, but more than that, I need a reason to continue to live. I'm not suicidal by any means, but the lack of any visible direction in my life is leaving me feeling trapped, depressed and slowly driving me insane. This has been snowballing for a few years now, but it's reaching a tipping point now and I need to make a decision very soon—ideally by the end of the week—and because I want to make sure the best decision possible is made, I thought I'd get as many thoughts and opinions as I can. Since there are a lot of reasons I am in this situation, I typed everything I thought was significant and divided them up to make it easier to interpret.
Where I stand now:
How I got here:
My unviersity experience so far:
The alternative:
Things I am confused about:
It's taken me 5 hours to convert my thoughts into words, and those words into a semi-logical order. If you read everything, then thank you; I know there's a lot there, and I am grateful to you for taking the time to read it. If you vote on the poll, please post your reasons for the vote below so that I can see your thought process. If you don't vote on the poll but have thoughts/comments/advice for me, then feel free to leave them below as well. I've seen the advice this community has given to other people and I think it's exactly what I need to solve this problem.
- Yellowquiet
To put it simply, I need to decide whether or not to continue university, but more than that, I need a reason to continue to live. I'm not suicidal by any means, but the lack of any visible direction in my life is leaving me feeling trapped, depressed and slowly driving me insane. This has been snowballing for a few years now, but it's reaching a tipping point now and I need to make a decision very soon—ideally by the end of the week—and because I want to make sure the best decision possible is made, I thought I'd get as many thoughts and opinions as I can. Since there are a lot of reasons I am in this situation, I typed everything I thought was significant and divided them up to make it easier to interpret.
Where I stand now:
Spoiler
How I got here:
Spoiler
My unviersity experience so far:
Spoiler
The alternative:
Spoiler
Things I am confused about:
Spoiler
It's taken me 5 hours to convert my thoughts into words, and those words into a semi-logical order. If you read everything, then thank you; I know there's a lot there, and I am grateful to you for taking the time to read it. If you vote on the poll, please post your reasons for the vote below so that I can see your thought process. If you don't vote on the poll but have thoughts/comments/advice for me, then feel free to leave them below as well. I've seen the advice this community has given to other people and I think it's exactly what I need to solve this problem.
- Yellowquiet
(edited 11 years ago)
Scroll to see replies
Hey,
I'm sorry I don't have any amazing advice, but i feel for your position, and am compelled to at least say something..
Firstly, I can very remotely relate to you. I'm currently in college, and chose subjects that i was good at, as apposed to ones I liked. I also revised and continue to revise hard for good grades, not for myself, but for those who have given up so much for me to have had the mere opportunity and circumstance to do 'well'. On results day, i did not get any particular joy from my results, but rather a little happiness in knowing that I had achieved what they wanted.
This is my main point. If i were in your position, i think i would try and stick it out. Even if it may not be what you want, you've come this far, right? In my mind i can justify spending a few extra years of boredom and stress etc, in return for a bigger chance of being able to do what i want, whatever it is. But, of course, it comes down to you. For instance I think 'feeling psychological pain' (forgive me if misquoted I can't go back to check your post), is a very serious issue, much more serious then just 'boredom and stress', which reflects how much of a bad experience you must be having. And so I don't think my choice has much significance, as i cannot completely imagine your position.
You said you had a list of things you want to do, would these things be easier to achieve if you finished your education? Is it worth completing, just for this increase, if any, of the possibility you may be able to achieve/attain these things?
You said i, (i think), that you have no particular interests. Surely if you left now, you'd need to get a job at some point, and the stress and mundanity (is that a word?..) of the job may be just as bad as that you experience at school, but again only you would be able to judge that. Would not completing your education lessen that chance? If you complete your education, there would be more potential jobs available to you, and so more options for you to choose. What if, for instance, you were to discover something you did like, and were passionate about, but didn't have the option to pursue, because you didn't finish your course. (I understand i'm completely naive to your particular course and the amount it influences employers etc...)
To summarise, it comes down to you. I personally would stick with it, just so there are more potential paths for me in the future, and so particular routes i want to take are not closed to me. But if you find your experience completely unbearable, then don't sweat it. If you really can't stand it, then don't. The chances i talk about are very small and vary depending on specific areas. And who knows, perhaps if you did leave now, you may find a job that you love and want to dedicate your life too. Maybe you could in your spare time, (if you have any!) begin to do what you would if you left. Like look for jobs you would be interested in etc, so that if you do find something you can plan accordingly, as apposed to quitting without an inkling or which direction you want to go. But then of course you've probably done that already...
I don't know, i'm sorry i can't give any definite conclusive advice, and I'm sorry if its just a load of nonsense. I've tried just to kind of list my thoughts and feelings on the subject, in the hope that some may be hopefully slightly helpful..
All the best, hang in there
Posted from TSR Mobile
I'm sorry I don't have any amazing advice, but i feel for your position, and am compelled to at least say something..
Firstly, I can very remotely relate to you. I'm currently in college, and chose subjects that i was good at, as apposed to ones I liked. I also revised and continue to revise hard for good grades, not for myself, but for those who have given up so much for me to have had the mere opportunity and circumstance to do 'well'. On results day, i did not get any particular joy from my results, but rather a little happiness in knowing that I had achieved what they wanted.
This is my main point. If i were in your position, i think i would try and stick it out. Even if it may not be what you want, you've come this far, right? In my mind i can justify spending a few extra years of boredom and stress etc, in return for a bigger chance of being able to do what i want, whatever it is. But, of course, it comes down to you. For instance I think 'feeling psychological pain' (forgive me if misquoted I can't go back to check your post), is a very serious issue, much more serious then just 'boredom and stress', which reflects how much of a bad experience you must be having. And so I don't think my choice has much significance, as i cannot completely imagine your position.
You said you had a list of things you want to do, would these things be easier to achieve if you finished your education? Is it worth completing, just for this increase, if any, of the possibility you may be able to achieve/attain these things?
You said i, (i think), that you have no particular interests. Surely if you left now, you'd need to get a job at some point, and the stress and mundanity (is that a word?..) of the job may be just as bad as that you experience at school, but again only you would be able to judge that. Would not completing your education lessen that chance? If you complete your education, there would be more potential jobs available to you, and so more options for you to choose. What if, for instance, you were to discover something you did like, and were passionate about, but didn't have the option to pursue, because you didn't finish your course. (I understand i'm completely naive to your particular course and the amount it influences employers etc...)
To summarise, it comes down to you. I personally would stick with it, just so there are more potential paths for me in the future, and so particular routes i want to take are not closed to me. But if you find your experience completely unbearable, then don't sweat it. If you really can't stand it, then don't. The chances i talk about are very small and vary depending on specific areas. And who knows, perhaps if you did leave now, you may find a job that you love and want to dedicate your life too. Maybe you could in your spare time, (if you have any!) begin to do what you would if you left. Like look for jobs you would be interested in etc, so that if you do find something you can plan accordingly, as apposed to quitting without an inkling or which direction you want to go. But then of course you've probably done that already...
I don't know, i'm sorry i can't give any definite conclusive advice, and I'm sorry if its just a load of nonsense. I've tried just to kind of list my thoughts and feelings on the subject, in the hope that some may be hopefully slightly helpful..
All the best, hang in there
Posted from TSR Mobile
I'm no professional, but I'd say that finishing your degree would be the right move. If you drop out now, you've still got a pile of debt and nothing to show for it. If you finish your degree, it could really open some doors - not only in the field you've studied in, but a huge variety of other jobs. Some careers require only "A degree", and getting your degree now could be very beneficial.
There's still the entire world to explore, and it'll be there when you finish. Don't stress out - you can still do anything you want once you graduate, the difference being you'll have a certificate of higher education.
There's still the entire world to explore, and it'll be there when you finish. Don't stress out - you can still do anything you want once you graduate, the difference being you'll have a certificate of higher education.
Sorry, this is a really quick answer because I don't have time to write that much, but don't do anything drastic too soon. If you're feeling like you are struggling to cope with university, them get some help for it, go see a counsellor and talk to your academic tutor. You honestly have no idea how common this sort of feeling is, and they'll both have dealt with it numerous times before.
I've been struggling with depression for a while, and talking with my parents, doctor and GP, and I'm now going to take a year interruption from university while on this lot of medication.
You need to realise this isn't something you can easily deal with yourself, and a lot of people don't understand depression and assume it's just prolonged sadness, and will advise you to just stick it out. You will be a stronger person and do better at your degree if you admit to those around you whats happening, take some time and get yourself sorted.
Feel free to pm me
I've been struggling with depression for a while, and talking with my parents, doctor and GP, and I'm now going to take a year interruption from university while on this lot of medication.
You need to realise this isn't something you can easily deal with yourself, and a lot of people don't understand depression and assume it's just prolonged sadness, and will advise you to just stick it out. You will be a stronger person and do better at your degree if you admit to those around you whats happening, take some time and get yourself sorted.
Feel free to pm me
I completely understand where you are coming from, as I feel I am in similar position to you. I disliked university very soon after I arrived there, but ignored my negative feelings for over a year. I chose to stick it out, but nothing has improved for me, if anything it has got worse. I have been lying in bed wide awake, getting very upset about what I'm doing with my life (hence why I literally just opened an account on this website in the hope I can talk to someone).
It is extremely hard to know what we want or what path is the correct one to follow when we are young. I too, have never known what I have wanted to do with my life. I took two gap years to try and give myself time before applying to university. I am now in my second year at university and I find it very unfortunate to say, that I have never felt more lost.
What course do you do? Do you have many friends? I know you mentioned above that a lot of the socialising is drinking. Which I too agree with you on. I find it very difficult to understand why it's impossible for many students to become friends and meet up when there isn't alcohol involved. What about joining clubs or societies? Or the gym?
Many people on these forums reply with 'stick it out' and 'keep going, its only three years of you life', but that is easier said than done. I have come to discover that when your heart is not 'in it', it's exceptionally difficult to persuade your head to focus. My view is that university isn't going anywhere; I have people on my course in their 30's and 40's (and even older). You can achieve a degree at any time in your life. If you were to leave, there is nothing stopping you returning later on with a clear head.
I genuinely believe that it is more important to follow your true inner feelings than to do what someone thinks is 'best' for you. It will always come down to being YOUR life, and your decision. No one else's. Things in your life should be down to you. If things go wrong, then you learn from them and move onwards and upwards, they will shape you and help you discover what you want and don't want from life.
If you were to leave, I would highly recommend you look into securing some sort of job to tide you over. There would be nothing worse than leaving uni and finding yourself having nothing to do 24/7. That is my main reason for wanting to drop out; I have uni two days a week (full time course) but I genuinely feel like my days slip passed me and I am not achieving anything. It is the worst feeling in the world.
On the flip side, you are in an enviable position being at a top university. You are very academically clever and could do extremely well. What I did, and I found it helped to a certain extent was set myself little goals/challenges to improve my experience. For example staying at the library for a couple of hours after my classes finished to get in tune with my course and do some reading/look up things on blackboard. I would talk to the people I knew to be the 'go to' people on my course (the clever ones who knew everything, respectively) and ask them for help. Their positiveness towards the course helped me to feel better and want to try harder and I also gained some friends. I attended some gym classes and made more of an effort to spend time with the people I lived with (in the daytime - no drinking!).
I apologise if this doesn't all make much sense. It's late and I am so confused about my own life right now! But as somebody who is in a similar situation and struggling to know what to do (I have an exam on Monday and feel I have up until then to decide whether to/not to attend it and stay at/leave university) I would say to you that no one can ever truly understand how you feel, it is terrible not knowing where you are going in life. But if university so far hasn't helped you find your goal then maybe it never will. Maybe you need something else in life to help you. Have you had much work experience to know what jobs you do/don't like? Are you interesting in doing something completely new like travelling?
It is extremely hard to know what we want or what path is the correct one to follow when we are young. I too, have never known what I have wanted to do with my life. I took two gap years to try and give myself time before applying to university. I am now in my second year at university and I find it very unfortunate to say, that I have never felt more lost.
What course do you do? Do you have many friends? I know you mentioned above that a lot of the socialising is drinking. Which I too agree with you on. I find it very difficult to understand why it's impossible for many students to become friends and meet up when there isn't alcohol involved. What about joining clubs or societies? Or the gym?
Many people on these forums reply with 'stick it out' and 'keep going, its only three years of you life', but that is easier said than done. I have come to discover that when your heart is not 'in it', it's exceptionally difficult to persuade your head to focus. My view is that university isn't going anywhere; I have people on my course in their 30's and 40's (and even older). You can achieve a degree at any time in your life. If you were to leave, there is nothing stopping you returning later on with a clear head.
I genuinely believe that it is more important to follow your true inner feelings than to do what someone thinks is 'best' for you. It will always come down to being YOUR life, and your decision. No one else's. Things in your life should be down to you. If things go wrong, then you learn from them and move onwards and upwards, they will shape you and help you discover what you want and don't want from life.
If you were to leave, I would highly recommend you look into securing some sort of job to tide you over. There would be nothing worse than leaving uni and finding yourself having nothing to do 24/7. That is my main reason for wanting to drop out; I have uni two days a week (full time course) but I genuinely feel like my days slip passed me and I am not achieving anything. It is the worst feeling in the world.
On the flip side, you are in an enviable position being at a top university. You are very academically clever and could do extremely well. What I did, and I found it helped to a certain extent was set myself little goals/challenges to improve my experience. For example staying at the library for a couple of hours after my classes finished to get in tune with my course and do some reading/look up things on blackboard. I would talk to the people I knew to be the 'go to' people on my course (the clever ones who knew everything, respectively) and ask them for help. Their positiveness towards the course helped me to feel better and want to try harder and I also gained some friends. I attended some gym classes and made more of an effort to spend time with the people I lived with (in the daytime - no drinking!).
I apologise if this doesn't all make much sense. It's late and I am so confused about my own life right now! But as somebody who is in a similar situation and struggling to know what to do (I have an exam on Monday and feel I have up until then to decide whether to/not to attend it and stay at/leave university) I would say to you that no one can ever truly understand how you feel, it is terrible not knowing where you are going in life. But if university so far hasn't helped you find your goal then maybe it never will. Maybe you need something else in life to help you. Have you had much work experience to know what jobs you do/don't like? Are you interesting in doing something completely new like travelling?
do you have aspergers syndrome ?
do you have any friends?
do you have any friends?
Lots of long posts here, so here's a nice short(ish) one from me.
I didn't care about uni when I finished school, so I didn't go. Now I'm 24 and highly regret that I haven't been to uni yet. I want to next year, but I may miss out because of the timing of my exams for the self-study A-levels I'm doing. So I might not even start uni until I'm 26. Where did those 8 years go?!
Main point is that you've started, so finish it, and do your best. Your idea of just quitting and getting a job is totally ridiculous in the long term.
Think of it this way:
Quit university and get a job?
Or finish university and get a job?
The world isn't exactly quite as rosy as we're told when we're at school. I so ******* wish I'd gone to uni sooner. No qualifications, no employable experience apart from basic work, and, even though I was very bright at school, nobody in the working world will come up to me and say, "hey, you're smart, you have potential, we're gonna help you be successful." I mean, everybody at my work would tell me how intelligent I was, and that I should be so successful, etc, etc, but that didn't mean anything at the end of the day because I didn't have anything to 'prove' it. 4 years of my life wasted in that job!
Finish university.
Edit:
Ok so I read a little bit more of your original post, about who you are and your current position. I connected with a vast amount of the stuff you wrote. I was of that mindset for the years when I didn't want to go to university. The main thing is to find direction and stick at it.
Also read this : linky
It's an amateur website, but any psychology student who sees it will know it's all very well-established information, so don't pass it off as pointless. Give it a read and see how much you connect with it. It may help you understand yourself.
I didn't care about uni when I finished school, so I didn't go. Now I'm 24 and highly regret that I haven't been to uni yet. I want to next year, but I may miss out because of the timing of my exams for the self-study A-levels I'm doing. So I might not even start uni until I'm 26. Where did those 8 years go?!
Main point is that you've started, so finish it, and do your best. Your idea of just quitting and getting a job is totally ridiculous in the long term.
Think of it this way:
Quit university and get a job?
Or finish university and get a job?
The world isn't exactly quite as rosy as we're told when we're at school. I so ******* wish I'd gone to uni sooner. No qualifications, no employable experience apart from basic work, and, even though I was very bright at school, nobody in the working world will come up to me and say, "hey, you're smart, you have potential, we're gonna help you be successful." I mean, everybody at my work would tell me how intelligent I was, and that I should be so successful, etc, etc, but that didn't mean anything at the end of the day because I didn't have anything to 'prove' it. 4 years of my life wasted in that job!
Finish university.
Edit:
Ok so I read a little bit more of your original post, about who you are and your current position. I connected with a vast amount of the stuff you wrote. I was of that mindset for the years when I didn't want to go to university. The main thing is to find direction and stick at it.
Also read this : linky
It's an amateur website, but any psychology student who sees it will know it's all very well-established information, so don't pass it off as pointless. Give it a read and see how much you connect with it. It may help you understand yourself.
(edited 11 years ago)
I can honestly say I have the same outlook, I don't seem to be going anywhere, I'm doing a uni course because I feel I should and I don't know what I want for myself. I'm forever questioning myself and it's leading to a lot of self doubt and anxiety- can't be good for you. I think you should see somebody about how you are feeling, it's not good for you. Or, maybe you should leave University, you seem to have no commitment to your field. You need to find yourself to know what you want, you mentioned you'l never think about having a relationship. Just try it, perhaps thinking about someone else all the time instead of yourself could do you some good. Get a hobby too, sounds like you're in need of some fun.
Maybe you should switch to another course that you might enjoy a bit more?
People keep on emphasising on how important a degree is, so maybe try the things you've always wanted to have a go with but never really got the guts to.
(If that works, you'll enjoy your uni experience and get a degree at the same time!)
People keep on emphasising on how important a degree is, so maybe try the things you've always wanted to have a go with but never really got the guts to.
(If that works, you'll enjoy your uni experience and get a degree at the same time!)
How about taking a year out? Does your university have someone you can talk this through with?
Living with your parents sounds like a bad idea. How about going travelling? (It'll be expensive to start, but it doesn't have to be horrendously so. Stuff like climbing mountains may do you good, and if you stay away from standard gap yah places, you can save some money).
Living with your parents sounds like a bad idea. How about going travelling? (It'll be expensive to start, but it doesn't have to be horrendously so. Stuff like climbing mountains may do you good, and if you stay away from standard gap yah places, you can save some money).
I think instead of dropping out of university, you should consider taking a year off to travel and figure out who you are and what you want.
I sort of connect with a lot of your issues. I'm introverted by nature and don't enjoy others' company for too long and like my time to myself. I'm still not sure that what I'm doing is the right thing for me as well, but I've thrown myself headfirst into it and am trying my damnest hard to not think about the appropriateness of the profession altogether.
But honestly mate, finish uni. The concept of getting a job with no prior experience and without a university degree is just that, theory. You will not get a job beyond basic, mundane, routine crap that will possibly drive you to depression faster than your degree is. I say take some time to travel and see the world and explore your opportunities, then decide what's best for you thereafter.
Best of luck!
I sort of connect with a lot of your issues. I'm introverted by nature and don't enjoy others' company for too long and like my time to myself. I'm still not sure that what I'm doing is the right thing for me as well, but I've thrown myself headfirst into it and am trying my damnest hard to not think about the appropriateness of the profession altogether.
But honestly mate, finish uni. The concept of getting a job with no prior experience and without a university degree is just that, theory. You will not get a job beyond basic, mundane, routine crap that will possibly drive you to depression faster than your degree is. I say take some time to travel and see the world and explore your opportunities, then decide what's best for you thereafter.
Best of luck!
In terms of your situation if you want to leave, a question. When you say you've been at uni since 'last September' do you mean September 2012 (i.e. you're a first year), or September 2011 (i.e. you're a second year)? This would make a difference if you wanted to leave your course and then study again at some point in the future - as I understand it, the way student finance is set up allows you one 'false start' year, (i.e. you can get funding for the duration of your course plus one year), so if yu're a first year you would be able to start over elsewhere and get funding for the whole course; but if you're a second year you would have to pay for a year yourself.
That said, if you're absolutely set on leaving, I would propose a middle way - it's usually possible to interrupt your studies for a period of time, which would give you the chance to come back and more or less pick up where you left off, if you later decide to.
My personal view is that I don't see how leaving gets you any closer to where you want to be. If you had a really clear plan that leaving would put you in a better position, then I could see how that would be a good thing, but what you're describing, really, is that you'd go home to be unemployed and be shouted at. Or, maybe, that you'd get a dull job, and still be shouted at.
I am a fair bit older than you, and looking back I had vastly more time and opportunities to do interesting things when I was a student than I have any time since then. Work - even work you do just to make some money to allow you to do more interesting things - eats time; and most of the money gets eaten, too, before you get to do anything much with it. I think there's a real danger of you leaving uni, falling into some boring job, and getting into a similarly unfulfilling routine, just with different geography.
Is your list of 'things to do' absolutely incompatible with being at uni? Are there none at all that you can do now? If you dig around, you may find that there are societies and activities available that relate to some of the things you'd like to try out (and maybe also to socialise with people in ways that aren't just piss-ups).
Also, at uni there are almost certainly support services which may be able to help with how you're feeling. Going along to talk to them might help you to get to grips with things, and feel more comfortable in the life that you're in. I think very often when people feel the way you feel, they want to change things because they believe that a change will make them feel better, and this isn't always the case.
Sorry if some of that sounds horribly depressing! Here's the upside. It is absolutely, 100% OK not to know precisely what you want to do. It's a good thing, in my book; it means you're open to the life you're living, rather than constantly feeling the need to pursue one that's just around the corner, on the horizon, nearly there. You've said that you only have one opportunity to live and you don't want to waste it - I agree with you. But life isn't just one big 'meaning'; it's a mosaic of lots of tiny bits and pieces; some good, some bad. Trying to deal with the bad ones is great, but walking away from them doesn't necessarily help. And actually, you can change the bad bits. And changing them is one of the most useful things you'll do, or learn, in life. Ever.
That said, if you're absolutely set on leaving, I would propose a middle way - it's usually possible to interrupt your studies for a period of time, which would give you the chance to come back and more or less pick up where you left off, if you later decide to.
My personal view is that I don't see how leaving gets you any closer to where you want to be. If you had a really clear plan that leaving would put you in a better position, then I could see how that would be a good thing, but what you're describing, really, is that you'd go home to be unemployed and be shouted at. Or, maybe, that you'd get a dull job, and still be shouted at.
I am a fair bit older than you, and looking back I had vastly more time and opportunities to do interesting things when I was a student than I have any time since then. Work - even work you do just to make some money to allow you to do more interesting things - eats time; and most of the money gets eaten, too, before you get to do anything much with it. I think there's a real danger of you leaving uni, falling into some boring job, and getting into a similarly unfulfilling routine, just with different geography.
Is your list of 'things to do' absolutely incompatible with being at uni? Are there none at all that you can do now? If you dig around, you may find that there are societies and activities available that relate to some of the things you'd like to try out (and maybe also to socialise with people in ways that aren't just piss-ups).
Also, at uni there are almost certainly support services which may be able to help with how you're feeling. Going along to talk to them might help you to get to grips with things, and feel more comfortable in the life that you're in. I think very often when people feel the way you feel, they want to change things because they believe that a change will make them feel better, and this isn't always the case.
Sorry if some of that sounds horribly depressing! Here's the upside. It is absolutely, 100% OK not to know precisely what you want to do. It's a good thing, in my book; it means you're open to the life you're living, rather than constantly feeling the need to pursue one that's just around the corner, on the horizon, nearly there. You've said that you only have one opportunity to live and you don't want to waste it - I agree with you. But life isn't just one big 'meaning'; it's a mosaic of lots of tiny bits and pieces; some good, some bad. Trying to deal with the bad ones is great, but walking away from them doesn't necessarily help. And actually, you can change the bad bits. And changing them is one of the most useful things you'll do, or learn, in life. Ever.
I disagree with all those saying "just stick it out". I have been in a similar position to you, although not as bad as I did have a good social life, and I know how hard it is to motivate yourself to study when you aren't particularly interested in the material or you think you could be better off doing something else. Remember you can go to uni any time. You can go back in 2 years, 5 years, 15 years... it doesn't matter. Please don't stay because you don't want to have "wasted" all that money so far. That money is paid. Whether you leave or stay is irrelevant, you aren't getting it back. BUT if you stay for more miserable years, you're going to be wasting a LOT more money! Quit now before you have to pay even more to stay miserable.
Personally I left uni after the first year. My parents never pushed me and make me feel like I had to achieve great things but I felt it in myself. My school very much pushed us to go to uni, so like you, I applied because everyone else who was intelligent was applying for uni, and "that's just what you do". But remember schools want you to go to uni because it looks good for them on paper. They have statistics relating to how many students went on to university etc.
This is a problem with young people today I think - we all believe that we have to achieve greatness and get amazing jobs and make loads of money and contribute to the world. I'm the same. I wish I could be happy just working on retail for the rest of my life, but I wouldn't be satisfied. Because we are taught that if you are intelligent, YOU HAVE TO USE IT by going to uni. That's not the case though. I know loads of people who quit uni and are now working in shops, in the army, the police etc and are really happy there.
You have to do what is right for you and what will truly make you happy, not what everybody else expects of you. Leaving uni was the best thing I ever did. I worked full time for 2-3 years, did volunteer work in Ecuador, and then went back when I was REALLY ready and actually craving education again, and I knew exactly what I wanted to study. Now I'm in 4th year and I couldn't be happier. I even met my boyfriend in uni on the first day of 3rd year, which I never expected to happen! Now I am much more motivated and genuinely love uni. I'm in line for a first but if I had stuck it out the first time, there is no way I would have achieved a first because I didn't have the drive. Also in the summer between 1st and 2nd year, I went to America to work for 4 months which was amazing. If you want good stuff to happen and to have amazing experiences and be happy, MAKE IT HAPPEN. Nobody else is in control of your life.
I know it sounds cheesy but do what your heart tells you. Forget about the money, what's done is done, and it's only money at the end of the day. There are more important things in life. Take some time out to work and meet new people, and don't feel pressure to go back to uni (if you truly do want to) until you are 100% sure about what you want to study and you really want it for yourself.
Personally I left uni after the first year. My parents never pushed me and make me feel like I had to achieve great things but I felt it in myself. My school very much pushed us to go to uni, so like you, I applied because everyone else who was intelligent was applying for uni, and "that's just what you do". But remember schools want you to go to uni because it looks good for them on paper. They have statistics relating to how many students went on to university etc.
This is a problem with young people today I think - we all believe that we have to achieve greatness and get amazing jobs and make loads of money and contribute to the world. I'm the same. I wish I could be happy just working on retail for the rest of my life, but I wouldn't be satisfied. Because we are taught that if you are intelligent, YOU HAVE TO USE IT by going to uni. That's not the case though. I know loads of people who quit uni and are now working in shops, in the army, the police etc and are really happy there.
You have to do what is right for you and what will truly make you happy, not what everybody else expects of you. Leaving uni was the best thing I ever did. I worked full time for 2-3 years, did volunteer work in Ecuador, and then went back when I was REALLY ready and actually craving education again, and I knew exactly what I wanted to study. Now I'm in 4th year and I couldn't be happier. I even met my boyfriend in uni on the first day of 3rd year, which I never expected to happen! Now I am much more motivated and genuinely love uni. I'm in line for a first but if I had stuck it out the first time, there is no way I would have achieved a first because I didn't have the drive. Also in the summer between 1st and 2nd year, I went to America to work for 4 months which was amazing. If you want good stuff to happen and to have amazing experiences and be happy, MAKE IT HAPPEN. Nobody else is in control of your life.
I know it sounds cheesy but do what your heart tells you. Forget about the money, what's done is done, and it's only money at the end of the day. There are more important things in life. Take some time out to work and meet new people, and don't feel pressure to go back to uni (if you truly do want to) until you are 100% sure about what you want to study and you really want it for yourself.
(edited 11 years ago)
It appears I'm the only person who voted to quit (so far at least) so I'll try and explain what I was thinking. Of course it's up to you and I want to point out that I was voting for what I'd do if I was in your situation as I understand it, not what I think you should definitely do with no further thought.
The main thing was that you said you don't really enjoy being there and are struggling with the course. This reminded me of when I took a course at 6th form that I ended up hating and struggling with by Easter of first year. I could have left then, switched to A levels and only delayed uni by 1 year. However instead I tried to push myself through and ended up having to delay uni by 2 years. Personally that taught me that you need to realise when something isn't for you, accept it and focus on finding what is. Otherwise you're pretty much destined to fail.
I know you have paid fees up until now but that doesn't mean you should necessarily just continue. Say you were paying £30 a month for a gym membership that you rarely used, you wouldn't stay just because you've already paid so much into it would you? Similarly you shouldn't stay and get further into debt just because you've already accumulated some. Think about just the extra debt you will get into if you stay and decide whether that amount is worth staying. Also remember that you only pay back when you're earning enough, and if you did quit now you could take a degree another time and still get all but the first year funded.
Your reasons for staying also all seemed to be related to doing what is expected of you and feeling you have to because you're smart enough to get there. I don't think these should be considered reasons. Just because you're in a position someone else would envy you shouldn't feel guilty about giving it up if it's not for you. This example is rather simplified but I have naturally blonde hair which a lot of my female family members are jealous of, yet I dye it red because I don't enjoy being blonde. They say they wish they had blonde hair like me and that I shouldn't dye it but blonde isn't for me. Somebody else wanting what you have isn't enough of a reason on it's own to keep it.
To answer your questions in the last spoiler you would need to talk to the uni about the procedure for quitting and I think you'd also have to notify Student Finance. Depending on when you are due to be paid this term it may be too late to stop the payment going through but they would ask for this term's maintenance loan (and grant if you get one) back pretty much straight away. As for previous payments and tuition fees you would pay them back when you're earning enough just like students who graduated do. If you chose to go to uni at a later date then you'd apply through UCAS with a personal statement again but would need to find a referee. This could be an employer or your old college may be able to help as they normally keep references on file for past students for at least a few years in case they're requested. As for finance you are entitled to length of degree + 1 year - years of previous study, so you would have to self-fund the first year of any new degree you took but would then receive full funding in 2nd year and any other years after that. You don't need to have paid off any of your previous degree debt before re-applying.
On a final point having read the most recent replies to this thread I completely agree with the idea of taking a year out. I wrote the above without even thinking of that option. You could ask the uni for a year out, though I'd recommend treating that year out as if you've just quit and see how far you get with what you want to do. Then you can decide if you're happier at uni or away from it. If you find you were happier at uni then you go back as planned, if not then you tell the uni you've decided the course isn't for you and withdraw.
The main thing was that you said you don't really enjoy being there and are struggling with the course. This reminded me of when I took a course at 6th form that I ended up hating and struggling with by Easter of first year. I could have left then, switched to A levels and only delayed uni by 1 year. However instead I tried to push myself through and ended up having to delay uni by 2 years. Personally that taught me that you need to realise when something isn't for you, accept it and focus on finding what is. Otherwise you're pretty much destined to fail.
I know you have paid fees up until now but that doesn't mean you should necessarily just continue. Say you were paying £30 a month for a gym membership that you rarely used, you wouldn't stay just because you've already paid so much into it would you? Similarly you shouldn't stay and get further into debt just because you've already accumulated some. Think about just the extra debt you will get into if you stay and decide whether that amount is worth staying. Also remember that you only pay back when you're earning enough, and if you did quit now you could take a degree another time and still get all but the first year funded.
Your reasons for staying also all seemed to be related to doing what is expected of you and feeling you have to because you're smart enough to get there. I don't think these should be considered reasons. Just because you're in a position someone else would envy you shouldn't feel guilty about giving it up if it's not for you. This example is rather simplified but I have naturally blonde hair which a lot of my female family members are jealous of, yet I dye it red because I don't enjoy being blonde. They say they wish they had blonde hair like me and that I shouldn't dye it but blonde isn't for me. Somebody else wanting what you have isn't enough of a reason on it's own to keep it.
To answer your questions in the last spoiler you would need to talk to the uni about the procedure for quitting and I think you'd also have to notify Student Finance. Depending on when you are due to be paid this term it may be too late to stop the payment going through but they would ask for this term's maintenance loan (and grant if you get one) back pretty much straight away. As for previous payments and tuition fees you would pay them back when you're earning enough just like students who graduated do. If you chose to go to uni at a later date then you'd apply through UCAS with a personal statement again but would need to find a referee. This could be an employer or your old college may be able to help as they normally keep references on file for past students for at least a few years in case they're requested. As for finance you are entitled to length of degree + 1 year - years of previous study, so you would have to self-fund the first year of any new degree you took but would then receive full funding in 2nd year and any other years after that. You don't need to have paid off any of your previous degree debt before re-applying.
On a final point having read the most recent replies to this thread I completely agree with the idea of taking a year out. I wrote the above without even thinking of that option. You could ask the uni for a year out, though I'd recommend treating that year out as if you've just quit and see how far you get with what you want to do. Then you can decide if you're happier at uni or away from it. If you find you were happier at uni then you go back as planned, if not then you tell the uni you've decided the course isn't for you and withdraw.
This is going to sound very harsh but I do believe the advice will benefit you. With someone with the hindsight and experience of age, you are saying you need to find a reason to live. That degree is your reason, your future, your pathway to a career (any career which you will find passion for in the future). If you quit, what will you have? You will have lost your future because believe me, to work in a minimum wage job or go on and have children without a degree-no matter what you do once you leave-will be a struggle.
Life in the 'real world' is absolutely miserable and you will be surrounded by people who do not think like you, have your intelligence or act the way you do. Not saying they are better or worse for it, but different to you. You are intelligent and have great potential but your lack of determination and non direction is what will lose you your future. And believe me, you do have one.
Your age is a difficult one where you have a whole world which seems scary and overwhelming. You are still not on track to being an adult. Yet you will get there, if you keep taking a day at a time. Before you know it your degree will be finished and you will have more employment options, the ability to travel or start a relationship. The world will be your oyster.
Believe me if you leave university there will be nothing for you except a long hard struggle back to where you are now which eventually you will see was the right thing. Just keep going for now. Things will work out in the end.
BTW-Roaccutane can cause major depression both during and after treatment. If you feel you are in the middle of a depressive episode then please see your GP and get some medication to get you through. You have so much potential even if you cannot see it at the moment. Grasp it with both hands.
Life in the 'real world' is absolutely miserable and you will be surrounded by people who do not think like you, have your intelligence or act the way you do. Not saying they are better or worse for it, but different to you. You are intelligent and have great potential but your lack of determination and non direction is what will lose you your future. And believe me, you do have one.
Your age is a difficult one where you have a whole world which seems scary and overwhelming. You are still not on track to being an adult. Yet you will get there, if you keep taking a day at a time. Before you know it your degree will be finished and you will have more employment options, the ability to travel or start a relationship. The world will be your oyster.
Believe me if you leave university there will be nothing for you except a long hard struggle back to where you are now which eventually you will see was the right thing. Just keep going for now. Things will work out in the end.
BTW-Roaccutane can cause major depression both during and after treatment. If you feel you are in the middle of a depressive episode then please see your GP and get some medication to get you through. You have so much potential even if you cannot see it at the moment. Grasp it with both hands.
Original post by Persipan
In terms of your situation if you want to leave, a question. When you say you've been at uni since 'last September' do you mean September 2012 (i.e. you're a first year), or September 2011 (i.e. you're a second year)? This would make a difference if you wanted to leave your course and then study again at some point in the future - as I understand it, the way student finance is set up allows you one 'false start' year, (i.e. you can get funding for the duration of your course plus one year), so if yu're a first year you would be able to start over elsewhere and get funding for the whole course; but if you're a second year you would have to pay for a year yourself.
That said, if you're absolutely set on leaving, I would propose a middle way - it's usually possible to interrupt your studies for a period of time, which would give you the chance to come back and more or less pick up where you left off, if you later decide to.
My personal view is that I don't see how leaving gets you any closer to where you want to be. If you had a really clear plan that leaving would put you in a better position, then I could see how that would be a good thing, but what you're describing, really, is that you'd go home to be unemployed and be shouted at. Or, maybe, that you'd get a dull job, and still be shouted at.
I am a fair bit older than you, and looking back I had vastly more time and opportunities to do interesting things when I was a student than I have any time since then. Work - even work you do just to make some money to allow you to do more interesting things - eats time; and most of the money gets eaten, too, before you get to do anything much with it. I think there's a real danger of you leaving uni, falling into some boring job, and getting into a similarly unfulfilling routine, just with different geography.
Is your list of 'things to do' absolutely incompatible with being at uni? Are there none at all that you can do now? If you dig around, you may find that there are societies and activities available that relate to some of the things you'd like to try out (and maybe also to socialise with people in ways that aren't just piss-ups).
Also, at uni there are almost certainly support services which may be able to help with how you're feeling. Going along to talk to them might help you to get to grips with things, and feel more comfortable in the life that you're in. I think very often when people feel the way you feel, they want to change things because they believe that a change will make them feel better, and this isn't always the case.
Sorry if some of that sounds horribly depressing! Here's the upside. It is absolutely, 100% OK not to know precisely what you want to do. It's a good thing, in my book; it means you're open to the life you're living, rather than constantly feeling the need to pursue one that's just around the corner, on the horizon, nearly there. You've said that you only have one opportunity to live and you don't want to waste it - I agree with you. But life isn't just one big 'meaning'; it's a mosaic of lots of tiny bits and pieces; some good, some bad. Trying to deal with the bad ones is great, but walking away from them doesn't necessarily help. And actually, you can change the bad bits. And changing them is one of the most useful things you'll do, or learn, in life. Ever.
That said, if you're absolutely set on leaving, I would propose a middle way - it's usually possible to interrupt your studies for a period of time, which would give you the chance to come back and more or less pick up where you left off, if you later decide to.
My personal view is that I don't see how leaving gets you any closer to where you want to be. If you had a really clear plan that leaving would put you in a better position, then I could see how that would be a good thing, but what you're describing, really, is that you'd go home to be unemployed and be shouted at. Or, maybe, that you'd get a dull job, and still be shouted at.
I am a fair bit older than you, and looking back I had vastly more time and opportunities to do interesting things when I was a student than I have any time since then. Work - even work you do just to make some money to allow you to do more interesting things - eats time; and most of the money gets eaten, too, before you get to do anything much with it. I think there's a real danger of you leaving uni, falling into some boring job, and getting into a similarly unfulfilling routine, just with different geography.
Is your list of 'things to do' absolutely incompatible with being at uni? Are there none at all that you can do now? If you dig around, you may find that there are societies and activities available that relate to some of the things you'd like to try out (and maybe also to socialise with people in ways that aren't just piss-ups).
Also, at uni there are almost certainly support services which may be able to help with how you're feeling. Going along to talk to them might help you to get to grips with things, and feel more comfortable in the life that you're in. I think very often when people feel the way you feel, they want to change things because they believe that a change will make them feel better, and this isn't always the case.
Sorry if some of that sounds horribly depressing! Here's the upside. It is absolutely, 100% OK not to know precisely what you want to do. It's a good thing, in my book; it means you're open to the life you're living, rather than constantly feeling the need to pursue one that's just around the corner, on the horizon, nearly there. You've said that you only have one opportunity to live and you don't want to waste it - I agree with you. But life isn't just one big 'meaning'; it's a mosaic of lots of tiny bits and pieces; some good, some bad. Trying to deal with the bad ones is great, but walking away from them doesn't necessarily help. And actually, you can change the bad bits. And changing them is one of the most useful things you'll do, or learn, in life. Ever.
^^This
As I'm writing this I'm sitting topless (don't judge me, it's just really hot here) in a very lovely apartment on the Sunshine Coast in Australia; I'm telling you this because I want you to know I'm not another boring drone conforming to the expectations of society - but having said that, I am a first year medical student at one of the top universities in the world so I do understand that getting a good education has its merits too! I'm here on my Christmas break and I'm due to start the Lent term in just a week.
I took this highly controversial and possibly ill-advised trip (my supervisors were not happy!) for pretty much the same reason as you - an existential crisis. Throughout my first term at uni (I started in October 2012) I would often feel like I was lost - I was highly demotivated and felt like everything I was doing was just meaningless. I would often hide away in my room while my hallmates were being rowdy and having fun outside - again, the whole 'go out and get drunk' every night thing just seemed so meaningless to me too! I am very confident and I am a well-liked guy, I've gotten to know a lot of people around my university and I love having a laugh when I'm in the mood, but deep inside it still feels pointless and very superficial.
After travelling the East Coast of Australia for the past 5 weeks, and experiencing many things and spending many hours thinking about this, I've come to realize that for me, this whole gloomy feeling that I've been having was greatly due to the stress of having such high academic expectations. Once I told myself it was okay if I didn't get a top mark, I felt a lot better.
The second point was the lack of human connection - I found myself resenting a lot of the social atmosphere at university just like you, and like I said I hid in my room a lot because people just seemed so shallow, immature and insecure. Not being arrogant here, but I took a gap year, so I'm a year older than pretty much everyone and I feel that I am more confident in myself and mature than some of the people I'm surrounded by. In a sense, I just didn't click with anyone in my immediate accommodation (which is quite small) as it felt very herd-like and cliquey. There was a lot of drama and pretentiousness last term and it just grew tiresome. Even though I was surrounded by people, and invited to a lot of things, and I made myself involved in social activities all the time, I felt very lonely and isolated a lot of the time especially seeing as I had broken up with my girlfriend the month earlier.
When asked for advice I like to give, what are in my opinion, the pros and cons of both sides and leave it at that and let my friend/you, in this case, decide. However on this rare occasion I would strongly recommend you stay in university despite the way you are feeling; I am staying at university despite the way I am feeling.
I think the crucial point here is, university is like a gateway that gives you freedom in the long run - with a good degree like yours or mine, we could have a much MUCH broader range of possible opportunities for all kinds of careers - even though I'm doing medicine and studying to be a doctor, I still have no real idea what I want to achieve or what I want to do with my life! But it doesn't matter because I'll have a lot of possibilities to choose from.
If you drop out now, you'll still be having your existential crisis and I guarantee you that being stuck in a dead-end office job feels FAR more meaningless than even what you're feeling right now. Have something to look forward to, go backpacking like I did in the break! Suck it up for another few years then you're free to do whatever you want, that's the way I look at it. I have another 6 years if that makes you feel any better.
I sincerely hope this helps, I share your existential pain!
I took this highly controversial and possibly ill-advised trip (my supervisors were not happy!) for pretty much the same reason as you - an existential crisis. Throughout my first term at uni (I started in October 2012) I would often feel like I was lost - I was highly demotivated and felt like everything I was doing was just meaningless. I would often hide away in my room while my hallmates were being rowdy and having fun outside - again, the whole 'go out and get drunk' every night thing just seemed so meaningless to me too! I am very confident and I am a well-liked guy, I've gotten to know a lot of people around my university and I love having a laugh when I'm in the mood, but deep inside it still feels pointless and very superficial.
After travelling the East Coast of Australia for the past 5 weeks, and experiencing many things and spending many hours thinking about this, I've come to realize that for me, this whole gloomy feeling that I've been having was greatly due to the stress of having such high academic expectations. Once I told myself it was okay if I didn't get a top mark, I felt a lot better.
The second point was the lack of human connection - I found myself resenting a lot of the social atmosphere at university just like you, and like I said I hid in my room a lot because people just seemed so shallow, immature and insecure. Not being arrogant here, but I took a gap year, so I'm a year older than pretty much everyone and I feel that I am more confident in myself and mature than some of the people I'm surrounded by. In a sense, I just didn't click with anyone in my immediate accommodation (which is quite small) as it felt very herd-like and cliquey. There was a lot of drama and pretentiousness last term and it just grew tiresome. Even though I was surrounded by people, and invited to a lot of things, and I made myself involved in social activities all the time, I felt very lonely and isolated a lot of the time especially seeing as I had broken up with my girlfriend the month earlier.
When asked for advice I like to give, what are in my opinion, the pros and cons of both sides and leave it at that and let my friend/you, in this case, decide. However on this rare occasion I would strongly recommend you stay in university despite the way you are feeling; I am staying at university despite the way I am feeling.
I think the crucial point here is, university is like a gateway that gives you freedom in the long run - with a good degree like yours or mine, we could have a much MUCH broader range of possible opportunities for all kinds of careers - even though I'm doing medicine and studying to be a doctor, I still have no real idea what I want to achieve or what I want to do with my life! But it doesn't matter because I'll have a lot of possibilities to choose from.
If you drop out now, you'll still be having your existential crisis and I guarantee you that being stuck in a dead-end office job feels FAR more meaningless than even what you're feeling right now. Have something to look forward to, go backpacking like I did in the break! Suck it up for another few years then you're free to do whatever you want, that's the way I look at it. I have another 6 years if that makes you feel any better.
I sincerely hope this helps, I share your existential pain!
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